Jump to content

Single and feeling frustrated by the dating scene. Any words of encouragement?


Recommended Posts

Hi all,

 

I'm 28, turning 29 in a little less than 2 months. I've technically been single for 2 months, but in reality, I feel like I've been single for 4 years. I was in a very short term relationship of 4.5 months but some of that was long distance and dating. I thought it had long term potential, he didn't agree, and here I am dating again. Before I met my recent ex, I was trying very hard with dating and getting frustrated and just about to give up entirely when I met my ex, so I feel like my frustration is an extension from that stage as well.

 

My last long term relationship was 4 years ago. Since the breakup I've been out with 7 different guys and I have another date tomorrow. I've dated a couple of guys multiple times but ended it. I tend to be a slow burn type of gal, and usually develop feelings through emotions, but have developed feelings from infatuation too.

 

I'm also using Tinder for the first time which has been different. I'm considered attractive by quite a few guys. I'm slim and multiethnic so in general, attracting guys has not been an issue. I'm very social, hate superficial conversations and can handle any type of situation (awkward or otherwise) so most of my dates go smoothly and end up touching personal subjects. I'd say 95% of guys I date want a second date, but I don't seem to catch feelings at all. I give a guy 3-4 dates before I call it quits if I think there's potential.

 

I meet most guys online. I'm very social but unfortunately I tend to meet guys as friends, and breaking the friendship barrier can be tough. That being said if I like a guy enough, I won't let that get in the way. I met my ex in person, had an instant spark, and didn't let shyness get in the way so I don't think that's a huge barrier.

 

I just feel ready to have a long term relationship and build something meaningful with someone. I'm getting frustrated by dating and the process. I'll go on the date and give it 100% but it's hard to keep this momentum. I do see my friends a ton, follow my passions, work out a ton and am enjoying the single life as best as I can. I'm enjoying being single but I'm ready to be in a long term relationship. Any advice or tips or words of love? I'm just feeling down about everything, especially with my birthday coming up and feeling like I'll just be going on endless dates without ever meeting a guy I can connect with.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Using OLD to find a person to have a relationship with isn't like going to MacDonald's and placing your order which a lot of people seem to think. It all about chance, the spin of the roulette wheel and see where it lands. If it didn't hit, you spin again. It may take many tries. You want to find the love of your life? Be patient, it only take one to fulfill that order it will happen.

  • Like 8
Link to post
Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020

A break is always good. Regroup and allow the OLD sites to freshen up a bit. I am approaching 6-months w/o a date. Voluntary and compelled at the same time. I am moving, so feel no obligation to date before I take off and frankly do not want a relationship right now. Once I relocate, I will start dating again. I continue to communicate with a few ladies, but nothing will happen until I get up there and by then, if the communication continues, I will at least have a date in place.

 

It is quite liberating w/o the pressures of dating.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Sounds like you are trying too hard to force things.

Dating shouldn't feel like a battle where you have to "give 100%".

You say you are happy being single, so take your time and when you stop looking so hard I bet you meet someone.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
  • Author

Thanks everyone. I've been so busy with normal social stuff and dates, I haven't had a proper moment to reply. Anyway I have one more date scheduled for tomorrow and I'm taking your advice and taking a break from meeting new people. The good news is I hit it off with 2 guys last weekend - one guy instant click and the other guy I just had a great time (multiple moments where we couldn't stop laughing) . Second date with one guy is today. Other good news is one of these guys is traveling for a month and the other is going through a lot in his work/personal life. So I'm happy seeing where things go since it sounds like I'll need to move slow with both of these guys anyway.

 

I literally cannot meet anyone else new so taking a time out and enjoying my alone time. You guys are the best! Thank you!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

The only alternative to dating is an arranged marriage. Most people who live in places and cultures that approve of dating wouldn't want an arranged marriage.

 

Two generations ahead of me, it was arranged that four brothers and a male first cousin would marry five sisters from another family. My paternal grandparents were one of those pairs. In my parents' generation, it was seriously discouraged to marry anyone from outside the village. Not for me, I'd rather find my own partner. Be glad you have the option of dating. Many people, even today, do not.

Edited by Telemachus
Link to post
Share on other sites
thecrucible

The only advice I can think of is to have a cut off where you either put all effort into one guy or you go back to the drawing board. I think if it gets to about 3 or 4 dates and you still like him, you should focus on him and see what develops. I tried multi-dating before and it was very confusing. I think it's fine to set up a few first dates simultaneously as it's low investment but beyond the first 2 dates, you've got to narrow your choices. I think it's good that the guys you are seeing are taking it slow/have other priorities as it gives you the space to think about how much you like them and whether there's potential. :) I completely know how you feel about the OLD frustration. I'm dating someone from online currently but I know I'll be going through the whole thing again if this one doesn't work out.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

My advice would be this.

 

 

Look at life as an experience and dating as part of that experience but not the whole experience. Be happy with who you are, be happy with the choices you made, find something to smile about each day. Find comfort when lonely with friends.

 

 

its very easy to become so fixated with something to miss everything else that is around you.

 

 

We all want companionship, its the most human of all wants but not having it shouldn't make us sad. It should make us appreciate ourselves and those around us.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

I think that letting go is the answer. We can't control every aspect of our lives.

 

Just make sure your personal grooming is up to par such as if your have stained/crooked teeth. Get them fixed. If you need to gain or lose pound on your body. Do that as well.

Link to post
Share on other sites
SunnyWeather

I say 99 out of a 100 are not going to be what you are looking for. Finding that 1 takes time- or maybe it never happens. But, you never know when it could. It's realizing that most, if not all, are not going to be right that keeps things moving forward.

 

Just don't be too quick to reject, I see that a lot. I almost did that when my now BF didn't do things exactly how I expected for the initial meet. if I hadn't just given it a chance and softened my 'rules' a bit, we never would've met.

 

Breaks are good to re boot, update what you're really looking for, perhaps even widen the scope a bit.

 

good luck, when it strikes, it's magic :)

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...