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Anyone is their 50s and above?


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 19th November 2017, 1:05 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by thefooloftheyear View Post
When I say this guy is broke, I mean, he can't even pay attention.
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Old 19th November 2017, 1:09 PM   #32
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Eh...I dunno....

I mentioned it in another thread...An old HS buddy of mine got divorced recently....When I say this guy is broke, I mean, he can't even pay attention...I had to lend/give him some money on several occasions..Conventionally unattractive, out of shape, one of those 50 something guys that has a gut and a Harley.....but little else...You know the type I am sure...

He spent a few years dating(and screwing) all kinds of women from late 20's to 50's...Some of these women were pretty nice looking and had their crap together, from what I can see...He's now settled with a pretty attractive size 2/4 40 something...

The problem is the guys you are looking for do exist, but they have a zillion options...Being "in shape" by 50's standards is great, but may just not be enough and most guys don't really care about financial security at this point in life, because most better quality guys have money and you wouldn't(and rightfully so) share any of your money with them anyway-even if they didn't.,....let's put it this way, they generally aren't on dating sites looking for relationships, for the most part...



TFY


Hence why older women choose to remain single. Better that than drinking dregs. Although, the guy after me is younger and wealthy. So there are exceptions. Just unfortunate I'm not ready.
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Old 19th November 2017, 1:15 PM   #33
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When I posted this issue I hoped to hear from men like me who struggle to find women or who had given up. Successful guys are happy to boast. No one wants to admit he/she is a loser (as I feel I am)
because I have dozens of awful dates and incidents that would turn off anyone from dating forever. some guys have all the luck--so good for you

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Old 19th November 2017, 1:20 PM   #34
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Wow. I simply can't wait for my 45th birthday!
On another note, I've never really known that about menopause, that it's really just a "pause."
Listen, being the bottom of the food chain doesn't mean you won't have any options. It just means you have to lower your standards.

I've got a good friend who divorced at 50. She looks pretty good for her age. She dated around a lot... all sex, zero relationship. Finally she was willing to date the pot bellied guy with gray hair. Very happy relationship. She just had to lower her physical standards.

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Actually, there is an upside....Maybe it's just this particular locale, where a lot of women really do their best to look good, but I do think this is not as rare as it may seem..
Women in their 40's and 50's actually looking better than their 20 something daughters...yes...It's true...Especially the workout crew..I know of two women in their 50's that most 20 somethings would kill to have their bodies..
There is a logical explanation as well..
Like the rest of us, most women in these age groups grew up without technology for the most part....They are reaping the benefits of years of their youth, where they weren't just staring at a screen all day long...They are just better conditioned...
TFY
Um... there is a dramatic increase in the number of fat girls under 40. That said, they are still biologically preferred because they can produce children. Men being attracted to youth is a natural thing that to understand we only need look to evolutionary psychology. Men who are specifically attracted to non-child producing women are defective and therefore rare.

So, it's important as a female ages to keep those traits that mimic youthfulness. That will assist in remaining attractive to the bulk of the male population.

Regardless there will always be options available. You just need to be willing to settle for a guy with lower social standing and less attractive features.

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Originally Posted by introverted1 View Post
Over 50 here.
I'm in shape, sane, and financially stable, which seems to be the trifecta for this age group - I'm in demand. Problem is that many of the guys can't say the same. Not looking for perfection but it would be nice to meet men that are also taking care of themselves (inside and out) and are emotionally healthy.
If you are truly "in demand" then you should not have a problem finding someone suitable. If you are struggling with this, then you are NOT "in demand" among top tier men. You can wait and hope for another decade, or you can lower your standards and do just fine. Maybe look for men that are not financially stable? Or men that are overweight?

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Old 19th November 2017, 1:21 PM   #35
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When I posted this issue I hoped to hear from men like me who struggle to find women or who had given up. Successful guys are happy to boast. No one wants to admit he/she is a loser (as I feel I am)
because I have dozens of awful dates and incidents that would turn off anyone from dating forever.

I'm with you, although I'm a woman. I feel unattractive, undateable. I've given up. Not going there again.
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Old 19th November 2017, 1:34 PM   #36
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Originally Posted by Myword View Post
When I posted this issue I hoped to hear from men like me who struggle to find women or who had given up. Successful guys are happy to boast. No one wants to admit he/she is a loser (as I feel I am)
because I have dozens of awful dates and incidents that would turn off anyone from dating forever. some guys have all the luck--so good for you


Well....People start threads and get a variety of responses- on both sides...It's often helpful to know what's going on out there, rather than think the whole world shares your perceived misfortune.....if all you wanted is a sad sack fest, then maybe state that in your OP...but hey, whatever...

