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The Pain Of Rejection...


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 1st March 2018, 3:35 PM   #31
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Not everyone suffers rejection, if you are married or hooked up with someone happily. Or very beautiful.

Rejection accumulates like a snowball--partly because we remember our worst times better than happy times, and we know that other people are happier than we are. If everyone was always getting rejected like you, you wouldn't feel so bad. Rejection turns into alienation, a feeling of not wanted, as if you are persona non grata---but this is only appearances. Reality is you might be very wanted by someone you havent even met yet.
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Old 4th March 2018, 9:02 PM   #32
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Some of us are on a longer waiting list for love. I think that we all can't be matched out of the gate so to speak. Two of my childhood classmates. Met their spouses young. They are both divorced/separated from their women.

I don't know what the magic glue is to meet and maintain a romantic relationship over time. My parents are at yr 50 with each other. God bless them.

As I keep saying. A lot of us should really try not to let the search for love get us down. What is rejection anyways. Who is doing the rejection.

To me real rejection is that everything is going well and they pull the plug on your. I say age 20 to 50 is most dangerous. 50 to 90. I doubt it as much. People have better temperments.
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Old 5th March 2018, 6:42 AM   #33
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I think its impossible for most people to date everyone around them. Its just logistically impossible. We all have to face reality that we will be matched at a lower rate.

There is more connection with Friendships over Love relationships. This year so far. I have no romantic prospects at the moment. My life will be great no matter what comes my way.

Think l might see why you suffer rejection.
You say this year so far no romantic bla bla, this years only 2mths old.
So how many would you have normally had in this time or in a year.

Real romance , love , only comes along every few years at that , often only a few in a lifetime.
And you say nothing in two mths.
You must be going out with just anyone's.
Forget just anyones , why would you waste your time and get more rejection.
Wait for someone special but it'll be a lot long than a few mths.
Worth waiting for though
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Old 5th March 2018, 3:52 PM   #34
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In order for me to put things in perspective I would have to time line things.

My Last GF was in 2012. Her name was D. We went out from June to Nov of 2012. We are still friends.

Then my next romantic prospect was AK. It started in June 2013 and stopped in Aug of 2013.

Then around March of 2014 I met a woman on Match.com We talked on there for 6 weeks. She was sparated with two kids. We met once for dinner and I was very chill. She said that we were not a match. I accpeted it.

Then in 2017. There were two women I was intersted in. One was a Nurse named R the other a woman named B that is at my gym. R I found was married. So I did not pursue her. B. I actually asked her out for lunch. I told her in a playful way, that I had a crush on her and I wanted to know if she was married. She said yes. So now I see her at the gym and have small talk. Nothing major than that. That was August.

So basically from August to now. There has been no major romantic prospect. So I am basically chill. So unless there is a woman that is in my face trying to get to know me. I sense romantic vibes from her. I am staying chill and not going out of my way like match.com and stuff like that.

So I will heed your advice Chilli, but I do agree. True love is not around the corner it comes every couple of yrs at best and I have to let it come to me. Too much leg work and try to make it happen can lead to rejection. So perhaps a lot of us here have to let things go and not make everything happen all the time. The Universe provides. We have to recognize it when it does happen.

Last edited by Mysterio; 5th March 2018 at 4:06 PM..
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Old 5th March 2018, 5:31 PM   #35
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Ah right well , that's not too bad in the way l was thinking then. So many others just seem to date date date just anyones , on and on, it just burns them out and gets nowhere anyway from what l see.
But really it sounds you've been sensible about it and taken your time , she just hasn't come along yet.
Could be the next one Myst , just around the corner eh, never do know.
Good luck.
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Old 5th March 2018, 7:18 PM   #36
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Thank you for the words of Encouragement Chili.

Patience is what is needed all around. I am not just asking out pretty faces. They have to have a repore with me on some level.

If I was in heaven and God was going to send me down to earth. Yet before I hit earth. How would I want my life to go romantically. I would say I want to live from 0 to 97. Have a love relationship in my late 30's.

So I say to myself. Who is this wonderful woman that is going to enter my life once I start getting into my late 40's. I would have thought that late 30's would have been ideal.

Although I should leave it alone. I wonder whats the great advantage of having a major love coming into my life at late 40's to early 50's going to be like. I don't see myself having kids or even adopting ones. I am more like a lets travel see the world/rock concerts/movies type of guy. Not watching kids at a ballgame or anything like that.
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Old 5th March 2018, 9:36 PM   #37
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Your last paragraph described me. I would just say that don't wait to do these things, if you have been. Do those things you enjoy even if it's alone and that increases your chance of finding someone and plus you are doing things you love, so you will be happier that way. I have an advantage in a way because I grew up kind of in the country and raised by a woman who had 12 siblings and grew up in the middle of nowhere so the kids, besides chores, ran wild. So because that's what she knew, I was allowed to be really free and go off and do things by myself or with friends all day and learned to enjoy doing things alone and not fearing it. I think that's an adjustment for most people and they wait until they have someone to do things with. I'm just saying to you and everyone, don't wait. Go do fun things. You might or might not meet someone that way, but even if not, it makes you more interesting if you keep doing interesting things and keeps you happier.

I have been lame the past 2-3 years with a bad knee, but last year I managed to limp from the parking lot to the place at the zoo to rent a scooter and went by myself and I just had so much fun. My goal now is to get that leg stable enough to get in the river again and not drown myself. I'll have to do it when it's down some, so not sure this year it will happen. But I did go float in a pool several times this summer. You have to go do things you love while you can, because one day it gets harder to do those things. I also went to a couple of concerts, though the Tony Visconti one nearly killed me because they came on late and the stools were murder on my back and knee.
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Old 6th March 2018, 6:56 AM   #38
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Thank you for the words of Encouragement Chili.

