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In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 21st February 2018, 5:10 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by Mike800 View Post
Do you get "creeped out" by a man you think isn't attractive if he hits on you even if he's doing it in a respectful way?
If anyone does they have serious issues.
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Old 21st February 2018, 7:59 PM   #17
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I was aggressive, but I also tried not to just hit them over the head with it, more about using my head and trying to find a commonality with someone or a reason to talk to them. But I mean, I was somewhat aggressive some ways and I finally decided it was a bad idea. Because the ones that netted were too meek for me, too indecisive, not alpha enough, not assertive enough to be of any help in daily life if I would have ever attempted to live with them.

So, I did it my own way and if I hadn't, I wouldn't have met nearly as many guys, but like you said, many of them it was a quick relationship and then me getting my heart broken. Some, I stayed connected with.

I'll never forget this one guy I dated who I am still friends with decades later, I met him as he was exiting his first high school marriage. Then he did something heinous and we fell out but ended up working together, so I was there to see his 2nd and third marriages. I remember after the 2nd one ended in disaster asking him why on earth her ever married her to begin with, and he said, "She nagged me into it. If you'd nagged me, I probably would have married you."

Great. Just great.
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Old 21st February 2018, 11:46 PM   #18
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I have been thinking about this for a bit now, the notion of women being the aggressor in the relationship. This debate will never be resolved, but I have known some very aggressive women in my day who chased the object of their affection and always seemed to get the immediate response but never the long term.

Had a former woman friend who moved twice in six months for two different men. The second was a complete rebound, she eventually married him. He didn't ask her, she told him they were getting married. And they did, had two children, and are now divorced today. Imagine that.

Had another former woman friend who was always juggling boyfriends, but she was a typical user of all those around her. She chased the men, was a complete shrew to others but as soon as you put a man she was interested in she was sweet as honey.

Some guys I did like in the past and I admit I pursued them. But that always ended with them doing the breaking up or them rejecting me. And then another time I was friends with another guy who was absolutely, positively GORGEOUS. I knew he had women all over him and I figured I was one of the heard, I had him panting like a dog. It didn't last long but the relationship was quite ... Passionate to say the least because I made him work for it. He didn't deserve me ultimately which is why he broke it off, but I patted myself ultimately for landing the Brad Pitt of the city if just for a moment.

So ... What's the level of aggression that women should or should not show towards a man? I wonder.
You are trying to draw a correlation between a woman being the pursuer of a relationship and relationships ending. That's quite a stretch and I doubt very much that there is any correlation. I know some guys that do not like women to make the first move or do the chasing and I know some guys that love it when women take the initiative and pursue them. Everyone is different and relationships end for all kinds of reasons.
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Old 22nd February 2018, 5:24 AM   #19
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Both genders appreciate effort. Putting some effort in is how people gauge interest in the absence of words. When one person is putting all the effort in there is going to be some imbalance. It's just a matter of whether the person decides to open their eyes and see it or not.
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Old 22nd February 2018, 5:41 AM   #20
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I remember the last truly aggressive woman I encountered, some 25 years ago. She was pretty good over about six months or so then came the sales pitch for the investment scam.

I've been skeptical of aggressive women, especially attractive ones (she was) ever since.

Fast forward to a month or so ago, when a similar lady shows up on my front porch in the middle of nowhere. I'm thinking to myself, my dear you are quite forward and way too attractive to be wandering around in the forest so I'm looking behind her for robbers, agents, black helicopters, whatever.

Single? Attractive? Aggressive? Conspiracy theory Russian agent radar pops up....

However, I'm sure the younger guys who haven't been through the wringer will love them.
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Old 22nd February 2018, 5:43 AM   #21
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I remember the last truly aggressive woman I encountered, some 25 years ago. She was pretty good over about six months or so then came the sales pitch for the investment scam.

I've been skeptical of aggressive women, especially attractive ones (she was) ever since.

Fast forward to a month or so ago, when a similar lady shows up on my front porch in the middle of nowhere. I'm thinking to myself, my dear you are quite forward and way too attractive to be wandering around in the forest so I'm looking behind her for robbers, agents, black helicopters, whatever.

Single? Attractive? Aggressive? Conspiracy theory Russian agent radar pops up....

However, I'm sure the younger guys who haven't been through the wringer will love them.
lol funny.

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Old 22nd February 2018, 8:52 AM   #22
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However, I'm sure the younger guys who haven't been through the wringer will love them.
I wouldn't say that. I suppose we all had women we met at parties who wanted to sell mutual funds or were recruiting for Scientology. But those were actually rfew and far between. If time has taught me anything, it would be to question less why somebody is attracted to me.
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Old 22nd February 2018, 10:57 AM   #23
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It does not only depend on the guy but also on the match-up. If he is not into the woman she will not get anywhere. As to me, if I was into her she could almost do no wrong. Heck, I had a woman literally jump me, so that I fell backwards onto the floor, not expecting that reaction after touching her arm. At least she made her position clear.

And can we call it initiative and not agression? Agression means something different to me. But no matter who you are: Initiative doesn't make somebody available to you who is simply not interested.
Aggressive mans something different to me also. Assertive is a fine quality, especially in the context of interest that is reciprocated.
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Old 22nd February 2018, 11:18 AM   #24
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I won't even message a guy on OLD first because when I do they NEVER pursue the conversation, ask for my number, etc. And unless you make them work for your number they never call. So... here's this game women are forced to play that never ends with men... they want the chase.

This makes me feel powerless in dating. I can't go for what I want because I'll be met with a brick wall... I have to wait to see what will come after me and then pick and choose from that while still having to do that high wire balancing act which is the 'game" to keep them interested. Ugh. No wonder I frequently decide not dating at all is best.
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Old 22nd February 2018, 12:57 PM   #25
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I won't even message a guy on OLD first because when I do they NEVER pursue the conversation, ask for my number, etc.
Isn't that what the experience is like for many men on OLD? I think you'd have better results with men your RL social circle. I'm not lazy when it comes to reaching out to women, but I have never rejected anybody I was interested in because she was forthcoming. Some men like the chase, sure. Others take a rather practical approach to dating.
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Old 22nd February 2018, 10:17 PM   #26
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Isn't that what the experience is like for many men on OLD? I think you'd have better results with men your RL social circle. I'm not lazy when it comes to reaching out to women, but I have never rejected anybody I was interested in because she was forthcoming. Some men like the chase, sure. Others take a rather practical approach to dating.
I'd say it's mostly men wanting the chase. I don't hand out my phone number unless they express interest first and ask for it. But if you just give it to them, as opposed to playing coy... boom. They're gone.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 12:44 PM   #27
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I'd say it's mostly men wanting the chase. I don't hand out my phone number unless they express interest first and ask for it. But if you just give it to them, as opposed to playing coy... boom. They're gone.
To be perfectly honest, I would also be surprised if somebody just gave me her phone number. It's just an odd way to go about it. If she suggested getting together or was generally flirty it would be a very different question.
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