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what do you do when you realize you'll be single forever??


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Old 13th January 2018, 3:33 AM   #1
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Unhappy what do you do when you realize you'll be single forever??

It was always my dream to have a big beautiful family. But now, I'm hitting late thirties & haven't been in a serious relationship in years. So... now what? I feel like my life serves no purpose now, and I'm letting people down (my mom asks about grandkids every day almost)
I've pretty much accepted the fact that kids are pretty much out for me.. those of you who are single .. what makes you ok with it? What do you do when couple situations arise? Like wedding invites with plus one?? I just need to know what to do now..
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Old 13th January 2018, 3:42 AM   #2
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Have you tried any professional matchmaking services?
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Old 13th January 2018, 6:39 AM   #3
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Hi there. Have you tried reading the book, "The Secret"? It's a really good book regarding matters like this. You should try it.
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Old 13th January 2018, 6:43 AM   #4
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Don't be so pessimistic. Just because you're in your late thirties doesn't mean you have to stay single forever.

If you're sad about not having kids try adopting. Or marry someone who already has kids. Or find something else that works for you =)
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Old 13th January 2018, 6:54 AM   #5
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I decided a long time ago if I hit 40 and was single I'd begin the adoption process (can take 2 years here for a single mum) and would try artificial insemination. This has helped when I'm single as a man can appear at any time but kids I know I want and there is only so long I'll wait. It's also helped in relationships as I know I'll get my kids so the desperation for kids hasn't been a factor in my relationships.

I'd rather be a happy single mum and be open to meeting someone great in the future than marry someone I knew wasn't a good fit just because I wanted kids and time was running out. I have arranged my finances on the basis that I will be raising kids solo.

For the plus one thing, I just go solo. It sucks some times when I'm getting ready but usually when I'm there it's all good.

I'm now dating a single dad I'm pretty crazy about (early (early days) but who knows if that will work out. If not, I've got my life sorted.

Do you want kids or is it just the pressure from everyone else that's the problem?
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Old 13th January 2018, 8:10 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Remystacks View Post
(my mom asks about grandkids every day almost)
I've pretty much accepted the fact that kids are pretty much out for me.. those of you who are single .. what makes you ok with it? What do you do when couple situations arise? Like wedding invites with plus one?? I just need to know what to do now..
Yikes. See, I think this why I’m glad my mom was always the one to tell me don’t get married and have kids unless you really want to. This kind of stuff coming from a parent is so damaging because we never want to let them down.

Plenty of forever single people live fulfilling lives. There’s so much in this world outside of romantic relationships.

It’s really all in your mindset. I’m not saying there is no societal pressure to couple up, but I can tell you firsthand that a person really happy being single can see right past that and attending a wedding alone has never bothered them one bit

But if you are one of those people that needs a relationship, work on it. You are in your late 30s and you’re acting like you might as well just acquiesce and start collecting cats!!! You are young and this could be the prime of your life. You could meet the right man tomorrow
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Old 13th January 2018, 8:28 AM   #7
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I decided a long time ago if I hit 40 and was single I'd begin the adoption process (can take 2 years here for a single mum) and would try artificial insemination.
I have 3 single friends who've done artificial insemination/IVF (successfully) after 40, and at least one I can think of who adopted. All very, very happy single moms with great kids . The key is to be financially ready, so you're on the right track.
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Old 13th January 2018, 9:10 AM   #8
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I understand what you're saying. I'm in my 30's and still single. My dream was to always get married and start a family. More time that passes and I am still single, I get a little depressed because I feel like my main goal in life won't happen. I get what people are saying about adopting/having kids on their own, but it's not what we envisioned.
Sometimes I am hopeful prince charming will come but it seems like single men these days don't want to commit. It sucks. I don't even go to many weddings anymore (unless its family) because I never have a plus one and it's awkward.
I hope things change for us.....
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Old 13th January 2018, 11:42 AM   #9
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OP, we're socialized into family being the ultimate success. That's natural since we're not grown in test tubes and raised by machines, rather are socialized in human families.

While we may be bombarded with family propaganda daily, there are plenty of us who live productive, fulfilling and often planet-changing lives without that.

Two which came to mind, one a man probably better known publicly lately than in his past life, is our current SecDef, James Mattis. If you watch some of his older videos, you might even catch his elderly mother in the audience. AFAIK, he never married, choosing to devote his life to the military and our nation's defense.

