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Have I peaked?


Photofinish

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I just got out of a 6 month relationship a month ago. This was what I thought was the best relationship I ever had. I was truly happy in it when things were good. Unfortunately I fell too hard and the guy ended up being unable to deal with my emotions after my father passed away. He tried to manipulate me for sex, lied to me, and played with my emotions in order to break up with me. Not even a month later he was going to anime conventions with this girl and her group of friends (staying in the same hotel room). Now that I've been single for about a month I've been doing alot of thinking. Will I ever find a relationship in where I was so happy with a clear outlook into the future?

 

I use to think I was pretty special . I liked to play video games, card games, watch anime, and cosplay . Stuff normal girl do not do. I use to be pretty confident and a very funny person. I use to think I was a pretty woman (Not so much anymore) . I thought I was a pretty good catch. I thought I was fun to be around. I'm usually the only girl in my group of friends when going to events and such . This was all before I met my ex of course , my self worth is pretty much in the garbage. My ex managed to find a girl like me in less then a month. He had met her prior and just picked up where they left off.

 

My ex wasn't the best looking but to me he was attractive (Not at first). He was 6'4 (I'm a tall girl at 5'7) with a B.A and Masters degree in computer science. Good grades and was an adjacent professor at the age of 24 . He drove a nice car and lived in a nice home with his parents . His parents were super nice and him home was small but really comfy and clean. His room was pretty big and comfy as well. It was my favorite place to be. He is in the process of doing his PHD. We shared common interest and he was a very sweet guy (I thought. I feel like he was pretending) after a while. He was pretty awkward at first. He didnt party or drink much . He made me feel good , sending messages just saying he was thinking about me .Stuff like that. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world . He fit every characteristic that I wanted in a guy . I wanted to be with him forever.

 

I'm struggling in order to get my B.A and am in danger of being kicked out of school. I have no idea what I want to do and I'm majoring in psychology which I hate. I live in a cramped bedroom sharing a room with my 31 and 15 year old brother. I live in a very bad area in the city. I have family problems. I feel like im not worth a decent guy anymore. I'm also scared of sex. At first I didnt want to have sex with my ex but as time went on I became willing until he turned. Now at this very moment I cant see myself having sex with a guy ever. I tell myself I will be with a guy at least a year before having sex but I feel like I would wait longer. What guy would put up with me?

 

I'm scared I will never find what I lost . I'm scared that I have peaked in life and I will never have that happiness again. I feel like I don't deserve that happiness . Where can I find a guy with a degree whom would be sweet to me and treat me right? I feel like everything after him is a downgrade. I dont even know where to look. I judge every guy and the smallest things put me off (like him not having a car or the wrong major) . My ex already found a girl who cosplays , im pretty sure theyll be amazing together. I get to continue to think about him every single day while dealing with depression. Life isnt fair.

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He tried to manipulate me for sex, lied to me, and played with my emotions in order to break up with me.

...

I'm scared I will never find what I lost

What! I wold say it's good if you never find someone who will manipulate you for sex, lie to you, play with your emotions.....

 

You seem to be judging people on their material possessions and qualifications. How old are you? I think as you grow up you will begin to see that there are more important things than that in life. How people treat others is much more important than what car they drive or what their job is.

 

Stop obsessing over what your ex has. I think you should be pitying his new GF more like, being stuck with a manipulative liar.

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What! I wold say it's good if you never find someone who will manipulate you for sex, lie to you, play with your emotions.....

 

You seem to be judging people on their material possessions and qualifications. How old are you? I think as you grow up you will begin to see that there are more important things than that in life. How people treat others is much more important than what car they drive or what their job is.

 

Stop obsessing over what your ex has. I think you should be pitying his new GF more like, being stuck with a manipulative liar.

 

I'm 22 . The thing is that when things were good . he was the sweetest guy I was ever with. I feel like I brought out that side of him. :(

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It's pretty unlikely that you're past your peak at 22.

My gf met me when she was 39 and says these are the best years of her life.

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It's pretty unlikely that you're past your peak at 22.

My gf met me when she was 39 and says these are the best years of her life.

