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A few questions for women & tips to meet relationship-oriented women?


PrismOfLove

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Greetings LoveShack forum members!

Today I come to you with a couple questions.

(27 year old guy fyi)

I identify myself as sort of a romantic, but adhere to reality. I have found myself fantasizing about the whole deep connection thing, getting married and all that sometimes when I'm daydreaming. I've had casual sex in the past, both initiated by me and women. I've totally been that guy where I thought we were actually going to watch a movie! Haha. The whole casual thing just doesn't appeal to me, I'm done with it and I've always been relationship-oriented as long as I can remember. My longest is 1.5 years.

 

My question, any tips to find relationship-oriented women? I've met so many that already had boyfriends (at least they are relationship-oriented) or just aren't looking for a relationship. The latter is a lot more common than I would have thought apparently. I'm pretty confident and know what I want, but am attracted to different types and don't have a checklist or anything. I've tried OLD but women I'm into are quite scarce in my area, have had some success getting dates (maybe 20 off of it?), but only 1 relationship formed and it doesn't seem to work in general for me. It may have something to do with my other question, I'm not sure. My friends and family have tried to set me up but everyone they know is coupled up (not surprising at my age). I meet women in my daily life, get to know them, but they usually have a boyfriend or are just looking for a casual relationship. This has happened so many times, almost every time really. Is it just about luck and putting myself out there? I'm a patient guy, but I get lonely sometimes haha.

 

My other question is does the age a guy looks matter at all attraction-wise? (Especially for women 20-30) I'm sure it's not a one-answer fits all scenario but I'd like some insight :) I'm confident so I'm sure that helps a bit and don't really even think about it when I'm talking to women, but appearance is appearance I guess. I've been told I'm attractive by a lot of people, but I'm 27 and look about 18-20. I feel this is probably the worst age to look younger for guys, especially if I want to meet a 27 year old on online dating or something? When I make new friends and tell them my age...they freak out EVERY time. "I thought you were fresh out of high school" ,or "There's no way you're 27", some just stare at me in disbelief for a few seconds. It's actually amusing to me sometimes because it's almost a guaranteed reaction! I'm totally looking forward to when I'm 40 and look 25 though. :)

 

So thanks for reading and hopefully giving me some opinions fellow loveshackers! Have a great day.

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Sorry to break the news but, these women are not looking for casual, and I bet a lot don't even have a BF, they are just letting you down easy. If you are not having any luck, that means they don't see you as BF material.

 

When you look like a minor, that means you lack the look of masculinity and that would be a problem. Masculinity is related to strength, reliable, protective, a good provider.....qualities that woman subconsciously look for.

 

Dress more maturely, like dress shirts with jeans and sharp dress shoes, grow some facial hair, grow your hair out. having very short hair and clean shaven most definitely can make a guy look 10 years younger. Go bulk up your size at the gym.

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Sorry to break the news but, these women are not looking for casual, and I bet a lot don't even have a BF, they are just letting you down easy. If you are not having any luck, that means they don't see you as BF material.

 

When you look like a minor, that means you lack the look of masculinity and that would be a problem. Masculinity is related to strength, reliable, protective, a good provider.....qualities that woman subconsciously look for.

 

Dress more maturely, like dress shirts with jeans and sharp dress shoes, grow some facial hair, grow your hair out. having very short hair and clean shaven most definitely can make a guy look 10 years younger. Go bulk up your size at the gym.

 

Thanks for the reply, I appreciate it! So are you saying the age I look does matter? Let me address a few of your points. I'm pretty fashion-sensed and take pride in my appearance so: I already dress maturely, I can't grow full facial hair (my dad couldn't til he was 40 or 50), I already have great hair that isn't that short (I get a lot of compliments on it), I'm not scrawny, but I do need to gain more mass still. I guess the only thing to do is just go to the gym more and wait til I can grow facial hair? The main thing that makes me look young is my face I think.

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Start hanging out with older chaps and learn their mannerisms, how they interact with women, pick up on intellectual subjects they talk about, etc.

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I'm just going to be honest you want advice the best thing to do is not ask a woman for it. Would you as a hunter ask a deer how to hunt it? You want to know ask a successful man.

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Start hanging out with older chaps and learn their mannerisms, how they interact with women, pick up on intellectual subjects they talk about, etc.

I'll keep that in mind, but I only look 20, I'm not actually 20 and already for the most part know these skills. I suppose it's all about finding the right woman? I'll try to put myself out there more.

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I'm just going to be honest you want advice the best thing to do is not ask a woman for it. Would you as a hunter ask a deer how to hunt it? You want to know ask a successful man.

 

You have a point, so yes if in men would like to chime in, I'd love to hear it. Not much I can do about the title at this point I'm guessing.

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If you ask random women you don't know about what they want in a man, they'll tell you 1) looks and a career + 2) their personnal taste.

 

Good women want confidence.

Your confidence is born from your success in life.

