1st date ideas

[40daysforthen253]

Did a coffee date today that was too platonic. Seeking more interesting 1st date ideas. Some challenges

• Can't do a bar. I'd have to drive (and wouldn't want to drive after taking even a sip)
  
• I'm living in a shared place where it wouldn't make much sense to bring her
  
• A suburb so not too many options
  
• Too cold for anything outside
  
• I'm a terrible dancer
  

 

Thank you for any thoughts.

[Beatles4]

What about Bowling?

[louxor]

Did a coffee date today that was too platonic. Seeking more interesting 1st date ideas. Some challenges

• Can't do a bar. I'd have to drive (and wouldn't want to drive after taking even a sip)
  
• I'm living in a shared place where it wouldn't make much sense to bring her
  
• A suburb so not too many options
  
• Too cold for anything outside
  
• I'm a terrible dancer
  

 

Thank you for any thoughts.

 

- You can still go to a bar but just not drink alcohol - Most places have plenty of non-alcoholic drinks to choose from. If you don't want to do that, why would a taxi or UBER not be possible?

 

- Do you share a room with others in this share place or do you have your own one?

 

- Other options could include things like bowling (mentioned above and one of my favorites), shooting pool, playing darts, going to an arcade, going to a sporting event of some description. On a first date I usually opt for something fun and exciting, that steers away from just sitting opposite each other, as it gives you something extra to talk about, opens up avenues for a bit of friendly/flirty competition, keeps you up and moving, avoids any periods of silence etc etc, and then afterwards you can always move on to the sitting down and relaxing over conversation if you feel a good connection with the person.

Edited February 14, 2016 by louxor

[sportygirl89]

Indoor rock climbing, wine tours, movies, places like Dave and Busters, wine and design.

 

If I ever get back in the dating scene I am taking the guy to a zip line course. I'm terrified of heights and shows that I'm not afraid of anything.

[Art_Critic]

lunches are good and seen as different, takes the pressure off

[JuneJulySeptember]

It would depend on the woman.

 

I typically save the fun stuff for the 2nd and 3rd dates because you find out what they like to do on the 1st date. She mentions she likes tequila? Well, then maybe going to a bar and getting sloppy is a good idea for a second date. And really, if you can't sustain a couple of hours of conversation over coffee, then you're not meant to be friends, let alone be together in a relationship.

 

In any case, OLD is different. The 1st date is more of screen. Women I have met have flat out told me they are concerned for their safety when meeting on 1st dates, so I wouldn't get too elaborate with plans to drive out to the beach to see the sunset, etc.

 

Also, what do YOU like to do for fun? The key is that you actually want to do that activity yourself and aren't just doing it to impress the woman.

 

"I'll take this woman to a wine and design class because I think it'll impress her and help me get with her. But in reality, I'd rather be sitting at home with Coors Light and watching Mixed Martial Arts." Not going to work.

Edited February 14, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember

[normal person]

lunches are good and seen as different, takes the pressure off

 

I respectfully disagree, I think lunch (and coffee) is awful. Low pressure but also therefore very platonic, which is what he's trying to avoid. Pressure is sexual tension, that's what you want if you're trying to avoid platonic. Lunch is "different" because not many people do it to begin with, because it's unsexy. The guy is 24, not 64. Take a 24 year old girl to lunch or coffee the first time around you're probably shooting yourself in the foot. Things during the day just don't have the same romantic, sexy, appeal of something at night.

 

 

You can go to a bar, have 1-3 drinks, and take a cab/Uber home as someone said. Problem solved. Easy and effective. Not platonic.

 

Or you could just go to dinner. It's normal, and you actually interact with her unlike going to the movies (aka "sitting in the darkness and not speaking to each other"), which I think is a horrible first date.

 

There's a reason why getting drinks and/or dinner is the gold standard of dating. You get to know each other on a deeper level, it's easy, fun, everyone likes it, and there aren't many surprises.

 

Now think about taking a girl you don't know indoor rock climbing, as someone else mentioned. First of all, she has to wear gym clothes, can't do her hair, and is going to get sweaty and gross climbing rocks. Odds are she'd much rather be dressing up, perfumed, and looking hot. Secondly, maybe she has no interest in rock climbing, hates heights, etc (maybe she loves it but it's a big gamble without much reward). Most importantly, you learn very little about her aside from whether or not she's good at rock climbing. It's hard to talk about anything else. You're not going to be 30 feet up in the air, grasping a rock asking "so what's it like being a social worker?" The situation is just not conducive to any interpersonal connection.