Patience is what is needed all around. I am not just asking out pretty faces. They have to have a repore with me on some level.

If I was in heaven and God was going to send me down to earth. Yet before I hit earth. How would I want my life to go romantically. I would say I want to live from 0 to 97. Have a love relationship in my late 30's.

So I say to myself. Who is this wonderful woman that is going to enter my life once I start getting into my late 40's. I would have thought that late 30's would have been ideal.

Although I should leave it alone. I wonder whats the great advantage of having a major love coming into my life at late 40's to early 50's going to be like. I don't see myself having kids or even adopting ones. I am more like a lets travel see the world/rock concerts/movies type of guy. Not watching kids at a ballgame or anything like that.


So you don't want kids ?

l just come across the other thread, couldn't read it all be there all night but it seemed like everyone was talking about kids.

And something what your ex wanted kids but you weren't happy with the relationship ?
Fair enough it's hard enough raising a family in this day and age even with a great relationship let alone one your not happy in.

Anyway if you don't care about having kids then l'd say that's really in your favor there's a lot of women around now 40s decided the same. They'd probably love that lifestyle you'd like.

Wish l knew the secret to finding a happy relationship at any age tbh , l could make a fotune.
l dunno where the line is between giving it a nudge or trying too hard or not doing enough, it's an individual thing l suppose.
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Old 7th March 2018, 10:52 AM   #39
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Ah right well , that's not too bad in the way l was thinking then. So many others just seem to date date date just anyones , on and on, it just burns them out and gets nowhere anyway from what l see.
But really it sounds you've been sensible about it and taken your time , she just hasn't come along yet.
Could be the next one Myst , just around the corner eh, never do know.
Good luck.
I agree, and also btdt. I'd rather op focus on his own happiness. It's better than being active in the dating world and possibly getting jaded. If I could go back in time, I wouldn't have dated nearly as much.
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Old 7th March 2018, 3:43 PM   #40
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I think its all relative on the disappointment scale. For me rejection is part of life, I learn to live with it and while I am trying new things to improve my situation I am not betting on success.


The thing is this, you can let something or someone define you or you choose to be you and for me after doing the former for years I now do the latter. You cannot let something like rejection get a hold on you, yes, it does hurt but believe me after a while you find you simply cant care less because again its something insignificant.


Live life you how you want to live and yes you may be alone but each living day is truly a gift. Find a great friend, you can 90% of everything that's great from a good friend.


Each of us has the ability to be positive or negative or simply neutral and any of those are better than being sad.


Unfortunately dating is a deeply flawed process where some excel and others do not and even those who excel wish they could do better. Go out there do what you want to do, smile at people, look at people, perhaps talk to people. Or devote yourself to something that leaves no time for dating, that's the wall paper fix, it wont work long term but it might work for a while.


It is possible to find fulfilment in other things. You will always want someone though.
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Old 7th March 2018, 6:43 PM   #41
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While it's true that rejection is a fact of life, romantic rejection is at a whole new level in society, with the dating and hookup culture. Never in history have male and female romantic partners been treated more as disposable commodities than now.

Quote:
More and more Americans are staying single by choice, with 42 percent of adults living without a partner, according to a new Pew Research Center survey released Wednesday.

That's up from 39 percent a decade ago.
In previous generations, almost everybody would be partnered and cohabiting by a relatively young age, starting families and settling into their communities.

Though we've all celebrated our freedom of choice, this atomized existence isn't the healthiest situation for people, especially as we age.
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Old 7th March 2018, 11:47 PM   #42
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It is hard to describe the pain of rejection from women. It's like temporarily stripping away whatever energy you have in your body from you and you are left with a sense of emptiness, a loss of vitality. Your energy is sapped from you.

Rejection can make you feel absolutely terrible about yourself. You look at yourself from a pessimistic point of view, complaining about your greatest flaws, feeling hopeless and helpless about your situation. Maybe you're tired of being passed over, being told no before you're even given a chance. You know you would be a great boyfriend/girlfriend, but people never see you for who you are. Every rejection, every failure, every flaked date, only makes these feelings grow stronger to the point of contemplating whether to fight or flight, whether to give up or keep going.

Rejection is like punching a brick wall, no amount of anticipation can numb the pain because as soon as your fists hit that wall, it's going to hurt.


But why does rejection hurt? Is it because you want a boyfriend/girlfriend? Is it because your self-worth is based on the approval of the opposite sex? Is it because in our society, we are viewed as losers if we don't date?

I don't know...

Perhaps rejection is simply a state of mind. Getting rejected and feeling rejection are two separate entities, neither are linked together. You can get rejected without feeling rejected.
I feel you bro. A lot of guys have gone MGTOW for this reason. People are seen as disposable.

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But why does rejection hurt? Is it because you want a boyfriend/girlfriend? Is it because your self-worth is based on the approval of the opposite sex? Is it because in our society, we are viewed as losers if we don't date?
I think those are all valid reasons. Often, as men, we are expected to initiate the dating process. As part of this process, you put your best foot forward. Try to look as good as you can, think of something fun to do, get the nerve to break the ice, only to be rejected. Basically, your best isn't good enough for this person. It makes you feel inadequate and when it happens over and over again, we tend to internalize it and can't help but feel there must be something wrong with us. It's even worse when all of your friends are in successful relationships and they're basically no better off than you, but someone its worked for them and not you.

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While it's true that rejection is a fact of life, romantic rejection is at a whole new level in society, with the dating and hookup culture. Never in history have male and female romantic partners been treated more as disposable commodities than now.


In previous generations, almost everybody would be partnered and cohabiting by a relatively young age, starting families and settling into their communities.

Though we've all celebrated our freedom of choice, this atomized existence isn't the healthiest situation for people, especially as we age.
Amen!
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