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Thanks everyone, I am done.


ZA Dater

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I don't think words can really convey how absolutely horrid I feel at the moment.

 

Some of you may know I have been chasing an ideal, someone I really liked for who she was rather than how she looked, I initially had her tacitly agree to go to an event as my friend.

 

Followed this up today with a mutual friend and apparently she know has a bf and is "smitten" this after she went onto Tinder.

 

I don't expect anyone here to understand but I once again never got an opportunity to show her how good I can be. Once again I got passed aside like a piece of dirt, my own friends couldn't be honest with me, my own friends did nothing to try and sell me to her, they are her friends too.

 

I tried, I tried to be better, I spent a fortune on clothes, I stomached a hairstyle I don't even like, all this because the same friends said I should do this.

 

In the 14 odd years I have been trying to find a gf all I have got is a kick in the teeth and as I get older it becomes more and more hurtful and today just seems to be the culmination of years of hurtful kicks in the teeth.

 

Nothing I do is ever good enough, I never look good enough, maybe I never say the right things, being kind counts for nothing, treating people nicely counts for nothing, taking an interest in then counts for nothing.

 

All I want right now is someone to simply hug me and tell me its going to be ok because I don't feel ok, I feel like dirt, someone so unattractive they don't even warrant a second look never mind a chance, my own friends lulled me into a belief I may have a chance with her but at the same time did nothing to really help me besides spin me false hope and get me to spend money on clothes I don't even like.

 

I just feel like garbage, a pawn, an amusement to some that I cant even find anyone to go out with me, nobody decent, my friend tries to set me up with people I cant ever hope to attract but the one I like most he does nothing to help me at all.

 

Frankly all I am is a sad 31yo looser with no prospects at all, a guy who likes what he cant ever hope to have.

 

Thanks for listening, once again if you have someone special, tell them they are special, treat them like the special person they are to you. Take nothing for granted and enjoy each moment with them. If they wow you enjoy each moment, its a special feeling.

 

Sadly nothing I have to give will ever get me the amazing feeling.

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All I can offer is a virtual {{hug}}.

 

I know it's tough but she wasn't the right woman for you. Going forward you can't expect friends to "sell" you to a romantic prospect but you should be able to have them tell you the truth when they know she's taken.

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All I can offer is a virtual {{hug}}.

 

I know it's tough but she wasn't the right woman for you. Going forward you can't expect friends to "sell" you to a romantic prospect but you should be able to have them tell you the truth when they know she's taken.

 

You know what this is the only person I have ever met who really wowed me intellectually, that just doesn't happen.

 

I can expect my friends to at least be honest with me. Clearly that was too much to ask.

 

I never got to spend enough time with her but the time I did was easily the best time I have ever spent with a female.

 

All that's going to happen now I am going back to being the hard, cynical, couldn't care less guy, confidence totally shattered once again, self belief totally gone and really there is nothing for me in the dating world, absolutely nothing.

 

31yo virgin, never been kissed, nothing to offer anyone.

 

Not self pity but truth, truth I am just not good enough.

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Really sorry.

 

Have followed your posts, was hoping this would work out for you.

 

I know you feel like ..... now but you shouldn`t give up. (Easy to say)

 

Good luck.

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JuneJulySeptember

 

I tried, I tried to be better, I spent a fortune on clothes, I stomached a hairstyle I don't even like, all this because the same friends said I should do this.

 

In the 14 odd years I have been trying to find a gf all I have got is a kick in the teeth and as I get older it becomes more and more hurtful and today just seems to be the culmination of years of hurtful kicks in the teeth.

 

Nothing I do is ever good enough, I never look good enough, maybe I never say the right things, being kind counts for nothing, treating people nicely counts for nothing, taking an interest in then counts for nothing.

 

 

Sorry for your loss, but I just have one comment on the above.

 

At one point in life, you may look back at all of the things you have done and the directions you have taken to try and attract/impress not just women, but people in general. And you may regret it, because it has taken yourself away from who you truly are.

