Do some think they are "too good" for the town they are in?

[LookAtThisPOst]

I'm not sure the title of this thread is entirely appropriate, but I live in a smaller town about an hour outside of a larger city. A lot of people that live here prefer to live here, but willing to make that commute to the city.

 

Others prefer to stay local no matter what as they have all the social needs within blocks of them sometimes. Sometimes they consider their own family and people they grew up with in high school (even though they are over 40) as social avenues.

 

Anyhow, I met this one woman recently and met a few others actually that aren't long time residents of the area. Perhaps 2 or 3 or 5 years...not that long.

 

The one I had recently met on OK Cupid...we kind of knew each other at a friends B-day gathering at a local restaurant.

 

We had a conversation about the area in which we live, though it does attract a certain amount of people from the big city as they like taking a "trip to the country" to check out the small town vendors and what they have to offer....she doesn't think of it so highly.

 

She is a LMT in this area, people know her when she walks into restaurants on sight. She's kind of like "Norm" in some of these restaurants, as she's a foodie (but in great shape.)

 

However, she doesn't hold it in high regards and her social life and friends mostly are a few hours out of town or even out of state.

 

I saw some tagged photos of her on FB where she's at the Florida Keys with other friends from out of state or scattered about the country even. At the very most they MAY be from the same state.

 

A lot of her FB friends live no where nears us as she's met them through retreat venues or when she went on excursions of sorts....some involving her job.

 

She says she isn't too crazy about even dating in this town as she feels everyone knows your business.

 

I had kind of joked about how people have so many friends on FB and that she has 1,500+ friends on Facebook. I had asked her how many of them she actually KNOWS and actually had spent time with them. And she said probably a good 3/4's of the 1500 that she has on her list.

 

I would have to say, that's a pretty good chunk, as I feel that most people that have THAT many friends only know like 10% of them.

 

Anyhow, she feels this to be a dull town and wonders how much longer she'll be living here. She had a young adult daughter just move back in with her, too that has issues.

 

What kind of cinched it for her...of the many friends she knows from out of state...she had a friend stop by from NYC and while her friend was here complained how they close everything up at a certain hour. Thought that little town was quite sad that they roll up their sidewalks so early.

 

Anyhow, there are single, educated and attractive women in my area, however, my point here is...I don't think they are much for wanting a social life, much less a dating life in this town and go out on excursions. I met a few like this.

 

Do you know of people that kind of shy away from their community when it comes to dating or just being social?

 

I knew of a woman that actually drove like 2 hours to a Meetup here to see if anyone "struck her fancy" if you know what I mean. It's like they are being covert at times.

 

It's like they use small towns as only a place to hang their hat, but not socialize. They typically don't have real tight friendships with the locals, just an acquaintence level...but no one to hang out with that they can leave the house, walk a few blocks to the local watering hole and hang with the locals. Just not her thing.

[sportygirl89]

My hometown isn't meant for people in their mid 20s. It either focuses on the local university or the families. Does not have good activities unless you like outdoor stuff. The bars get boring after you are oh what about 22 or 23. I know I'm just tired of meeting people at the bars, not necessarily that I feel like I'm too good.

[carhill]

Not uncommon for bedroom communities. People like the space, not necessarily the locals/natives. Sure, some 'look down' on the natives but IMO not socializing with them doesn't define that. Everyone has differing social circles. One isn't necessarily 'better' or 'worse' than another.

[mrldii]

...Do you know of people that kind of shy away from their community when it comes to dating or just being social?...

 

Yes, I do...I'm one of them.

 

I moved to my current city at 50 due to the break-up of my 10+ year LTR; I chose this city because it's where my one-and-only child resides. I knew no one here and my career is one in which I have very few co-workers and one in which you don't date clients.

 

This city was one of the hardest hit during the last *recession*. It also makes Forbes Top-10 List for the worst places to live and is consistently in the Top-10 (we've even made #1 a couple of times...woo-hoo...yay, US!!!) as being the most dangerous city.

 

These factors mean that most of its *better* single people (employed/employable, educated, socially-conscious, etc.) moved away, if they were interested in sustaining any kind of lifestyle. Those who did stay have roots in this community which include being married and having children, so it limits the dating pool substantially.

 

All of this coupled with the fact that I don't believe in LDRs - I'll only date someone within 30 minutes' drive, as any longer leaves too much space to *hide bodies* - makes it nearly impossible to meet anyone to date.

 

I'm OK with it, though. After being away from my only family for 10+ years, I'm enjoying catching up on the lost time. The chances are good that when I'm done with my career, I'll leave this area.

