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Ladies, Would You Date a 39-Year-Old Physics Grad Student?


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I’m looking for honest feedback here. I’m 39 and I’m a grad student in physics. I’ll be finishing my PhD in about two years, after which I’ll make about $80k/yr. Right now I make $30k/yr. Otherwise I consider myself to be reasonably attractive, 6 feet tall, look young for my age, president of the model airplane club on campus, athletic, etc.

 

But I want to know from the ladies if my status and salary as a 39-year-old grad student makes me undatable. I’m looking for a long-term relationship, not short-term stuff.

 

I want to know if it’s worth the effort to try to go out and meet women, or if no woman is realistically going to consider me until after I graduate and have a real job.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

Well, this is a pretty broad question and you don't specify from which demographic you're seeking answers. I'm a 45 year old divorced mother of two teenagers, so, probably not. I'd advise you to look for mates in their late twenties or early thirties with whom you can build a family (if you want kids).

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If I were single.....HELL YES.

 

Unless you found a woman making more money than you emasculating ;)

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Why are you holding yourself back from dating. Go out and do it. This isn't you are in prison or something, you are doing a PhD. Don't self sabotage by creating problems that don't exist. There are enough problems we all face without creating fake ones

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I am not even sure why that would be a negative. Any woman who would turn up her nose at you because you're in school is probably not worth bothering with. You dont wanna be with someone who's only interested in your earnings. But I doubt that many would be that way.

 

Im a woman and I wouldn't have any problem with that.

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Well, this is a pretty broad question and you don't specify from which demographic you're seeking answers. I'm a 45 year old divorced mother of two teenagers, so, probably not. I'd advise you to look for mates in their late twenties or early thirties with whom you can build a family (if you want kids).

 

Yeah, that’s the demographic from which I’m seeking answers, late 20s-early 30s, wants to have a family.

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thefooloftheyear

I think you will probably do OK, but I would keep the "president of the model airplane club" under your hat....just sayin'...

 

TFY

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CautiouslyOptimistic
I think you will probably do OK, but I would keep the "president of the model airplane club" under your hat....just sayin'...

 

TFY

 

Omg, I seriously just laughed out loud! :lmao:

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todreaminblue

dont wait to date

 

a real woman would see your commitment to bettering yourself and see your potential...to be committed in a relationship.......theres no reason why you should not date.....deb...

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I think you will probably do OK, but I would keep the "president of the model airplane club" under your hat....just sayin'...

 

TFY

 

I was thinking the same! WR, don't bring that up till she clearly likes you! lol

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OK, so that’s encouraging if I’m dateable while I’m in school.

 

I’m getting discouraged because I have two demographic problems. First, as a physicist, weightlifter, surfer, and aerial photography enthusiast, 90% of the people that I meet are male. I am happy to approach women, but nearly everyone I interact with on a daily basis is male. Secondly, of the 10% of people I see who are women, most of them are 18-24, and as good as they look, they are probably too young for me. Additionally, these women know that the odds are tremendously in their favor and they have lots of options with men. Even the women in their late 20s know that the male-dominated world they live in means that they (the women) have most of the power in dating. Even at the grad student activities open to all majors, there are 3 men for every woman.

 

So it’s looking like I need to look outside of campus for dating opportunities, and I wondered how women would look at me as I’m still in grad school.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
OK, so that’s encouraging if I’m dateable while I’m in school.

 

I’m getting discouraged because I have two demographic problems. First, as a physicist, weightlifter, surfer, and model airplane enthusiast, 90% of the people that I meet are male. I am happy to approach women, but nearly everyone I interact with on a daily basis is male. Secondly, of the 10% of people I see who are women, most of them are 18-24, and as good as they look, they are probably too young for me. Additionally, these women know that the odds are tremendously in their favor and they have lots of options with men. Even the women in their late 20s know that the male-dominated world they live in means that they (the women) have most of the power in dating. Even at the grad student activities open to all majors, there are 3 men for every woman.

 

So it’s looking like I need to look outside of campus for dating opportunities, and I wondered how women would look at me as I’m still in grad school.

 

I totally understand what you perceive to be your limitations. I strongly suggest you try online dating and look for women in their late twenties/early thirties. I bet you will have a lot of luck :). You sound like a catch! :)

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I think the bigger question women might have is: how come a smart, attractive, tall 39 yr isn't taken yet? Most men by then are either married, divorced, have substantial "baggage" (i.e. kids, alimony, etc..), addictions, or have issues with their sexual identities (i.e. closeted gays).

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I think the bigger question women might have is: how come a smart, attractive, tall 39 yr isn't taken yet? Most men by then are either married, divorced, have substantial "baggage" (i.e. kids, alimony, etc..), addictions, or have issues with their sexual identities (i.e. closeted gays).

 

True, and I really regret some of the great women that I’ve passed up. The answer that I’ve come to is that I have an anxious attachment style and I’m one of those men who unfortunately is attracted to unavailable women. More adventurous-type people would probably describe me as somewhat formal and strait-laced, so I’m not a good fit for many women. I’ve had many experiences where a woman was attracted to me, but as we talked it quickly became obvious to both of us that we weren’t compatible. It seems that I’m hard to find a match for. I did find what I thought was my perfect match, but surprise surprise, she is unavailable. So I’m trying to put in the effort to find an available person, and maybe expand a little on who I’m willing to consider.

