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Case in point, so easy for others not me

In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 13th September 2017, 11:17 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by mortensorchid View Post
And with all my terrible experiences and luck with men in my past, I feel I have been stabbed, broken, etc. So I assume whenever I meet a man that he doesn't like me, or he will find an excuse as to how / why he can't be with me, either because he will grow to hate me or he will feel inferior next to me, and he'll end up being emotionally abusive towards me. Fact. So no point in getting happy or excited or whatever else about it, all they ever do is hurt me if I let them in.
The crap going through your head ends up affecting your life more than you know. I cannot imagine being on a date with a girl who is just sitting around, likely downright miserable, thinking about how this is all gonna end badly. That is the type of date that will give a guy bad vibes almost right away. You're just gonna scare away any guy that might be decent.

The way I see it, you have a few choices. You can soldier on as you are, refuse to change anything, and accept that relationships just aren't for you. Some people do that and get on just fine. You can also try to change your negative mindset. If not fully change it, at least fake it. Put it in the back of your mind and actually try to enjoy meeting and spending time with some guy. That alone might do the trick. I've had to do this sort of thing myself. Lastly, you could just lay all your cards on the table when you meet someone. This is what I suggest. I've read many of your other threads and you always seem to be playing games. Not texting guys, worried about what they think, that sort of thing. Stop. Go full disclosure. Let the guys you meet know everything. Tell them about your history, your low expectations, all of it. Let guys decide for themselves if they think you are worth it. I guarantee some people will think you are.

You seem to be carrying this huge burden around with you. Let it go, or at least let someone help you carry it.
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Old 14th September 2017, 5:14 AM   #17
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Its all about how we come off. Two of my male friends met their wives when they were down and out with relationships. Its not like they were happy and just upbeat.

I think some of the people we see never with out a relationship are co dependent. some lucked out as well. My buddy SA is now technically single. His wife who he has been with since 1988 wants out of their marriage. They were teenager when they met. I am hoping they get back together.

As I keep saying here. I think a lot of people need to let go being the driving force of finding love.
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Old 21st September 2017, 7:03 AM   #18
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I think that we all have a long life to live. So I guess for some of us that are still single. The best is yet to come. I can't see myself single for life.

I see myself making it to 87/97 for lifespan. I don't see myself with nothing in that area. How it manifests it self and with who and the dynamics of it. Have yet to be played out.

I just envision a woman that likes me romantically and makes a major effort to let me know about it. Its happened before. I just have not met her yet. So Prayer and staying a good guy is what I need to do. I almost think that Dating less for us is the key.

As I have said before. A tattooed mental check list is what we should all have, when we are out there socializing and a dating situation pops up.
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Old 21st September 2017, 12:36 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by Eternal Sunshine View Post
I know this is an over-simplification but if I could pinpoint one single trait that women who don't do that well with men have: they are introverted, some highly so.

This makes it hard for them two-fold: they meet less men because they enjoy solitary activities and they make men feel somewhat awkward to be around them because they don't chatter away and entertain them.

All introverted women I know that have found decent partners, met them in high school/college. Those quality, educated, honest and loyal men that value introverted qualities in a woman have settled down early and stay settled down.

Our only hope is widowers really
Yep, you got it right down to the tee. This is why I was single for 6 years between my ex and my fiancÚ. My loneliest moments are usually when I'm with people, in the crowd, and just feel so lost. Every small talk, every grin, every smile literally makes me feel like my every fiber of being is being torn apart. Needless to say, apart from work functions, I just want to stay at home by myself doing my favorite - solitary - activities .

This is where online dating, despite its creeps galore and its cold-hearted focus on stats & appearance (and I have had my fair share of creeps, trust me), comes to the rescue. My fiance and I both tell each other, "Thank goodness for the Internet!", because how else would we - two people who despise crowds - meet each other, when neither of us gets out of the house?

Having said that, I know I was exceedingly lucky to have stayed on OLD for only a month and met my fiance that way (I couldn't wait to get off). I don't know if I would have persisted if I had gone on a date, or worse, dated a completely incompatible person and have it turn out horribly. Always one of those easier said than done type thing. Regardless, I understand how you feel because I'm the exact same type.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 2:16 AM   #20
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This is how it really is. Until we all meet a potential LTR that rings our bell and we click with them. Most of will stay single.

How bad is it being single. Not really that bad. For me all it means is no major physical affection and commitment with a woman in a romantic context. Thats it.

I don't know why a lot of us here feel so down by not having a Romantic SO. I struggle with not wanting it as well. I don't know how to overide it and I don't think its a big sex thing for me as well.

