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Does persistence mean real love?


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 17th January 2018, 4:03 PM   #16
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Great! Now you can focus on better things, not manipulators. Just another lesson learned
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Old 17th January 2018, 4:34 PM   #17
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You told him you don't think it was a match, and instead of moving on he says it is "the worst day of" his life--after a girl he went on **one date with** kindly says no thanks, and you think it is love??

This guy's behaviour is somewhere between desperado and psycho.

You blocked many many guys you should not have blocked, but the one guy that you indeed *should have* blocked, you so far decided not to. Do you realize how backwards your this all is?
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Old 17th January 2018, 4:40 PM   #18
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Persistence is 2 maybe 3 follow ups / requests for one more chance.


30? That's borderline psychotic. Also if him pestering you is what turned you off, how on earth can more pestering cause you to feel guilty & have you wondering if you made the right decision? You need to know your own mind. That very important component seems to be the common denominator of what's missing every time you have one of these misadventures.
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Old 17th January 2018, 5:13 PM   #19
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I can hold my hands up and say I was incredibly persistent when it came to my wife. Incredibly persistent!

But I was never was never clingy or controlling!

That's the difference!

I was persistent when i waited a very long time for a girl who was my best friend but just wasn't ready - that was love

Bombarding a girl after a few dates professing your love or heartbreak or whatever - that, in my book, is desperate at best, and creepy at worst!
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Old 17th January 2018, 5:47 PM   #20
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I LOVE persistence from men.
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Old 17th January 2018, 6:10 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
He is telling him how he messed up by overtexting me, he tends to do that when he's excited about a person and nothing makes him go crazy like being ignored. His friend said that's a classic mistake.

I say this because I am aware this guy can get laid quite easily. I see he's got a lot of girls following/liking. The way he is acting is such a juxtaposition to his attitude when we we first started hanging. So why is he acting so desperate if there really wasn't a connection?
He answered your question for you. "nothing makes him go crazy like being ignored." Good looking guy, has no trouble getting women, but that one pretty girl (you) wasn't interested. My guess is that's all it is. His pride won't accept the denial.

It has been my experience that this sort of thing works on the ladies too. I have punched above my pay grade with some very attractive women just by playing it cool and appearing uninterested. Drives some people nuts.
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Old 17th January 2018, 6:35 PM   #22
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He answered your question for you. "nothing makes him go crazy like being ignored." Good looking guy, has no trouble getting women, but that one pretty girl (you) wasn't interested. My guess is that's all it is. His pride won't accept the denial.

It has been my experience that this sort of thing works on the ladies too. I have punched above my pay grade with some very attractive women just by playing it cool and appearing uninterested. Drives some people nuts.
And it goes beyond that it makes them nuts. For people who are widely sought after, they get a lot of desperate clingers that make their lives miserable, so if they find one that doesn't push and has their own life and interests, it's a relief to them and they are more likely to get involved, but they'll be cautious. And more true with men than women, hunting is innate in some men, in their genes, and the ones who never have to hunt get tired of having women throw themselves at them and welcome one who they can chase a little.
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Old 17th January 2018, 8:09 PM   #23
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Cookies, I've seen a lot of your posts. I don't think this self-doubt is the real, inner you. This guy (and his whine about losing his workers)? I'll quote the esteemed Gregory House: 'Everyone lies'. You may have preemptively blocked guys in the past and missed opportunities. Determine to do better going forward. Take advice from the LS ladies (not the misandrists, not me either - wrong gender and wrong age. I'm having enough trouble navigating dating on 'senior' terrain ).
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Old 17th January 2018, 8:30 PM   #24
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Iv'e seen studies where it says that men tend to fall in love faster and are much more likely to have that love at first sight feeling. It's really common for men to see a girl they find attractive and automatically be won over.

