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Constantly told no spark


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 18th February 2018, 8:51 PM   #46
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Here's an encouraging example. Weight lifting may help...

Miss Bum Bum Brazil 2014 Dai Macedo. A woman judged to have one of the best BOOooOOOooTAay's in Brazil has been dating a man in a wheel chair for the longest time.

That man in a wheel chair it seems met her at the gym.

What I wrote about about core values applies to this. Being one who goes to the gym or sticks to a diet or both to stay in shape is a core value. Finding a woman who shares your value could be as simple as being OK with getting to know the women in the gym.

Sure that can be fraught with people thinking bad things or whatever. Guess what asking people out anywhere is fraught.

Keep trying that.... you may score a Miss America contestant. I mean if he did why not you.
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A woman who was in love with a man would not call him boring. When they love you, they think you are more exciting than you really are! - Gary S (same with genders reversed)
Hanging out is the new dating.
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Old 18th February 2018, 9:01 PM   #47
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Ok, another suggestion to you being that you are a deaf person. As you said you have no choice but to text because you can't make or receive a phone call ... Tell them in the text "Hello (Name) I had a very nice time last night and I would really like to see you again". That is, if you haven't already.

Remember some additional rules to this game if you have not already experienced them (and I post a lot of rules in case you don't know already) ...

1) 48 Hours - If you (as the woman) have not heard anything from the man within 48 hours after the first encounter, you will not hear from him again. This applies to calling as well as texting.

2) Texting MODIFIED - I know the man is seriously interested if he calls rather than texts after our encounter. If the man texts the day after telling me he had a good time, I usually respond with a simple "thank you I did as well" but I am already deflated after receiving this. Texting is a passive way of communication not direct. Eventually what will happen is that one party will text the other and there will be no response. HOWEVER, as there is a certain situation with you based on your disability and you have no choice but to text since you are not able do a phone call, you MUST say in the text message directly "I would really like to see you again (name) what's a good time for you?". If she does not respond or rejects via text, then you have your answer.

Remember, communication is key to anything and everything in life. If someone is not communicating their wants and needs directly to one another, you'll have a bad relationship. And if these women are not doing their part, you don't want anything to do with them.

You seem to be doing your part with communication. You're suffering from the same things that all are suffering from, which is not finding anyone they like or who just blow them off. It's what it is. Keep moving forward.
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Old 18th February 2018, 9:11 PM   #48
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Several posters have suggested meet up's or trying to meet people through your friends etc.


I'm going to say the same, I had an appalling time on OLD. I joined a club though and met a whole heap of new people who had similar interests to me. My (now) husband is a member of this club, he was also on the same dating site I was and lived a 5 minute drive from me. I never connected with him online because I had my settings looking for a man 5'8 +. My husband is 5'6 (so am I) so I would never have met him online.


Your best chance at meeting someone is through a club or meet up's, or via friends.
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Old 18th February 2018, 9:35 PM   #49
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Superunknown91 View Post
I'm just so frustrated and very very depressed.


I just feel so utterly undesirable. I spend ages in the gym. I scour fashion websites. I use cologne. I read books for inspiration.

I'm also a budding city photographer.

Sometimes I just stare at the mirror and wonder what is so wrong with me that makes women not want to see me again.
I don't doubt that you ARE desirable. And probably just looking in the wrong places for the right connection. You don't have anything to prove to anyone. Many women are attracted to guys of different heights (me included). A lot of people have already given you the advice to try meetups and ditch OLD. You may not find what you are looking for with online dating
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Old 18th February 2018, 9:57 PM   #50
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You need to put this in your ad. If you are springing this on them before you meet that is a turn off.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Superunknown91 View Post
I have a very deep accent. I'm British but I'm told I sound a bit foreign. Which is something that is out of my control.

I always make sure I mention that before the date.

I whiten my teeth. I'm groomed and waxed too.

I lift weights at the gym 5 x a week.
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Old 18th February 2018, 10:07 PM   #51
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Originally Posted by Superunknown91 View Post
That's the problem...I don't know any deaf people.

You'll have to understand...even though I'm deaf. I was RAISED hearing. I don't have experience with deaf people. I went to a hearing school. I went to a hearing university. My parents are hearing. My friends are hearing. My colleagues are hearing. I've never ever been out with a deaf woman..why? Because I don't know any except the ones who are married.