 

It doesn't matter which boxes your tick, what matters is that you worked your way to achieve something, then you'll naturally attract a woman who likes it.

 

The only difficulty is putting yourself out there and filtering out those who are not right for you.

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If you ask random women you don't know about what they want in a man, they'll tell you 1) looks and a career + 2) their personnal taste.

 

Good women want confidence.

Your confidence is born from your success in life.

 

It doesn't matter which boxes your tick, what matters is that you worked your way to achieve something, then you'll naturally attract a woman who likes it.

 

The only difficulty is putting yourself out there and filtering out those who are not right for you.

 

Good insight, however I am naturally an introverted, shy person, but like I said in the OP a couple times I am somewhat confident. I like who I am and work on improving myself. One of my new years resolutions was to be more bold.

 

About the career thing, I still have extensive schooling before I can be on the top of my field which I am currently undertaking so it's going to take a while... any advice for the mean time?

 

What do you mean by "naturally" attract women? I've know I've had quite a few women attracted to me (they usually tell me "I'm charming or a great guy" after a date), but aren't looking for a relationship or there just wasn't mutual chemistry from my end. Where do I find women that are single and not into casual flings in greater supply? I usually rely on OLD since they are *usually* like-minded. I don't drink so I don't go to bars or anything like that (obviously that's more a casual thing usually anyways).

 

Another problem I've been having is I have lovely chats with women online, medium to long messages, a great and interesting back and forth. Humor, facts, all that jazz. Then a few messages in I ask to meet for coffee and then never get a reply. I know it's text but talk about a 180. Happens sometimes, including the past few days. Is this just the nature of OLD or am I doing something horribly wrong?

 

Btw, I really appreciate opinions and advice guys/gals!

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I like who I am and work on improving myself. One of my new years resolutions was to be more bold.

 

About the career thing, I still have extensive schooling before I can be on the top of my field which I am currently undertaking so it's going to take a while... any advice for the mean time?

If you're shy and introverted, and your career hasn't yet taken off, then you need hobbys that are social by nature (ie not video games, or other solitary hobbies).

Let me stress out however, you need hobbies, not a hobby.

 

If you have only one hobby then you'll face some major challenge that you can avoid entirely by having many, like practicing a sport and hurting yourself, or playing guitar and breaking a hand etc...

 

So have at least 2 main hobbies and 1 or 2 secondary ones.

 

Just know that like in professional fields, being noticed in a hobby involves being better than most people. If you're average, you might score with the shy woman in the corner (and even that is not guaranteed...), but that's it.

 

What do you mean by "naturally" attract women?
Not "women, "a" woman. You cannot attract everyone, but by being driven, ambitious, and alive, you'll attract women who like your type. If you get outthere and meet many of them. You need to meet as many people as possible to find one who is suited for you. It's a numbers game. OLD is just a mean to an end, it's real life, just harsher because you need to sell a profile, not who you really are.

 

Another problem I've been having is I have lovely chats with women online, medium to long messages, a great and interesting back and forth. Humor, facts, all that jazz. Then a few messages in I ask to meet for coffee and then never get a reply. I know it's text but talk about a 180. Happens sometimes, including the past few days. Is this just the nature of OLD or am I doing something horribly wrong?
Don't loose your time entertaining women online. You're not a penpal, or you don't want to be.

 

Say who you are, what you do, ask a few questions, make a few jokes, then ask them out if they want more. But don't start a convo "for free".

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If you're shy and introverted, and your career hasn't yet taken off, then you need hobbys that are social by nature (ie not video games, or other solitary hobbies).

Let me stress out however, you need hobbies, not a hobby.

 

If you have only one hobby then you'll face some major challenge that you can avoid entirely by having many, like practicing a sport and hurting yourself, or playing guitar and breaking a hand etc...

 

So have at least 2 main hobbies and 1 or 2 secondary ones.

 

Just know that like in professional fields, being noticed in a hobby involves being better than most people. If you're average, you might score with the shy woman in the corner (and even that is not guaranteed...), but that's it.

 

Great post, thank you! I probably need more hobbies, I'll start to look into more.

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Greetings LoveShack forum members!

Today I come to you with a couple questions.

(27 year old guy fyi)

I identify myself as sort of a romantic, but adhere to reality. I have found myself fantasizing about the whole deep connection thing, getting married and all that sometimes when I'm daydreaming. I've had casual sex in the past, both initiated by me and women. I've totally been that guy where I thought we were actually going to watch a movie! Haha. The whole casual thing just doesn't appeal to me, I'm done with it and I've always been relationship-oriented as long as I can remember. My longest is 1.5 years.