 

Or, start adopting some cats.

[newmoon]

statistically it's actually better for your dating life to meet/befriend someone from a small town because there are community ties that can bond you right away. the people you meet at bars/work/school can often be vetted by others in your social circle who know them, or know of them. outsiders can face difficulties because they don't know as many people in the community, but it can also work in their favor if they are the "hot new thing" to come to town. in the case of this girl.. she could be one of those dreamers, all talk and no action. if she is still living in the small town and not actively taking steps to move, then she probably has a comfort there she doesn't even realize. in fact, most people complain about their small town and lack of options, but they don't take steps to move. she can drive to all the places she wants and make friends all over the world on fb, but she's still in her town. those people are the worst imo - they want something different but don't change it. if you look at marriage data and how people meet it's usually work/friends and most married couples lived within 24 miles of one another. it tells you that people won't go too far looking for "the one"

[LookAtThisPOst]

Yes, I do...I'm one of them.

 

I moved to my current city at 50 due to the break-up of my 10+ year LTR; I chose this city because it's where my one-and-only child resides. I knew no one here and my career is one in which I have very few co-workers and one in which you don't date clients.

 

This city was one of the hardest hit during the last *recession*. It also makes Forbes Top-10 List for the worst places to live and is consistently in the Top-10 (we've even made #1 a couple of times...woo-hoo...yay, US!!!) as being the most dangerous city.

 

These factors mean that most of its *better* single people (employed/employable, educated, socially-conscious, etc.) moved away, if they were interested in sustaining any kind of lifestyle. Those who did stay have roots in this community which include being married and having children, so it limits the dating pool substantially.

 

All of this coupled with the fact that I don't believe in LDRs - I'll only date someone within 30 minutes' drive, as any longer leaves too much space to *hide bodies* - makes it nearly impossible to meet anyone to date.

 

I'm OK with it, though. After being away from my only family for 10+ years, I'm enjoying catching up on the lost time. The chances are good that when I'm done with my career, I'll leave this area.

 

Or, start adopting some cats.

 

 

LOL...I've seen movies with a premise like this. This single gal/man had a change life...used to live in the big city with many dating options and also probably went through a divorce or career move that involved a relocation and found themselves in a fishbowl community.

 

I see it all the time on POF and OK Cupid, I get a little excited as I figure they'd have no problem traveling the short, 5 minutes to a venue to meet up, but sadly, these women remain permanent fixtures of the site.

 

They have no interest in commuting to much further outside of the site and sadly remain unavoidably picky if an average Joe contacts them which has been my experience.

 

Some even state in their profile the lack of single people in their area and sought after the online route as the only method of meeting other singles.

 

Believe me, I've already contacted them and sometimes if they are still on the site months later...I make another attempt, sadly, I'm still ignored, lol.

 

Perhaps they should sadly, start collecting cats or seriously consider relocating as the people around here that are single are mostly retirees over 70 or toothless rednecks with jail records from DUI's. Their unrealistic standards still remain, you'd figured they'd kind of ease up on their criteria considering how they are limited by geography. lol.

 

THis is where I joined Meetup and started going to events outside of town in the big city. (You may want to consider this too, mrldii, if that's an option). The city is an hour drive for me, but it doesn't impact my ability to date as sometimes one may have to spread their wings further.

[mrldii]

...Their unrealistic standards still remain, you'd figured they'd kind of ease up on their criteria considering how they are limited by geography. lol.

 

THis is where I joined Meetup and started going to events outside of town in the big city. (You may want to consider this too, mrldii, if that's an option). The city is an hour drive for me, but it doesn't impact my ability to date as sometimes one may have to spread their wings further.

 

~sigh~ You are correct...I probably DO have unrealistic standards and should ease up on my criteria.

 

I'd probably have tons of dates with men approximately my age if only I'd be OK with dating homeless meth addicts who already don't have their teeth, instead of waiting to meet toothless wonders in the retirement home when I turn 70.

 

Meet-up in my city has a group of board gamers and a business networking group that gets together to sell each other insurance, cars, printer supplies, and real estate. If I extend my meet-up area to an hour away, I will, most assuredly, have more men from which to pick...

 

...who will also live 1(+) hours away, again, giving them even more distance to "hide bodies", i.e., conceal the fact that they are married, engaged, living with someone, or *monogamously* dating someone.

 

 

Nahhhh...it's best that I simply get started on My Life's Plan and go visit the Pet Adoption Center today.

 

 

[LookAtThisPOst]

If I extend my meet-up area to an hour away, I will, most assuredly, have more men from which to pick..

