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Why would she completely ignore me?


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Old 19th February 2018, 6:34 PM   #1
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Why would she completely ignore me?

There was a woman who I used to play tennis with all the time and we went to a few other events together and who I had a crush on, but never acted on other than going with her to the events.

There was a special deal on restaurants and after playing I sent her a text saying something like "it would be a shame for you to miss all these deals". She never responded to it or any of messages ever again and I never talked to her again after that. Another time I saw her at the court walking to her car and she almost appeared to rush to her car to leave.

Afterwards I found out she got married and moved about an hour away, but she never told me anything and when I tried to ask her how she was doing on Facebook it came back that she had blocked me.

It just really bothers me that she suddenly just cut off all communication and ignored me. If she was dating someone would texting her what I did be that strong or offensive that she'd just completely ignore me for now on? Couldn't she just say her boyfriend wouldn't like it or something like that? I just don't understand how we went from being friends to her completely ignoring me.

One of the guys at the courts recently asked what happened to her and said he thought she probably liked me. I told him that's a very good question and it's just eating away at me if I did something wrong or what happened here. I'm almost tempted to call or text and just ask why she started ignoring me, but since she blocked me on facebook I don't want to be too pushy.
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Old 19th February 2018, 6:59 PM   #2
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She's married and she's not interested. She may realize you want more and blocked you.

Don't be a stalker dude. She blocked you and you are going to call her? WTF? Do you need a restraining order to get the hint?
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Old 19th February 2018, 7:19 PM   #3
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Its called ghosting and I think its so rude and immature especially when it sounds like you two were friends for a while before she got married. Why couldn't she just tell you that she was getting married, I wish people could just be honest, a simple text instead of leaving you hanging. It can be hurtful.
Sorry your left hurt and confused.
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Old 19th February 2018, 8:06 PM   #4
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If she blocked you, it obviously means she doesn't want you to contact her. Maybe she used you for your attention, but realized it had to stop once she got serious with the other guy. Move on, why would you want someone in your life who just ditched you like that anyway?
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Old 19th February 2018, 9:19 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by Erik30 View Post
If she blocked you, it obviously means she doesn't want you to contact her. Maybe she used you for your attention, but realized it had to stop once she got serious with the other guy. Move on, why would you want someone in your life who just ditched you like that anyway?
I don't want her in my life, but I'd like to learn from the experience. After spending several years with someone it was rather jarring to all of a sudden have the person completely ignore and block me. Did I say or do something wrong? Last time I saw her she was laughing and it didn't seem like there was anything bothering her.
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Old 19th February 2018, 9:36 PM   #6
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OP, you need to let this go. This is an inappropriate amount of emotional energy towards a woman who is someone else's WIFE.

To answer your question why you are being ignored: Likely she (and her new husband) saw your text and she just realized that her friendship w you was a bad idea and so she decided to end it. It's called protecting her marriage. As you aren't as important to her as her husband, she decided that she would just avoid contact w you from now on, respecting her partner being more important than 'giving you a straight answer' or whatever.

Don't beat yourself up over this but don't contact her again or try to engage her--then you would be crossing a line.

Last edited by Imajerk17; 19th February 2018 at 9:44 PM..
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Old 19th February 2018, 10:22 PM   #7
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The lesson here is that many relationships (platonic or romantic) are fickle and impermanent. One day you are close friends, lovers, talk regularly etc.. the next, it's like you are strangers.

You may put a certain value on that association, whereas the other person doesn't, and you aren't going to be aware of that until they cut you out of their life, seemingly overnight. It hurts, especially when you care about that person.

In your situation, it is clear that she didn't put a high value on her association with you. It made it easier to cut you out when it became inconvenient. Your message may not have said anything "wrong". However, she may have felt that there was something more behind it, which lets face it, there kind of was. There could have already be signs before that you were interested, but she was uncomfortable addressing it with you. Some people are conflict avoidant that way, especially if her partner is the jealous type.

It may be little consolation to hear this, but it's not your fault. It's just a sad reality of life when things like this happen. She was just doing what was right for her and her marriage.

I would strongly urge you not to contact her again. It will be a complete waste of energy and time.
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Old 20th February 2018, 4:15 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by treehugger12 View Post
Its called ghosting and I think its so rude and immature especially when it sounds like you two were friends for a while before she got married. Why couldn't she just tell you that she was getting married, I wish people could just be honest, a simple text instead of leaving you hanging. It can be hurtful.
Sorry your left hurt and confused.
We were friends for years. I'm friends with a lot of other women that have gotten married and was invited to all their weddings and keep in touch with them.

A simple message that she was getting married would have saved me a lot of hurt feelings. Ghosting as you called it is terrible.
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Old 20th February 2018, 5:35 PM   #9
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I think at some point she realized you had a crush on her so she wanted to distance herself, and plus especially now she's with another man. Women always know. By no means should you contact her again.
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Old 25th February 2018, 5:44 AM   #10
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hi max3732,

yup I agree, she was immature and acted with cowardice sadly, there was no reason for her to take this route especially as you were good friends before: but look on the bright side, you saved yourself from giving your heart to someone who is like this naturally.

I'm guessing if she is like this then she is likely to have been like that with you at some other point if you were with her.

you haven't done anything wrong, you have seen a side of somone that doesn't have respect for another or who is cold and thoughtless in their empathy.

all you can do is see her for how she is now and try to meet someone with the strong values and maturity that is worthy of your time.

she wasn't either, and I don't think she will learn anything unless something similar happens to her.

its sad she's acted the way she did, but selfishness is hard. it would have cost her nothing to tell you!

but if you belive in karma then she will surely fall by her own poor treatment of others and that is the best you can hope for.

but what has happened is not about your behaviours or personality, its tough, but do you want someone like this close anyway?

best wishes, maybe you should communicate how she's made you feel and leave it at that.

don't stop being the good person you are to try and compensate for this situation, you have decent values and should be proud of that.
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