 

For example, maybe you wanted to be a social worker, or teach elementary school in a lower income area, but because you thought women would be attracted to men who made more $, you decided to become something else. Just an example.

 

I IMPLORE you not to do that. You will regret it.

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Really sorry.

 

Have followed your posts, was hoping this would work out for you.

 

I know you feel like ..... now but you shouldn`t give up. (Easy to say)

 

Good luck.

 

I am out of this game, clearly I just don't have anything that the extremely few people I find attractive like, its the unfortunate reality and the world is cruel place where unfortunately one isn't given chances and dare be different, dare confide in people and you become is a symbol of being a looser or an amusement for some who don't understand what you are going through.

 

Thanks for the kind wishes, its appreciated. I truly hope everyone here finds their own "wow".

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Frankly all I am is 31yo

 

Your only 31?

 

Awesome!

 

You have years to go yet!

 

You have only just started and your doing so well in comparison to a couple of months ago!

 

Baby steps ZA. Baby steps.

 

I have high hopes for you. Don't you go quitting on me now!

 

Come on. Dust yourself down and pick yourself back up again. I know its hard but you can do this. You deserve someone better than this and both you and I know it.

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Sorry for your loss, but I just have one comment on the above.

 

At one point in life, you may look back at all of the things you have done and the directions you have taken to try and attract/impress not just women, but people in general. And you may regret it, because it has taken yourself away from who you truly are.

 

For example, maybe you wanted to be a social worker, or teach elementary school in a lower income area, but because you thought women would be attracted to men who made more $, you decided to become something else. Just an example.

 

I IMPLORE you not to do that. You will regret it.

 

I had to try, my situation is so dire it was harmless to swallow what I liked and try be what other people may like because what I liked nobody seemed to like.

 

You do make a good point though, I appreciate your opinion on this.

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Your only 31?

 

Awesome!

 

You have years to go yet!

 

You have only just started and your doing so well in comparison to a couple of months ago!

 

Baby steps ZA. Baby steps.

 

I have high hopes for you. Don't you go quitting on me now!

 

Come on. Dust yourself down and pick yourself back up again. I know its hard but you can do this. You deserve someone better than this and both you and I know it.

 

I simply cant this time, really I cant. This has just been too many time, this really has broken the camels back.

 

Thanks for your belief but it is misplaced.

 

People deserve many things, mostly they never get them.

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regine_phalange

There there.

 

So you're 31 and a virgin. So what? Do you think all men who've had sex with at least one woman are more skilled than you? No, many times they aren't. So no worries about that.

 

I have a friend who didn't have a girlfriend for his entire 20s. And I wondered why since he was rather smart, skilled musician and average looking. He was so whiny about this problem (rightfully so, even though tiring!)! He felt just like you. And then suddenly in his 30s he got a girlfriend. I guess that he looked at the right place to find someone who would "get" him. Anyway, they broke up and he still didn't find another girlfriend but he has changed - he's not whiny anymore, on the contrary, he acquired his self-confidence. So, patience :)

 

There are many women in the world who feel as lonely as you! I'm a woman, I know. Just leave your friends out of this. You need to go out there on your own without any input from others.

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ZA Dater: I have been there man. And in fact, when I was there, I was older than you are now. I can relate, I can imagine that you are feeling horrible right now.

 

There is too much to fit into one post, but your huge mistake was pinning your hopes and dreams onto this one girl that you hardly even know. For one thing, there are plenty of other smart, pretty women who are still available. What was so wonderful about this one, really? For another thing, the guy this girl ended up with is probably attractive to many other women (not every woman though) besides her.

 

Which is where your work to become more confident and charming comes in.

 

 

Sorry for your loss, but I just have one comment on the above.

 

At one point in life, you may look back at all of the things you have done and the directions you have taken to try and attract/impress not just women, but people in general. And you may regret it, because it has taken yourself away from who you truly are.