 

Then I suggest you get crackin', because that was my last resort and my only means to a social life. It's worth the hour drive, trust me. :-D

[mrldii]

Then I suggest you get crackin', because that was my last resort and my only means to a social life. It's worth the hour drive, trust me. :-D

 

 

I appreciate your concern, advice, and enthusiasm, buttttttt

 

 

apparently, I wasn't clear in my initial reply: I am A-OK with the all the facts of my current situation and - after 10+ years in a relationship and being away from my family - am thoroughly enjoying this *down* time from dating/relating with men, while playing catch-up with my son.

 

When - and if - I no longer AM enjoying it, I will make the necessary changes/alterations to my lifestyle to create a new and different reality.

 

 

[SammySammy]

Some people enjoy experiences and activities not available in their town. Though I live in a small city, I often find myself traveling to nearby larger cities to do things I enjoy doing. I do think living in a larger city would suit me better, but it doesn't mean that I think I'm too good for my hometown.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I appreciate your concern, advice, and enthusiasm, buttttttt

 

 

apparently, I wasn't clear in my initial reply: I am A-OK with the all the facts of my current situation and - after 10+ years in a relationship and being away from my family - am thoroughly enjoying this *down* time from dating/relating with men, while playing catch-up with my son.

 

When - and if - I no longer AM enjoying it, I will make the necessary changes/alterations to my lifestyle to create a new and different reality.

 

 

 

I think that's part of my problem, I keep meeting women like you in my small community. lol (And I mean no offense by this). I'd be like "YES, a woman my age, has all her teeth, and doesn't look like kin to Larry the Cable Guy, and doesn't weigh as much as a dump truck living in MY TOWN!"

 

But, "She's not ready to date right now." Getting tired of meeting those.

 

Funny you should mention this, the one I met on OK Cupid is like this, was married twice and wasn't much thrilled of her own community in which she open up her massage business and takes long road trips to meet friends she met through retreats and excursions.

 

I'll see women like yourself pop-up on occasion as a +1 at Meetups, perhaps a friend would be able to drag her out, but of course we'd never see the +1 again.

 

Later, I see the two of them behind me and a friend at a line at a local Chipotles...I was like "Small world! Haven't seen you ladies in a long time!"

 

As we were all finishing up orders, my friend invited to join us to eat and they said no and said they wanted to sit off to the side somewhere else as they had things to discuss.

 

Never saw them again after that.

 

Another woman, VERY recently in my area joined a Meetup, had moved BACK to this area from California. We were in the same industry job wise, but she would have occasional posts complaining to the local yokels / co-workers how is it is she that she's the only one that's single. Apparently, she's getting sick of it.

 

Some of these women either seem to have an axe to grind or if it's not negative, they are wholely involved with their children's (yes even adult children) lives to be focusing on any dating opportunities.

 

I guess that's what happens with us "never been married" types, we are a bit more eager to meet other singles...and I think it's the MEN who are more eager while women can hold off like camels.

[LookAtThisPOst]

..who will also live 1(+) hours away, again, giving them even more distance to "hide bodies", i.e., conceal the fact that they are married, engaged, living with someone, or *monogamously* dating someone.

 

Completely skipped this.

 

Are seriously letting impact your decision to date someone that far away? I'm wondering why the whole "concern of chances of hiding the body/the fact their married" is even an issue?

 

In fact, this could be a whole new POST topic.

[mrldii]

I think that's part of my problem, I keep meeting women like you in my small community. lol (And I mean no offense by this). I'd be like "YES, a woman my age, has all her teeth, and doesn't look like kin to Larry the Cable Guy, and doesn't weigh as much as a dump truck living in MY TOWN!"

 

But, "She's not ready to date right now." Getting tired of meeting those. ...

 

Oh, but you're NOT meeting "women like me"...I AM "ready to date", I'm just not actively looking to date [any ol' similarly-aged man in my area who can fog a mirror] and am realistic about the prospects OF finding someone *suitable* in my town.

 

IF a similarly-aged, similarly-lived, similarly-minded man suddenly appeared in my area AND was similarly interested in going out to get to know each other better and see where it may lead,

 

I'd accept the invitation to do such, enthusiastically and in a heart beat.

 

 

I'm just not sitting around waiting to start My Life until it happens. I am happily engaging in other activities which don't *require*being "in a relationship" to enjoy.

 

 

In other words, I'm a "feminazi", i.e., a woman who does not lower her standards to accept all comers and/or who is soooooo grateful for any male attention she must say 'Yes!!!', and/or is waiting to meet A man so her life may now begin.

