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Do you think who we can attract affects who were attracted to?


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Old 23rd February 2018, 10:13 AM   #1
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Do you think who we can attract affects who were attracted to?

Meaning if you're a person who's attracted conventionally attractive people of the opposite sex rather easily and gets a lot of attention from the opposite sex do you think it makes you more picky towards someone's looks because you are used to a high level of attractiveness? There maybe people perfectly fine looking but to you whether consciously or subconsciously know you can get someone more attractive that person so that isn't that attractive to you.

And if you're someone who attracts just average or non conventionally attractive people of the opposite do you think that consciously or subconsciously makes you attracted to a wider group of people?
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Old 23rd February 2018, 11:36 AM   #2
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Those with the power make the rules. The winners write history.

Then again, individuals vary widely and often vary widely in their application of power throughout their lives.

When writing this a young British gal was on my mind who from a young age enthralled the nation and had the power to marry everything from politicians to international celebrities to, well, a construction guy, not to mention stealing her best friend at the time's husband. That's the power of attractiveness. Choice. The vast majority of it goes on quietly in the background. Same rules apply though.

I think much has to do with a subject we've been discussing on the mass murder thread, why young men are broken, role-modeling and socialization. Someone socialized into wielding of power as a blunt object will do that. If trained to wield it with care, that. The tapes in the brain are different. That's why we'll get vastly different results from individuals with similar power. They choose.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 11:59 AM   #3
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Attraction is very subjective.

What I may think is physically attractive may not be what you consider attractive, just as my idea of average or unattractive may not be yours. Same with how we view ourselves.

I will only say that for ME, attraction goes much deeper than skin deep.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 1:05 PM   #4
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It will definitely have an effect on you. I knew a few guys, one of them a college football player, who had very distorted views of what an attractive woman was. The key example I am thinking of was simply physically attractive himself, and extroverted on top of that. (He was my marketing counterpart.) Watching him work women, even if it was just to get us into business class, was indeed something to see.

Outside of that range it becomes rather complicated, even if you have very little trouble attracting women. Past experiences and personal preferences probably weight more strongly than subjective measures of attractiveness.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 3:03 PM   #5
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It makes sense I think. If you are bombarded with options, you’re programmed to seek out the best (but I agree that this is subjective and I’m not sure that it matters if the person is attracted to a particular type, conventional or other- they’ll seek out what they consider most attractive)! and lets not forget other factors that weigh in heavily. Attraction varies and isn’t down to appearance alone.

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Old 23rd February 2018, 4:14 PM   #6
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I do think so. And here's why. I'm 65. I was able to date attractive men when young but unable to once not young, which I imagine is the same for most people. I still think the same thing is attractive, and I don't want someone bad enough to date people I don't find attractive. I see no point. Some people aren't like me and will date anyone rather than no one because they want companionship more I guess. However, I will say that I would still mostly find the guys I still know from when I was young attractive even though they are old now. And I might find some other attractive IF they were from that exact same ilk and I could still see it in them.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 5:02 PM   #7
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Some behavioral scientists whoíve looked into it believe so.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 11:55 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike800 View Post
And if you're someone who attracts just average or non conventionally attractive people of the opposite do you think that consciously or subconsciously makes you attracted to a wider group of people?
Absolutely. Attracting anyone was extremely difficult - I couldn't afford to dismiss any dating opportunity out of hand. At this end of the spectrum, the idea of choosing someone based on their physical attractiveness is a luxury beyond one's wildest dreams. Instead, compatibility, timing and state of mind play bigger roles.

I don't think attractiveness is really THAT subjective. Sure, people have their own preferences about certain physical and/or personality features that draw their attention more easily but in the grand scheme of things, I think these differences are rather subtle - kind of like how a college football team might be ranked no. 15 in the coaches' poll but no. 17 in the press poll. If you're in the position where you basically have to take who you can get, considering a wider group of people is natural but I don't know if it's particularly satisfying.
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Old 24th February 2018, 1:28 AM   #9
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One of my high school teachers once told me, "All bees flock to the same honey." Interesting. Seems to me top tier (physically and also including "the package which includes personality, character, intellect, etc.) people attract mostly everyone, with possibly a very few exceptions.

But, I also believe there are many attractive and even average people who could be top tier with a little coaching, weight loss or gain, teeth fixed, style worked on, etc etc etc. So much is available to work with for women. Men, too, these days. I know a lot of men who've had cosmetic surgery.

I also believe there are people who have a better eye for beauty than others, just as there are people who have an ear for music more than others. So, a person who doesn't have an eye for beauty, though he or she is top tier good looking, may sometimes date down a little just because they see things differently, literally.

