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Ladies who do OLD, how do you select?


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 10th January 2018, 4:06 AM   #16
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I’m pretty simple. I’m either interested in meeting someone, or I am not.If I find him attractive and conversation seems to flow or he has interests that I share or am intrigued by.. that is a good sign. There is usually a standout or maybe 2 or 3. I will meet the one I am most intrigued by. If it doesn’t work out, might meet another.

I don’t know what is so difficult about it but maybe because I’m ugly I am not bombarded with options.
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Old 10th January 2018, 11:30 PM   #17
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Before you start passing on guys who may not be the most attractive in their online photos, realize this.

Understand that some people are not photogenic at all in their photos. Some people either can't find any good pictures of themselves or just suck at taking good photos but that doesn't mean they're ugly or unattractive. Some people look better in real life.

Other people are more attractive in real life because their demeanor or personality or even charisma is able to shine through and this make them more attractive. Some people have this natural aura about them that draws people to them and wants to be around them and that's sometimes hard to tell through photos.

One of my buddies who's just your average looking guy knows how to make people feel special and appreciated and this draws people to him, but I don't think he would be very succesful on Tinder because you have to be stereotypically attractive. Another buddy of mine is smart, funny, very social, and at 20 year old runs his own succesful business but he's 5 ft 3 and asian so I doubt he would be very succesful with online dating either. Short men get passed over all the time on online dating.

Also, have you ever met a guy where you would have never noticed him but you got to know him and he actually turns out to be a great guy?



Like I say in my previous post, you should talk to guys who you think you have something in common with, even if he's not the hottest guy. Because you never know, you might meet up with them in real life and really like them.
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Old 12th January 2018, 6:06 PM   #18
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Understand that some people are not photogenic at all in their photos. Some people either can't find any good pictures of themselves or just suck at taking good photos but that doesn't mean they're ugly or unattractive. Some people look better in real life.

Other people are more attractive in real life because their demeanor or personality or even charisma is able to shine through and this make them more attractive. Some people have this natural aura about them that draws people to them and wants to be around them and that's sometimes hard to tell through photos.

One of my buddies who's just your average looking guy knows how to make people feel special and appreciated and this draws people to him, but I don't think he would be very succesful on Tinder because you have to be stereotypically attractive. Another buddy of mine is smart, funny, very social, and at 20 year old runs his own succesful business but he's 5 ft 3 and asian so I doubt he would be very succesful with online dating either. Short men get passed over all the time on online dating.

Also, have you ever met a guy where you would have never noticed him but you got to know him and he actually turns out to be a great guy?



Like I say in my previous post, you should talk to guys who you think you have something in common with, even if he's not the hottest guy. Because you never know, you might meet up with them in real life and really like them.
What you're not considering is the time and effort investment it would take to meet people you aren't attracted to just on the chance that they might be otherwise desirable. To date someone, you usually have to be physically attracted to them first. That's the biggest thing that delineates between having a partner and having a friend. If people pick for themselves, they'll at least know going into the person has some promise. If people just take flyers on all these people they aren't drawn to, make plans, go out, pay for dinner/drinks, etc -- only to find out that the other person isn't that appealing, then it's wasted time, effort, and unnecessary frustration. It's high risk, low reward. That's why it's not really the best idea.

The market conditions dictate the landscape. If someone is really that great/funny/kind/selfless/amazing, then they'll let it shine, find their niche, and earn someone's appreciation organically, be it in person or online. But expecting other people to subvert their desires for pure speculation is a fool's game, in my opinion.
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Old 28th January 2018, 12:50 PM   #19
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I favor the ones who seem to have compatibility for something lasting, who keep the conversation going with a good flow, who seem serious and interested in something with depth. This might be 1 man out of 10 or 20, so it's not that hard to spot them.
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Old 28th January 2018, 1:11 PM   #20
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Ruby, the problem I've encountered with that approach is the conversation will start off great, then I realize that it's not so much. He's using rehearsed lines on me, usually. It becomes apparent it's not natural wit after a few back and forth messages so I have to go back and talk to a new guy, then another, then another. You must be getting lucky.
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Old 28th January 2018, 1:48 PM   #21
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^ I stopped doing OLD a few months ago, so I'm not getting lucky

But when I was, I didn't meet people right away. We'd message a bit, then text/talk on the phone, then meet usually that upcoming weekend or the next.

