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30 and never had a girlfriend. Any ideas?


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At some point, this missing chunk of my life has really started to bother me. For a few years before, it hasn't, but now...

 

I've had a few friends who were girls before, but nothing went well with that and I lost contact with them after a while. And anyone else I do meet is already taken. It's like I was too late or something. Even anyone I knew at school wasn't available or had time to hang out. If anyone has ever asked me about if I've had a girlfriend, I always feel the need to lie about it.

 

I recently even have trouble with being just friends with girls. Everyone else I know gets girls so easy, like they're just Christmas or birthday presents or whatever. I try everything I can, but nothing happens for me.

 

I tried many things to help out with it. I tried asking my folks if they know anyone who has a daughter around my age. I tried asking any of my friends if they know of any girls who are available. I even tried online dating, and it was to no avail. I can't even find any of those single meet-up things in my town either.

 

People keep saying things like "there's always someone out there for you", but that never helps. They also say to try and find girls, but the question to that is, HOW AND WHERE? I don't even know where to begin on this.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm aware of everything that comes with a relationship, but starting one is not as easy as everyone else seems to have it. For me anyway.

 

I could really use some solid advice on the matter. Thanks.

Edited by TaniP2
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normal person

I've had a few friends who were girls before, but nothing went well with that and I lost contact with them after a while.

 

Why only a few, do you think?

 

I recently even have trouble with being just friends with girls. Everyone else I know gets girls so easy, like they're just Christmas or birthday presents or whatever. I try everything I can, but nothing happens for me.

 

Why do you think this is? What's the difference between them and you? What are they doing that you aren't?

 

I tried many things to help out with it. I tried asking my folks if they know anyone who has a daughter around my age. I tried asking any of my friends if they know of any girls who are available. I even tried online dating, and it was to no avail. I can't even find any of those single meet-up things in my town either.

 

You say you "even" tried online dating like it was some last ditch attempt. It should've been the first thing you did. Stop what you're doing now and get on every ap you can: Match, OKCupid, Bumble, Tinder, etc. Every girl you see will be single and willing to meet someone.

 

People keep saying things like "there's always someone out there for you", but that never helps. They also say to try and find girls, but the question to that is, HOW AND WHERE? I don't even know where to begin on this.

 

C'mon, this is a no-brainer. After you're on all the online dating aps, get your friends and go to any bar in your city where a lot of people your age go. Have a few drinks, talk to different people, take some chances, and see what happens. You'll cross paths with someone you like soon enough.

 

Best of luck.

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At some point, this missing chunk of my life has really started to bother me. For a few years before, it hasn't, but now...

 

I've had a few friends who were girls before, but nothing went well with that and I lost contact with them after a while. And anyone else I do meet is already taken. It's like I was too late or something. Even anyone I knew at school wasn't available or had time to hang out. If anyone has ever asked me about if I've had a girlfriend, I always feel the need to lie about it.

 

I recently even have trouble with being just friends with girls. Everyone else I know gets girls so easy, like they're just Christmas or birthday presents or whatever. I try everything I can, but nothing happens for me.

 

I tried many things to help out with it. I tried asking my folks if they know anyone who has a daughter around my age. I tried asking any of my friends if they know of any girls who are available. I even tried online dating, and it was to no avail. I can't even find any of those single meet-up things in my town either.

 

People keep saying things like "there's always someone out there for you", but that never helps. They also say to try and find girls, but the question to that is, HOW AND WHERE? I don't even know where to begin on this.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm aware of everything that comes with a relationship, but starting one is not as easy as everyone else seems to have it. For me anyway.

 

I could really use some solid advice on the matter. Thanks.

 

My advice: avoid on line dating, you wont find many people extolling its virtues and most of the stories you read will be more good than bad. However, try it for a while but don't get too disheartened when the results aren't what you expect.

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You say you "even" tried online dating like it was some last ditch attempt. It should've been the first thing you did. Stop what you're doing now and get on every ap you can: Match, OKCupid, Bumble, Tinder, etc. Every girl you see will be single and willing to meet someone.

 

Exactly. It gets a bad wrap but it is mostly full of single people who are looking. I wonder how long you persevered with it? If there was no luck, might be worth checking again from time to time to see who is new.

 

And yes, get out with your friends and go to meet ups (doesn't have to be singles.. just find an activity to try i.e. partner dancing).

