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In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 19th February 2018, 10:50 PM   #1
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I have been fighting this overwhelming sense I have had in the last few months, if not years looking back, that no one wants me. I have done OLD, done a bit of dating even through the traditional normal channels, and ... Nothing comes of it.

Maybe I meet someone through OLD and we actually meet face to face. We have a mediocre time once we meet, and I usually either never hear from him again or it tapers off after texting for a few days. Other times I did meet someone through a friend group, he was an alright guy but didn't have much going for him careerwise. After a few get togethers, it tapered off as well. No hard feelings but it's just what it is.

I almost feel if someone shows a slight bit of interest in me that they will find some reason not to like me or not pursue things any further. And I usually end up disappointed. While I can't be the first person who's ever felt this by any means, I don't bellyache to others about how sad I am that I am alone or that I don't meet anyone. No one wants to be around a sad or unhappy person. I'm also not in the position of being introduced to anyone by anyone. I had a former woman friend who said she would not invite me along to things or even friend me on Facebook because I would take away from her chances of meeting men. That told me what kind of a person she really was, but that's another story. I also feel that some women can and do resent me for that fact even though they don't say it directly like she did.

What to do? Keep moving forward. Just wanted to say.
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Old 20th February 2018, 2:10 AM   #2
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It sounds to me like you give off some kind of vibe to others.

Have you checked your body language and facial expressions recently?
Most communication is non-verbal and if you feel you are in a rut you could very well be giving off a negative vibe.
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Old 20th February 2018, 2:51 AM   #3
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Based on your threads here, I would say that you are projecting a negative image of yourself without really even realizing it.

I don't say that to be unkind. But what I have noticed from your threads is a rather self-sabotaging, defeatist tone. I have to wonder how much of that is transmitted in person.
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Old 20th February 2018, 3:11 AM   #4
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Of course someone wants ya , kick that neg'
idea out the door where it belongs to start with.

l had to laugh though , in a kind way l mean , yaknow if friends feel a bit threatened there ya go, it's a compliment between the lines.
But tbh , l've gotta wonder about attitude to men and depth , l mean he wasn't going anywhere career wise, so what , why does it matter . Some people just work .
Say he was everything you wanted in a guy but he wasn't interested in being a big shot, why would it even matter.
l couldn't care if my women cleaned toilets , it's about who she is.

Just kinda get a bit of a stuck up lack of depth feel that you would even mention that yet nothing else, which is a huge turn off and maybe your putting that out there,it sure wouldn't help.

Last edited by Chilli; 20th February 2018 at 3:13 AM..
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Old 20th February 2018, 9:56 AM   #5
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When I was unhappy - long before I even told my then wife that I was unhappy - I led a poor lifestyle. I was overweight, didn't laugh as much, didn't have hobbies, and didn't hang out with friends. When I finally decided that being unhappy was not where I wanted to be, I lost weight, got healthy, and started laughing.

I literally have more dates and romantic options then I can process now and have to keep myself from devaluing them because of their frequency (the opposite of your problem).

So my advice is this: find your happiness inside. No one can make you happy against your will and no one can keep you from being happy if you decide to be happy. And once you are - or even once you are on that path - you will be surprised how many people will want to be around you both friends and romantic partners.

How do you find happiness? In your case, go to (or back to) therapy to start. I had never been to therapy before but if you're lucky, a therapist will listen to your stories and be able to find the common thread that weaves it all together and gives you the tools to stay on track. Then find something physical to do that transforms your mental state into a physical one. It doesn't have to be exercise - it can be painting or volunteering or photography.

When you do this, you change how you feel about yourself. And here's a secret to life: people feel about you the way you feel about yourself. When you start to feel good about yourself, others will feel good about you too.

Go find your happiness - but remember, you don't look out to find it - you look in.
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