 

[mrldii]

Completely skipped this.

 

Are seriously letting impact your decision to date someone that far away? I'm wondering why the whole "concern of chances of hiding the body/the fact their married" is even an issue?

 

In fact, this could be a whole new POST topic.

 

Absolutely, I "seriously" am. I use the phrase "hiding bodies" as a humorous way to convey my thoughts on the subject.

 

To me and for me and in my life (and, when replying, I AM talking about My Life and How I Live It, riiiiiiight?!?), what I expect from dating is: meeting a man/men to get to know them better to see if we will become exclusive to see if we will then build a life together...i.e., live together/get married.

 

Doing this requires time spent with one another, in progressively more intimate and frequent exchanges of time. If we are located 1+ hours away from one another, the opportunities TO spend more time together will be limited and will probably be relegated to "just weekends", while we tend to the other day-to-day activities in our lives.

 

Having been in a long-distance relationship before and having been the "relocating spouse" (6 times in 7 years, as a matter of fact), I know the special challenges and pitfalls of such arrangements, and am not interested in going through them again...OR putting someone else through it.

 

Do I say "Never, again"? No, I don't. But because I've been with me pretty much every minute of the almost-55-years of my life, I DO say, "Probably, with a high degree of likelihood, no, not again."

 

I'm OK with being wrong...but I don't actively seek out situations TO make myself be wrong.

[Woggle]

I sometimes feel I don't really fit in where I am at but I don't think I am too good for it. I love living here but it feels like a different country than what I come from sometimes.

[LookAtThisPOst]

 

In other words, I'm a "feminazi", i.e., a woman who does not lower her standards to accept all comers and/or who is soooooo grateful for any male attention she must say 'Yes!!!', and/or is waiting to meet A man so her life may now begin.

 

 

No...don't say you're a feminazi..that's terrible! That's more a man hater who has an axe to grind with men.

 

You have explained it and I think I now understand......I think. lol

 

Oh, we have a joke for a local area like ours.

 

"What do you call a good looking man/woman in <name of po-dunk town>? A tourist!" LOL

[mrldii]

No...don't say you're a feminazi..that's terrible! That's more a man hater who has an axe to grind with men.

 

You have explained it and I think I now understand......I think. lol

 

Oh, we have a joke for a local area like ours.

 

"What do you call a good looking man/woman in <name of po-dunk town>? A tourist!" LOL

 

Oh, I don't say I'm a "feminazi"...that's why I put quotation marks around it; I'm quoting others who say I am...and citing their reasons for coming to the conclusion.

 

 

I love the joke...and am going to start repeating it, using my [current] hometown, in the future!

 

 

[preraph]

There are people whose lifestyles aren't conducive to every type of town. There are people like me who felt they outgrew their hometown and needed to move in order to pursue their dreams. There are people who aren't contented anywhere and are still just searching. There's no reason to judge anyone for it. People are always trying to find their niche. And it's important that they do find their niche. Because that will make them happier.

[GemmaUK]

I think that's part of my problem, I keep meeting women like you in my small community. lol (And I mean no offense by this). I'd be like "YES, a woman my age, has all her teeth, and doesn't look like kin to Larry the Cable Guy, and doesn't weigh as much as a dump truck living in MY TOWN!"

 

Maybe she is looking for more than a man her age who has all his teeth and isn't overweight. I dunno who Larry the Cable Guy is.. but hey, at least he has a job! Lol!

 

Maybe these women are looking for that wonderful feeling of chemistry - that doesn't happen just by being in the same town as a person.

In the meantime single is by far the better option as no chemistry is pointless in terms of dating.

[No Limit]

I don't like participating in the local festivities. I live in a very rural area, so people are mainly interested in bonding in their own neighbourhood - one part of the town in particular, 'perfect families with white picket fence' only (and from my experience, psycho people). Most guys my age here don't have any more interests except for drinking beer and local gossip; I just don't fit into that community. I do have friends here but only to meet up every few weeks and once again only talking about local gossip. No shared hobbies, some interests, no place to go except for a little bar with a terrible menu.

 

My real friends I can really talk about everything with are on the other side of the country, and we also keep in touch via Skype and chat almost every day for at least half an hour, and meet maybe 4 - 7 times a year. Those 450 miles aren't keeping us apart.

 

Sadly, my college city isn't exactly a spot for dating either, or maybe I just haven't run into guys with more in mind than beer and cigarettes yet. I'll just wait until everyone has grown up a little.