This is probably why he reacted the way he did despite him being physically attractive and having plenty of other options. He saw you and immediately became infatuated with you, and then combined with you two matching, going on a date, and you deciding to go home with him and make out with him, that probably got him excited and thinking "oh my god, she's the one, this is the start of a relationship!"

But then he got rejected, got ghosted and ignored. So now in his mind, he's hurt because "the one" walked away. He's thinking "noooo she can't reject me, she's the one for me, we were meant to be together" He feels like he wasn't given a chance to prove how great of a guy he is.

So like many guys before him, he begs the girl for a second chance. Because now he's thinking "well if she just gives me a chance, i'll show her how great of a guy I am"

Last edited by GuitarGuy7; 17th January 2018 at 8:37 PM..
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Old 17th January 2018, 9:42 PM   #25
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And it goes beyond that it makes them nuts. For people who are widely sought after, they get a lot of desperate clingers that make their lives miserable, so if they find one that doesn't push and has their own life and interests, it's a relief to them and they are more likely to get involved, but they'll be cautious. And more true with men than women, hunting is innate in some men, in their genes, and the ones who never have to hunt get tired of having women throw themselves at them and welcome one who they can chase a little.
I vastly prefer women who don't make me chase them. Then again, I am not so sought after
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Old 17th January 2018, 10:23 PM   #26
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i class persistence as being aggressive like wasps dont give up when they want to sting you.......endurance perseverance is different i feel ...its when you respect a person enough to wait calmly patiently for that person withotu making them feel guilt or obligated............if you feel its right to because its feel like the thing you should do si wait because you actually cant see yourself dating someone else..................not to bombard them...hang outside their house, turn up everyday with ulterior motives covered in flimsy excuses..... wait for them on the doorstep of their work ....follow them home in a car calling out crap after work...like please give me a chance....prank calling your phone in the middle of the night..2 in the morning and all bloody day.......or sending 30 messages to your phone in one day....deb
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Old 17th January 2018, 10:35 PM   #27
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No_go, what a nightmare. so it turned it out really to be his ex?

Thank you. I just want to make one last thing clear. When I said his job is "ok not great" I meant that he has a good job, but he is not raking in the money(I won't be making a ton either)I'm not disrespecting his work. That only matters if he is trying to manipulate me into giving him money. I've been panicked so words are not coming out right.

I've never really dated really conventionally attractive guys besides my ex because I have this feeling they are high maintenance and full of themselves. He totally is, but we had a lot in common and he was witty so I thought I'd give it a shot. I made a huge mistake.

You guys helped me a lot. I will go back into my hole now.

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 17th January 2018 at 10:50 PM..
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Old 17th January 2018, 10:52 PM   #28
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I vastly prefer women who don't make me chase them. Then again, I am not so sought after
Right. It really only applies to people who attract too many people which doesn't happen to most of us! But there definitely are guys just average guys who still like to do the chasing. And that's fine because most women don't like doing it except in a covert way.
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Old 17th January 2018, 11:18 PM   #29
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You guys helped me a lot. I will go back into my hole now.
This doesn't sound like anyone helped you at all. In fact, I'd argue the opposite.

Ya know what, sometimes in life, you just have to go for it. Live and learn. I have had some seriously crazy relationships over the years, and if someone had advised me not to get involved with those ladies back then, I might have missed out on a lot in life. I can't speak for everyone here, but I am content with my choices in life, even the bad ones.

Basically, what I am trying to say here is, all of us, myself included, are full of crap. I am not just talking about the advice in this one thread, but in all of them. If you see some guy you want to date, do it. If it falls apart, so be it. At least you got out of your little hole and lived a little.
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Old 17th January 2018, 11:19 PM   #30
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Originally Posted by preraph View Post
Right. It really only applies to people who attract too many people which doesn't happen to most of us! But there definitely are guys just average guys who still like to do the chasing. And that's fine because most women don't like doing it except in a covert way.
I used to, but I found that I suck at it. The fishing method works so much better for me, which is why I advise most men to try it.
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