Are you searching for love?

[berg101]

Hi all

 

This is somewhat of a random post, but it's something that's been interesting me of late and I thought I'd share it with this forum and see what sort of response it gets.

 

I'm a 29 year old male that's going through quite a messy breakup at the moment - I was engaged and my fiancee of five years left about four months ago (see other post).

 

Anyway, I digress. Something that has been on my mind at the moment is how many of us are out there searching for love, and by searching, I don't mean wanting to find, I mean actively searching. Going on tinder, bumble, plenty of fish, match.com etc etc, or just going on blind dates or anything they get setup on?

 

It'd also be interesting to see which people have found healthy, satisfying relationships when they've not personally been seeking that out.

 

Look forward to seeing what you guys think.

 

B!

[warp123]

Im searching, but i wish i could find it.

 

On my day to day i know 0 new people, and im also introvert which doesnt help the cause. So im the typical dating app user (or loser) who thinks will find the love of his life on one of these apps. All girls there just want attention, ego boost or sex but im stupid enough to keep trying.

 

When i find an exception, even after a perfect date they dont seem to feel the spark as i do.

 

People say "just enjoy life, she will appear". Yeah sure, im 32 and ill stop searching for it, lowering my chances.

 

3 past relationships didnt work, casual dates (sex) dont make me happy.

[coolheadal]

Hi all

 

This is somewhat of a random post, but it's something that's been interesting me of late and I thought I'd share it with this forum and see what sort of response it gets.

 

I'm a 29 year old male that's going through quite a messy breakup at the moment - I was engaged and my fiancee of five years left about four months ago (see other post).

 

Anyway, I digress. Something that has been on my mind at the moment is how many of us are out there searching for love, and by searching, I don't mean wanting to find, I mean actively searching. Going on tinder, bumble, plenty of fish, match.com etc etc, or just going on blind dates or anything they get setup on?

 

 

 

It'd also be interesting to see which people have found healthy, satisfying relationships when they've not personally been seeking that out.

 

Look forward to seeing what you guys think.

 

B!

 

I pretty lucky women tend to enjoy my company on the very first encounter. I don't need apps to find someone. Workplace love is another story.

[nospam99]

I'm a 64 y/o male and I'm searching. I've only been divorced a little over a year and it's less than a year ago that I had an epiphany about relationships in my life and decided/discovered that if I wanted female companionship I needed to take action. It was actually posters here who steered me to OLD. I am using POF, Match, and OKC and have had 'pretty good' success meeting 'candidates'. Though I have to observe that the 'well is drying out'.

 

Observations:

- They may 'surface' in this thread. But I don't see many other LSers of my age, male or female, who sound like they are searching.

- Most of the women I 'see' on OLD are either

... Looking for younger or taller (I'm 5'8") men than me

... Live too far away (geographically undesirable GUD) - one hour drive each way

... Don't pass my looks filter

... Don't pass my age filter - my age or below is basically okay, 65-69 I'm looking for a woman as physically active as I am, 70 and up must be a unicorn

- I've been on OLD for nine months now. I've noticed a number of good-looking women whose profiles indicate great personalities. Many of them write themselves up as smart and rich, too. They are 'catches'. Yet they are still there months later. I've dated a couple of them and consider them friends, but not good enough friends to ask them 'WTF do you think you're holding out for?'. I can only speculate that these women are patiently searching for a unicorn. As much as they have going for them I have to guess they've at least been meeting many interesting men.

- Almost as many women as have agreed to meet me have flaked by backing out of an agreed upon first meeting.

[Happy Lemming]

I'm a 29 year old male that's going through quite a messy breakup at the moment - I was engaged and my fiancee of five years left about four months ago (see other post).

 

I was also 29, when my fiancee' broke off our engagement. We were living together at the time.

 

I spent the rest of my youth in little 3-6 month relationships. I, purposely, tried to keep them brief. I liked variety and never wanted to live with a woman, again. No clothing left behind at my house, no toothbrush, nothing... if she stayed the night at my house, leave only your footprints in the dirt/grass as you walk out to the car.