 

I'm worried I already had the best year of my life.

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Maybe you have, maybe you haven't. Nobody can see the future.

What will worrying achieve, apart from making the rest of this year miserable?

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WesternWizard

Well I'm a 47-yo man who wasted 20+ years of his own life pursuing a career in a field I wasn't cut out for, and doing drugs on and off... I don't think MY life has peaked because fate offered me a clean slate after my mother died, and I took the chance.

 

So far, it has been working for me, even though now I get dirty looks from people who considered me to be their fall guy. Oh well, not my problem anymore...

 

I know if there's any rescuing to be done, YOU will have to do it YOURSELF. You have to think of your own quality of life, and that means you should not let someone else fool with it.

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You are defining both yourself, and your (ex) partner by rather superficial metrics. Don't get me wrong, all of that IS important - career, education, hobbies, etc... but having them, or having a partner with them, shouldn't be the end all be all of your self-worth.

 

IMO the most important metric of value in a partner is 1) how he treats you, and 2) whether or not he is capable of sticking it out though the long haul and weathering the blows that life throws at you. In both of these metrics your ex failed, in spite of his Compsci Masters and nice car. If it makes you feel better, I actually have the same qualification, and it really isn't a huge deal. Certainly not significant enough to justify treating a partner like crap when he/she is going through a period of grief after the death of a family member.

 

If you work on yourself (and your priorities), you will likely get someone much better in the future.

 

(I also don't see how someone could be an adjunct professor when they don't even have their PhD yet, but that is irrelevant and perhaps just different in different countries.)

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Well I'm a 47-yo man who wasted 20+ years of his own life pursuing a career in a field I wasn't cut out for, and doing drugs on and off... I don't think MY life has peaked because fate offered me a clean slate after my mother died, and I took the chance.

 

So far, it has been working for me, even though now I get dirty looks from people who considered me to be their fall guy. Oh well, not my problem anymore...

 

I know if there's any rescuing to be done, YOU will have to do it YOURSELF. You have to think of your own quality of life, and that means you should not let someone else fool with it.

 

I'm worried that is the road I am currently going down with a major I hate. I dont even know how I can change my life at this point other then try and finish school and somehow struggle to care for myself.

 

It's just a very scary thought that chances are I will never find anyone who will love me again that I will be happy with.

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You are defining both yourself, and your (ex) partner by rather superficial metrics. Don't get me wrong, all of that IS important - career, education, hobbies, etc... but having them, or having a partner with them, shouldn't be the end all be all of your self-worth.

 

IMO the most important metric of value in a partner is 1) how he treats you, and 2) whether or not he is capable of sticking it out though the long haul and weathering the blows that life throws at you. In both of these metrics your ex failed, in spite of his Compsci Masters and nice car. If it makes you feel better, I actually have the same qualification, and it really isn't a huge deal. Certainly not significant enough to justify treating a partner like crap when he/she is going through a period of grief after the death of a family member.

 

If you work on yourself (and your priorities), you will likely get someone much better in the future.

 

(I also don't see how someone could be an adjunct professor when they don't even have their PhD yet, but that is irrelevant and perhaps just different in different countries.)

 

 

Here in the U.S.A , an adjunct professor is sometimes just a professor whom only teaches small 1 or 2 credit lab classes. He makes less then $10,000 a year and doesnt really have much control over his students. It's more like a teacher assistant if anything.

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chances are I will never find anyone who will love me again that I will be happy with.

What are you basing this on? "Chances" are not that at all. Very few people meet their lifetime partner by age 22. Chances are MUCH higher than you will find someone way better than your manipulative liar of an ex, and you will wonder what you ever say in the douchebag.

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What are you basing this on? "Chances" are not that at all. Very few people meet their lifetime partner by age 22. Chances are MUCH higher than you will find someone way better than your manipulative liar of an ex, and you will wonder what you ever say in the douchebag.

 

I hope you're right =(

 

The sad part is that his parents have paid for almost all his stuff. They paid half his car, pay his insurance , pay for his school , etc.