 

 

OP, I've done this many, many times. You'd be hard pressed to find someone on this forum more experienced in dating at this age than I am, I've learned from lots of successes and mistakes, and I'm telling you -- just stick to food and drinks until you've got a good grasp of the person. Save the activities for when you've talked enough, learned about her, have had exhaustive discussions, and know enough to figure out what sort of thing she might actually enjoy. Don't shift her focus from the two of you to something else until you have to. If she likes you, it likely won't matter what sort of activity you do. But she has to like you first. Best of luck.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I respectfully disagree, I think lunch (and coffee) is awful. Low pressure but also therefore very platonic, which is what he's trying to avoid. Pressure is sexual tension, that's what you want if you're trying to avoid platonic. Lunch is "different" because not many people do it to begin with, because it's unsexy. The guy is 24, not 64. Take a 24 year old girl to lunch or coffee the first time around you're probably shooting yourself in the foot. Things during the day just don't have the same romantic, sexy, appeal of something at night.

 

It says you live in NYC. Which in that case, I wouldn't take a 24 year old woman to Starbucks, no. At least the High Line, or the MOMA, or the Roosevelt Tram or something. She needs to be impressed more. Which is one of the reasons I moved from that city.

 

However, the suburbs are different. There's nothing to do here, and women have been the ones to suggest coffee to me. I'm also a lot older now.

 

But yes, to get a 24 year old cute-ish/average-ish girl in NYC you have to come with a LOT.

Edited February 14, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember

[hasaquestion]

Listen to normal person OP. Drinks as a date format works. That's why we do it.

 

Nothing about a first date should be indirect. You aren't both there to watch A, B, or C, or do X, Y, or Z. You are there to focus your attention on HER and she is there to focus on YOU. If she doesn't want the "pressure" of

That then why are you even going out with her in the first place?

[normal person]

It says you live in NYC. Which in that case, I wouldn't take a 24 year old woman to Starbucks, no. At least the High Line, or the MOMA, or the Roosevelt Tram or something. She needs to be impressed more. Which is one of the reasons I moved from that city.

 

However, the suburbs are different. There's nothing to do here, and women have been the ones to suggest coffee to me. I'm also a lot older now.

 

But yes, to get a 24 year old cute-ish/average-ish girl in NYC you have to come with a LOT.

 

Maybe times have changed. I'd disagree. For a first date I wouldn't do anything like that. For a first date (in NYC or anywhere else, I'm guessing) you don't want to do anything too over the top, you just want to hang out for a bit and see if you like each other. It's just a preemptive audition to see if you like the person enough to do all the other stuff with them.

 

I've never gone out with a girl who didn't think drinks and/or dinner the first time around was just fine. Somewhere cool with all the ambience and hip cocktails that girls like. That's all you need. Anything else is too big of a commitment. A girl usually just wants to look good, show up somewhere and see if you like each other. She doesn't want to opt in to a 2 hour boat ride around Manhattan the first time she meets the guy. Keep it simple at first, I think.

 

Another thing, planning extravagant, over the top dates right off the bat can make you seem a little eager, in my opinion. Ideally you go into the situation with the same level of skepticism she has. She has to win you over just as much as you do her. A bar or restaurant is neutral territory. If you take her to the Met, all of a sudden it feels like you're trying too hard to win her over. It's just a bad way of going about doing things. It's easier if you can meet halfway and make her do as much legwork as you, or ideally, more. You don't want to show all your cards first if you don't have to. You'll want to play the game a little. She'll respect you more if you can make her work for you a bit rather than just offering everything to her.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Maybe times have changed. I'd disagree. For a first date I wouldn't do anything like that. For a first date (in NYC or anywhere else, I'm guessing) you don't want to do anything too over the top, you just want to hang out for a bit and see if you like each other. It's just a preemptive audition to see if you like the person enough to do all the other stuff with them.

 

I've never gone out with a girl who didn't think drinks and/or dinner the first time around was just fine. Somewhere cool with all the ambience and hip cocktails that girls like. That's all you need. Anything else is too big of a commitment. A girl usually just wants to look good, show up somewhere and see if you like each other. She doesn't want to opt in to a 2 hour boat ride around Manhattan the first time she meets the guy. Keep it simple at first, I think.

 

Another thing, planning extravagant, over the top dates right off the bat can make you seem a little eager, in my opinion. Ideally you go into the situation with the same level of skepticism she has. She has to win you over just as much as you do her. A bar or restaurant is neutral territory. If you take her to the Met, all of a sudden it feels like you're trying too hard to win her over. It's just a bad way of going about doing things. It's easier if you can meet halfway and make her do as much legwork as you, or ideally, more. You don't want to show all your cards first if you don't have to. You'll want to play the game a little. She'll respect you more if you can make her work for you a bit rather than just offering everything to her.

 

Disagree with what?

 

You disagree that women have asked me to go to coffee?

 

You think lunch and/or coffee is awful BUT dinner and/or drinks is perfect?

 

Your ideas are great but my ideas of walking on the High Line or going to the MoMa are awful? C'mon...