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Tanip,

have a look at my response to the post by "burnt" - "learn to be happy alone" and it maybe helpful to you.

 

Good luck x

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As I keep saying. I think its better to work on yourself and do activites that you love and your in a happy state of mind. Than to go out and slavishly try to get with women.

 

Other than working out and keeping a fit look. Dress well/Groomed. Thats all you can really do. Pray as well for good things to come. I think its very dangerous to get into a mindset that you are being deprived of love or having a GF. Even if you get one. Its a lot of maintanence to keep it together. Might as well enjoy your time being single for now.

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normal person
My advice: avoid on line dating, you wont find many people extolling its virtues and most of the stories you read will be more good than bad.

 

To each their own, but you're also on here pretty frequently starting weekly threads about how unsuccessful you are with women, so why do you think your advice to not do something that most people have some degree of success with is viable? Bad stories about OLD are hyper-visible because they're the only ones people feel compelled to report on it and complain. No one starts a thread that just says "OLD works great, I have no complaints with it." Plenty of relationships start online these days.

 

As I keep saying. I think its better to work on yourself and do activites that you love and your in a happy state of mind. Than to go out and slavishly try to get with women.

 

Can he not do both? Ideally we should always be improving. It doesn't mean he has to improve/do things he likes or try and meet a woman. And if anything, this thread suggests that he'd like to meet a woman more than he'd like to do activities he likes -- otherwise he'd just do them and not start a thread about it. I think the best method is to always work to be the best version of yourself. If you work hard and are successful at it, the rewards will come.

 

Other than working out and keeping a fit look. Dress well/Groomed. Thats all you can really do. Pray as well for good things to come. I think its very dangerous to get into a mindset that you are being deprived of love or having a GF. Even if you get one. Its a lot of maintanence to keep it together. Might as well enjoy your time being single for now.

 

I agree with working out and dressing well, but let's be honest, prayer will do nothing. OP has to do the work, not wait for God to do it for him. If it were as easy as that, there would be no use for this forum.

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tetrahedral

Whoever tells you to "try and find girls" is giving you advice that is both 1) bad and 2) fraught with dangerous implications.

 

You don't need to "find" women.

 

There isn't some clearing in a magical forest, full of beautiful, pure fairies, waiting for you to emerge from the brush, and carry them off to the 1812 overture. Women are literally everywhere.

 

Let's pretend I'm a girl for a moment. Give me your elevator pitch. Why should I interested in you?

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As I keep saying. I think its better to work on yourself and do activites that you love and your in a happy state of mind. Than to go out and slavishly try to get with women.

 

Other than working out and keeping a fit look. Dress well/Groomed. Thats all you can really do. Pray as well for good things to come. I think its very dangerous to get into a mindset that you are being deprived of love or having a GF. Even if you get one. Its a lot of maintanence to keep it together. Might as well enjoy your time being single for now.

 

TANI has had 30 years to be happy alone and work on himself. I see no problem at all with his desire to meet a woman. Singledom has only recently started to bother him. So he is doing something about it.

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The hardest part about even being friends with a girl is when I KNOW that she has a boyfriend. When I find out about that (or if she tells me, or when I happen to see him around her), I feel like we have to drop the whole thing we just started together.

 

I don't want to risk it all and have him come after me for hanging out with her.

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JuneJulySeptember
At some point, this missing chunk of my life has really started to bother me. For a few years before, it hasn't, but now...

 

I've had a few friends who were girls before, but nothing went well with that and I lost contact with them after a while. And anyone else I do meet is already taken. It's like I was too late or something. Even anyone I knew at school wasn't available or had time to hang out. If anyone has ever asked me about if I've had a girlfriend, I always feel the need to lie about it.

 

I recently even have trouble with being just friends with girls. Everyone else I know gets girls so easy, like they're just Christmas or birthday presents or whatever. I try everything I can, but nothing happens for me.

 

I tried many things to help out with it. I tried asking my folks if they know anyone who has a daughter around my age. I tried asking any of my friends if they know of any girls who are available. I even tried online dating, and it was to no avail. I can't even find any of those single meet-up things in my town either.

 

People keep saying things like "there's always someone out there for you", but that never helps. They also say to try and find girls, but the question to that is, HOW AND WHERE? I don't even know where to begin on this.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm aware of everything that comes with a relationship, but starting one is not as easy as everyone else seems to have it. For me anyway.