What we have to do is put our lives in perspective and say we are going to live a long life. It has yet to manifest for some of us. Might as well enjoy the freedom. Once we do have that SO. Its compromise and not having as much space as we would like to have.
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Old 23rd September 2017, 2:44 AM   #21
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Thing is though l could read her in a line or two, so now she's hooked up with the cashier.
lt won't go anywhere, remember she's been away 7 yrs and came back to move in with a guy that dumped her , few more in a matter of wks. Pretty well says it all.
You'll probably come out ahead in the end but she;ll be still bouncing from guy to guy.

l hear you though on your work and life sitch , l work at home on my own so l have to make a special effort to even leave the house to be honest apart from needing food or stuff for work.
And on the online , l split with gf not long ago but did have a little lookie on an old date site, seems ridiculous , the women l like aren't gonna be in that place, not that l'm even in any state to meet someone new right now anyway.

Mysterio , it's just the way iy has to be for me l think , has been my whole life even before l was married , then w and the gf , l just tend to meet people , even if l have no life.
Though my faith in that one is wavering pretty thin these days but l gotta trust it l guess.
Stumbled over w , stumbled over gf , the only two women that matter in my life but l stumbled over any other gf's too.
l dunno , feel like my lucks ran out now though tbh but, who knows.
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Old 23rd September 2017, 2:51 AM   #22
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ps , l dig introverted women , well the ones that are in a social way anyway. Between us and behind closed doors though , they can be brilliant and fun and quirkie and different , all things l just love.
the whole sociable thing is highly over rated and it can also be a real pain in the ass in marriage and long term.
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Old 23rd September 2017, 10:14 AM   #23
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I generally surround myself with people who are in the same boat as me. I've had trouble getting dates my whole life. At the end of the day though I've come to realize that 99% of the women out there I don't even like, so being single isn't even that bad.

Being single is actually better since it makes life more interesting and not so planned out.
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Old 23rd September 2017, 10:20 AM   #24
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Being a single or in rship but have their pros and cons. I think some people are wired better for one or the other, so if they aren't there, they can be quite miserable even if everything else in there life is good. They feel like something big is missing. I know people like this

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Old 1st October 2017, 7:17 PM   #25
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I was thinking about why I have this "no one wants me" attitude these days. I've suffered a lot, I've been dumped by cowardly men, been abused by one of them. I'm eccentric and a very social person most of the time, but I meet all creative types who tend not to be bread winner types. Even those who have somewhat of that in them tend to still throw me over for a sub par gal who ends up cleaning him out financially then divorcing / dumping him. What a mess.

Everyone says "keep the faith", "keep moving foward", etc. And I do that with my work life and my social life. Love? Dead in the water. Because the last time I had a thing for someone, he rejected me. I walked away and never talked to him again after that, because that's what I was supposed to do. Ever since that rejection, I changed. I was damaged, still am. I have this attitude that no one wants me, even someone who I say hello and shake hands with - they don't want me.

The solution to getting out of this funk is to find someone who deserves me, of course, but that person does not exist. I don't want to be a negative person, I want to be positive one and have a good time with life. But it never ever changes... What to do?
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Old 1st October 2017, 7:29 PM   #26
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Start hanging out with a few guys that you don't find all that attractive. The type of guys that likely have never dated a girl as pretty as you are. Stop tryin to date rich, bread winner types and hang out with a few regular, blue collar guys. They will likely feed you compliments till your heart is content. You don't even have to date or sleep with these guys, just hang out or talk.
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Old 1st October 2017, 7:30 PM   #27
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Don't be that negative, you've had bad experiences but who doesn't. I had a guy misleading me for years, speculating with the fact I was naive virgin with no social network. Then another one that beat me up several times. Also attempted blackmailing and stalking after I tried to leave him. Then a dude who tricked me into moving in with me and then sucking many thousands of my savings. Blackout drunk almost got our place on fire. More recently: a guy who was messaging dozens of women on dating site while asking me can we get engaged in the next few months, asking me about engagement daily. Not sharing the above to join the pity party, just saying that didn't 'damage' me. They wish I kept calm and carried on, even dealt with another frustrating dating situation

No one, just no one can damage you unless you let them. And a person desired by anyone *does not exist*. Don't over-focus on it, but meet people and you'd end up meeting a match.
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Old 1st October 2017, 7:31 PM   #28
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Stop looking for a partner. You are putting too much pressure on yourself.
A good one will find you when you least expect it.

Hang in there.
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Old 1st October 2017, 7:31 PM   #29
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You sound like you're stuck in a rut unless this is your normal way of being? I think you need to change your self talk since it may be that you're living a self fulfilling prophecy with all this negativity you're believing about yourself.

What are some positive things about you?
'The love for all living creatures is the
most noble attribute of man.'
- Charles Darwin
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Old 1st October 2017, 7:56 PM   #30
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I think you are indeed stuck, and taking a break will not help IMHO unless you will do something substantially different. There are only two parameters to play with: You own attitude/approach towards dating and the men you date. Oddly enough you seem very well aware of the dilemma that you are facing. What is easier to change? I don't know.

In only know that I once had to take a good look at what type of woman I was looking for , and expand my horizons as a result at it. In that sense you are by no means alone.
"The Durango-95 purred away real horrorshow." - Alex
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