Another is likely a woman you've never heard of, making her real breakthroughs during and after her marriage of 15 years dissolved during WW2 and remaining unmarried and childless since, focusing completely on what we came to know as computers. Her name is Grace Hopper. Watch her late in life as she describes how what we came to know as a 'computer bug' came into being. She was also a rear admiral in the Navy.

https://youtu.be/qundvme1Tik?t=34m30s

There are millions of not so famous people going through life, making their contributions to the world, being loving and productive citizens of the planet, walking their own path. Sure, their genes won't be replicated or improved upon and perhaps that is a potential loss to us all but no matter; we need people who produce families just like we need people who devote their lives to other pursuits as well as those who mix the two. It's all part of living.

I've been single by choice since getting divorced nearly a decade ago. Haven't dated at all. Passed up numerous opportunities. Why? Been there done that. Now it's my time. Never run out of people to love. Billions of them around. Other paths. You'll find yours.
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Old 13th January 2018, 11:45 AM   #10
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Have you tried a different country? You might be a normal person in your country but if you go to another country, you'll be regarded as a rarity and often times that will lead you to meeting your future spouse. I know people who did that and they are still happily married. Just a suggestion.
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Old 13th January 2018, 12:20 PM   #11
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Itís funny how much parents influence us, mine will always tell me Ďbe successfulí and I would ask what Iíd im not - answer: Ďthen youíd be marriedí LOL. 30 years later and I can never gain the courage to introduce a guy to them because the association in my head is always is relationship = unsuccessful I had very bitter bfs as a result, they could not grasp why Iím hiding them


Quote:
Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
Yikes. See, I think this why Iím glad my mom was always the one to tell me donít get married and have kids unless you really want to. This kind of stuff coming from a parent is so damaging because we never want to let them down.

Plenty of forever single people live fulfilling lives. Thereís so much in this world outside of romantic relationships.

Itís really all in your mindset. Iím not saying there is no societal pressure to couple up, but I can tell you firsthand that a person really happy being single can see right past that and attending a wedding alone has never bothered them one bit

But if you are one of those people that needs a relationship, work on it. You are in your late 30s and youíre acting like you might as well just acquiesce and start collecting cats!!! You are young and this could be the prime of your life. You could meet the right man tomorrow
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Old 13th January 2018, 12:50 PM   #12
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You should try meeting and dating women from the phillippines. Iv'e heard a lot of good reviews from people trying to date in the phillipines and filipino women in general. Not to mention a lot of filipino women are family-oriented.

You should consider it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzfSq_kzV8A
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Old 13th January 2018, 12:55 PM   #13
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Members, reading the topic title and the questions posed by the thread starter here:

Quote:
I've pretty much accepted the fact that kids are pretty much out for me.. those of you who are single .. what makes you ok with it? What do you do when couple situations arise? Like wedding invites with plus one??
Let's focus on this content and save the dating suggestions for members and threads where and when such suggestions are sought. This thread isn't one of those. Help the member become 'OK' with their current milieu in a 'single forever' state of mind. If the thread starter wants dating suggestions, feel free to start such a thread in our ISO (In Search Of) forum.

Thanks!
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Old 13th January 2018, 1:11 PM   #14
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What you could do, is put the time and energy into yourself and your own life. Make your space enjoyable for yourself and start to do things for you. You become okay on your own and you look at the bright side of being single. You save more money. You can travel and although this stems off topic, I find it still relevant, that people still have children plus 40 but for the time being, I would put that focus into yourself.
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Old 13th January 2018, 2:00 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ktmiller222 View Post
I understand what you're saying. I'm in my 30's and still single. My dream was to always get married and start a family. More time that passes and I am still single, I get a little depressed because I feel like my main goal in life won't happen. I get what people are saying about adopting/having kids on their own, but it's not what we envisioned.
Sometimes I am hopeful prince charming will come but it seems like single men these days don't want to commit. It sucks. I don't even go to many weddings anymore (unless its family) because I never have a plus one and it's awkward.
I hope things change for us.....
There is no such thing as prince charming.

Why don't you just think of men that are interested in you and pick one you find least repulsive? That's what most people do anyway but they like to pretend otherwise
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