 

For example, maybe you wanted to be a social worker, or teach elementary school in a lower income area, but because you thought women would be attracted to men who made more $, you decided to become something else. Just an example.

 

I IMPLORE you not to do that. You will regret it.

 

I agree with this 100%, but I agree with it in a way that you probably didn't see coming. See, MANY if not MOST women would be a lot more impressed with a man who has a desire to do something difficult to contribute to the world, than someone who only thinks of himself and his image.

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Thanks for your belief.

 

ZA I know you are far more intellectual than me but I am afraid I am going to drag you down to my level for a second and tell you most of what you have written is utter balls. This is the only bit I am going to pay attention to.

 

All you need to do is take some time to recover. You are much stronger than this. I know this was one heck of a blow but you can get back up from this.

 

Yes it is bloody difficult and hard work. But you can do this.

 

Now have a cup of tea. Life is always better after a cup of tea. Take a few deep breaths and hold your head high. Don't you dare go quitting now. You have finally progressed from dipping your toe in the water to actually getting in there. Now you have to start your swimming lessons. I know you are scared and I know you are low after trying so hard but come on.

 

This girl was a bit wishy washy any way. She is going to be wishing that she chose you in a few years time after you are married to a wonderful girl with bambinos running round your ankles and smiles on your faces.

 

You may think my faith in you is silly but I know its worth it.

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There is too much to fit into one post, but your huge mistake was pinning your hopes and dreams onto this one girl that you hardly even know. For one thing, there are plenty of other smart, pretty women who are still available. What was so wonderful about this one, really? For another thing, the guy this girl ended up with is probably attractive to many other women (not every woman though) besides her.

 

.

 

I have been chasing an ideal, someone I really liked for who she was rather than how she looked,

 

I'm gonna guess she looked good or good enough. As for who she is......you don't know her to say you like her for who she is. Going for a girl with that belief is going to shot you in the foot.

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Yep, revisit this later in life and move on to other things that you enjoy for now. The horrid feelings will pass and a more neutral perspective will prevail, and other opportunities will come your way. Good luck.

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I don't mean to be insensitive but the harsh truth is if you can't figure out a way to toughen yourself up then you're right, probably no woman will ever be interested. You cannot break down to this point just because one woman rejected you and expect respect from a woman. =/ It just ain't gonna happen. And without respect there can be no love.

 

At the end of the day it's not your friends responsibility, or her's for passing you over, it's yours for not getting yourself together and getting noticed. If you really want that special feeling then get to work on that.

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I don't mean to be insensitive but the harsh truth is if you can't figure out a way to toughen yourself up then you're right, probably no woman will ever be interested. You cannot break down to this point just because one woman rejected you and expect respect from a woman. =/ It just ain't gonna happen. And without respect there can be no love.

 

At the end of the day it's not your friends responsibility, or her's for passing you over, it's yours for not getting yourself together and getting noticed. If you really want that special feeling then get to work on that.

 

Thank you, this is only about the tenth time this has happened to me. Work at what none of it makes and difference. People like you or theu dont its simple.

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Gaius giving advice that may be hard to hear, but is absolutely true.

 

It really doesn't matter I am betting gaius hast spent 15 years trying to date and got rejected each and every time.

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I know it's easier said than done, but don't give up...

 

Sometimes we gotta kiss a lot of frogs before we find our prince (or in your case I guess you gotta find a princess who isn't cursed?).

 

Don't get all bent out of shape over one person. Trust me, when you least expect it you'll meet someone new. We all feel bad initially when something doesn't work out. You think that "that" person you'll never meet someone like him/her again - and then "poof" you meet someone new.

 

Hang in there :bunny::bunny:

 

P.S., I feel like such a hypocrite for giving this advice cuz quite frankly, I have my days I wanna throw in the towel too. But still, I can honestly look back and see that there were times I thought it was it and once you dust off your shoulders, you're back in the game.

