LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Transitioning > In Search Of...

Never Dated


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

Like Tree24Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 14th November 2017, 6:45 PM   #1
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 27
Never Dated

Hi,

I am in my mid 30s and never asked a girl out, let alone been on a date.

I feel like im missing out so much in life and dont know how to get out of this cycle in life that im in. Just going to work and home etc. I literally can never see myself getting out of it.

I was telling an online friend about it and she could not understand it, i suppose probably down to it usually being a guys job to ask someone out and probably never had to do it herself.

Most of the time I see pretty girls at work, some I talk to when passing, not about anything exciting, maybe just what they are making for lunch or how joke about how much photocopying they have.

There is a girl i think is really pretty across the corridor. I just dont know what to do, i was talking with her today as above, then had a pause while waiting for her to finish, as i thought damn i wish i could ask her out. thought about it alot even better today.

How do you tell if someone is interested or just being friendly?

I dont know how old she is, im a terrible judge to know if she is similar, i think probably younger. I am inside shy but to others i am not when in my comfort zone of the office or ppl i know, talking about nothing. But in the social situaton of wanting to date i have no experience or confidence to get the words to ask someone out.

I always think how they would feel, awkward for them if they are not interested and having to respond. and obviously the rejection if it was actually a no.

I take no risks and know i dont get any reward.

I dont know what to do, its easy for people to just say ask her out, ask her if she wants to go for a drink/coffee after work.

Such an easy thing fills me with dread
lostsoul25 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th November 2017, 7:34 PM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: SE Australia
Posts: 410
Do you know if this girl is single or not? If she is, just ask to grab coffee or lunch some time. If not, do it anyway but not as a date. Maybe she knows someone she can hook you up with. Worst case scenario, you've made a new friend.
snowboy91 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th November 2017, 8:26 PM   #3
Established Member
 
rightondude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: deep south
Posts: 305
First off, I feel your pain. I am often of the mindset of not wanting to bother someone or not wanting to make a situation (especially the workplace) an awkward one. Thus I have foregone asking out women who I'm pretty darned sure would have said yes if I'd just nutted up and done so.

But, there's been times I've been lucky and here's how it goes.

First off, being attractive helps. Do you take care of yourself?

Second, establish SOME, ANY kind of mutual interest outside of work. Food at a new/exciting place is an easy one. Drinks probably too. Once you've done that, tell her, "we should get together and (do x,y,z)"

If you get ANY kind of positive reaction, affirm when and how that will happen. Boom, you have your date.

If you get "I dunno I'm busy" or "hmmm" or anything not close to "yeah!" ... drop it and back off.

Note: I know some of you uber cool players hanging out on loveshack.org will say this is too namby pamby, but this guy needs to learn to crawl.
rightondude is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th November 2017, 5:36 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 68
I'm sorry you are experiencing this. Honesty and understanding each other's expectations are very central to an honest and trusting relationship. But first you need a relationship. If you have any female friends that you don't date, maybe you can hang with them. Have you spoken with a counselor, pastor or minister that can offer you wise and long-term, effective advise? If you're having problems talking with a girl, just ask them about themselves. I'll pray and stand with you that your future is bright with the woman that fulfills your needs!
rickwman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th November 2017, 6:32 AM   #5
Established Member
 
Zippy2000's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: The Shire
Posts: 971
You have to take risks. You sound like me when I was younger. I stood back and waited too long and when I got round to asking it was a "no". I d then dwell on it for months.


I did that few times and now I'm 43 and STILL single. I look back now and wish I took some risks.


My job now is I work in sales, and I ve learned for every 10 people you ask. There will be at least 1 who will say yes. The more you ask the more youre likely to get a date.


Got for it!
Zippy2000 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th November 2017, 11:59 AM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 840
I am a firm believer in NEVER dating somebody you work with closely.
Highndry is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th November 2017, 2:44 PM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Cape Town, South Africa
Posts: 2,668
Quote:
Originally Posted by lostsoul25 View Post
Hi,

I am in my mid 30s and never asked a girl out, let alone been on a date.

I feel like im missing out so much in life and dont know how to get out of this cycle in life that im in. Just going to work and home etc. I literally can never see myself getting out of it.

I was telling an online friend about it and she could not understand it, i suppose probably down to it usually being a guys job to ask someone out and probably never had to do it herself.

Most of the time I see pretty girls at work, some I talk to when passing, not about anything exciting, maybe just what they are making for lunch or how joke about how much photocopying they have.

There is a girl i think is really pretty across the corridor. I just dont know what to do, i was talking with her today as above, then had a pause while waiting for her to finish, as i thought damn i wish i could ask her out. thought about it alot even better today.

How do you tell if someone is interested or just being friendly?

I dont know how old she is, im a terrible judge to know if she is similar, i think probably younger. I am inside shy but to others i am not when in my comfort zone of the office or ppl i know, talking about nothing. But in the social situaton of wanting to date i have no experience or confidence to get the words to ask someone out.

