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Best way to live the single life?


HiCrunchy

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I was wondering what is the best way to live a single life style safely.

 

I've been thinking about it, and I think I am not cut out for dating. I don't want to be hurt again. I can't do the dating and break up cycle. How can I trust anyone if the result is going to be the same? Why even bother?

 

It hurts too much and I still care too much. And I am going to avoid it as much as I can by just hooking up with strangers instead. As much as I hate the idea of doing so (never liked hook ups),but I think I need some affection. I am lonely and I want more than what platonic friends/family can provide for me. Even if its just physical.

 

I am female, in my 20s and small 5"1 and under 100 pounds, so I am nervous this could be dangerous, especially with alcohol. Its not like in college were I had friends around to keep an eye out.

 

How do I keep myself safe? I will mostly be using tinder. I have never done this kind of thing before so I still want to be careful.

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Happy Lemming

And I am going to avoid it as much as I can by just hooking up with strangers instead.

 

Sounds Great!!

 

I really enjoyed "no strings attached" sex in my youth. Woman after woman after woman. There is something refreshing about having sex with a woman knowing that its a one night stand and you don't have to worry about seeing her again. I had a lot of fun!!

 

GO FOR IT!!

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I was wondering what is the best way to live a single life style safely.

 

I've been thinking about it, and I think I am not cut out for dating. I don't want to be hurt again. I can't do the dating and break up cycle. How can I trust anyone if the result is going to be the same? Why even bother?

 

It hurts too much and I still care too much. And I am going to avoid it as much as I can by just hooking up with strangers instead. As much as I hate the idea of doing so (never liked hook ups),but I think I need some affection. I am lonely and I want more than what platonic friends/family can provide for me. Even if its just physical.

 

I am female, in my 20s and small 5"1 and under 100 pounds, so I am nervous this could be dangerous, especially with alcohol. Its not like in college were I had friends around to keep an eye out.

 

How do I keep myself safe? I will mostly be using tinder. I have never done this kind of thing before so I still want to be careful.

 

Send me an IM - I won’t hurt you :love:

 

I don’t think the biggest danger is someone being physically violent with you, though it is possible. Rather, you don’t sound like the type who will like random hookups. It will leave you feeling empty inside and increase your risk for STDs.

 

It also won’t stop you from growing attached nor getting hurt.

 

I get where you are coming from, as dating can be a nightmare. But you would be better off if you just took a break.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
I can't do the dating and break up cycle.

 

Yeah, ya can.

 

You are way too young to give up on finding a relationship, good grief. You're still in the stage of your life you should be learning from your relationships, even if it involves learning from hurt.

 

As I say to little kids when I see them throwing tantrums, "honey, life gets a LOT harder than this!"

 

If all you want is an easy life with no hardships or heartbreaks, your life is going to be full of disappointments.

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Do you need affection? Or do you need sex?

 

If you need affection, to feel valued and respected, hook ups on Tinder are not the way to go about it.

 

If you have a high sex drive, really do not associate sex with emotion, have a very high sense of self, and the ability to compartmentalize, keep your emotions in check, and have sex simply for sex.... Then yeah maybe hook ups are for you.

 

As for safety, it's not safe. You are putting yourself in a very vulnerable situation. It would be best if you vetted your prospects well, and took safety measures.

 

If a guy is coming over, thinking he is getting easy free sex... And you decide you don't want it, or do not want a certain sex act - well, you are going to need to know how to be handle him if he tries to not take no for an answer.

 

I say this all as a word of caution. Once upon a time I loved casual sex - BUT - I am a very confident, assertive, and physically strong woman. Who not only no can hold her own physically, I have the emotional component needed to make the casual stuff fun.

 

Honestly, the vibe I get from your post, is that this would be a very bad idea, and would probably put your self esteem in the gutter.

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I never have been. I always thought of my body as something sacred to me.

Being intimate was something I did with someone I really loved and care for. Something I did with someone I trusted. Sharing my most private self, the side of me that no one gets to see, with that person. The closeness I felt after being intimate was special. My body and feelings weren't some game to be played with. It was important to me and I think it still is. But I am tired.

 

Now I'm so lonely, I miss being held, I miss having someone run their fingers through my hair. I miss being loved in a way that others get to feel. I know not all guys will want to cuddle after hooking up, but some might right?

