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Constantly told no spark


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 18th February 2018, 5:27 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by basil67 View Post
Superunknown, I can only write from my experience. Your deaf accent wouldn't bother me, however it sounds like you put a LOT of effort into your appearance. Could it be that you're coming across as high maintenance?

Of course, if a woman is high maintenance herself, she will likely appreciate all of it. But a woman who is lower maintenance may look at you and think you're overly focused on physical appearance.

Just how big do you get with body building? Do you still have a neck?
Granted I do look after myself, but it's not OTT or anything of the sort. I don't wear make up.

Not big and I still have a neck.

The women already know what I look like in my photos and videos on my social media.

If anyone wants to see it. Feel free to private message me.
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Old 18th February 2018, 5:30 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by Superunknown91 View Post
Fair enough but they already know what I look like in my photos.

I'm bald so have to keep my head shaved.
And I assume you're putting your bald head in your photos too, right?

Some of the younger ones might not like bald. Older gals usually find the shaved head look sexy
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Old 18th February 2018, 5:32 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by Superunknown91 View Post
Granted I do look after myself, but it's not OTT or anything of the sort. I don't wear make up.

Not big and I still have a neck.

The women already know what I look like in my photos and videos on my social media.

If anyone wants to see it. Feel free to private message me.
You can't be PMd yet because you don't have enough posts, or else I would provide you with my unbiased feedback if I could.
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Old 18th February 2018, 6:01 PM   #19
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Does anyone know what I can do to increase the chances of a spark?

I've read so many books on dating that I know what to say, what not to say.

I always do light touching and make sure it's appropriate.

I have had a few kisses and make out sessions at the end of the date...only to be told "no spark" the next day.
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Old 18th February 2018, 6:02 PM   #20
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You can get a first date so Iím going to assume that you itís not your looks. Unless you drastically misrepresent yourself in your pictures. But weíre going to say that itís not your looks.I recently dated this guy who was so good looking. I mean glorious. Girls-gawking-as-we-walked-down-the-street beautiful. However, when he opened his mouth he was so dorky. I canít even describe it. I can only sum it up in a very middle school way by saying ďuncoolĒ. I grappled with why exactly this was. The things he said just seemed so goofy. I think mainly he lacked confidence and was trying way too hard, but it wasnít just that. It could be something intrinsic. I think I am intrinsically uncool, so I think he found a match in me. You need to find a girl, and itís probably a numbers game, who likes your personality. Itís been a hindrance in my dating life but I think men care a lot less about it being smooth or something.

Hope this helps but I doubt it
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Old 18th February 2018, 6:05 PM   #21
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Another thing I should mention is..

I'm short. 5ft 7".

If the girl asks me what height I am, I would tell her.
If she doesn't ask, I keep it zipped up.
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Old 18th February 2018, 6:20 PM   #22
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Could it simply be because you've not found the right girl yet?
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Old 18th February 2018, 6:24 PM   #23
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have you ever considered dating a deaf woman?
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Old 18th February 2018, 6:28 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by carhill View Post
I'd recommend more real world contacts and don't expect immediate results. Focus on friendships, networking and meeting people face to face. Since you have no problem 'getting dates' online that tells me you are visually appealing to those you contact. You should have little trouble with meeting people in real life. There they will experience all of you at one time rather than an electronic perception juxtaposed against reality on first meet. Keep at it. It may take time but it'll work out.
I have to say I agree with this. I'm sorry to hear that you've been on so many first dates without progressing to a second. But I feel that focusing on your social circle and going to events/parties will be a huge help. I get the feeling that your speech might be a turn off in a dating/approach scenario, but friends (and their friends) will hopefully be able to see past that... and then there will be an opportunity for a spark.
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Old 18th February 2018, 6:38 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by Superunknown91 View Post
Does anyone know what I can do to increase the chances of a spark?

I've read so many books on dating that I know what to say, what not to say.

I always do light touching and make sure it's appropriate.

I have had a few kisses and make out sessions at the end of the date...only to be told "no spark" the next day.
Don't overthink the "light touching." From reading here on LS, it seems a lot of men do this and it could come off as creepy/contrived. Go with the flow. Don't force it.

Also, about the kissing. Are you sure you're a good kisser? If I made out with someone and then told him "no spark" the next day, it probably would mean I did not enjoy the kiss.

Finally, put your height in your profile!!!!! This is NOT something you can hide in real life so don't try! And make sure you actually ARE 5'7". The last guy I dated STILL insists he is 5'7" even after he got a recent physical for new life insurance that said he's 5'5".
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Old 18th February 2018, 7:00 PM   #26
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I don't know any deaf women. The ones I do know are in relationships and sign. I don't see myself as "deaf" as I lead a very hearing existence.


I don't have many friends as they are all in relationships and never go out. I don't have an opportunity to meet new people.

I train at gym daily but people don't really talk at gym.

I've been told I'm a good kisser.

I was told not to put my height on my profile as it could put off women. I wouldn't get any matches if I did. I was hoping my personality would shine though and make up for my height and disability.
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Old 18th February 2018, 7:02 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by Superunknown91 View Post
I don't know any deaf women. The ones I do know are in relationships and sign.


I don't have any friends as they are all in relationships and never go out.

I've been told I'm a good kisser.

I was told not to put my height on my profile as it could put off women. I wouldn't get any matches if I did. I was hoping my personality would shine though and make up for my height and disability.
Women REALLY hate to be misled with regard to height or age. You need to put it in your profile.
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Old 18th February 2018, 7:13 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
Women REALLY hate to be misled with regard to height or age. You need to put it in your profile.
I just don't mention it at all.

I wouldn't get dates if I did. But if she asked me, I would say.

Not sure why there's an obsession with height.
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Old 18th February 2018, 7:14 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by Superunknown91 View Post
I just don't mention it at all.

I wouldn't get dates if I did. But if she asked me, I would say.

Not sure why there's an obsession with height.
Which app are you using? What do you say when it asks for height?
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Old 18th February 2018, 7:17 PM   #30
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May I ask this question? Out of curiosity, are you dating other women who are also hearing impaired? There are certain things in deaf culture that do not always jibe with hearing people.

It is good that you are forthcoming about your disability before you meet people, but ... I would not say that this disability is the main factor that is or is not turning people off when they meet you. I can't understand why it is that I have gone out on many internet dates myself (like I'm sure a majority of people reading this have as well) and NOT connect with someone. But, it does. I usually end up getting a text from someone the next day after the meeting should we meet and he says something polite like "I had a nice time last night" or just "Good morning", and I text back "Good morning to you" or "I had a nice time as well thank you". After a few days we'll chit chat about our day, then it tapers off and I never hear from that person again. It's what it is.

I MAY make this suggestion to you - but you may have to make a modification being that you are hearing impaired - if you REALLY LIKE a woman that you meet (whether or not it's through OLD or not) you should CALL HER the next day rather than text. It sends a strong message to that women that you really like her.

But to answer your question as to why you keep being rejected? If I knew the answer, I promise you I would tell you. But I don't have it. Because I don't know why. All I can say to you or anyone else out there who is having this problem is that the other person is not that into you. You have to believe deep within yourself that there is a lid for every pot and someday, somehow it can and will happen to you. I'm in a funk myself that has lasted a very long time. I feel like no one wants me no matter what. I have to force myself to go out and do things to fight the depressive feelings.

Focus on other things at the moment. Keep moving forward.
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