On another note, having some misfortune doesn't qualify you as a loser and I fully agree with the last part of the post...

TFY
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Old 19th November 2017, 1:44 PM   #37
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I'm with you, although I'm a woman. I feel unattractive, undateable. I've given up. Not going there again.
Not sure why you feel "undateable" when you have a man interested in dating you.
Maybe you just need to get back up on that horse, ready or not.
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Old 19th November 2017, 6:20 PM   #38
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Hence why older women choose to remain single. Better that than drinking dregs. Although, the guy after me is younger and wealthy. So there are exceptions. Just unfortunate I'm not ready.
Yes - if I was willing to date younger guys, the other problems would go away. It's almost as though guys who are 5-10 years younger are secure enough to go for what they want, whereas guys my age or slightly older are scarce, unless they come with more problems than I'm willing to take on. Maybe it's time to reevaluate my stance against dating younger men.

Sorry OP. Back to your situation. Why do you feel like a loser? Where are you located and how do you try to find dates?
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Old 19th November 2017, 7:45 PM   #39
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When I posted this issue I hoped to hear from men like me who struggle to find women or who had given up. Successful guys are happy to boast. No one wants to admit he/she is a loser (as I feel I am)
because I have dozens of awful dates and incidents that would turn off anyone from dating forever. some guys have all the luck--so good for you
MyWord - I wouldn't worry too much about the guys who boast about their successes with women because their bragging demonstrates immaturity and a lack of respect for women in general, which are two of the main things that turn intelligent women off, (though insecure women go for those qualities in a big way). In short, those guys probably aren't too fussy - if she's breathing, looks OK, bathes regularly and falls for their cheesy pick-up lines she's potential prey for their over-inflated ego to feast on. Just because you can't meet someone doesn't mean you're a loser, on the contrary you're obviously fussy, which is a good thing.
Date sites really aren't a great place to meet people, there's too much leeway for misrepresentation. Maybe you need to find yourself a wingman and get out on the town a bit.

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Old 19th November 2017, 9:11 PM   #40
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When I posted this issue I hoped to hear from men like me who struggle to find women or who had given up. Successful guys are happy to boast. No one wants to admit he/she is a loser (as I feel I am)
because I have dozens of awful dates and incidents that would turn off anyone from dating forever. some guys have all the luck--so good for you
I agree with MsJayne Myword. Comparing ourselves to others (at least, for me) is almost *always* a losing proposition. Alot of what you describe is....in my opinion....just a part of life. Dating isn't any different. It can be hard work. And I understand where you're coming from....it can seem, at times....as if it's a young man's game. The energy level just goes down with age. (actually, mines gone down *alot* ) So...it sounds to me as if you're doing pretty well....if you're having bad dates....becaues it means....at least you're dating. And as long as one's dating....and doesn't give up....it's almost just a matter of time. Some of us *do* give up. Sometimes it can seem as if...."It's just not worth it".

Hang in there.
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Old 19th November 2017, 9:15 PM   #41
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Yes - if I was willing to date younger guys, the other problems would go away. It's almost as though guys who are 5-10 years younger are secure enough to go for what they want, whereas guys my age or slightly older are scarce, unless they come with more problems than I'm willing to take on. Maybe it's time to reevaluate my stance against dating younger men.

Sorry OP. Back to your situation. Why do you feel like a loser? Where are you located and how do you try to find dates?
I date younger (was married to someone 3 years younger, last partner was younger). Have gone out with a guy 14 years younger, but seems like my preferred age range is 3-5 years younger. I don't rule out same age or older guys; it just hasn't happened that there has been an attraction to the latter at this point. Guys date younger women all of the time, and the same standard applies for me, it's worked out that younger guys are who I'm most compatible with.
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Old 19th November 2017, 9:24 PM   #42
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I date younger (was married to someone 3 years younger, last partner was younger). Have gone out with a guy 14 years younger, but seems like my preferred age range is 3-5 years younger. I don't rule out same age or older guys; it just hasn't happened that there has been an attraction to the latter at this point. Guys date younger women all of the time, and the same standard applies for me, it's worked out that younger guys are who I'm most compatible with.
Just out of curiosity, if you dated all these younger guys, how come none of them are still with you??

