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Feel lost in this world...


iamajellybelly

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iamajellybelly

Here's my long story short.

Was with ex-gf for about a year, broke up in in February but went officially NC in March and ever since then haven't spoken to her. I study with her so I see her a lot (classes always together, no way around it at my university). I never confirmed or asked around enough to find out, but 97% sure she cheated on me at some point in the later parts of the relationship (this I know from friends, her attitude at the end, etc.). Now we come to today...

 

I have pretty much gotten over her, I mean she's in a new relationship and I see her everyday with the new bf and I don't feel the pain and heartbreak I used to feel before. I'm generally okay, but in my life I've lost a lot of interest in finding somebody new (or maybe lost hope). I'm 24yo and keep myself very busy with all of school work.

 

I don't know what's wrong with me though, I've lost hope in finding the girl who is perfect for me (had 3 relationships total, each lasted 1 year, second relationship devastated me because the girl was pretty much everything I look for). Anyways, that second girlfriend was about 4 years ago and it took a huge hit on my life back then and since then have only had the last relationship where I was in love with her despite her not being my ideal girl. However, my relationships have never been sexually active, just the usual every now and then.

 

Anyways, I've become very distant, very uninterested. Girls try and reach out to me and I literally don't have the interest to talk to them, I started seeing this girl a few months after I broke up, we hooked up a few times, I made it clear I didn't want anything serious. But she still talks to me everyday, I can't find anything to talk to her about, she wants me to invite her again (assuming for a mini-hook up) but yet I don't feel interested anymore. I leave my phone on silent and don't feel to reply to everybody. At school I hang out with friends but I don't feel much interest in anything. I might be depressed but I just feel like I'm more in a slump and need to get it out of my system.

 

Are there any books, movies, or anything that can make me feel inspired, feel like the world is good, feel like people still have hearts? I've become very distant, feeling out of place, feel like I can't trust people anymore, feeling very shut down. Like for example, my grandmother's sister died and I'm going to the funeral mass, but I hate the fact that the ambience is going to be sad and when I'm with my grandma I hate being there because she is just sad and dealing with it. However, instead of understand it, I hate to be there because I don't want to be in that environment, I'm seriously hating having to go to the mass because it's just sad people and sad ambience and sadness everywhere.

 

I don't know, I've feel like I've become cynical with these things and instead of supporting people I just hate it. I guess a feel like I lost a little bit of heart and love to this world and the people around me. Maybe I've lost faith with all the hurtful things this world has. I want to believe again, I want to feel again, I want to just be inspired. I feel like if somebody near me passes away, I won't feel a thing. And it's sad. I don't want to be cold-hearted but not sure how to go about becoming a person again.

 

I just want to be feel motivated again, feel like this world is important. I'm studying medicine in a country outside of North America (my family lives in North America) and part of the reason I began studying is because I like to help people and change lives. So I need to feel motivated again.

 

Thanks in advance to those who read it and took the time to listen. Appreciate any help whatsoever, I know I'm not at the point to look for clinical help yet (not that I have the time to do it if I wanted to), I just feel like I need to find myself again.

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Maybe you just need time to get over your last girlfriend. Its completely normal to have a down phase for an extended period of time afterwards. Maybe a trip home could cheer you up? Seeing friends and family? Or traveling somewhere else for a week, somewhere you've never been before just to get you out of your stressful environment (school, being in a foreign country, seeing you ex all day).

 

If that doesn't do the trick and you keep being down all the time, you will have to consider going to a doctor. Getting some antidepressants prescribed could have a kick starter effect on you.

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endlessabyss

You sound like me, in a sense.

 

 

After so many negative experiences I have become cynical as hell, and feel there is no return to optimism.

 

 

I'm mildly depressed throughout the day, and don't take much interest in other people.

 

 

I just do what I have to do, come home, rinse, and repeat.

 

 

I had a real-estate exam this morning, and when my alarm went of I just hit snooze, and went back asleep.

 

 

I didn't even care I wasted the 65 bucks on nothing; I just wanted to sleep, and be left alone.

 

 

When I woke up I was like "What's the point?" lol.

 

 

I'm tired of the rat race. It's a dangling carrot in front of you that you can never grasp.

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Jesus. Can you find a church or a pastor to talk to? Asking God to change me has given me the ability to feel again. I think the world can feel very cold and alone. But when we realize who God is, and how we've been forgiven, I think we can see the beauty in this world, and how we can help those around us.

 

Praying for you, OP :).

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I think this is pretty natural. I'm the same age as you...similar time regarding a recent break up...similar feelings at the moment regarding the ex and also other girls/friends.

 

Disclaimer - this is all just one person's perspective:

 

For me, I have made progress on these feelings by trying to "find myself". Yeah, it's very cliche but that's what I'm doing. I think about why I do the things that I do on a very micro-level. I'm taking time to be self-involved and really find out what it is that I enjoy about life. A lot of the journey is circular, I often find that I knew the answer but I had to "feel" it for it to really sink in.

