What the hell is going on??

[ZHguy]

Okay, so nothing in particular triggered these thoughts. This is just a realization from me having felt this way for some time. So, hear me out.

 

 

I'm there for all my friends when they need me most. My biggest strength is understanding other people's pain. And I'm the one to be by your side to talk to you. But when their life picks up and they no longer need a therapist, they pick up and go.

 

I know pain more than anything in my life. But I don't know anyone to share it with. No best friend. No one to understand my pain. But one question keeps coming up in my head. Why did I have to go through all that pain? The pain of loneliness, and of not having a normal life growing up (now I'm in university). I didn't have friends to hang out with at the cinemas, or relationships to form. Instead I had underage sex with older men, confused, trying to find a father figure. Best friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, they never existed in my life.

 

I'm sick of not having anyone to form a close relationship with. And now I'm sick of only being accompanied in my friends' lowest moments. It's like, no one sees value in me. And it's like, it's impossible for me to form close relationships. It's like I didn't get anyone, and no one got me.

 

 

I don't know if that made sense or not.

Edited October 4, 2017 by ZHguy

[spiderowl]

I'm sorry you feel so cut off from people. It sounds like you feel they use you. With regard to being the one who listens to others, I can understand that. I am the same and I often feel it is one-way. Sadly, many people do not have the empathy to do this and I think that is why it tends to be one-way.

 

Why do you feel you didn't have a normal life growing up? For some reason, you got involved with older men. How did that start? It might help us to understand where you are coming from. Many of us can understand loneliness and we often have different reasons why we are lonely. Finding a real connection can be very difficult, depending on what kind of connection you need.

 

One thing that can make a person feel isolated is if they have had experiences that seem far from normal experience. If you have felt you cannot talk about your experiences because they seem out of the ordinary and others might be shocked, then that can be isolating. There are people who will try to understand though. It can help to talk with a therapist of some kind or counsellor, if only to find some relief from carrying a burden. I think this is a good place to start too, because people here have had extraordinary experiences and those that haven't will try to understand anyway. If nothing else, you can educate people as to what your life is like.