 

I was also nomadic during my youth, I liked moving around.

 

I've stayed single and happy, wouldn't trade it for the world!!

 

Just my two cents...

[Mysterio]

My desires vs my life.

 

I am searching for a relationship myself. I meet a lot of people. My thing with myself is that I am not good at expressing my romantic desires. I think about it way too much and I don't know how to reel it in.

 

Friendship is and comes easy to me. Romantic relationship. So far at age 47 looking back. Here is what comes to mind.

 

The Women that desire me romantically are in my social environement. They make that initial move on me. Then everything works out for ahwhile.

 

The women I like that I desire. There usually is an obsticle, blocking us. The woman is Attached= Marriage/BF in their lives. Or an ex they are still pining for.

 

Very rare that I meet a woman and we line up for each other. I feel like the women I meet today want everything to be instant and I am supposed to be all gung ho about having kids and getting together. I like to build up relationships. I like a certain groove between a woman and I . More like lets do social and recreational things together. Lets have a lot of physical affection, before we start poring our souls together.

 

I think that for me. Its going to be more prayer for me to meet the ideal woman, than just my efforts. I can't wait to get out of this dating rut. It would be one thing, if I met women that wanted to be with me romantically all the time. Dating to me is a suckers bet. Most of my Male friends seem happy with their SO. They have no envy towards me, being the bachelor.

 

 

In my head. I know that the right woman is out there. Its more a waiting game. The only thing for me is that I have to dig deep when it happens. I may have to be open to having a kid and I don't feel that pull, but a great woman could probably get me there. So the search is there for me. I Just have to let the right woman drop into my lap. Thats how my male friends wound up with great women.

[basil67]

I can't help but suspect that finding love was easier back before the days of online dating. We just met people through friends or at events and if you liked them, you'd start dating. Also, it wasn't uncommon to go for months without meeting someone.

 

I think that OLD has created a heap of people who have FOMO or GIGS, where they don't stay with someone who's not 100% perfect because someone better may be just around the corner.

[warp123]

I think that OLD has created a heap of people who have FOMO or GIGS, where they don't stay with someone who's not 100% perfect because someone better may be just around the corner.

 

This.

 

You read my mind

[Mysterio]

My criteria is simple. Meet a woman. Talk to her. We get together over dinner. Enjoy each others company and then see if goes beyond that. No sex or heavy duty petting or anything like that. Sex and Petting down the line, but initial dating. Enjoying our time together thats it.

[BaronChairman]

I'm looking. I'm going all-in now. I used to keep putting off a serious search for a partner because it never seemed like the right time, but at some point, I realized there's no such thing as the right time.

[Chilli]

I can't help but suspect that finding love was easier back before the days of online dating. We just met people through friends or at events and if you liked them, you'd start dating. Also, it wasn't uncommon to go for months without meeting someone.

 

I think that OLD has created a heap of people who have FOMO or GIGS, where they don't stay with someone who's not 100% perfect because someone better may be just around the corner.

 

 

Yep fully agree and l'd still take that any day.

 

And what all the online bs misses now, society and the rest of media finishes off.

Like l always say , it's all just an illusion , fake news haha.

Edited June 26, 2018 by Chilli

[HiCrunchy]

My criteria is simple. Meet a woman. Talk to her. We get together over dinner. Enjoy each others company and then see if goes beyond that. No sex or heavy duty petting or anything like that. Sex and Petting down the line, but initial dating. Enjoying our time together thats it.

 

Yep I think this is the way to go about things. Getting to sexual too quickly makes things more hormone driven rather than seeing if you are both compatible.

[LilithD]

I hate it when a seemingly charming man buys a drink for me, and then has the gall to expect me to pay for it in his hotel room.

 

The same goes for dating. Take my advice, men, leave sex completely out of the equation until things get serious, or you may never date the lady again.

[Mysterio]

I hate it when a seemingly charming man buys a drink for me, and then has the gall to expect me to pay for it in his hotel room.

 

The same goes for dating. Take my advice, men, leave sex completely out of the equation until things get serious, or you may never date the lady again.

