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Depressed about being 22 and men not interested in me?


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 9th December 2017, 2:39 AM   #1
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Depressed about being 22 and men not interested in me?

I am always so depressed and sad and I feel like I won't ever find someone or experience love. Sometimes, I feel extremely happy to be single and other times I end up crying for a long time. Sometimes people ask me whats wrong because I don't look happy (but it is not that I look unhappy all the time) but I brush off the question.

I would say I am an emotional person and sometimes I just crave love or affection from someone in a romantic way. I see other women who talk about having a boyfriend or relationship stuff and I immediately start feeling jealous and sad about why no guy seems to want me in any way and why I can't find a guy.

For the most part, I feel unnoticed by men. Never have done online dating but no guy ever shows interest in me in public and they never hit on me whenever I go out in public. Never had a guy ask for my number or want to take me on a date. I am 5'4 and 125 lbs. I am 22, always single, never had a boyfriend before, or ever dated before.

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Old 9th December 2017, 3:08 AM   #2
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The secret to getting noticed by men is to flirt and be welcoming to new guys who you meet. Also, dress in the style that would attract the kind of guys you want. Eg, if you want an indie creative type, dress from a thrift store and show off your tattoo. If you want a straight college type, dress like a straight college girl.

Do you go to social events/college where you get introduced to new guys? Do you know how to flirt? Do you present in a manner which the kind of guys you're after would find attractive?
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Old 9th December 2017, 4:35 AM   #3
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Do you make good eye contact with men? Smile when one looks your direction? Sometimes men just need a signal that you could be interested, especially if you suspect you're sending off body language that shows you're unhappy. I would pick up a hobby and practice making small talk/chatting with men in public places so that your increased comfort level is expressed in your nonverbal cues. Maybe check your posture, too, to see if it's inviting or closed off.
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Old 9th December 2017, 9:22 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by basil67 View Post
The secret to getting noticed by men is to flirt and be welcoming to new guys who you meet. Also, dress in the style that would attract the kind of guys you want. Eg, if you want an indie creative type, dress from a thrift store and show off your tattoo. If you want a straight college type, dress like a straight college girl.

Do you go to social events/college where you get introduced to new guys? Do you know how to flirt? Do you present in a manner which the kind of guys you're after would find attractive?
To add to this. I would also advise to not be constantly out in public with headphones listening to music or staring constantly on your smart phone. Try reading a book (or pretending to read a book) and be available to be approached.

If I were a young single guy and wanted to approach young women my age -- I think I would have a hard time figuring out how to do it. They are constantly wearing headphones-- so the only way to strike up a conversations would be to tap them or grab them by the shoulder -- which would be really weird and also very unwelcome in public. And then there are the ones just are glued to their smart phones and seem to be heavily into something -- not so sure what. Call me old fashion or whatever, but I still think its a lot easier to strike up a conversation with someone that is reading a book in public.
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Old 9th December 2017, 9:31 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by jjgitties View Post
[young women] are constantly wearing headphones-- so the only way to strike up a conversations would be to tap them or grab them by the shoulder -- which would be really weird and also very unwelcome in public.

<snip>

I still think its a lot easier to strike up a conversation with someone that is reading a book in public.
One of the great advantages of headphones and reading of smart phones is the very fact that it makes it hard to be approached. It's really nice to be able to go out and shut out approaches.

Regarding interrupting someone reading a book, I remember a thread on this topic a number of years ago. The general consensus is that it's rude to do so. I wholeheartedly agree that a person should not approach someone who's reading.

So, I guess the takeaway is that if a girl wants to be approached, she should not be distracted by devices or books.
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Old 10th December 2017, 11:13 PM   #6
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Step outside your normal comfort zone. Be friendly and look around when you are out. Make eye contact with people. If you are shy practice small talk on someone safe to talk to, an older woman or another couple. Just general conversation. Get used to communicating with people.
Buy a few new wardrobe items that make you feel like you look good wearing them.
Get out and do things. There are lots of young men out there.
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Old 24th December 2017, 12:40 PM   #7
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Well, take the initiative and get a guy yourself.
My wife picked "Me" up in a club.


I was a 26 year old happy single guy.
Then, one night, in a club with my buddies, a young women asked me to dance.
The rest is history.


You want something, go for it. If you want it seriously enough, then change the way you approach the problem, and fix it.


You'll get nowhere by sulking, or putting yourself down.
Everyone is worth the effort and time, so "YOU" put some effort and time in it.
Then you'll be worth it yourself.


Ted.
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Old 24th December 2017, 3:57 PM   #8
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I've always noticed nearly all guys out in public still only have their eyes on the most attractive girls in the room and they too end up lonely. So a couple of suggestions. One is to snap one of those guys out of his futile quest hoping for a hot girl when he himself is nothing special and just talking to them to see if they are at all interested in an available woman. But don't go home with them. Just be friendly, the kind of conversation where he might think to himself the next day, She's not exactly my cup of tea physically, but she's really nice. Try to find any common interest. Presumably if you're in the same place, you have at least that in common.

The other thing I would tell you is find your niche. If you have a passion for something, whether it seems attainable or not, follow that interest and get really involved and you'll meet other people who are also passionate about it and that might be your niche. In your niche, you will become more attractive to people because they think you're cool because you're like them. It sounds abstract, but it's really important to find your crowd of people who focus on the same things you do.

Good luck.
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Old 24th December 2017, 5:49 PM   #9
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You have people asking what's wrong because you don't look happy that's a big key to your problem. Even if that isn't a common occurrence you're still being associated with a negative quality. For every person who asks you whats wrong, many will simply avoid you. You may not realize how often you appear unapproachable. Take steps to be more open and proactive around others.
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Old 27th December 2017, 3:02 AM   #10
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I have a relative who felt this same way, then she read this book and it made her feel a lot better.

https://www.amazon.com/Defining-Deca.../dp/0446561754
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Old 31st December 2017, 3:34 PM   #11
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Work on your confidence and being friendly OP.

People are always talking about how women find confident men attractive, but the reverse is also true.

Confidence and a friendly personality is a sexy trait to have if you're a woman, no lie. Because it shows you're comfortable with yourself and also, you're willing to take the lead and to keep a conversation going. Not to mention that shy guys LOVE women who are willing to do the talking.

Confidence is underrated if you're a woman.
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Old 31st December 2017, 3:44 PM   #12
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Looks like another one-post wonder never returned so I'll thank members for their advice and close this up.
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