Community Forums

Reload this Page Community Forums > Transitioning > In Search Of...

Something I learnt

In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

Like Tree2Likes
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 5th November 2017, 2:44 PM   #1
Established Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Cape Town, South Africa
Posts: 2,667
Something I learnt

Dating isn't the cover all solution, yes those of us who battle still want it but you can be happy, life is more than about meeting dates, its more than about chasing people. Its more than rejection.

I see people who are in relationships, that doesn't make some happy, being with someone isn't going to be the magic that suddenly makes your life happy.

What will make your life better not letting things get you down, see them for that they are, challenges. Friend wanted me to go out and meet some of his friends and the advice of some here was ringing in my head, I elected not to go, they aren't people I have anything in common with and I don't enjoy parties. Ordinarily I would have felt bad about not going, I cant say I did, I just recognise what I am not and didn't feel like being a misfit.

Could I have met someone probably but I find the whole idea bothers me less and less because anyone who parties probably wont interest me anyway.

At the moment I have more peace in life than I ever have, I spent years chasing that first kiss, the first moment and had this list of things but really how important are any of them. I have ticked some of them and they were amazing because the people sitting in front of me were amazing but finding those sort of people is becoming more and more difficult to the point where I am ok to just sit at home and work.

What I have learnt is you can find fulfilment in many things, you can find contentment too. Equally searching can make you miserable and unhappy.

Some part of me wishes I had done things differently but at the end of the day I can lament on that or I can simple embrace who I am and become the best version of that. I might never ever get what I truly want romantically but at least I can say for fleeting moments I have sometimes had exactly what I want.

Search by all means and I do still but don't make it the be all and end all of life. There are many people here in pain, in places I have been in, I spent years feeling like that and it brought me no benefit. You cant change the past but you can change tomorrow.
ZA Dater is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th November 2017, 7:55 PM   #2
Established Member
Cookiesandough's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 5,284
Happy to hear that

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 5th November 2017 at 8:00 PM..
Cookiesandough is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th November 2017, 10:24 PM   #3
Established Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 178
Happiness is an inside job.
HarmonyDriven is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th November 2017, 8:10 AM   #4
Established Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,024
All of us should have a inner criteria to date. Not just go up to random strangers.

For me. The woman has to be single of course and I need to know that before asking her out. She also has to brighten up energy wise, when I interact with her.

The more warm and sweet to me she is. The more I would want to ask her out.
Mysterio is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th November 2017, 7:16 AM   #5
Established Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,024
We all have to love life and what its given us. We can't be the same.
Mysterio is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th November 2017, 8:42 PM   #6
Established Member
guy45's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 120
I get just as excited and happy going out with my friends if not more.
guy45 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th November 2017, 5:01 AM   #7
Established Member
kazen's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 167
“If you want to lead a happy life –tie it to a goal. Not to people or things ” – Albert Einstein

kazen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th November 2017, 5:58 AM   #8
Established Member
elaine567's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 14,174
The problem with this line of thinking, is that at 43, 53, 63, 73, 83.... you will go
"What the hell was I thinking?"
"I was 33, young and vibrant and I just gave up?????"
elaine567 is offline   Reply With Quote


Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
What I've learnt winterkeep The Other Man / Woman 5 30th December 2015 4:58 PM
What I've learnt from N/C hamster-girl Breaks and Breaking Up 1 20th April 2015 6:44 AM
What have you learnt from your A? SolG The Other Man / Woman 29 8th March 2015 11:30 PM
What have we learnt about ourselves? Shields boy Coping 6 23rd July 2014 1:04 PM
What have you learnt? Zabs Breaks and Breaking Up 7 4th October 2011 7:12 PM

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 1:55 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.

Copyright © 1997-2018 All Rights Reserved.