Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 I seem to have a pattern. As soon as I like someone I'm angry at myself for liking someone. I think liking someone is a distraction and I immediately conclude that they would have no interest in me. And usually I'm right. I can't help but like them and I want to hang around them and be near even casually confessing I like them and then they give me some excuse about " being scared and not having a lot of trust " then six months later they're in love with someone else. Then I stop all contact and barely see them again. However if I do like someone and they like me back I'm so shocked and scared I feel like running away, pushing a potential away and sabotaging my chances. I'm slowly starting to accept compliments and the idea of being in a relationship . But if I get touched by a guy romantically and affectionately I can end up crying because if I don't know the person it turns me off and if I do like the person I'm usually quite suspicious and afraid. What's going on here? Am I just too use to being on my own and single? Or is there something much deeper at work? Link to post Share on other sites
Ebelskiver Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 It's time to get into therapy. You got issues! Everyone does, so no biggie, but it's on you to get to the bottom of them so they don't sabotage your life. A good therapist can help you discover why you feel so undeserving of love. Once you get to the bottom of why, you can begin to fix it. It's something to do with your childhood and repeating unfinished patterns. It's such a bummer that we are left the rest of our lives trying to recover from our earliest experiences, but that's how it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted December 2, 2014 Author Share Posted December 2, 2014 I think I have philiophobia. An actual fear of falling in love and be loved. I shrivel up. I think I'm scared of being held and loved. The most exciting time I had not so while ago was hooking up with a guy in a bar and then leaving him. I don't know why that was so exciting. But I think it was because I LEFT him, this time I wasn't friendzoned or rejected. I have been single for almost 12 years. But I was dating someone for four months last year. There was a guy that I had like 12 years ago that I loved so much, I gave him my whole self and he gave me less than half of himself to me, only to dump me and fall for someone else two months later. Ever since then I just haven't trusted love. I couldn't even get the love of my life ( at the time) to love me. Somewhere I thought that love was conditional. I am more open before but there is an actual fear. Something of a block. Last year I was unrequitedly inlove with someone but again they weren't interested. But when someone was into me this year, I tried to tell them I had been single for such a long time that I didn't know HOW to love and that they wouldn't understand what the pain was like. Needless to say, he didn't stick around and then went out with someone else. Biggest regret of my life. I just feel so weird. Like I'm an embarrassment or something, all because the last boyfriend I had was just a kid when I was just a kid, and I am still a kid when it comes to love and how to figure it out. I guess I'm just reaching out to people who may understand or know what this is. Link to post Share on other sites
kolleamm Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 You probably have the grass is greener syndrome. You are likely never fully satisfied with the people that like you and thus "run away" from them. I don't think you have a fear of commitment, you just can't force yourself to be attracted to them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 I think it's just bad luck when the person you like doesn't like you back. It's happened to me a bunch of times so I'm used to it. Still I do feel stupid for liking a girl I know who isn't interested in me. It has nothing to do with me wanting her because I can't have her. I want her because I'm attracted to her looks and personality. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted December 2, 2014 Author Share Posted December 2, 2014 Yeah but you fall in love with the unattainable. It's such a frustrating experience. Something in me feels like if I get the guy that likes me, I'll fail him anyway. I'll get attached and therefore he's likely to start hurting me. It's weird. I'm my own worst enemy! Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 Yeah but you fall in love with the unattainable. It's such a frustrating experience. Something in me feels like if I get the guy that likes me, I'll fail him anyway. I'll get attached and therefore he's likely to start hurting me. It's weird. I'm my own worst enemy! Have you tried thinking of it as a positive outcome? Such as that you have caught the attention and affection of an unattainable, and see it as a reward for yourself, proof that you can achieve anything you put your mind and effort to. It may help allay your avoidance of love. Link to post Share on other sites
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