 

I mean, I'm not going to argue, but c'mon man, make dating seem at least a 'little' enjoyable since you've been so successful at it, and not just a formulaic game of tug of war where the difference between lunch and dinner equals catastrophic failure.

 

And bolded, I'm not aiming for that demographic anymore, and not all guys are aiming for that. Especially in the suburbs, some people never, ever enter the bar scene.

Edited February 14, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember

[40daysforthen253]

All good ideas. Thnx. I got a wild one.

 

What about a silent date? We eat a meal or something and can't say a single word to each other. Just express ourselves with eye contact.

 

As I said, wild. But I'd actually be intrigued to see how it goes down. Any thoughts?

[hasaquestion]

All good ideas. Thnx. I got a wild one.

 

What about a silent date? We eat a meal or something and can't say a single word to each other. Just express ourselves with eye contact.

 

As I said, wild. But I'd actually be intrigued to see how it goes down. Any thoughts?

 

File that under things that people don't do for a reason next to "cars with square wheels".

 

The point of a date is to get to know someone. Unless she's got a fetish for mute people or something I think she'd be weirded out. Go with the tried and true. Like someone said there's a reason people go out for drinks, because it works.

[normal person]

Disagree with what?

 

You disagree that women have asked me to go to coffee?

 

You think lunch and/or coffee is awful BUT dinner and/or drinks is perfect?

 

Your ideas are great but my ideas of walking on the High Line or going to the MoMa are awful? C'mon...

 

I mean, I'm not going to argue, but c'mon man, make dating seem at least a 'little' enjoyable since you've been so successful at it, and not just a formulaic game of tug of war where the difference between lunch and dinner equals catastrophic failure.

 

 

Maybe that all came out a little hyperbolic on my end, my apologies. Those aren't bad ideas by any stretch of the imagination, to me they just don't seem to give yourself the best odds of success. Too much to deal with. Too many extraneous variables. It's not for me. If you think someone might like it and you can pull it off, more power to you. I know what works for the 24-29 demographic, I haven't got a clue for anything outside of it.

 

All good ideas. Thnx. I got a wild one.

 

What about a silent date? We eat a meal or something and can't say a single word to each other. Just express ourselves with eye contact.

 

As I said, wild. But I'd actually be intrigued to see how it goes down. Any thoughts?

 

I honestly can't tell if this is a joke or not. Make her sit for 45 minutes and just stare at you? Most girls get uncomfortable or "awkward" after 30 seconds of silence. Let's not even mention how bored she's going to get. I might've wrongly come across a bit critical on some other ideas, but this one I can safely say is downright bad. Honestly if you weren't going to talk, you'd be better off going to a movie. If people thought not talking to each other was more preferable to talking, why would they ever talk? I don't even understand this. You can't exchange any information or learn anything if you don't talk. How would you express "So what do you do for a living?" through eye contact?

 

If you tried to pull this on a girl she'd probably just make up some excuse and leave after two minutes. It'd be remembered as her worst ever date. She'd use it to trump anyone else's "online dating horror story" for the rest of her life.

 

Look, just buy her food at a decent place and talk to her. Ask her why she thinks certain things. That's all you have to do. You don't need outside the box ideas or themes. There's a reason people have dinner and drinks. It's because it works. It makes everyone happy. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

[d0nnivain]

All good ideas. Thnx. I got a wild one.

 

What about a silent date? We eat a meal or something and can't say a single word to each other. Just express ourselves with eye contact.

 

As I said, wild. But I'd actually be intrigued to see how it goes down. Any thoughts?

 

That is a wonderful 100th date idea. It sucks as a 1st date idea. Too weird. You don't know each other. The whole point of a 1st date idea is to talk & get to know each other. First dates are hard enough. Do not make things harder.

 

 

The clichés are the clichés for a reason. They have proven effective over the long haul.

 

 

The secret to a good coffee date is to find a good coffee shop, not a well lit one like Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks but a cozy little one, with soft furniture & little conversation pits.

 

 

Other non-alcoholic options:

 

 

* a museum, especially the kitchy ones in your part of the world.

 

 

* stroll through an art gallery

 

 

* indoor arcade like Dave & Busters

 

 

* ice cream depending on how cold it is outside

 

 

* local play, even a high school production

 

 

* pro-am sporting event

 

 

* bowling

 

 

* getting dessert . . .sharing a piece of cake can be romantic

 

 

* a movie, not great for talking but still a classic

 

 

* a local festival -- read the things to do section of your local paper

Edited February 15, 2016 by d0nnivain

[hasaquestion]

* getting dessert . . .sharing a piece of cake can be romantic

 

This is what I said earlier in one of the OP's threads. If you want to approximate the atmosphere of meeting for drinks, and can't drink, make it dessert.

 

It's the right time of day. You can go to a place with the right atmosphere. She can still get a drink if she wants. You can still use bar seating, which is the best for a first date. And the odds are good she likes chocolate.