 

I could really use some solid advice on the matter. Thanks.

 

That was me too, for all intents and purposes.

 

I did better in my 30s and 40s. Though I still had very rough spells.

 

Looking back, part of the problem for me is I ran with various crowds that hung out in the city and were generally not my speed. I'm a very down to Earth, laid back guy. And I was running with a very yuppie and/or hipster crowd.

 

I don't know anything about where you're at of course.

 

But if you're a little geekier, Meetup is a good option. My friend met his wife from there and has a social circle and they're all quite nice, laid back people. There's exceptions I'm sure, but it's generally better for people who are 'less socially exclusive'.

 

If I was single and in my 30s, I'd do Meetup.

Edited by JuneJulySeptember
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The hardest part about even being friends with a girl is when I KNOW that she has a boyfriend. When I find out about that (or if she tells me, or when I happen to see him around her), I feel like we have to drop the whole thing we just started together.

 

I don't want to risk it all and have him come after me for hanging out with her.

 

Should go without saying that you have to drop it when you desire someone who already has a partner.

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tetrahedral
But all it does is make it look like I can't even be friends with girls.

 

But you can. You're friends with men, no? Why should women be any different?

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But you can. You're friends with men, no? Why should women be any different?

It's not that. It's just that them having a boyfriend already (like 90% of the time), or them just getting so paranoid around me gets in the way of that.

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It's not that. It's just that them having a boyfriend already (like 90% of the time), or them just getting so paranoid around me gets in the way of that.

 

If you legitimately want to be friends with a woman, that's fine. But don't hang around if you want more. They will sense it and so will their boyfriends. Find single women. Then date them. Court them.

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I also can't tell how I'm supposed to know if she's single or not. So long as they don't keep being paranoid around men.

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I also can't tell how I'm supposed to know if she's single or not. So long as they don't keep being paranoid around men.

 

Chat with her. Ask her out. If she has a boyfriend, move on.

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normal person

Everyone else I know gets girls so easy, like they're just Christmas or birthday presents or whatever. I try everything I can, but nothing happens for me.

 

What's the difference between them and you?

 

Let's pretend I'm a girl for a moment. Give me your elevator pitch. Why should I interested in you?

 

I would also be curious to hear his answer to this. So often in these threads we see things like "why aren't girls interested in me?" which begs the more obvious question "why would they be?"

 

You need to audit yourself, OP. What makes you so great? What are you expecting these women to like about you that they seem to be overlooking?

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To each their own, but you're also on here pretty frequently starting weekly threads about how unsuccessful you are with women, so why do you think your advice to not do something that most people have some degree of success with is viable? Bad stories about OLD are hyper-visible because they're the only ones people feel compelled to report on it and complain. No one starts a thread that just says "OLD works great, I have no complaints with it." Plenty of relationships start online these days.

 

If its so utterly fantastic why don't more people extoll its virtues? I cannot ever recall a positive post here about OLD or its success.

 

 

My own experience of OLD for 10 year on multiple pay and free platforms is its a load of BS of the highest order, the same people month in and month out looking for some sort of utopia so far from reality it may as well be on Mars.

 

 

The OP can do better than subject himself to the emotionally draining thing called OLD.

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If its so utterly fantastic why don't more people extoll its virtues? I cannot ever recall a positive post here about OLD or its success.

 

They're happily enjoying their relationships rather than posting bitter rants on here.

 

I've scored countless dates on online dating as well as several relationships. I know many others on here who can say the same.

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They're happily enjoying their relationships rather than posting bitter rants on here.

 

I've scored countless dates on online dating as well as several relationships. I know many others on here who can say the same.

 

Good to know there are so many success stories. I still believe the OP is better off not putting all his hope into OLD.

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Boyfriend rejections are literally par for the course. It's a part of life like breathing air, or eating your dinner.

 

Sometimes they are legit, sometimes they aren't. All that matters is that it's a rejection at the end of the day.

 

I have no idea how you get to 30 without having at least one relationship. Simply being around women will end you up in one. So, you mustn't have been around many women.

 

What you need is volume then, for a start.

 

Then what you need is for none of this silly business about using friendship as a way to get a girl. That's basically hanging around, hoping that she takes the male role and does your job. If you are attracted to a woman, either tell her - or show her.

 

Make moves. An open mouth gets fed.

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