Masturbation feels so sad, and I still cry when I do it. I have ever since. It reminds me that I am alone.

 

I am a little nervous that I will cry when I hook up because it will feel empty and I will feel emty too I guess, but I am not sure if that will happen. It is just something that is possible. I am hoping being physical would be good enough, at least for now. With enough alcohol, it might not even matter, I am a very happy drunk haha.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
I never have been. I always thought of my body as something sacred to me.

Being intimate was something I did with someone I really loved and care for. Something I did with someone I trusted. Sharing my most private self, the side of me that no one gets to see, with that person. The closeness I felt after being intimate was special. My body and feelings weren't some game to be played with. It was important to me and I think it still is. But I am tired.

 

Now I'm so lonely, I miss being held, I miss having someone run their fingers through my hair. I miss being loved in a way that others get to feel. I know not all guys will want to cuddle after hooking up, but some might right?

Masturbation feels so sad, and I still cry when I do it. I have ever since. It reminds me that I am alone.

 

I am a little nervous that I will cry when I hook up because it will feel empty and I will feel emty too I guess, but I am not sure if that will happen. It is just something that is possible. I am hoping being physical would be good enough, at least for now. With enough alcohol, it might not even matter, I am a very happy drunk haha.

 

Seriously, do not do this. And maybe stop visiting sites like LS that are filled with people who are way older than you lamenting being single and/or hooking up a lot just for sexual gratification. You're way too young to be considering this as an "alternative" to finding a relationship.

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Happy Lemming
With enough alcohol, it might not even matter, I am a very happy drunk haha.

 

"Tequila makes her clothes fall off" - Joe Nichols

 

Although this is just a song, I used it as my anthem when having sex with one night stands!! I always kept several bottles in my home. Even today, I still keep Tequila in my house.

 

Go enjoy your life!!

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How do I keep myself safe?

 

Maintain a secure holster for both your feelings and your gun.

 

Myself, that meant accepting a choice to enjoy and live in the moment and without expectations. In other words, if an experience proved wonderful and fulfilling that was the gift and there are no expectations of any future or recurring gifts. The next moment or day could be nothing and that day life is the gift. And so on and so forth. Just because someone says or acts like they love me today is no guarantee of future performance, or love.

 

On the personal safety thing, plow through a lot of ammo and stay competent on tactical. It's an evil world out there. Lots of enemies and folks who don't care whether one lives or dies. Stay safe!

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Happy Lemming

If I may suggest a book that you may like to read:

 

"The Wild Oats Project" by Robin Rinaldi.

 

Its basically about a woman who didn't "sow her wild oats" when she was younger and regretted it.

 

I found it to be an interesting read.

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Aww, you're in your 20s! That's a great time to date. I understand not wanting to get hurt.

 

As far as safety, can you take self defense classes? Some mma facilities offer free classes to women. How about a taser? Checking in with friends?

 

If you need affection, can you get a Fur baby? Mine is my ride or die.

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I've been thinking about it, and I think I am not cut out for dating.

 

It hurts too much and I still care too much. And I am going to avoid it as much as I can by just hooking up with strangers instead. As much as I hate the idea of doing so (never liked hook ups),but I think I need some affection. I am lonely and I want more than what platonic friends/family can provide for me. Even if its just physical.

 

 

How do I keep myself safe? I will mostly be using tinder. I have never done this kind of thing before so I still want to be careful.

 

I only need to read what's in bold above to formulate an opinion, because that's an indication how you're wired, and I don't think you're built for random hookups with strangers. And when I say built I don't mean physically. Give this some serious thought Crunchy. As others have said, you're way too young to give up on your true dreams. I'd hate to see this backfire on you and end up feeling worse.

 

For some reason your story has hit a chord with me and on some level I care about your well being. I think about you now and then; I don't mean romantically, of course. I hope you don't think that's creepy. I remember going through a recent breakup and feeling so lonely I entertained the thought of becoming a sugar daddy! You don't know me at all but that actually made me laugh out loud just typing that. I think you're going through a similar thing, trying to find a way through this.

 

Hang in there and make good decisions.

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I would like to make a friendly suggestion: Could you maybe get a puppy or a kitten or a snake or a rabbit or a chinchilla...I'm just saying...

I am getting a kitten--if I can ever find one in this tiny town--seriously, this place takes animal control to a whole other level! LOL.

