Jump to content

Finding friends in a different way...


Recommended Posts

Hi everyone - I'm new here. I find the conversations on this site to be pretty interesting but if I were to say what I'm "in search of" it would be real friendship.

 

About me: I'm a 31 year old graphic designer living in Austin TX. I'm also married with a nearly 1 year old daughter. My marriage is a horrible mess that I'm working to get my way out of, but that's another story. We've been together for a long time which has led most of our friends to be mutual friends.

 

People who aren't in situations like mine have a hard time understanding how marriage can be a lonely place - but it is. I guess in the end I'm simply looking for a connection. A friend I can be myself with and who is both interested in me and let's me in.

 

Not too much to look for, right?!? :). Actually it seems that way. I have a tendency to get along better with guys - less cattiness and a tendency to have more meaningful conversations. But being a married woman seems to scare guys away from becoming close friends. I suppose I understand - it just kind of stinks.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Stacy. Just join recreational activities that you can take your child along with. The thing is if you make male friends. How is your husband going to deal with it? It maybe tricky.

 

I think that you and hubby may need to sit down and really asses your relationship to a tee. Perhaps doing things together in at least one activity would be the best thing to do. Make friends with other couples from there would be great as well.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thanks for input! Mutual friends aren't an issue. The problem is that when you want to talk about the things that are troubling you, you have to sensor yourself when those friends are close to him as well. Just an uncomfortable situation to put them in.

Link to post
Share on other sites
StalwartMind

I understand that in order to call someone a friend, it is crucial to most people that the person can be physically present. If that is an immediate requirement then you can likely skip most of my post. With that said I do think it's important that regardless of the type of friendship you have, that it is actually based on the mindset of both parts. If I've learned anything from my similarly brief time spend on this planet, then it's that some of the people that have enriched my life the most, have been from other countries.

 

Since you are a graphic designer, then you more then likely also enjoy art in general. There are a rather large amount of amazing places to visit online that could potentially make you at the very least meet new people, who share similar interest. I could make a list of interesting sites, but perhaps you'd rather like to explore yourself, if you don't already frequent such places.

 

On a personal level I'm most certainly very appreciative of others ability to design and create, no matter their skill level. You can more than likely recognize the satisfaction in seeing your own work come to fruition. Naturally the above was written purely because you mentioned you were in the field of graphic designing, and you most certainly can make valuable friends that have no interest in that at all.

 

You say people who aren't in a situation like yours, have a difficult time understanding how marriage can be a lonely place. Likely more than that too from my experience. Most people tend to not care or want to understand others, because it requires both energy and time to invest yourself in things that aren't familiar to you. In a way it's understandable that people don't feel they have time to commit to understand a problem, I mean we all have things to deal with. The problem is that there will more than likely always come a time in our life, where we need others to be able to understand what we are going through. If only people could realize this simple idea then perhaps you would see more people rise to the challenge of being more compassionate and understanding.

 

Some women just tend to create more meaningful relationships with guys, it really just depends on the individual. I know it's a completely separate topic about men being friends with women, without there has to be sexual tensions/feelings involved, but it is entirely possible although maybe more rare. The truth is that any sensible and mature adult especially, should be able to value and appreciate the qualities in someone else, regardless of their relationship status. It may take more time to find someone that qualifies for this but it's not unlikely.

 

When it comes to finding a friend, as well as partner, I do think it's vital than you can feel comfortable and be yourself. If you have a natural connection, then things will move along smoothly, and you'll soon find yourself sharing a meaningful bond. This typically leads to both parts being willing and feeling secure in letting the other in more. The most beautiful aspect of anything is when you get the chance to explore it in depth.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It sounds like you need an outlet, someone who whatever you sound off about won't get back to your husband. I think it's good you're trying to build separate friendships, but with you looking to get out of the marriage, or stay in it, I don't think doing it with men is a good idea. It will make you look bad in family court, as if it is you who are not dedicated to your family. Best leave that for after the divorce. Most men don't want to just be friends with women anyway. I hope you find someone there in Austin to have a separate friendship with. If you do, don't bring them into your group or else you won't have accomplished anything. Why not Google "Austin meetups" and it will come up with a huge lot of meetup groups. Choose one for young mothers like yourself and go. Their support might come in really handy in the future as well.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...