I found that letting at least a few days go by is usually enough to reveal whether he's serious or not. I've found that when they're serious, they establish a consistent, stable pattern of communication. Some guys will come on strong but then fade out - these guys are obviously not worth any effort.
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Old 28th January 2018, 2:06 PM   #22
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Back in my OLD days I developed some sense for determining whether we might be a match because in OLD profiles people have actively chosen how to present themselves and there is a lot of underlying information in it.

- I didn’t have very specific criteria for the looks like certain hair color etc. Reasonably fit, dressed in decent current clothing that suits him was the baseline. On top of that, there is always some attraction that cannot be explained.

- Does he look like a good person? It sounds very vague but there is some warmth or kindness in people’s eyes or overall appearance that you can sense.

- Does he look like an intelligent and interesting person? Again, very vague but somehow you can tell from how people present themselves. You can tell a blank stare from a thoughtful expression or a genuine smile when you see it. I preferred pictures from their actual life to posed photos. My boyfriend had some photos from a running competition, some from a conference in semi formal attire, some from a hiking trip and in hindsight I can tell that they captured his lifestyle and personality really well.

- Does he look superficial? Only shirtless bathroom selfies and pictures prominently displaying a car or other material things indicate that we are probably not a match. There is nothing wrong with a picture with a car if it’s somehow organic or relevant to the situation, for example camping or something.

- Some lighthearted humor in the profile always helps, if not overdone so that it feels rehearsed or contrived. The guy doesn’t need to be a comedian but it’s good to take the edge off with some humor.

- Moving on to actually writing/speaking to each other - does the conversation flow? Does he feel like my kind of person? Do we develop some common jokes and banter or are there just rehearsed “interview questions”? Contrary to often given advice I preferred to write for a while to see whether there is some common ground at all for meeting up. I don’t mind occasional typos and I’m aware that not all people express themselves best in writing but words and language are important to me so the guy should be able to form a sentence past “hi” and “how r u” (or the equivalent in my native language).

- Are there any immediate red flags like focusing on the negative on their profile, for example rambling about *all* women being this or that, having some fussy lists that they don’t want etc.

Now that I read my reply, it somehow turned into a manual for writing an OLD profile
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Old 28th January 2018, 2:26 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by GuitarGuy7 View Post
Before you start passing on guys who may not be the most attractive in their online photos, realize this.

Understand that some people are not photogenic at all in their photos. Some people either can't find any good pictures of themselves or just suck at taking good photos but that doesn't mean they're ugly or unattractive. Some people look better in real life.

Other people are more attractive in real life because their demeanor or personality or even charisma is able to shine through and this make them more attractive. Some people have this natural aura about them that draws people to them and wants to be around them and that's sometimes hard to tell through photos.

One of my buddies who's just your average looking guy knows how to make people feel special and appreciated and this draws people to him, but I don't think he would be very succesful on Tinder because you have to be stereotypically attractive. Another buddy of mine is smart, funny, very social, and at 20 year old runs his own succesful business but he's 5 ft 3 and asian so I doubt he would be very succesful with online dating either. Short men get passed over all the time on online dating.

Also, have you ever met a guy where you would have never noticed him but you got to know him and he actually turns out to be a great guy?



Like I say in my previous post, you should talk to guys who you think you have something in common with, even if he's not the hottest guy. Because you never know, you might meet up with them in real life and really like them.
I've yet to meet a woman who looked better than her pics, but I have met many who looked worse.

Even my sister looks 100 lbs lighter when she post pics on FB. It's an amazing talent that many women have learned (along with filter usage). Guys aren't as good (or at least I'm not). I've seen profile pics of STUNNING women only to see they are grossly obese in a latter pic. Like a differnt person.
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Old 28th January 2018, 2:34 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by Ruby Slippers View Post
I favor the ones who seem to have compatibility for something lasting, who keep the conversation going with a good flow, who seem serious and interested in something with depth. This might be 1 man out of 10 or 20, so it's not that hard to spot them.
One thing to add to this, many guys have done the back and forth thing many times only to have the conversation die by her not responding. It makes you put in less effort because you feel it's gonna fail anyway.