 

It's an abstract conversation and I'm sure many people would conceptualize it differently, so I'll just stick to concrete advice:

 

Do things you don't normally do...or rather wouldn't normally do. Stop doing things you don't want to do. I don't mean selfishly, but I found that I was living for my insecurities, for society, for my emotional scars, for the ghosts of people who've hurt me...and it's far more fulfilling to let that go and live for yourself. Gain control over yourself - physically, mentally, and emotionally (to clarify: there is a discrepancy between working out and having control of your body). Break your routines. Confront your fears and insecurities. Figure out exactly why you take every action you take and stop doing the things you can't come up with good reasons for. Find activities, people, and experiences around which you feel "there is nothing else I would rather be doing".

 

Appreciation of all of these other things (girls, friends, work, etc.) will come after you appreciate yourself. Eventually, you'll love yourself and by virtue of that you'll love your existence, and by virtue of that you'll love existing.

 

I'm not sure if this will help but I've had a number of epiphanies while doing this and the three that stick out the most are:

 

- Any sort of anger, sorrow, grudge, anxiety, longing, guilt, unrequited love...really any recurring thought or feeling can be let go of. You can be completely free - it's all up to you. Meditating really helps in this regard.

 

- Once you've let go of the recurrence of these feelings you can appreciate them for what they are: part of the experience of being alive. They are necessary to appreciate life.

 

- Try to find the feeling of: "I wouldn't want to be doing anything else" aka I'm happy to live in this moment - when I have that feeling, I feel perfectly fulfilled. I'm still working to embody this.

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[quote=endlessabyss;6470069

After so many negative experiences I have become cynical as hell, and feel there is no return to optimism.

 

 

I'm mildly depressed throughout the day, and don't take much interest in other people.

 

I can relate to this...

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To the OP (and anyone else who experience these feelings) - please try and consider that you may actually be depressed and may need some medical help and advice to help you pull yourself out of the slump you feel yourself to be in. I'm not a Dr but I have experienced depression - the vague sense of unease in the world/can't get motivated end as well as the, "My children/everyone would be better off without me," end of the spectrum. For me one of the symptoms was the sense that, "Well my life is cr@p and I guess that's all I deserve/warrant/can hope for." It really isn't you know.

 

And to be perfectly honest even though I am no longer under the black cloud that depression forced me to drag around with me I too have days/hours/moments when I can't get motivated or feel I should be doing more with my life. But that at least is normal, and it's balanced out by my general optimism and happiness 90% of the time.

 

Please go and talk to a medical professional who may be able to help you; life, even one without a SO, can be so much better than you are currently experiencing.

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Getting out of the dumps is really tough work.

 

While you may not realise it you may need medical help for a short while. Sometimes when we are "shocked" or upset by something like a relationship break up, death etc it can upset the chemical balance in our brains. Why not pop and see a doctor as others have suggested. The apathy and problems with sleep/ waking up etc are not great. Why not pop along? Just to check.

 

One book I absolutely love is Bryce Courtney "The Power of One".

 

I don't read it often but it will make you realise that each of us can achieve great things with some determination. Its a story that it inspiring, heart breaking and leaves you reminded to breathe in every day.

 

But to be honest I think what would help is for you to go out and get active. Take up sports, get some fresh air, spend time with your mates and concentrate on your studies and not even think about girls for a bit. Do that get to the doctor. Get your arse in gear and get that exam passed.

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iamajellybelly

Thank you everybody for the posts, really appreciate it. I'll seriously consider going to the doctor if this slump doesn't pass, as I don't think it's been long enough to warrant it yet. I'm very critical and conscious, so don't worry as soon as (or if) I feel like I need to do something different, I'm the first person there.

 

For all the other things I appreciate. This week was a little better, I got out of the house more as I was invited to a few events and actually had a great time. On top of that I took up sports which had been awhile ago I played.

 

Just to update and for some support, it comes and goes. I mean I'm not thinking about girls at all or even my past relationships, so I know in that sense I'm good. I just feel lonely some days, I have good friends and a great family but something I can't seem to open up to that.

 

I know I can beat the slump on my own as I do some days, but it helps a lot just ranting and commenting here for people to listen. I'm trying to get my priorities straight as a first step and slowly finding my motivation for my academic career. I recently watched a couple of inspiring movies and it really helped to set the mood for the rest of the afternoon/evening on those days so I'm going to continue that on the days I can't do anything else to help me out, so some recommendations are very welcome.

 

On top of that, I'm happy about this week, was much less cynical than last week and had some very good days. I'll keep you all posted if anything changes. All comments, suggestions, etc. are very welcome.

 

Ps. I know I'm going to get criticized about not choosing to go see a doctor, but for the time being I do not see it as an absolute necessity. It isn't easy to find a suitable date with my schedule so unless I absolutely know I need one, I will definitely go. For now, I just feel in a slump waiting to come out of and trying to make choices that will help me. Not sure about most, but I'd feel a lot more confident and inspired in myself if I can achieve that through me and not through medications unless it is absolutely necessary or I feel like I can't handle it anymore.

 

Thanks again guys, really appreciate it.

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