 

I must live in a different world. I never think about verbalizing sex towards a woman that I am on initial dates with. The most I would even think that would happen is a Kiss and even then.

[HiCrunchy]

Yeah, I'm hoping it will find me. Hoping to find it soon

[SevenCity]

When I finally gave up and resigned myself to mini relationships and sex with emotion damaged women for the rest of my life is when I met my girlfriend.

 

I had no shortage of dates or sex, but finding one I really liked (who really liked me too) was impossible.

 

I embraced the situation then fell in love when I least expected it.

 

Because this has been what’s always happened to me I’m not that surprised. It’s always when I wasn’t looking.

[Chris2016]

Something that has been on my mind at the moment is how many of us are out there searching for love, and by searching, I don't mean wanting to find, I mean actively searching. Going on tinder, bumble, plenty of fish, match.com etc etc, or just going on blind dates or anything they get setup on?

 

It'd also be interesting to see which people have found healthy, satisfying relationships when they've not personally been seeking that out.

 

Look forward to seeing what you guys think.

B!

 

I'm wanting to find, but I'm not searching.

 

It hasn't/don't make a difference though, whether I'm searching or not.

 

I do believe though, if you're of the struggling sorts, in being proactive even though I'm not one, and not leaving things to "fate".

[SevenCity]

I'm wanting to find, but I'm not searching.

 

It hasn't/don't make a difference though, whether I'm searching or not.

 

I do believe though, if you're of the struggling sorts, in being proactive even though I'm not one, and not leaving things to "fate".

 

I believe meeting someone you really click with is fate. But how you show up is 100% on you.

 

That’s why it’s important to be the best you you can be. So when you get your chance, you don’t blow it.

[gaius]

It'd also be interesting to see which people have found healthy, satisfying relationships when they've not personally been seeking that out.

Wouldn't say I was looking for anything, would flirt here and there but never followed through with anything. Then she appeared. I had a strong, visceral attraction to her from the first thread she made. Didn't have any expectations when I PMed her the first time, but the more we talked, the more stubborn and opinionated she got with me, the more she let her guard down the more I fell in love with her.

 

She actually told me frequently for the first year and half or so that she was never going to marry me. Now we're engaged and planning a wedding. I don't think she really expected that it would blossom like this either.

[CrazyKatLady]

Nope. Not even close. I think I am realizing that I was searching for the boldness and braveness that I needed for the sole purpose of revenge. (Evil smile and deep throated, low-pitched chuckle).

I've denied the evil inclination to take matters into my own hands these last 15 or so years and denied this part of my personality since I was a child. I had hoped it would never come to this woman taking over my life, but alas, I have to be true to myself in this moment. I feared this day, I am a ruthless enforcer. The worst a man has ever seen. I have no limits and no value for these abusers and there isn't a consequence to great now that would make me reconsider. I hooe they like their revenge served sub-zero, cold. It isn't petty if it is impeccably delivered in good taste. An elegant nail job flipping the middle finger quietly to any dirty rotten beast that ever gave you grief and treated you like a second class citizen is perfectly acceptable when dealing with scumbags and scallywags. I'm all class, and I am here quite simply to eat men for lunch and spit them back out as I walk upon their backs and climb up and over their puny man shoulders. Or I will die trying, by God. They WILL fear me. Because I loath them. I have all the power now. No man will ever disgrace my body again. And I am coming back for every last one of them who have locked up their women, stolen their lives, hooked them on their filthy drugs and lies, taken their babies after fuc*ing them on heroin...oh yes, boys...You are not worthy and you will feel the wrath through me. Run little piggies, run. SHaha. I am here for revenge. Love will have to wait. Good luck with your searches everyone. I have work to do now, please excuse my departure. (Blows kisses, couquetish-ly...). I'll keep you posted! Wink, wink.

[Mysterio]

My search is this. Beyond the physical. I am looking for a connection with a woman where she looks at me and craves me mentally/spritually/physically. Does leg work to get to know me and treats me well and gets a kick out of it.

 

I think it works better for me, if the woman comes towards me. Every time I do it. Life puts obsticles in my way for the most part.