 

My question, any tips to find relationship-oriented women? I've met so many that already had boyfriends (at least they are relationship-oriented) or just aren't looking for a relationship. The latter is a lot more common than I would have thought apparently. I'm pretty confident and know what I want, but am attracted to different types and don't have a checklist or anything. I've tried OLD but women I'm into are quite scarce in my area, have had some success getting dates (maybe 20 off of it?), but only 1 relationship formed and it doesn't seem to work in general for me. It may have something to do with my other question, I'm not sure. My friends and family have tried to set me up but everyone they know is coupled up (not surprising at my age). I meet women in my daily life, get to know them, but they usually have a boyfriend or are just looking for a casual relationship. This has happened so many times, almost every time really. Is it just about luck and putting myself out there? I'm a patient guy, but I get lonely sometimes haha.

 

 

 

So thanks for reading and hopefully giving me some opinions fellow loveshackers! Have a great day.

 

I'm a guy so take what I say with a grain of salt.lol

 

Your profile says California and you say you've haven't had trouble meeting women in general so I said you are on a strong footing.

 

I agree about getting new hobbies. But I would preface by saying just go to expand your friend count with women. Single women(even if they aren't your type) usually have single girlfriend or ones getting out of relationships especially around your age.

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Are you 100% sure that you want a relationship? I ask that because people may say they want one but actions people see are often seen as not wanting one. You have to be in alignment if you want a relationship meaning the actions have to be the same as what you are talking. Plus don't really worry about it. Relationships happen when you least expect it.

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I'm a guy so take what I say with a grain of salt.lol

 

Your profile says California and you say you've haven't had trouble meeting women in general so I said you are on a strong footing.

 

I agree about getting new hobbies. But I would preface by saying just go to expand your friend count with women. Single women(even if they aren't your type) usually have single girlfriend or ones getting out of relationships especially around your age.

 

I actually hung out with a girl that's a just a friend today, I try to expand my social circle when I can.

 

Are you 100% sure that you want a relationship? I ask that because people may say they want one but actions people see are often seen as not wanting one. You have to be in alignment if you want a relationship meaning the actions have to be the same as what you are talking. Plus don't really worry about it. Relationships happen when you least expect it.

 

I 100% want one, yes, I am very commitment-oriented, I'm pretty sure my actions line up in this regard as well. In fact, lately I usually bring it up at the beginning to avoid learning they don't want one later on.

 

Some nice tattoos... maybe even a sleeve might help :love:

I'm actually into tattoos quite a bit. My ex had some. I've been thinking about getting some for years but I'd want to do it for myself, not to attract women.

 

♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪

 

Thinking about it, I feel like my biggest hurdle at this point is social anxiety. It's funny because once I'm already interacting with women, the conversation flows great, I'm charming, confident and all that. It's just that opening to women that nullifies me and I'm completely petrified. I see beautiful women every day at college and try to force myself to start a conversation, sometimes I succeed but I usually fail and walk away feeling defeated. It's very frustrating to be so close yet so far from something I want; I try to tell myself "Fortune favors the bold".

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I'm a woman your age and I could have written most of your post myself! In my circles as well, pretty well anyone in their mid-late 20s who's into serious, long-term relationships has one. Men and women alike. Sometimes I had the sense I was back in elementary school and the teacher asked everyone to find a partner, and everyone else did instantly and I was the one left over, haha. So I feel you, from the other side of the coin.

 

Of course it's not entirely true--there are still many quality people out there who want relationships but don't have them at the moment. But finding them can definitely be tough. OLD helps in the sense that it groups together people who are single and looking, but it's not at all the guarantee that it may seem. I think most of those in their late 20s who are single, emotionally healthy, relationship-oriented, and with numerous positive qualities are those who are looking for a really good match and willing to wait for it. This can make things harder in the short-term, as things are less likely to start, but ultimately, if that idea of a "good match" is realistic and healthy, can make the eventual relationship more likely to work out.

 

So my advice on the front of meeting someone is to be patient and positive. You're probably looking for someone who's been waiting for a good match, or at least is willing to. Good matches take a while to find, and/or a lot of luck. But they are so good. Based on what you've said here, you sound like the kind of man I was looking for--friendly and confident but introverted, working on a high level of schooling, a realistic romantic... honestly I even find men who are quite young-looking appealing! :) In person we may or may not 'click,' but it's still worth remembering there are in fact plenty of women out there who like your qualities, as they are. There will be connections with some of them (including those with qualities you like as well).

 

There really isn't any one place to look to find these potential good matches, I'm afraid. You simply have to meet people and see how it goes. OLD is a perfectly valid potential route, if not without its drawbacks. Other suggestions in this thread are good too--social hobbies, social circles. Ultimately a big part of it is just luck. You want to be in the best position possible for when that luck hits, positive and ready, but there's some things you can't speed up.

 

I don't have any particular advice on the young-looking thing, especially because, as I said, I've always kind of liked that, haha. I'm also the same way--most people well and truly assume I'm 20, when I'm 28 (though I'm sure the effect is different for women than men). I suppose keep up a mature demeanor, so at least the women thinks you're a very grounded, mature 20-year-old and is impressed? :p

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