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Trouble with dating and attracting women


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 21st February 2018, 10:13 AM   #1
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Trouble with dating and attracting women

Hi I was hoping someone could possibly give me advice with women and dating in general. I've always had trouble growing up with women and have only ever had 1 serious relationship.

A little about myself
28 years old in the military
Currently have a bachelors degree and working towards my masters
Financially I think I'm doing really well. I have my own apartment and am financially in a really good spot.
I workout daily and have been focusing on building more muscle as I've always been on the skinny side.

However when it comes to women I've noticed a trend of them only seeing me as a friend. I don't think I'm bad looking. Really not sure what I'm doing wrong but it can be discouraging at times because I really feel like I have my life together.

As far as personality goes I think my personality is good. I can hold conversations I think I'm funny. I'm good at making people laugh but for some reason I just get passed by all the time by women as a second choice or just a option I feel like.

Any advice would be appreciated thanks!
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Old 21st February 2018, 10:16 AM   #2
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Are you asking them out or indicating a romantic interest early on? If not, your slow pace led them to believe that you only want friendship
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Old 21st February 2018, 10:19 AM   #3
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Are you asking them out or indicating a romantic interest early on? If not, your slow pace led them to believe that you only want friendship
My worry is that Ill come on too strong and scare them away.
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Old 21st February 2018, 10:32 AM   #4
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My worry is that Ill come on too strong and scare them away.
If you express a genuine interest it is in my experience very unlikely that you scare them away. Most women will consider it a compliment, even if they are not interested. (I'm not talking about semi-randomly hitting on women.) You will also get credit for having the testicular fortitude to ask them out.
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Old 21st February 2018, 10:47 AM   #5
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Hey bb1,

Welcome to LS! When you meet an attractive woman for the first time how do your conversations typically go? A recent example would be helpful.
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Old 21st February 2018, 11:02 AM   #6
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My worry is that Ill come on too strong and scare them away.
"Are you DTF?" is too strong.

"Would you like to get a drink?" & then flirting with her shows interest.

Hanging around, building up a rapport & getting to know someone without even the suggestion of flirting or romantic interest is what is turning these women into the friends you don't want.

Dating is misinterpreted. It is the activity through which you get to know a romantic partner. It's just a step beyond what you are doing but it conveys that you are not interested in platonic friendship & you heterosexual. You spend time with the other person. You talk. You banter. You flirt. You may kiss. You may even have sex but that is something the two people need to work out the timing for. Sex is not mandatory for dating but it does become more significant if you want a relationship.

Your way, you end up turning into her emotional crying towel; the man she turns to when the other guys hurt her feelings.
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Old 21st February 2018, 2:05 PM   #7
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Hey bb1,

Welcome to LS! When you meet an attractive woman for the first time how do your conversations typically go? A recent example would be helpful.
Usually it's just making small talk trying to build some kind of rapport. I've heard from friends of girls I've liked that they thought I liked them.
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Old 21st February 2018, 2:10 PM   #8
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"Are you DTF?" is too strong.

"Would you like to get a drink?" & then flirting with her shows interest.

Hanging around, building up a rapport & getting to know someone without even the suggestion of flirting or romantic interest is what is turning these women into the friends you don't want.

Dating is misinterpreted. It is the activity through which you get to know a romantic partner. It's just a step beyond what you are doing but it conveys that you are not interested in platonic friendship & you heterosexual. You spend time with the other person. You talk. You banter. You flirt. You may kiss. You may even have sex but that is something the two people need to work out the timing for. Sex is not mandatory for dating but it does become more significant if you want a relationship.

Your way, you end up turning into her emotional crying towel; the man she turns to when the other guys hurt her feelings.
I've heard that women know when guys are into them. Maybe the girls weren't that into me in a romantic sense. How do I get to the point where I'm not a option?
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Old 21st February 2018, 2:20 PM   #9
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Usually it's just making small talk trying to build some kind of rapport. I've heard from friends of girls I've liked that they thought I liked them.
A good rule to follow is move your conversations from platonic (general topics) to personal (her relationship status, past bfs, etc) to sexual (flirting). With some women, you just can’t move past the platonic stage and with others you can start flirting in a matter of minutes. Don’t bother with women you’re struggling to escalate with and focus on the ones where it’s lot easier.
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Old 21st February 2018, 2:52 PM   #10
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I've heard that women know when guys are into them. Maybe the girls weren't that into me in a romantic sense. How do I get to the point where I'm not a option?

Some do know but those guys tended to do things to make it obvious. I suspect you are not, that you are hanging back & not making your interest know. Women are conditioned not to make the 1st move. When we like a guy & he doesn't act, we conclude that he is rejecting us.


