LookAtThisPOst Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 I saw this local woman in my area on OK Cupid, a recent profile as it was the first time I was seeing it. I actually read through her entire profile for a change, as it seemed rather well put together and articulate as well as engaging. But, I saw this part that MAY be concerning. "I was married once and have been divorced since 2000 -- no kids. My ex-husband is still my very best friend and any new person in my life needs to know and accept that. Boy & girlfriends come and go, but friends are there through thick and thin." She wrote this with just a tad too much emphasis, but I wonder if she know where here boundaries lie? Think they are FWB's while she's between relationships? Link to post Share on other sites
scorpiogirl Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 I saw this local woman in my area on OK Cupid, a recent profile as it was the first time I was seeing it. I actually read through her entire profile for a change, as it seemed rather well put together and articulate as well as engaging. But, I saw this part that MAY be concerning. "I was married once and have been divorced since 2000 -- no kids. My ex-husband is still my very best friend and any new person in my life needs to know and accept that. Boy & girlfriends come and go, but friends are there through thick and thin." She wrote this with just a tad too much emphasis, but I wonder if she know where here boundaries lie? Think they are FWB's while she's between relationships? You can't really afford to be picky in your backwater town, can you? Does she have all her teeth? If so, you should really lower your standards some. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Think they are FWB's while she's between relationships? I have no idea, there's not enough information to tell. What I do think, is that she's dated a good few guys since her divorce, and they have been uncomfortable with her relationship with her ex. They have either asked her to stop talking to him, given her the "him or me" ultimatum, or simply dumped her because of it. And she's trying to prevent that happening again, by putting this line in her profile. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 You're assuming a lot there. If you are secure in yourself then mail her. If you are not secure in yourself and prone to jealousy/possessiveness then don't mail her. Try not to overthink profiles quite so much. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 (edited) Without actually knowing this woman, I don't think one can assume she's FWB with her ex-husband. If you are actually dating her, then it's for you to be observant of what she says and does and the actual nature of the relationship. But if you aren't dating her, speculating about it seems pointless, as there isn't enough info to go on besides one sentence on her OLD profile. It's possible for people to be friends with their exes and it be platonic. It's up to who they're dating to be secure with this or to choose something else. I don't think it's impossible to be friends with an ex. Best friends is a little much for me, but without the details, I cannot reasonably say what her deal is. It's been 15 years...I have no clue how or why they ended, if he's gay now, if he's in a relationship, nothing really to contextualize it, so I won't jump to "she must be FWBs with him!" The great thing is that she has put it out there for all to see, so one can proceed knowing this and be okay with it or be willing to see if it is benign or a weird situation OR run for the hills because it's not your thing and for you it spells trouble. For me, I'd probably keep it moving if a man said this but again, it wouldn't necessarily be because I think he and his ex still have sex. Namely, announcing this on your profile is odd. I would much prefer for it to come up during getting to know someone but on the flip side, if they declare it on their profile, there are no surprises. Edited February 8, 2016 by MissBee 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted February 12, 2016 Author Share Posted February 12, 2016 Without actually knowing this woman, I don't think one can assume she's FWB with her ex-husband. If you are actually dating her, then it's for you to be observant of what she says and does and the actual nature of the relationship. But if you aren't dating her, speculating about it seems pointless, as there isn't enough info to go on besides one sentence on her OLD profile. It's possible for people to be friends with their exes and it be platonic. It's up to who they're dating to be secure with this or to choose something else. I don't think it's impossible to be friends with an ex. Best friends is a little much for me, but without the details, I cannot reasonably say what her deal is. It's been 15 years...I have no clue how or why they ended, if he's gay now, if he's in a relationship, nothing really to contextualize it, so I won't jump to "she must be FWBs with him!" The great thing is that she has put it out there for all to see, so one can proceed knowing this and be okay with it or be willing to see if it is benign or a weird situation OR run for the hills because it's not your thing and for you it spells trouble. For me, I'd probably keep it moving if a man said this but again, it wouldn't necessarily be because I think he and his ex still have sex. Namely, announcing this on your profile is odd. I would much prefer for it to come up during getting to know someone but on the flip side, if they declare it on their profile, there are no surprises. Well, the plus side to this is...he lives miles and miles away and they have no kids together. So he really poses no threat I would think. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 She put it in the profile.. I'd run from that one.. she is telling you upfront because she has had issues with her closeness to her ex in the past dating relationships.. Could just be that he is seeing someone and she is waiting for him to be single so she is his orbiter. I dated a girl once for a few months that had a similar tag line in her profile except she had 2 kids with her ex... Turned out that he lived next door, he bought the house next door after the divorce.. and he would come over at any time .. for example.. I met him in her kitchen for the first time when he popped over while I waiting for her to finish getting ready for a date.. he just walked in. Weird... There are boundaries.... sounds like that girl is willing to push that one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted February 12, 2016 Author Share Posted February 12, 2016 (edited) I dated a girl once for a few months that had a similar tag line in her profile except she had 2 kids with her ex... Turned out that he lived next door Well, like I said...he lives hundreds of miles away and they have no kids together. I'm suppose to meet her for a first date this Sat. night, can't judge too quickly as more can be revealed about the nature of their friendship at a later time. I will also ask what kind of boundaries she has with him.j For instance , like discussing our personal life with him. Edited February 12, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Anything written on a profile is open for discussion on a first date. I would ask about the nature of their friendship, why she remains friends with him, and why she felt the need to write that on her profile. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Anything written on a profile is open for discussion on a first date. I would ask about the nature of their friendship, why she remains friends with him, and why she felt the need to write that on her profile. Excellent point.... Link to post Share on other sites
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