Not trying to be snarky, but you hear women say this all the time, yet its always in the past tense...Never could quite figure out why...3-5 years isn't really worth mentioning unless you are 19 years old..Most people are pretty similar in those age ranges, especially once past like 35 or so...

TFY
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Old 19th November 2017, 10:20 PM   #43
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Just out of curiosity, if you dated all these younger guys, how come none of them are still with you??

Not trying to be snarky, but you hear women say this all the time, yet its always in the past tense...Never could quite figure out why...3-5 years isn't really worth mentioning unless you are 19 years old..Most people are pretty similar in those age ranges, especially once past like 35 or so...

TFY
I didn't say "all of these younger guys"..but nice try at distortion. And your snark came through just fine, just as you intended. And how dare we over-35 year olds mention age differences, when we are all lumped together in your amazingly brilliant perspective.

I divorced my husband (I filed) after being together for 18 years, hardly a bad track record. My last partner ended up moving out of state to be nearer to his kids, which was the right thing for him to do and long distance was no fun for the time we did that. In this last 11 months that I've been single, I've dated younger men and have not yet found anyone compatible. The older guys who have messaged me look 20 years older than me and their messages read that way too.

If it's a failure in your eyes that I attract, go on dates with, and am not compatible with every guy I go out with.....okay. I don't settle and neither should anyone else. The message earlier in this thread is that women should lower their standards and accept the potbellied, less than financially stable guys. No thanks, I would much rather be single. I have a full life, am happy to not be dependent on anyone financially, and am glad that when I go out on dates it is with in shape, vibrant guys who can keep up with me.
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Old 20th November 2017, 5:51 AM   #44
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I didn't say "all of these younger guys"..but nice try at distortion. And your snark came through just fine, just as you intended. And how dare we over-35 year olds mention age differences, when we are all lumped together in your amazingly brilliant perspective.

I divorced my husband (I filed) after being together for 18 years, hardly a bad track record. My last partner ended up moving out of state to be nearer to his kids, which was the right thing for him to do and long distance was no fun for the time we did that. In this last 11 months that I've been single, I've dated younger men and have not yet found anyone compatible. The older guys who have messaged me look 20 years older than me and their messages read that way too.

If it's a failure in your eyes that I attract, go on dates with, and am not compatible with every guy I go out with.....okay. I don't settle and neither should anyone else. The message earlier in this thread is that women should lower their standards and accept the potbellied, less than financially stable guys. No thanks, I would much rather be single. I have a full life, am happy to not be dependent on anyone financially, and am glad that when I go out on dates it is with in shape, vibrant guys who can keep up with me.
Ok, fine...get defensive....

Nowhere did I say you failed, you should lower your standards, or that you should settle on anything...And if you go back in the thread I'm the one that said most older women around here, anyway, look better than their daughters..eh, whatever...

The point is that there are plenty of good looking/athletic, financially independent men, and most are with good looking and athletic women...of similar age..It's not really all that difficult a concept to imagine..We aren't all broke, fat assed, d-bags...Sure, we aren't as common as the busted out types, but there are probably enough of us that its not that hard to find someone compatible..

To think that there are no men your age that "can keep up with you" is kind of ridiculous, no??

Oh well...keep at it, I guess....you obviously know what you want and what you are doing....

TFY

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Old 20th November 2017, 8:32 AM   #45
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Ok, fine...get defensive....

Nowhere did I say you failed, you should lower your standards, or that you should settle on anything...And if you go back in the thread I'm the one that said most older women around here, anyway, look better than their daughters..eh, whatever...

The point is that there are plenty of good looking/athletic, financially independent men, and most are with good looking and athletic women...of similar age..It's not really all that difficult a concept to imagine..We aren't all broke, fat assed, d-bags...Sure, we aren't as common as the busted out types, but there are probably enough of us that its not that hard to find someone compatible..

To think that there are no men your age that "can keep up with you" is kind of ridiculous, no??

Oh well...keep at it, I guess....you obviously know what you want and what you are doing....


TFY
Again, a distortion...I didn't say there are no men my age who can keep up with me. I obviously don't personally know all of the men who are my age here. The age range on my dating profile is 40-57 so I'm open to a wide range of ages. In real life, the men who are 55+ and are appealing are not single (for obvious reasons).

Thanks for your permission to 'keep at it.

I don't think anyone really knows what they are doing (including me), but a lot of us know what we don't want.

Last edited by greymatter; 20th November 2017 at 8:56 AM..
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