I remember when I first started I put in a lot of effort (eharmony) and went back and forth with long messages only to have them flake.

Now I'm so jaded I put in minimal effort and ask them out within 2-3 messages. If a woman is interested she will meet. If she's not she won't. I switched to bumble and stopped reading profiles.

I've saved myself days of back and forth with this approach.
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Old 28th January 2018, 2:38 PM   #25
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Yea I see very ...altered...pics when I check out the girls on the sites. (This happens on the male side too, but thankfully not too often) It's really strange. Some are so filtered they look like aliens or something. It's not only unnatural it's not flattering photo editing imo. I'm talking HUGE googly eyes disproportionate to very very small face (is this a filter that makes this or something?) and puckered lips a sooooo blurry!!. I have to think the girl is actually prettier than that. No matter what she looks like she has to look better than a blurry ant genetically spliced with a bratz doll.

I don't understand why a person would inaccurately depict themselves because you won't get much further than a first date if it's bad enough and even if you do, that's really embarrassing and disappointing I would think. I like to pleasantly surprise my dates not disappoint or shock them. Theres no fun in that
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Old 28th January 2018, 3:22 PM   #26
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Oh not all the girls have pics like that I wanna be clear. Some are very normal and beautiful. Just some of them have an odd filter (and some guys use the same one which is scarier)
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snip
That sounds absolutely exhausting.

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 28th January 2018 at 3:47 PM..
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Old 28th January 2018, 4:03 PM   #27
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That sounds absolutely exhausting.
Written down like this, yes, but actually this thought process doesnít really take so much time, especially considering that there where not *that* many guys that I liked and who seemed promising.
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Old 28th January 2018, 5:05 PM   #28
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Written down like this, yes, but actually this thought process doesnít really take so much time, especially considering that there where not *that* many guys that I liked and who seemed promising.
I understand. It's actually one of the best pieces of OLD advice I've received. Thank you. It just seems so tiring to go through people when you're barely feeling it or know what you what. I am going to try this, though. Thanks again
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Old 28th January 2018, 5:54 PM   #29
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Yea I see very ...altered...pics when I check out the girls on the sites. (This happens on the male side too, but thankfully not too often) It's really strange. Some are so filtered they look like aliens or something. It's not only unnatural it's not flattering photo editing imo. I'm talking HUGE googly eyes disproportionate to very very small face (is this a filter that makes this or something?) and puckered lips a sooooo blurry!!. I have to think the girl is actually prettier than that. No matter what she looks like she has to look better than a blurry ant genetically spliced with a bratz doll.

I don't understand why a person would inaccurately depict themselves because you won't get much further than a first date if it's bad enough and even if you do, that's really embarrassing and disappointing I would think. I like to pleasantly surprise my dates not disappoint or shock them. Theres no fun in that
I think it's because they feel they will win you over with their personality.

The first ever OLD date I was on had a single (red flag) pic from a high MySpace angle (another red flag).

When she showed up she had to be 70 lbs heavier and several years older than I was lead to beleive.

I've seen tons of women hiding behind kids/dogs/trees/flowing dresses and now I bypass them.

I think nothing is wrong with a flattering picture, but intentionally trying to deceive people is wrong.

I've seen the idiot filters (less of a problem as you get older but screams to me they are not serious about finding someone) but the ones I'm talking about are filtering to show smoother skin, less age, thinness, etc.

It's always a disappointment when you see them in person. It's no better than a bald guy air brushing on a Ralph Machio ala Karate Kid head of hair to his pics. Or saying he is 6'2" and shows up at 5'6" (which I heard happens a lot).

Perhaps people are putting up what they want to look like? I'm wise to the tricks now so it's less of s problem.
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Old 28th January 2018, 7:07 PM   #30
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Good written English, intelligence, a nice tone, good manners, able to talk about almost anything and some physical attraction.
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