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Tired of being alone and lonely


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 2nd December 2017, 11:42 PM   #1
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Tired of being alone and lonely

I need a friend or two but I don't know how or where to start making a better life with some human interactions. What do I do?
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Old 2nd December 2017, 11:47 PM   #2
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It's hard to advise without knowing what you've done so far. For starters, why do you think you have no friends?
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Old 3rd December 2017, 1:11 AM   #3
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Because I don't haha!

It's not really of any one particular thing. My family is either really old and doesn't do much, they work a lot, or just busy with their lives. I have had the same hobby for nearly 30 years but I can't afford to do that any more nor have several others within that hobby that I would hang out with on the regular don't do it anymore either so I've sorta lost touch with that group altogether. My kids take a great deal of time and I love that part but I only get then 3 days a week so that kinda leaves me with 4 days a week I do nothing, no one calls, no one texts, No one comes over etc. Today is the 3 day in a row and I haven't talked to a single person. Not one. A real person I mean. Not a virtual friend off the internet I've never actually met. I find these times very trying and depressing and I'm tired of doing projects alone, eating alone, grocery shopping alone and basically without someone to just be company with. I'm not a super social person and I do like my alone time but this alone time is beginning to fell like isolation at this point. So to answer the question more concisly, I've drifted apart with the friends I did have without shared commonalities I'm unsure how to rekindle the bond.
I need to fix it somehow but I don't know how.

Last edited by Mr.Me; 3rd December 2017 at 1:14 AM..
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Old 3rd December 2017, 1:20 AM   #4
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OK, so I'm asking these questions to find out more about what you have and haven't tried.

The guys who have also given up the hobby you did together, when was the last time you called them for a group outing? To catch up and see what everyone has been doing recently.

It sounds like you need a new hobby too. What are you good at?

Do you work? Are your coworkers friendly?

What about volunteering? Instead of being on your own at home every night, what about heading out to work in a soup kitchen?

Did you used to have a good friend group? Have you tried reconnecting with them?
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Old 3rd December 2017, 1:52 AM   #5
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I’ve been auto racing for 30 years fabricating and designing race cars.
It’s a very expensive sport. 2 of my close friends sold out and now live 2 hours away, 1 lost interest and is married and raising kids. Another is traveling the world enjoying retirement and it’s not helping it’s the off season so I don’t interact with people within the sport.
My parents are older and can’t get around well plus fixed incomes limit them. My sister works 2.5 jobs, my brother is married and involved with his wife family. I had a girlfriend who I was very involved with her kids and family but since we broke up I miss all of them dearly. I find my self alone and with incredible amounts of down time. That’s not at all something I’m used too. I used to a very active person and still are but the people in my life are just too busy doing their own things.
I love racing cars and it’s consumed most of my free time up until the cost and time needed isn’t coinciding with my budget anymore. I like metal fabricating, machine tooling, engineering and design, physics and math but those don’t teally relate to social gatherings. I’ve grown tired of spending large amounts of time and money in the shop building and designing things by myself and my skills are on the levels way beyond anyone else I know so even on the rare occasion someone needs something built or customized from scratch and they are willing to come over and work on it with me it’s hardly a mental challenge for and explaining even the elemetries on said projects are so far over the heads of the people I know it’s intimidating to them. I’m not trying to be arrogant about it or anything like that it’s just I’ve been doing it for so long.
I do think a different hobby would be a good thing but metal fabrication is just about all I’ve ever done. I still love everything about it except it’s not really a social group kind of thing. I spent time remodeling my house and updating my machine tools lately but again without having someone’s company I’ve done it all by myself but it’s just not a satisfying life.

Last edited by Mr.Me; 3rd December 2017 at 1:55 AM..
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Old 10th December 2017, 1:30 PM   #6
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take a fitness or cabinet making class at a local community college
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Old 10th December 2017, 2:18 PM   #7
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Join something -- a sports team; a volunteer or civil group like the Moose, the Masons, the Elks, the Knights of Columbus, your local volunteer fire department. Show up at the events. You will make friends quickly. Groups like that always need help.
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Old 11th December 2017, 2:32 AM   #8
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I just posted the exact same thing on another forum. This is one of the responses that helped me.....

"Life is a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs but in the end it all even out. During the good times you have to enjoy them to the fullest and during the dark times you have to remember the good times and know that how your currently feeling is not going to last forever. You may think it would nice to have life even all the time but think of how boring that would be. Without the bad with the good we never really know how good the good times really are. Something I share with a lot of people is this. Even the worst things have something in them for you to learn. My abuse has taught me to be a survivor. My addiction has taught me how to pick myself up and start over again. The loss of my father taught me how to grieve and how to mourn. Iím not saying I enjoyed those times - I most certainly did not. You may not see the lesson at the time or for 6 months, a year or more but it is there waiting to be learned. Sometimes we have to get through the pain, sadness, anger, whatever to see it."

At 59....my life has had ups and downs.....successes and failures....connections with others and profound loneliness.....

You've already lived a lot. And you have a lot of living to do.

Take care.....and good luck
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Old 11th December 2017, 2:38 AM   #9
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I'll leave it to others to suggest how you tackle your current situation. (I'm not good at that. It's all I can do to take care of me.). The only thing I *can* tell you is....your life will change. One way or the other....it will change. And you will learn. And if you learn nothing else.....you'll learn you know less than you ever did before.....there's worse things in life.

take care
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Old 24th December 2017, 12:52 PM   #10
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Try maybe "Target" shooting.
Especially Long distance shooting, like from about 1Km and more..


You will meet a special class of people, and get into a sport that earns respect.


You build your own rifle, and manufacture your own ammunition.
Go to events locally in your town, or around the U.S.A and meet many other guys and gals that love the same hobby/sport.


I myself do it, and always endeavour to get the best "Group" at the longest distance I can.


Or you can just go fishing


Look at some youtube videos on this..
Good luck.




Ted.
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