For all intents and purposes I see myself as a hearing person. With my hearing aid, I can hear. Albeit not as well as a hearing person. I'm also passionate about music. Would a deaf person spend hundreds of pounds to see Pearl Jam in a different country?
You don't know any huh? Well go and get to know some! MEETUp.com has a ton of different events. I haven't looked into but maybe they have an event for those hearing impaired. Either way u need to get off online dating

Also just a little truth here:
It doesn't matter that u see yourself as hearing, you also have to think about what others see when they look at you, I'm sorry if this sounds blunt but to then u are still a person with a disability In their eyes

Go to a Meet up group and get to know a girls. Maybe one that's also deaf. U may have more in common than u think.

Last edited by HiCrunchy; 18th February 2018 at 10:16 PM..
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Old 19th February 2018, 12:22 AM   #52
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Originally Posted by HiCrunchy View Post
It doesn't matter that u see yourself as hearing, you also have to think about what others see when they look at you, I'm sorry if this sounds blunt but to then u are still a person with a disability In their eyes
Question

If you met a similarly hearing impaired woman who did not sign and coped the way you do would you date them if they are available and open?

IF you really have to say no then well... you'll be alone.

IF you can honestly say yes to that then there is lots of hope.
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Old 19th February 2018, 1:29 AM   #53
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This entire thread just makes me sad.


Simply because once again its a case of anything off norm is considered undesirable. OP is genuinely being wronged here in my opinion by a society so stuck in "follow my leader" they cannot, dare not even stand up for that nonsense this is.


OP I think nothing of any of those 200 dates, irrespective of how pretty some might have been.


Perhaps because I went to a school with many people who had disabilities I learnt that people are people and should never be judged. Some of the responses in this very thread are frankly sad too.


No chemistry and no spark is fine BUT if its because of your disability would it not make a difference if they were actually honest enough to admit that but NO they would never do so because it reflects poorly on THEM. Saying "no spark" etc. just puts the "blame" on you.


In all honesty if I were you I would hold my head up high because ultimately none of those 200 people are worth dating in my opinion.
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Old 19th February 2018, 5:19 AM   #54
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Reading your post (OP), I don't think it is the disability that is the issue. The girls seem to be into you, if even for that one date. I think the problem is OLD in general. I have had my own issues with OLD and in many ways are similar to yours. "no spark". I think the culture of OLD is a perception that if you are not completely wowed and head over heels by the end of the first date, there are 1,000 other guys that are just a like or text away.
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Old 19th February 2018, 5:33 AM   #55
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When I hear that spark thing. All that means is that the woman on her side. You don't make her wet between the knees and she can't connect you into a romantic dynamic with her.

Not a big deal. I think that women are less attracted to men than vice versa.
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Old 19th February 2018, 7:43 AM   #56
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You clearly KNOW it could be a deal breaker though. What do you put in your dating profiles when it asks for height? Are you truthful?
The dating profile doesn't ask for height. It's a blank bio where I can fill in anything I want.
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Old 19th February 2018, 8:41 AM   #57
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Originally Posted by Superunknown91 View Post
The dating profile doesn't ask for height. It's a blank bio where I can fill in anything I want.
OK. I've never seen any dating sites or apps that don't ask for details like age and height. But I haven't used any in a few years.
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Old 19th February 2018, 9:02 AM   #58
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Originally Posted by Superunknown91 View Post
The dating profile doesn't ask for height. It's a blank bio where I can fill in anything I want.
That could be the problem. A good way to get fewer but better dates online is to list all possible deal breakers in your profile. Be completely honest. Height, weight, physical shape, job, major health issues.

That way if anyone has a problem with any of it you won't waste your time dating them.

I am a transsexual. I don't go around with a sign on my back saying so in real life but when on a straight dating site I sure put that in the profile.


While I do think your disability plays a role, you deserve someone who will not care about it.
Whether they are disabled or not.
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Old 19th February 2018, 9:43 AM   #59
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Originally Posted by Mysterio View Post
When I hear that spark thing. All that means is that the woman on her side. You don't make her wet between the knees and she can't connect you into a romantic dynamic with her.

Not a big deal. I think that women are less attracted to men than vice versa.


I also think this chemistry is nothing more than an easy way out to avoid being honest. Which is pathetic.


Maybe more value would be added if people politely told it as it is versus apply generic statements.


Once again OP is apologise for the judgemental nature of society.
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Old 19th February 2018, 12:01 PM   #60
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Chemistry is more than initial attraction. From my talks with women as one of the girls, guys women may like men MORE. Think of all the schlubby guys that have girlfriends. Sometimes where the woman has more money/education even.

Chemistry is a sort of special feeling a spark that people only feel once in a great while. Some people only date if they feel the spark. Some people date, and marry, regardless of no spark.

The OP gets that initial date. If he has had dozens of such dates all things being equal one woman would choose him even without the spark of chemistry.

Social pressure can make relationship choices they otherwise would not. Pressure to get a "normal" guy an able guy is likely a factor.
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