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In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 3rd February 2018, 2:58 AM   #1
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Lonely

It's been a couple of months since I moved to California.

A little information that I have to reveal for this to make sense - I'm an immigrant. I met my husband while we were both overseas and we decided to move to America to be closer to his family.

I'm waiting for my work papers to be approved so I can start working, but until then... I'm stuck at home. And California is so... hard to get around. I miss the transport system of Japan and Korea.

And because of this - I don't get to go out much. I don't get to make friends and I miss my old friends. It's sad because my old friends... well they're back in Japan, and Korea and I feel sad because it seems like they're moving on without me.

I love my husband and I know I made the right choice.

I'm just sad and lonely and bored and I want to work again. I've never been not working and it's driving me crazy.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 3:05 AM   #2
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Do you have a car? That would probably make a huge difference to you.

Sorry you're having a hard time right now. It sounds to me like this is a temporary thing. Once you get out and meet a couple of people, things will snowball.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 3:05 AM   #3
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Are there any places to volunteer that might be within walking or biking distance?? Pet shelters?? Assisting people with GED Preparation?? Other forms of tutoring??

At one point in my life, I volunteered helping people prepare for their GED exam.

You might also make friends with other people who are volunteering??

I'm assuming you can volunteer without "work papers", but I'm not sure.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 3:07 AM   #4
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Hey callmegm,

I can totally understand why you feel this way. Have you considered going to college to upgrade your skills? I think youíd be allowed to do that. You donít even have to enroll into an academic program. With just a couple of courses, you can keep yourself occupied, meet new people and when you can start work, youíll have something more to offer.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 3:12 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by grays View Post
Do you have a car? That would probably make a huge difference to you.

Sorry you're having a hard time right now. It sounds to me like this is a temporary thing. Once you get out and meet a couple of people, things will snowball.
The country where I grew up in and the countries I've lived in - I never needed to learn how to drive a car. So I never learned. Especially when I moved to Korea. You can get anywhere using the subway. So I'm a thirty year old woman that does not know how to drive.

I want to learn but my husband needs the car for his job and I need someone to teach me. I think I should learn how to drive though. I'm thinking of doing that when I start working so I don't feel so guilty spending money when it's only my husband that's working.

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Originally Posted by Happy Lemming View Post
Are there any places to volunteer that might be within walking or biking distance?? Pet shelters?? Assisting people with GED Preparation?? Other forms of tutoring??

At one point in my life, I volunteered helping people prepare for their GED exam.

You might also make friends with other people who are volunteering??

I'm assuming you can volunteer without "work papers", but I'm not sure.
The nearest place I can volunteer at is the library cause it's walking distance from my house. I've sent in the application already. I'm waiting to hear back. Hopefully they'll let me.


The whole money thing is another reason why I don't go out. I've always worked since I graduated from highschool. I put myself through college through scholarships and working part-time. And I spent my money however I wanted.

Now that my husband is the only one working - because of the law of the land - I feel guilty spending money. Even though he says it's our money - I just... feel like I need to contribute to our bank account before spending it.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 3:16 AM   #6
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Hey callmegm,

I can totally understand why you feel this way. Have you considered going to college to upgrade your skills? I think youíd be allowed to do that. You donít even have to enroll into an academic program. With just a couple of courses, you can keep yourself occupied, meet new people and when you can start work, youíll have something more to offer.
I am trying to do a prep-course for computer programming. So there is that and when I finish that I can apply for an actual course with actual people and classmates and teachers, yay!

That's another thing I have to work out because... I finished my Masters as a Teacher but... California doesn't recognize my degree. So now, it's bumming me out to start from scratch.

I know this is all just temporary and I will make it past this.

It's just tonight I saw a picture on Facebook of my friends in Korea going out for a drink. And I'm at home... with my cat.

And my husband is at work cause he works from lunch to like... 1 AM.

It's so lonely.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 4:14 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by callmegm View Post
I am trying to do a prep-course for computer programming. So there is that and when I finish that I can apply for an actual course with actual people and classmates and teachers, yay!

That's another thing I have to work out because... I finished my Masters as a Teacher but... California doesn't recognize my degree. So now, it's bumming me out to start from scratch.
Is the prep course online? Could you do a similar course at a community college? Another masters degree in teaching would be a good option as well and would serve two purposes; 1) keep you occupied and 2) give you the required credentials to work.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 4:37 AM   #8
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Is the prep course online? Could you do a similar course at a community college? Another masters degree in teaching would be a good option as well and would serve two purposes; 1) keep you occupied and 2) give you the required credentials to work.
For now it's online, but when I finish this, I'm gonna take classes somewhere downtown for it. It's actually something I'm looking forward to doing - with a little bit of anxiety. I'm scared I won't make any friends.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 6:28 AM   #9
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For now it's online, but when I finish this, I'm gonna take classes somewhere downtown for it. It's actually something I'm looking forward to doing - with a little bit of anxiety. I'm scared I won't make any friends.
Haha I understand. Iíll be going to graduate school this fall and even Iím a bit nervous. Donít worry about making friends. Just smile and be pleasant and youíll make lots of friends.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 9:46 AM   #10
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After your husband leaves for work, start taking walks around the neighborhood. Make yourself a fixture . . . somebody other people expect to see each day. Perhaps you can make friends that way.

If you haven't already done so, consider throwing yourselves a house warming party & inviting the neighbors. Perhaps you can find a friend or two that way.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 3:35 PM   #11
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Well, stay on top of getting your workpapers. Also, with the transport, it's what you get used to. I think it's a lot easier to drive than try to get anywhere on the rail or bus. Takes a lot less time. You should be completing your driving course (the written part) online while you have nothing better to do and then start learning to drive once it's practical. You'll change your mind about it once you see how much time it saves.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 4:19 PM   #12
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Great joke LOL
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Old 4th February 2018, 5:55 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by callmegm View Post
It's been a couple of months since I moved to California.

A little information that I have to reveal for this to make sense - I'm an immigrant. I met my husband while we were both overseas and we decided to move to America to be closer to his family.

I'm waiting for my work papers to be approved so I can start working, but until then... I'm stuck at home. And California is so... hard to get around. I miss the transport system of Japan and Korea.

And because of this - I don't get to go out much. I don't get to make friends and I miss my old friends. It's sad because my old friends... well they're back in Japan, and Korea and I feel sad because it seems like they're moving on without me.

I love my husband and I know I made the right choice.

I'm just sad and lonely and bored and I want to work again. I've never been not working and it's driving me crazy.
Do you have a timeframe on how much longer you will have to wait before you get the papers approved to work? I think once that happens getting a job even if it's just part time will do a great deal of good. Usually most jobs will have you interacting with people and keep you busy.
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