Research prosopagnosia or face blindness. A small percentage of people have this but others may fall somewhere along the spectrum is what I was referring to in the paragraph above.
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Old 24th February 2018, 2:19 AM   #10
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top tier people never heard that terminology before except in business regimes and shady pyramid schemes

not sure i like the term used in conjunction with attractiveness or beauty...nah i don't...so not using it......


i feel with attractiveness if you find someone attractive and they find you attractive that is what counts...and attractiveness and beauty is always up to the person who feels it or doesn't and if the attraction is reciprocated counts more........different strokes ..and there's attractiveness in every person...sometimes it takes a bit longer to see because that attraction isnt surface attraction........deb
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Old 24th February 2018, 10:25 AM   #11
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For me, attraction isnít just about looks. Itís about how we interact with each other and the level of attraction they feel for me. Someone who shows no interest in me at all is just not attractive to me. They lose their appeal. So my pool of men will be those who show interest. And I would be more likely to find those people attractive (even if average) than a Brad Pitt type who would not turn his head if I walked by.
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Old 24th February 2018, 12:45 PM   #12
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Yes, I think who we can attract does affect who we are attracted to. I am distinguishing between thinking someone is attractive and actually being attracted to them.

Why waste your time being attracted to someone you can't have? But some people do anyway. Orbiters come to mind.
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Old 24th February 2018, 1:23 PM   #13
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I tend to look at people for who they are on the inside. Especially if they have a sense of humor. The outside then becomes more attractive to me.
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Old 24th February 2018, 6:29 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by todreaminblue View Post
top tier people never heard that terminology before except in business regimes and shady pyramid schemes

not sure i like the term used in conjunction with attractiveness or beauty...nah i don't...so not using it......


i feel with attractiveness if you find someone attractive and they find you attractive that is what counts...and attractiveness and beauty is always up to the person who feels it or doesn't and if the attraction is reciprocated counts more........different strokes ..and there's attractiveness in every person...sometimes it takes a bit longer to see because that attraction isnt surface attraction........deb
I think I get what you're saying, deb! It seems you may have found that offensive, which is understandable! But consider this; read to the end if you will.

Schools measure intellect and recognize top tier students. Top tier athletes are recognized and rewarded. Gifted (top tier) musicians are recognized for their talent. Most will work at it (train, study, whatever), but even before they receive training or work at it their gift is often recognized as top tier, and that is the reason a lot of time and money is invested; to develop their gifts.

It is my belief that gifts of intellect, athletic prowess, musical talent, artistic talent, etc., are gifts from God. I also believe physical beauty is a gift from God to be recognized and celebrated, as I believe He created us, and don't see recognition of or speaking of great beauty (top tier) as being misplaced or arrogant.

God could have created everyone to have the same level of IQ, of musical or artistic ability, of physical attractiveness, or whatever, but He didn't. He created giftedness in all of those categories and more so that it could be recognized and enjoyed!

Interestingly, and delightfully, to me, there are people who are average in appearance or less, average or less in all other ways, yet they have been gifted with an aura of comfort to be around them. Everyone loves them, they were born that way! Just to be near them is pleasant! This is a gift not necessarily given to the beautiful, the athletic, the intelligent. And it is one of the greatest gifts of all!

Bottom line, I am comfortable with admiring, recognizing and calling top tier beauty for what it is! The same goes for all other top tier gifts.

The fascinating thing is, though, it is my firm belief that every single person alive has a top tier gift! Some gifts are more noticeable than others. But I believe as we learn to know God and follow Him, He will help us discover and put to use our top tier gift to bless others. And, yes, beauty can be a great blessing for others as it is used to the glory of God!

I also believe that when a person has discovered their own top tier gift, they aren't intimidated by recognizing top tier gifts of others or speaking of it.

No matter what our particular gift is, it doesn't make any of us of more value than another! That's why I feel fine with recognizing and speaking of top tier beauty or any other gift! It's a quality to bless all of us! I love to see top tier in art, hear it in music, watch it in dance, read it in text, be near it in spirit! I celebrate top tier everything in everybody and resent it in no one, because I enjoy its presentation!

And, deb, I had signed out of LS and was heading out to do something I'm really wanting to get to. But, I had to sign back on to tell you this as it popped into my head. That is, that you, deb, seem to me to be top tier compassionate! It is a great gift you've been given, imo! To recognize and celebrate it (and I do, you are very dear to all of us, I believe, at least you are to me!) doesn't diminish anyone else, even though most of us will never possess the level of compassion you've been gifted with, I know I certainly never will! I, for one, celebrate your top tier compassion! Hugs to you, dear deb! YOU are top tier, in my book!

Last edited by LivingWaterPlease; 24th February 2018 at 6:45 PM..
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Old 25th February 2018, 8:24 AM   #15
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I think some people who can't attract a certain type of person will play it off. "Well, I didn't want that anyway."

A lot of women on ls say looks don't matter. Yet irl I've known attractive men, and they get treated quite well by ladies, never wanting for sex or relationships.

I read an article by a therapist saying many people in her practice married someone they knew they weren't attracted to. There could be many reasons, a yearning for love, security, or whatnot.
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