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The Pain Of Rejection...


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 28th February 2018, 11:46 AM   #16
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Wasn't your sister supposed to set you up? How did that go?
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Old 28th February 2018, 11:54 AM   #17
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Wasn't your sister supposed to set you up? How did that go?
Mission Failed

We'll get em next time boys...
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Old 28th February 2018, 1:37 PM   #18
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I think its impossible for most people to date everyone around them. Its just logistically impossible. We all have to face reality that we will be matched at a lower rate.

There is more connection with Friendships over Love relationships. This year so far. I have no romantic prospects at the moment. My life will be great no matter what comes my way.
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Old 28th February 2018, 1:44 PM   #19
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To be honest with myself...
It's easier for me to be single than to be dumped.

I realized I have pattern. Get really happy. Find someone. Get dumped. Be miserable. Repeat. I dont know if I want to repeat this time.

For the past 10 years, I've been dumped in every relationship, 4x in a row. It has made me feel like trash. Also, it's hard to tell what's going wrong as the dumper doesnt discuss it during the relationship (in my experience).
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Old 28th February 2018, 2:08 PM   #20
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To be honest with myself...
It's easier for me to be single than to be dumped.

I realized I have pattern. Get really happy. Find someone. Get dumped. Be miserable. Repeat. I dont know if I want to repeat this time.

For the past 10 years, I've been dumped in every relationship, 4x in a row. It has made me feel like trash. Also, it's hard to tell what's going wrong as the dumper doesnt discuss it during the relationship (in my experience).
next time you get in a relationship you should dump them just to see what it's like
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Old 28th February 2018, 2:22 PM   #21
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next time you get in a relationship you should dump them just to see what it's like
Lol I made a thread about that
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Old 28th February 2018, 2:41 PM   #22
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I think the people bothered most by rejection, it's because they have bad self-esteem and are looking to elevate themselves by having a relationship when really they need to be in therapy to learn to feel better about themselves and following goals to get their self-esteem up so they don't need another person to carry them. These are the same people who are nearly impossible to get rid of during a breakup because they feel you're taking their self-worth with them. It's easier to pretend you're alright if you're hitting all the milestones, but everyone has setbacks and you have to get mentally right to deal with all that well.

Of course, everyone is annoyed by rejection, and the more time invested, the more it hurts. What experienced people know is not to invest time in an unbalanced relationship because it won't hurt anyone but you.

I've only met a handful of people who are so secure and have such good self-esteem that they are barely daunted by breakups or rejection, but once you see it, you never forget it. These people just know they'll be fine no matter what happens and that they have other options, so they don't sweat it. There's no desperation there.

I certainly dwelled on a couple of people far too long when I was young and stupid, but I always had a modicum of self-esteem that made me at least chuckle about it and say "There's no accounting for taste - their loss."

For me, there was a correlation between that and bullying as well, in the way I rationalized it. With bullying, I just knew if they were bullies, they weren't very nice people and that I was better than them, no matter what they believed, so I placed no premium on their opinion of me because they were mean.
But with rejections, more like not that they were worse people but just different. At some point you have to accept everyone is different. It's an important step in maturity. Once you accept that, you'll stop trying to change them and just move on.
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Old 28th February 2018, 4:10 PM   #23
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I think the people bothered most by rejection, it's because they have bad self-esteem and are looking to elevate themselves by having a relationship when really they need to be in therapy to learn to feel better about themselves and following goals to get their self-esteem up so they don't need another person to carry them. These are the same people who are nearly impossible to get rid of during a breakup because they feel you're taking their self-worth with them. It's easier to pretend you're alright if you're hitting all the milestones, but everyone has setbacks and you have to get mentally right to deal with all that well.

Of course, everyone is annoyed by rejection, and the more time invested, the more it hurts. What experienced people know is not to invest time in an unbalanced relationship because it won't hurt anyone but you.

I've only met a handful of people who are so secure and have such good self-esteem that they are barely daunted by breakups or rejection, but once you see it, you never forget it. These people just know they'll be fine no matter what happens and that they have other options, so they don't sweat it. There's no desperation there.

I certainly dwelled on a couple of people far too long when I was young and stupid, but I always had a modicum of self-esteem that made me at least chuckle about it and say "There's no accounting for taste - their loss."