Sorry...nobody cares about my stuff...but, I would dare to say that you are in bad need of somebody to care about you--a pet would need you, so to speak, at a daily functional level that might, surprisingly, bring you a lot of joy. I am not even kidding here.

I am honestly shocked that anyone would encourage random sexual encounters for a young woman of your age...if you are looking for attention around here, then that is fine...if you are out of sorts and lonely and desolate (hey, welcome to the club-we have jackets!), that to is fine. Life does not always bring us happiness, and that is fine too...try to meddle through it safely...I know that I can't call the kettle black when my own pots are in major need of an overhaul...but, the point is, try adopting an orphan animal--you will feel better about yourself because you saved a life==I do this routine often in my life with animals--It started when my fiancé passed a bit over 8 years back...it was lonely to go home to nothing when my child was in kindergarten and out of the house for the first time. I rescued a kitten off the street--it was feral--I wouldn't really suggest this--try a shelter or online ad...but, I perked up almost instantly--something about knowing that there was something waiting for me when I would open the door or be there when I returned home...it gave me a sense of safety after being so unbalanced and afraid of being alone in the future. It may not work for everyone, but there are animals trained to help specifically with emotional disorders or just to cheer people up...it is successful for many people who interact with an emotional guide animal...plus, you could, like...youtube videos of funny moments of your pet falling off stuff or running into glass patio doors or something and get some cuddly laughs out of it too.

I hate to preach, but as a parent now, if I had a daughter, Lord help me, that child would never wear anything but long sleeves in this oversexed world! I almost went down this road recently, met a seemingly sweet guy online, went on a date as friends last night...He seemed to know the ropes...I just can't do it...he deserves someone who can handle life on those terms...it isn't me, which made me sad...but I am happy looking for a kitten again. No sense in hurting others or letting others hurt me if it can be avoided. Hope this helps, sorry if I rambled...I just think that you could meet men more traditionally if you try...maybe make yourself into someone completely desirable and loveable so that the next time a man comes around, he won't want to leave your side...get some interests, volunteer, adopt a pet...walking a dog at a park is a great way to get involved with other people around your neighborhood. Be safe, I will be praying for you!

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I I've been thinking about it, and I think I am not cut out for dating. I don't want to be hurt again. I can't do the dating and break up cycle. How can I trust anyone if the result is going to be the same? Why even bother?

 

It hurts too much and I still care too much.

 

You are young, I am old. You are a woman, I am a man. So our experiences are and would be VERY different. Without beating it to death, I have enjoyed dating (again), don't feel hurt, and haven't felt hurt (only disappointed) when my few recent dating relationships didn't lead to anything permanent (yet).

 

All I can say/advise (I'm NOT 'wise' enough to really advise) is that I hope you don't give up. As I bolded above, you care. I've read enough threads on LS to understand that 'young people today' have their own flavor of frustration with dating, a 'new' flavor because of how much the communication media enabled by the Internet has opened up 'the field'. If you 'care', I assume you are looking for a YOUNG man who also will care. I get the strong impression that the traditional place, bars, as well as the 'typical' social media places like Tinder, will provide more young men looking for sex than for love.

 

I wish I could tell you where to go 'elsewhere' with some certainty. Sadly, I can't. I couldn't even do that for my own 20-something sons in my own community. But I can suggest - same stuff many others here would suggest. Libraries, credit-free adult classes, meetup groups. If it's your 'thing' (not mine), a church-based group. Just throwing out some ideas because .... you say you care and I don't think NSA sex is going to help you find someone who will care in return.

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Given your description.... I can't think of a worse idea.

 

Maybe going into prostitution to find someone to be affectionate with you would be worse. But not by much.

 

Hook ups are cheap, selfish things, some guy isn't going to value you, be kind to you, when you are selling yourself so low

 

Horrible, terrible, no good, all bad idea - toss it in the trash.

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normal person
How can I trust anyone if the result is going to be the same? Why even bother?

 

Because you don't know the result is going to be the same, you're just assuming it will be. Every relationship we have ends until we find the person we ultimately end up with. Wading through potential partners in your 20s is a necessary part of the process of figuring out what sorts of traits you desire in other people, and what sorts of things you want to avoid. What doesn't kill you should make you stronger. But here you are having probably learned some good lessons about what to avoid and what look for in the future, and instead of taking that info and moving forward to find a better partner, you're just giving up. I can't say I think it's a good idea.