I always think how they would feel, awkward for them if they are not interested and having to respond. and obviously the rejection if it was actually a no.

I take no risks and know i dont get any reward.

I dont know what to do, its easy for people to just say ask her out, ask her if she wants to go for a drink/coffee after work.

Such an easy thing fills me with dread


I don't have the answer for you but I am in much the same situation as you. What I do is try occupy my time with meaningful things to me, things I enjoy, yes like you I feel I am missing out on life but you also cant wonder through life thinking you are missing out.


Enjoy what you have, enjoy the things you do. Having said that if you absolutely want to date you need to take some risk, I did and granted I just found the whole process extremely disappointing because nobody I ever like likes me.


Find out if she is single and them more from there. Be careful office dating isn't the best of ideas.
ZA Dater is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th November 2017, 6:49 PM   #8
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 27
Thankyou for peoples responses.

I dont work with the person, she is just across the corridor and thats how our paths cross.

I wish I had a way to find out if she was single, i dont know many ppl in that office that i could ask without alerting anyone.

Its not normally a problem for me talking to people, even those i dont know while at work, about nothing particular. But as soon as its a pretty girl that im interested it, my skills shut down, probably due to zero experience at asking out or dating.

Im baffled to how ive got to this point in life, why or how ive messed up doing the building blocks of life, like everyone else. no wonder it worries me and cant make myself take the leap.

Wouldnt dream of speaking or approaching anyone in a bar either.
lostsoul25 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th November 2017, 6:55 PM   #9
Established Member
 
the_lost_1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 217
Hey man, you're not alone.

I'm in 29, and I've never been in a relationship either (not even kissed or held hands or anything) so here's what you need to do:

- basically take your time to find out if she's the right person for you, or have chemistry and all that

- make sure you're comfortable with yourself, in terms of finance, confidence, etc.

Someone told me that his brother has been on numerous dates (match, okcupid, eharmony, etc) and he eventually found someone and got married.

Basically it takes effort to find someone that's right for you, it's mostly a numbers game and you still need to take time to learn about yourself as well as your desires and "perfect match".

You are in a good position b/c you've avoided clumsy relationships, or wrong girls, you name it.

Take your time.
the_lost_1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th November 2017, 7:06 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 448
Dating sucks dear, and I wish I could go back to before falling in love.

That line about "better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all" is bull****.

Consider yourself lucky dear. It is for the best.
HiCrunchy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th November 2017, 7:16 PM   #11
Established Member
 
RecentChange's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
Posts: 4,681
Well.... OP, you can follow th advice of those who have failed in this realm, or start looking for real solutions.

You say you work and go back home again.

Do you have friends you socialize with? Are you good at making male friends? Have you ever had female friends?

From my observation those who have the best luck in dating are those that have pretty good social skills.

They are comfortable starting conversations, they do a good job of reading people, verbally and more importantly non verbally.

If you aren't comfortable socializing - that's where I would start.

It's going to be hard to just ask a girl out and get somewhere with it if you aren't used to socializing in general.
RecentChange is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th November 2017, 7:43 PM   #12
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: NJ
Posts: 376
double whammy!!

Cant read signals, and shy.

so I will start with something I'm sure you are unaware of but is legit.

VIBE!! so ALL people give a vibe. energy that others feel, see, and react too. If you cant read signals, your vibe is friendly, safe, unassuming, good guy.

This wont work for dating. if you don't kn ow what your putting out, then how can you know what is being received.

when you think of asking out this girl, your insecurity and lack of confidence causes a vacuum inward, panic. this feeling needs to change and where you start. Change this, presto, youll have a date
staggerlee71 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th November 2017, 7:47 PM   #13
Established Member
 
Cookiesandough's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 5,284
You're not missing much. At all.
Cookiesandough is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th November 2017, 8:09 PM   #14
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: east coast
Posts: 7,247
To get women, you need to do two things. Get women to notice you and give them a reason to want to date you. If you can do those two things, the rest will fall into place.
enigma32 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th November 2017, 8:14 PM   #15
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: NJ
Posts: 376
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
You're not missing much. At all.
yes, yea your missing a lot..

your missing attraction, excitement, intrigue, perspective, growth, pain, love, lust, understanding, comprise, anger, frustration, confusion, communication, loyalty...
staggerlee71 is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Still want them even after they dated someone else? banini_jeque Breaks and Breaking Up 10 30th September 2014 1:05 AM
Anybody ever dated someone with a big age gap? Black Cement Dating 30 24th June 2014 2:47 PM
Never dated anybody my age. greenfairie Dating 10 19th November 2013 8:35 PM
Trying to get over a guy I never even dated shiningbrighteyess Breaks and Breaking Up 10 24th January 2013 7:38 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 5:28 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.