For me, there was a correlation between that and bullying as well, in the way I rationalized it. With bullying, I just knew if they were bullies, they weren't very nice people and that I was better than them, no matter what they believed, so I placed no premium on their opinion of me because they were mean.
But with rejections, more like not that they were worse people but just different. At some point you have to accept everyone is different. It's an important step in maturity. Once you accept that, you'll stop trying to change them and just move on.
I hear you but peoples experiences are also different.

For people who've never had someone into them romantically I could see how each rejection would hurt them more then someone who's had a lot or decent sucess attracting the opposite sex and knows a yes is coming eventually.
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Old 28th February 2018, 4:29 PM   #24
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Mission Failed
Why do you think?

Perhaps a root of your problem is that you don't consider the sources of rejection. It's almost like you assume that it just "happens" for no reason rather than for a potential variety of reasons. For example, you've said in previous threads that you'd prefer to stay in and play video games than try and meet girls, and also that you had to move back in with your parents because you couldn't figure out how to feed yourself. No offense, but if a girl your age told me these things I would avoid her like the plague.

Do you have any plans or desires to actually improve your situation? Or are you just here to complain? Because that seems to be the common theme of most of your threads:

- My Bad Dating Woes
- Getting Rejected Sucks
- Why Some People Are Just Destined To Be Alone
- The Pain Of Rejection

Cool. What of it all? Do you want to change? Do you want to do anything better? Because it seems rare that you ever apply critical analysis to your situation to try and do any better, you assume that things are just a certain way and that there's nothing you can do to change them. Instead of just complaining about how things are, why don't you describe why you think things are the way they are currently so people can help you figure out how to actually improve your situation and get what you want? Imagine yourself as the patient and people here are the doctors. Before the doctors can help you, they need to know what your symptoms are and how they got that way rather than just a dozen threads of "I'm sick and it sucks." What specific things give you trouble and why?
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Old 28th February 2018, 7:44 PM   #25
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Why do you think?

Perhaps a root of your problem is that you don't consider the sources of rejection. It's almost like you assume that it just "happens" for no reason rather than for a potential variety of reasons. For example, you've said in previous threads that you'd prefer to stay in and play video games than try and meet girls, and also that you had to move back in with your parents because you couldn't figure out how to feed yourself. No offense, but if a girl your age told me these things I would avoid her like the plague.

Do you have any plans or desires to actually improve your situation? Or are you just here to complain? Because that seems to be the common theme of most of your threads:

- My Bad Dating Woes
- Getting Rejected Sucks
- Why Some People Are Just Destined To Be Alone
- The Pain Of Rejection

Cool. What of it all? Do you want to change? Do you want to do anything better? Because it seems rare that you ever apply critical analysis to your situation to try and do any better, you assume that things are just a certain way and that there's nothing you can do to change them. Instead of just complaining about how things are, why don't you describe why you think things are the way they are currently so people can help you figure out how to actually improve your situation and get what you want? Imagine yourself as the patient and people here are the doctors. Before the doctors can help you, they need to know what your symptoms are and how they got that way rather than just a dozen threads of "I'm sick and it sucks." What specific things give you trouble and why?
Op did you ever try and fix any of those problems. This post reminds me that I sent you another video about getting your life together and becoming a proper adult. Did you watch it? Did you see the outcome?

I know all the guys I have been into have "had their life together". It was something I admired so much in my man.

If you are having trouble with just feeding yourself and having no goals or structure that is something u really need to get in order first. Especially as a man, women love someone they can see as a provider. Not that u have to "take care of her" but that u can provide your yourself and your future children. She doesn't want to feel like she has to take on another child to take care of.

Last edited by HiCrunchy; 28th February 2018 at 8:28 PM..
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Old 28th February 2018, 10:19 PM   #26
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Op did you ever try and fix any of those problems. This post reminds me that I sent you another video about getting your life together and becoming a proper adult. Did you watch it? Did you see the outcome?

I know all the guys I have been into have "had their life together". It was something I admired so much in my man.

If you are having trouble with just feeding yourself and having no goals or structure that is something u really need to get in order first. Especially as a man, women love someone they can see as a provider. Not that u have to "take care of her" but that u can provide your yourself and your future children. She doesn't want to feel like she has to take on another child to take care of.

Well i'm in the process of finding another job

I moved out of my parents house in the middle of December

Still going to school to get my associates

Going to the gym 3-4 times a week


I will admit, i'm probably not ready to date right now. For me, I just simply want practice talking to girls. Nah, screw that! Women are way too complicated, they always look at me like i'm some sort of creep or weirdo just by trying to talk to them.