 

It hurts too much and I still care too much. And I am going to avoid it as much as I can by just hooking up with strangers instead.

 

This could be equally, if not more, painful if the inherently hollow, emotionless nature of it bothers you.

 

I would like to make a friendly suggestion: Could you maybe get a puppy or a kitten or a snake or a rabbit or a chinchilla...I'm just saying...

 

Name checks out.

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Crunchy, why are you giving up in your 20s? Many of us are older and have been through the wringer. I'm sure you're attractive, too.

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I was wondering what is the best way to live a single life style safely.

 

I've been thinking about it, and I think I am not cut out for dating. I don't want to be hurt again. I can't do the dating and break up cycle. How can I trust anyone if the result is going to be the same? Why even bother?

 

It hurts too much and I still care too much. And I am going to avoid it as much as I can by just hooking up with strangers instead. As much as I hate the idea of doing so (never liked hook ups),but I think I need some affection. I am lonely and I want more than what platonic friends/family can provide for me. Even if its just physical.

 

I am female, in my 20s and small 5"1 and under 100 pounds, so I am nervous this could be dangerous, especially with alcohol. Its not like in college were I had friends around to keep an eye out.

 

How do I keep myself safe? I will mostly be using tinder. I have never done this kind of thing before so I still want to be careful.

 

If you aren't strong enough to emotionally handle being hurt in dating, then you DEFINITELY are NOT cut out for hookups. Especially in light of what you said about viewing sex as special (post #8).

 

This whole idea just seems about the worst approach you could possibly take, quite a risk to your emotional well-being.

 

OP, I recall you posting threads such as these several times on here before, and you have already been told many times that your problems are likely beyond the scope of the forum, and that if you are truly this unhappy, a medical professional could actually help you feel better than this. Yet you keep ignoring this advice, and a few weeks later you are back to posting a thread very much like your last one. Is there a reason why?

 

[]

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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It sounds to me that you really don't like the idea of just hooking up. I know you're afraid of getting hurt by being in another relationship, but consider the fact that as humans, we're relational. We need emotional connection. As much as you can try the "no strings attached" lifestyle and say it doesn't affect you, it usually ends up hurting worse than you think. It's physical touch without any affection. I think what you're craving is intimacy (vulnerability and openness with trust), not sex. Whatever you choose, just realize that emotion always comes into play somehow. Be safe and keep hope.

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Happy Lemming

There was one woman that would "booty call" me from time to time (every couple of months or so), because she wanted "no strings attached" sex. She told me that she liked the way I touched her, held her and made her feel wanted. We both enjoyed the sex, but it seemed to brighten her day to see my eyes light up when I got to her place and saw her beautiful body.

 

If she had a bad day or someone upset her, she knew she could call me and I'd make love to her and make her feel better.

 

She didn't want a relationship with me, but enjoyed the fact that I would race over to be with her, when she did call.

 

We were two consenting adults that liked having sex with one another from time to time with "no strings attached". Neither of us were harmed in the process and we both enjoyed the experience.

 

I've since lost track of her, but have fond memories of her, and I think she has fond memories of me.

 

Just my two cents, based on my own experiences.

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There was one woman that would "booty call" me from time to time (every couple of months or so), because she wanted "no strings attached" sex. She told me that she liked the way I touched her, held her and made her feel wanted. We both enjoyed the sex, but it seemed to brighten her day to see my eyes light up when I got to her place and saw her beautiful body.

 

If she had a bad day or someone upset her, she knew she could call me and I'd make love to her and make her feel better.

 

This is beautiful. I have never considered FWB until I read this post <3

 

Crunchy, I really agree with everyone suggesting that casual hook ups or one night stands are not the way to go. But if you have a FWB situation, make sure you find a true blue friend.

Edited by starflower
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Happy Lemming
This is beautiful. I have never considered FWB until I read this post <3

 

Crunchy, I really agree with everyone suggesting that casual hook ups or one night stands are not the way to go. But if you have a FWB situation, make sure you find a true blue friend.

 

Thank you... Yes, she owned her own business, and worked very hard. I don't know if that was a factor as to why she didn't want a relationship with me.

 

I do appreciate having known her and getting to be part of her world.

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