Ask them on a date shortly after you meet then so you will know if they return your interest.
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Old 26th February 2018, 10:52 AM   #11
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Body language too: do you make lots of eye contact and smile at them?
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Old 26th February 2018, 6:28 PM   #12
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I agree you need to just try to be confident and go ahead and ask one out. Remember, a date is not a marriage proposal. The moon and stars do not have to be perfectly aligned in order to just go out on a date, which lets them know you have romantic interest. Even if it doesn't work out, that's what dating is for, to see if you have anything in common. Yes, be prepared for some rejections, but don't assume it's about you. I mean, most women have some guy they're into and got their eye on or they are already involved, so part of the time they may offer no explanation, but that may be the case. The rest of the time you get rejections, just accept that not everyone is attracted to every type because that's the truth. You could be a real hot military guy but if the woman isn't into military guys, you'll get nowhere.

You just have to not overthink it and just not internalize it on the rejections. I mean, I've seen women reject a guy because she doesn't like stubble or because they have a short or long haircut or because they have all manner of shallow physical things that do it for them. You can't let that get to you.

You sound like a great guy. It's best to just go ahead and ask them on a date so they know you're interested in that way, and that weeds out the ones who only want a friend or are taken or are not ready to date you.

Good luck.
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Old 27th February 2018, 12:51 AM   #13
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I agree you need to just try to be confident and go ahead and ask one out. Remember, a date is not a marriage proposal. The moon and stars do not have to be perfectly aligned in order to just go out on a date, which lets them know you have romantic interest. Even if it doesn't work out, that's what dating is for, to see if you have anything in common. Yes, be prepared for some rejections, but don't assume it's about you. I mean, most women have some guy they're into and got their eye on or they are already involved, so part of the time they may offer no explanation, but that may be the case. The rest of the time you get rejections, just accept that not everyone is attracted to every type because that's the truth. You could be a real hot military guy but if the woman isn't into military guys, you'll get nowhere.

You just have to not overthink it and just not internalize it on the rejections. I mean, I've seen women reject a guy because she doesn't like stubble or because they have a short or long haircut or because they have all manner of shallow physical things that do it for them. You can't let that get to you.

You sound like a great guy. It's best to just go ahead and ask them on a date so they know you're interested in that way, and that weeds out the ones who only want a friend or are taken or are not ready to date you.

Good luck.
To add, how fickle some females can be, littlest couple ... the lady (a little person) rejects the guy (also a little person), for a year. Let's guess; she unlikely has prospects. Attraction wise, he's probably better looking than her. If he was " normal" bodied, he'd probably be slaying the ladies. In the end, it worked, because they're now married. But still, if he'd had said F this sh*t, she'd probably be used and abused by some "normal" body guy who's a closet pedophile. She came to her senses. Some females don't come to their senses. Find the ones who do, and like you. The others are just future spinsters.
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Old 27th February 2018, 1:11 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by bodybuilding1 View Post
Hi I was hoping someone could possibly give me advice with women and dating in general. I've always had trouble growing up with women and have only ever had 1 serious relationship.

A little about myself
28 years old in the military
Currently have a bachelors degree and working towards my masters
Financially I think I'm doing really well. I have my own apartment and am financially in a really good spot.
I workout daily and have been focusing on building more muscle as I've always been on the skinny side.

However when it comes to women I've noticed a trend of them only seeing me as a friend. I don't think I'm bad looking. Really not sure what I'm doing wrong but it can be discouraging at times because I really feel like I have my life together.

As far as personality goes I think my personality is good. I can hold conversations I think I'm funny. I'm good at making people laugh but for some reason I just get passed by all the time by women as a second choice or just a option I feel like.

Any advice would be appreciated thanks!
A lot of relevant and good advice here.

As a guy, you have to be the one to communicate interest. Joking builds comfort with a girl and puts their guard down. Some may regard you as interesting, but it's not enough.

You have to turn the conversation into something more playful. You also have to take the first step to ask them out. This is just the way the world works. If you heard from your friends that some of these women thinks you may like them, then there is your cue already.

Remember, nothing worthwhile in life is attainable through comfort and the status quo. Take some risks, enjoy the adventure, and don't forget to keep moving forward.
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Old 27th February 2018, 1:30 AM   #15
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Confidence and humour are the secret. If you believe you're a great catch, so will women. Don't ask them what they're doing Friday night, TELL them you know they're dying to have a drink with you. That way you can pass it off as being funny but at the same time you're effectively asking them on a date. Most women will respond very well to a guy who's in charge of a situation.
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