Guys are easier to talk to, less judgemental, more open-minded.

Last edited by GuitarGuy7; 28th February 2018 at 10:21 PM..
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Old 28th February 2018, 11:28 PM   #27
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Guitar Guy. Why don't you join a Yoga class. That way you will interact with young women. If a romance sprouts from there it will be effortless.
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Old 1st March 2018, 1:59 AM   #28
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Guitar Guy. Why don't you join a Yoga class. That way you will interact with young women. If a romance sprouts from there it will be effortless.

Well iv'e been talking to this girl and working out with her, hard to explain but she's a student intern who's class assignment is to help people with working out and she's been helping me, she seems nice. She has a boyfriend, oh well, I just enjoy talking to her and getting to know her, it's therapeutic for me. And the fact that she has a boyfriend takes pressure off of me, so i'm more relaxed.

Anyways, she says she knows someone who does yoga. I think she's in some other clubs as well, I might be able to ask her about joining some groups. It would be a good way to get out of the house more and potentially meet some people, maybe some girls.

Dating is hard for me since i'm not super attractive. I'm not perfect, I have my flaws, but maybe I will get a chance.
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Old 1st March 2018, 8:58 AM   #29
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Well iv'e been talking to this girl and working out with her, hard to explain but she's a student intern who's class assignment is to help people with working out and she's been helping me, she seems nice. She has a boyfriend, oh well, I just enjoy talking to her and getting to know her, it's therapeutic for me. And the fact that she has a boyfriend takes pressure off of me, so i'm more relaxed.

Anyways, she says she knows someone who does yoga. I think she's in some other clubs as well, I might be able to ask her about joining some groups. It would be a good way to get out of the house more and potentially meet some people, maybe some girls.

Dating is hard for me since i'm not super attractive. I'm not perfect, I have my flaws, but maybe I will get a chance.
I think in person and making friends is definitely the way u want to go about it. The yoga class is definitely a good way to do that, as it seems to be female dominated.
Uh
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Old 1st March 2018, 12:46 PM   #30
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Maybe you just deserve someone really unique and special...and so your wait is longer than many other people's...you will probably really value the person whom you finally end up with--because you know how long and how hard it was to find that in your life.
Many people who have had less rejection aren't any better off than you feel you are right now in life...to much of a good thing can be a bad thing--when someone has so many options to choose from, and so many experiences...many times it can lead to callousness and becoming jaded towards future partners or experiences concerning romantic encounters...
Do you ultimately believe that you will progress and get better in life, that life is continually going to end up being a Good journey? Because it should be...look how Good our world is--it provides us everything we need for basic survival and human interaction. The Creator made everything for the Good (in our lives). You are already being loved, whether you accept it or not...have faith that your life is intended for Good things, and that it will somehow continue to get Good in the future...a positive outlook (and I have been depressed into the depths of hell before-so I know it is hard to cheer up sometimes when life looks bleak as all heck) will be the end result I hope, for you...my new motto today, after many months of suffering and hurting, and a lifetime of pain too, is that from this minute forward: I WILL NOT MESS THIS UP (too). I will try to make a very hard conscious effort to do better and better with each of life's decisions that come my way every day--maybe it really is my fault if I feel down about my situation some days/months/years...maybe I am ungratefully throwing my time away by feeding a negative situation and adding my own two cents worth of negativity to it. I know life hands us hard realities for a reason--it is how we choose to deal with them that can maybe make a difference--no one escapes the pain and trials of life, they are the teachers that break all barriers to get to the heart of our deepest fears and torments...how can you respond? Trusting that something Good can come from this experience--look deep inside yourself and examine, re-examine--take time to figure out exactly what it is that life is trying to teach or tell you in this situation--we are made in the image of a God--remember that if you are a believer--we have the glory of being able to reason, think, decide, and take action...we can change these negatives into positives...what can you find in you that you can make better...taking action is the best way to move forward and gain confidence in yourself...you were meant to stand in glory too, and to experience Good things...you can do it...you can find an answer...you can take an action...a solution can maybe be found for your troubles--isn't that awesome?! Today, if able and willing, you can always try again...to solve this problem...we were gifted with such abilities, to some extent...how can you make something that feels bad, into something that is just a tiny bit better than that bad feeling? You don't have to hit a home run when life hands you problems, but you can at least take a swing and eventually score a point in life if you are willing to participate and keep at it...good luck...
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