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I have spent nights getting rejected over and over and over by pretty much every woman around, but still had a great time, and did not care one bit that none of them were interested in me. I'm sure Gaius has faced his share of rejection too.

 

Your problem is that you have your eyes set on one girl out of all of the women in the world, and when she turns out not to be interested, you want to give up on dating altogether. Well, I think Megan Fox is one of the sexiest women ever, but I wouldn't give up on dating if she turned me down.

 

When you no longer care about rejection, you will find you are rejected far less.

 

Just done, will have to find a way of not feeling like a disgusting looser every day. If I'd had some success sure but everything ends like this, everything just becomes one giant disappointment.

 

Point is with rejection you had some success too. I have never had any success. Try imagine that and live with it.

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I truly understand what you're going through right now. Trust me when I say this...do what makes you happy. Focus only on what you want to do. Leave women off the radar for a while. I was like you last year. I had put my hopes into one woman at a time only to get rejected, them go back to their ex, or become a B word to me. Now, was I down...hell yea!! I resolved myself to getting up early going to the gym, doing my work, and simply giving off the I don't care vibe. When class was over, I would talk to some friends and then leave. I never entertained interacting long with women I might be attracted to. But understand what effect this had. When I went to the gym, a group of women I didn't know tried to touch me...wasn't interested. As I was leaving class, a woman stopped to ask me where I was always running off to. Point is, when I cared more about myself and a ton less about them...somehow it was attractive. I know it sounds counterintuitive but that's just how some women are. The minute women know you're interested or actively trying to get close to them, they change up their attitude. So do what you need to do for you and fill your day with stuff that makes you happy. If it's watching comedies, watch them. If it's running, do it. When you leave little time to harp on the actions of women (which you will never understand...I'm still looking for a translator of womanese), you will find yourself much happier. And then guess what, some woman is going to try to squeeze herself into your life. Even one woman that was down right mean to me, called me almost a year later to apologize. Do I really care now?...nope. But I am a friendly person and don't hold grudges (...for too long at least :) ) so I keep conversations short and light.

 

Now when I enter situations with women, I remind myself that she could be gone tomorrow for whatever reason. That will help to put a lid on overly attaching yourself to someone and being devastated when they are no longer around. Will you miss them? Sure, but you'll still be able to eat, sleep and enjoy the activities you did before they came into the picture. Best of luck my friend.

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I truly understand what you're going through right now. Trust me when I say this...do what makes you happy. Focus only on what you want to do. Leave women off the radar for a while. I was like you last year. I had put my hopes into one woman at a time only to get rejected, them go back to their ex, or become a B word to me. Now, was I down...hell yea!! I resolved myself to getting up early going to the gym, doing my work, and simply giving off the I don't care vibe. When class was over, I would talk to some friends and then leave. I never entertained interacting long with women I might be attracted to. But understand what effect this had. When I went to the gym, a group of women I didn't know tried to touch me...wasn't interested. As I was leaving class, a woman stopped to ask me where I was always running off to. Point is, when I cared more about myself and a ton less about them...somehow it was attractive. I know it sounds counterintuitive but that's just how some women are. The minute women know you're interested or actively trying to get close to them, they change up their attitude. So do what you need to do for you and fill your day with stuff that makes you happy. If it's watching comedies, watch them. If it's running, do it. When you leave little time to harp on the actions of women (which you will never understand...I'm still looking for a translator of womanese), you will find yourself much happier. And then guess what, some woman is going to try to squeeze herself into your life. Even one woman that was down right mean to me, called me almost a year later to apologize. Do I really care now?...nope. But I am a friendly person and don't hold grudges (...for too long at least :) ) so I keep conversations short and light.

 

Now when I enter situations with women, I remind myself that she could be gone tomorrow for whatever reason. That will help to put a lid on overly attaching yourself to someone and being devastated when they are no longer around. Will you miss them? Sure, but you'll still be able to eat, sleep and enjoy the activities you did before they came into the picture. Best of luck my friend.