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bathtub-row
I’m looking for honest feedback here. I’m 39 and I’m a grad student in physics. I’ll be finishing my PhD in about two years, after which I’ll make about $80k/yr. Right now I make $30k/yr. Otherwise I consider myself to be reasonably attractive, 6 feet tall, look young for my age, president of the model airplane club on campus, athletic, etc.

 

But I want to know from the ladies if my status and salary as a 39-year-old grad student makes me undatable. I’m looking for a long-term relationship, not short-term stuff.

 

I want to know if it’s worth the effort to try to go out and meet women, or if no woman is realistically going to consider me until after I graduate and have a real job.

 

HECK, YES!!! Anyone who knows me knows I have a thing for physicists. You sound like a jewel and the fact that you want something meaningful says a lot about you. Whoever you end up with, she will be lucky. Your current income should make no difference. You have goals and that counts for a lot. If a woman doesn’t get that, don’t waste time worrying about your value to other women. A quality person will see you for who you are.

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bathtub-row
I’m sure bathtub-row would! Where is she on this thread??

 

OMG! I can’t believe you said that! I must be developing quite a reputation. Lol! Thanks for that. It just made my night. :)

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bathtub-row
True, and I really regret some of the great women that I’ve passed up. The answer that I’ve come to is that I have an anxious attachment style and I’m one of those men who unfortunately is attracted to unavailable women. More adventurous-type people would probably describe me as somewhat formal and strait-laced, so I’m not a good fit for many women. I’ve had many experiences where a woman was attracted to me, but as we talked it quickly became obvious to both of us that we weren’t compatible. It seems that I’m hard to find a match for. I did find what I thought was my perfect match, but surprise surprise, she is unavailable. So I’m trying to put in the effort to find an available person, and maybe expand a little on who I’m willing to consider.

 

Maybe a site like the one that matches people’s profiles — I can’t remember the name of it now but you take an extensive personality test and they match you up. It’s one of the oldest dating sites out there. That may work better for you.

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Depends on what you've been doing with your life up until now, how long you've been in grad school, and how good of a student you are. You are getting a rather late start on your career. However, it is not a good idea to postpone dating. Your best bet is to date someone who knows nothing about your field.

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Depends on what you've been doing with your life up until now, how long you've been in grad school, and how good of a student you are. You are getting a rather late start on your career.

 

Yes I would be wondering about this too. 30k sounds really tough to survive on. Will you be able to contribute 50/50? Or heck, 100% as many women still expect. if you manage your money well and have your life in order, and a financially secure future, then no worries.

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Dating is probably more about personality than it is about status. If it was solely about status, then no-one earning less than six figures would ever get into a relationship.

 

Some women will think you're a weird geeky guy and not want to go there. Some women will think you're a weird geeky guy and absolutely love you for it. You sound like you've got some fairly interesting hobbies, and you actually sound really dedicated to what you do which is more than a lot of guys out there.

 

So it’s looking like I need to look outside of campus for dating opportunities, and I wondered how women would look at me as I’m still in grad school.

 

Absolutely look outside of campus. If nothing else, it keeps you in touch with the outside world - being a PhD student can be a bit isolating at times (I'm one too). Besides, you'll sound really smart to potential dates ;)

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I’m getting discouraged because I have two demographic problems. First, as a physicist, weightlifter, surfer, and aerial photography enthusiast, 90% of the people that I meet are male. I am happy to approach women, but nearly everyone I interact with on a daily basis is male. Secondly, of the 10% of people I see who are women, most of them are 18-24, and as good as they look, they are probably too young for me. [...]

 

Quite honestly, I think this is your biggest issue at the moment, and trust me, I know what that feels like. I don't think there is no way around breaking out of your bubble in order to meet women, not only to date them, but primarily to socialize. As others have pointed out, OLD may actually work in your favor, but you will still have to have something in common with the woman once you meet her. And limiting yourself to women in science or with an interest in science or engineering leaves you with far too restricted group of women to date.

 

So I would strongly suggest substituting your current activities with something off-campus that includes women in general. If you are living near one of the major cities on the west coast that shouldn't be too hard.

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So I'm going to play a little devil's advocate here because I think my biggest concern would be if you have to relocate after you graduate. You'll have to go where the jobs are. Is there a high potential you'll have to relocate? A woman may not want to go out with you because of this. She wants to stay near family, or she doesn't want to leave her job. Maybe she can't find employment in this new city/state, or she's just miserable in the new city/state if she follows you there. This shouldn't stop you from trying to meet someone, but obviously you should be upfront about your potential to relocate. If you date another student, you might run into the same issues with her and her need to relocate.

 

Another issue would be if you have the time. You sound very busy. Obviously school is going to be your priority. A woman may move on for the simple fact you are largely unavailable and does not want to wait it out. On the up side, there is an end in sight as far as being busy is concerned.

 

Income wouldn't be my biggest issue at this point. You have a higher earning potential down the line. I don't think you should avoid dating and meeting that special someone. You sound like a handsome, interesting guy, and it's about finding someone you're compatible with long-term, and there will be some bumps along the way.

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How funny is that we just had another thread about this? If you check out that thread in General Relationships section, the answer is yes. Women really like brainy men. Where it can awry is on the social part.

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