 

I get better results with women that come towards me, than vice versa. I don't know why that is. Its the universe basically telling me to chill out on the efforts to seek out a romantic partner.

 

The Raw truth. For me. Romantic attention works for me when I don't care or make that major effort. My ex TK. When we were teenagers. There was an instant connection with each other, when I came to her school. We were talking and I was thinking about asking for her number. I thought to myself. I would ask her the next day. So we parted for the day. I was walking away and then she came running back to me and asked me for my number and I gave it to her. Sometimes I think if I just trust the universe a bit more. A great catch will find me.

 

Time and Time again. Thats whats been shown to me. My male friends that have Wives/SO. The women came to them. My male friends did not walk the dating grind. So this so called search for love, happens as you go through life.

 

If I was setting myself up with a great match. That woman would be kind of like a down to earth/girl next door type. Think Ann Hathaway/Sarah Jessica Parker in some of their roles, where they are not uppity.

[shydad]

how many of us are out there searching for love

 

It'd also be interesting to see which people have found healthy, satisfying relationships when they've not personally been seeking that out.

 

1) Yes: Very actively searching!

 

2) No: Many years ago I posted on Craigslist looking for friends (platonic section). One of the women was looking for more than that and basically started dating me. I fell in love with her. We got married. In this regard, the relationship fell into my lap, but it was not a healthy relationship. Other than that, and outside of anything online, I have never been approached by a woman interested in dating.

[Mysterio]

Seems like for me when a woman likes me its when I don't care. Never when I am open to it and looking.

[snowboy91]

Hi all

 

This is somewhat of a random post, but it's something that's been interesting me of late and I thought I'd share it with this forum and see what sort of response it gets.

 

I'm a 29 year old male that's going through quite a messy breakup at the moment - I was engaged and my fiancee of five years left about four months ago (see other post).

 

Anyway, I digress. Something that has been on my mind at the moment is how many of us are out there searching for love, and by searching, I don't mean wanting to find, I mean actively searching. Going on tinder, bumble, plenty of fish, match.com etc etc, or just going on blind dates or anything they get setup on?

 

It'd also be interesting to see which people have found healthy, satisfying relationships when they've not personally been seeking that out.

 

Look forward to seeing what you guys think.

 

B!

 

Interesting question, and I'm not sure if the answer you get will be representative of most people. If you think of how successful the likes of Tinder, Bumble etc have become, it goes to show just how many people are out there searching for love.

 

I've recently got out of a relationship myself, that one started when I wasn't searching. I'm now involved in a FWB which is starting to feel like a relationship (see my other thread), and I definitely didn't seek that one out. A lot of people say that they don't succeed in getting into a fulfilling relationship unless they're not looking, but I just haven't yet been in a position where I've been looking for it. Probably will happen at some point in my life, and I'll be back here lamenting about it.

 

When I imagine active searchers being unsuccessful, I seem to think a lot of it is confirmation bias - if you're not looking, you fail most of the time but you don't notice it as a "failure". Or they could get clingy/nervous on dates and seem less desirable that way. I can imagine it's tricky to detangle why it's different.

[nospam99]

Other than that, and outside of anything online, I have never been approached by a woman interested in dating.

 

Agreed. Other people may have been 'fortunate'. Not me. Outside of OLD, in my entire life, only one woman has ever approached me. FWIW I was not interested in her AND she happened to have the terrible timing to approach me at work at a time when I was in a multi-month relationship with the first of my two 'big ones that got away'.

 

I've been online for less that 10 months. My second 'big one that got away' contacted me about six months ago. Besides her, I've had no interest in any of the other two dozen or so women who have contacted me, some doing so repeatedly. Once again, I'm 64. To be brutally honest, almost all the women who have contacted me are either 'ugly ducklings never to transition to swans' or old enough that they are clearly looking for 'golden years companionship' - someone to travel and/or grow old with while rocking on the front porch.

 

I believe it's largely that Baby Boomer women are of the mindset that it's the guy's role to ask first. So I 'fulfill my responsibility to make first contact' and will be pleasantly surprised if a second woman I'd be interested in contacts me.