 

Thanks for the advice. Going to remove myself from everything but work. No extra gym I was doing, its all pointless.

 

Just try and live as the looser I clearly am.

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Thanks for the advice. Going to remove myself from everything but work. No extra gym I was doing, its all pointless.

 

Just try and live as the looser I clearly am.

 

Now why are you gonna do that?

 

Thing is, that you NEED to do all those things besides work.

 

Why?

 

Cuz, we all need a full life. We all need "purpose". If you don't do nothing but go to work, what kind of life is that? And that makes you more dependent on a SO to make you happy (kinda like what you posted here, putting all your eggs into this one chick).

 

When you have a full life, you could care less if a SO is in it or not. Yea, having someone to share life with does make it sweeter, but it shouldn't be what you base your life upon. A SO is to "compliment" the life you already have - not to "make" a life you never had.

 

Also, doing the gym, going out and doing things with family/friends/volunteering - fills you up. Actually, working out releases positive chemicals in the body. Doing nice things for others (helping out in volunteering, family, etc) also makes us feel good. So please don't quit these things cuz some chick ain't taking notice - you're not doing these things alone to snag a chick - but for YOU!!!

 

I still work out, I even do my nails (including toe nails in the winter - when you are not wearing sandals). Am I doing it just in case I get a phone call from a guy in the dead of winter? Nope, I like how my nails look when painted. I like looking girly. I do it for "Me" more than just for a guy. Makes me feel pretty and good.

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Now why are you gonna do that?

 

Thing is, that you NEED to do all those things besides work.

 

Why?

 

Cuz, we all need a full life. We all need "purpose". If you don't do nothing but go to work, what kind of life is that? And that makes you more dependent on a SO to make you happy (kinda like what you posted here, putting all your eggs into this one chick).

 

When you have a full life, you could care less if a SO is in it or not. Yea, having someone to share life with does make it sweeter, but it shouldn't be what you base your life upon. A SO is to "compliment" the life you already have - not to "make" a life you never had.

 

Also, doing the gym, going out and doing things with family/friends/volunteering - fills you up. Actually, working out releases positive chemicals in the body. Doing nice things for others (helping out in volunteering, family, etc) also makes us feel good. So please don't quit these things cuz some chick ain't taking notice - you're not doing these things alone to snag a chick - but for YOU!!!

 

I still work out, I even do my nails (including toe nails in the winter - when you are not wearing sandals). Am I doing it just in case I get a phone call from a guy in the dead of winter? Nope, I like how my nails look when painted. I like looking girly. I do it for "Me" more than just for a guy. Makes me feel pretty and good.

 

You don't understand, everyday i wonder what it would be like to someone out to dinner, to buy them gifts, to make them smile to have them ask about me. To do things with them, talk about life, laugh, smile with them. Support them, motivate them.

 

Yes you are right but really those things just occupy time, I constantly feel out of it, people ask me where my gf is at dinners. I am the only single guy.

 

Not a day passes when I don't feel like a looser. With her she really was everything I could have ever wanted, I have met hotter girls but none engaged me intellectually like she did.

 

All dating has done is destroy my self confidence and self worth.

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BronzeAgeJaeger217
There there.

 

So you're 31 and a virgin. So what? Do you think all men who've had sex with at least one woman are more skilled than you? No, many times they aren't. So no worries about that.

 

I have a friend who didn't have a girlfriend for his entire 20s. And I wondered why since he was rather smart, skilled musician and average looking. He was so whiny about this problem (rightfully so, even though tiring!)! He felt just like you. And then suddenly in his 30s he got a girlfriend. I guess that he looked at the right place to find someone who would "get" him. Anyway, they broke up and he still didn't find another girlfriend but he has changed - he's not whiny anymore, on the contrary, he acquired his self-confidence. So, patience :)

 

There are many women in the world who feel as lonely as you! I'm a woman, I know. Just leave your friends out of this. You need to go out there on your own without any input from others.

 

I guess women are less vocal about it than men are

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