How to act with someone you rejected?

[makeithappen]

Hello,

 

I just rejected a guy and said I'd rather we remained friends, but after he revealed his feelings, I thenstarted acting cold and distant. I am not proud of that, but I don't want him to think I am giving ambiguous signals, and telling him he still has a chance.

At times, I was being friendly, at others, I was less responsive to him when he was talking to me, to ensure he does not misinterpret my friendliness.

 

I don't know how to act anymore! I cannot be natural, myself, because I am worried about how he will misinterpret it. At the same time, I hate the cold attitude as it is very harsh and insensitive.

 

Arghhh, what do I do?

[d0nnivain]

You act politely. You smile & say hello. You put him at ease but from a respectful distance; keep the touching to a minimum. You ask questions about him like "how are you?" and you care about the answer. You don't pressure. You don't pity. You be kind, realizing that you hurt his pride & that he needs to save face so your relationship going forward has to be on his terms (if he wants you as a friend at all)

[makeithappen]

You act politely. You smile & say hello. You put him at ease but from a respectful distance; keep the touching to a minimum. You ask questions about him like "how are you?" and you care about the answer. You don't pressure. You don't pity. You be kind, realizing that you hurt his pride & that he needs to save face so your relationship going forward has to be on his terms (if he wants you as a friend at all)

 

 

 

I apologised for my cold reaction and explained that I reacted like this because this situation makes me feel uncomfortable, and I reiterated that I would like to remain friends. He said he understood, but I sensed some coldness in him. I think the damage is already done.

 

I got scared and felt uneasy and acted cruelly towards a person who was already hurt.

 

I feel so evil and I am so ashamed.

[preraph]

Oh, get a grip! You can't say yes to every sad-faced guy out there! "People who can't say no attract people who won't let go." - stalking expert Gavin deBecker.

 

If you've read any posts at all on this forum, you know that guys do NOT want to be just friends with girls and wish they would tell them clearly yes or no. So tell him no and let him go.

[d0nnivain]

You aren't evil. You are human, just like the rest of us. Be kinder going forward & it will be fine.

[makeithappen]

Thank you for your replies everyone!

 

He was a jerk! I initially rejected him because not only physically am I not into him, but he had the audacity to ask me for sex immediately after revealing his feelings! When I said I felt hurt by this and that it was disrespectful,he told me to 'take it easy'!!!!!

 

I have so much hatred for him right now. He was so dismissive of my feelings!

[No Limit]

Well, at least you don't need to feel guilty anymore or need to question how to behave when he's around. Ignore ignore ignore, or direct him to the nearest brothel.

[d0nnivain]

He was a jerk! I initially rejected him because not only physically am I not into him, but he had the audacity to ask me for sex immediately after revealing his feelings! When I said I felt hurt by this and that it was disrespectful,he told me to 'take it easy'!!!!!

 

I have so much hatred for him right now. He was so dismissive of my feelings!

 

Then you don't owe him anything. You don't have to be kind to spare his feelings. You shouldn't be affirmatively mean because you are the better person but politely ignoring him or a curt nod before you move away is all that is required.

 

My initial advise was based on him being an otherwise nice enough guy to whom you simply weren't attracted. In that case, if you hurt his feelings though no genuine fault of his, you be kind & gracious when you encounter him. If he was a jerk don't waste the effort.