I put up with alot of his stuff during our relationship so I'm a little worried about dating a professional man. I feel like I'm not worth it . The area I live in doesnt really open the door for me finding my type of guy either and I dont know where to look once I'm ready to date either.

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You come across as an immature girl and not a woman. The anxieties of a 14 year old. Size of his room? Car?

 

Do you have a part time job? Put effort into your studies? Get involved in Intra mural sports? Practice a musical instrument?

 

Anyways...try being an adult. Otherwise...yes, perhaps, life will be downhill from here.

 

I never had my own room so yeah, I thought it was really nice.

 

I dont have a part time job anymore. I'm trying. I havent been doing well in school due to anxiety and depression as well as being the wrong major. I'm trying to get back into it .

 

My worries are more in the sense of the future, marrying a successful man so that I could build the life I never had as well as have the family I currently do not have either. Sounds pretty shallow I know.

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I'm a little worried about dating a professional man. I feel like I'm not worth it

Well, you have to put in what you get out.

Professional men generally like to date and marry professional women.

Are you a professional woman?

Why are you expecting someone else to give you all the things you never had in life?

Sorry but life doesn't work like that. If you want something, you earn it. You don't simply marry someone who has it or can give it to you.

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Well, you have to put in what you get out.

Professional men generally like to date and marry professional women.

Are you a professional woman?

Why are you expecting someone else to give you all the things you never had in life?

Sorry but life doesn't work like that. If you want something, you earn it. You don't simply marry someone who has it or can give it to you.

 

I want to get my PHD eventually. I'm working on it . I'm graduating in the next year so I think I can become professional.

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Photofinish,

 

I empathize with you in the sense that it seems like your family situation isn't the greatest and therefore for you it meant the world and seemed like such an upgrade to have a bf who had the complete opposite life from what you've known. You don't have such a great family situation, you and your teen brother and adult brother share a room ( admittedly this is a bizarre setup) and you live in a bad neighborhood whereas your ex's family is financially better off, have a nice home, he has his own room etc. I think for people who have had that it seems like nothing and makes you seem superficial, but I can understand how it's a little bit more than just you being superficial but moreso coming from this place of lack and feeling undeserving based on what you didn't/don't have.

 

Anyway, in spite of all that, your life is your own and I think focusing on making your life better and getting out of your current situation is more important than necessarily looking for a boyfriend. It seems like you have a lot of insecurities and because of your family life or socioeconomic status may feel like you don't "deserve" certain things or will never achieve them...it's not true though. Some people are born more fortunate than others but others aren't and they manage to work themselves into different circumstances. Hey, look at Oprah. She wasn't born into wealth and actually had a poor life, with lots of bad things happening to her growing up and she eventually went to school for journalism and worked her way up to being a world icon and one of the most influential and wealthy women in the world. Besides Oprah, there are other everyday people who had nothing or had a bad home life and as adults became successful and gained the family, spouse and career they want.

 

There's hope for all of us. You are only 22. You have NOT peaked. Most people have several bfs before they marry. I get your fears about whether or not you will ever marry someone successful or achieve this or that...it's a normal concern to a degree but instead of fretting over it work towards making a successful life for yourself and improving your circumstances and then worry about a bf after. It almost seems like you want a Cinderella story where you meet a successful Prince who rescues you from your bad neighborhood and your life will improve. While it does happen for some women, I think you're better off trying to improve your life on your own and having a husband come after than the other way around. I think it will also help your feelings of self-worth and help you attract better when you have things that make you feel worthy and confident as it seems if you meet a man now that has what you don't your attitude is to put him on a pedestal because of those things.

 

Focus on school and not getting kicked out and getting your BA. I forget if you say you hate Psychology but if you do...work on something else. Talk your academic adviser about school, what you need to do and perhaps your options. Even if it means an extra year perhaps maybe you can do something else. But make getting your degree, figuring out your career goals and getting out of your bad neighborhood your priority. I think doing so will help you to feel better about yourself and then dating men can come after.

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Things are usually good in the beginning before you really get to know a person and still think they are the ideal you have in your head. You're still very young. Get your degree even if you don't like the major. Presumably you liked it at some point. Just get the degree then you can say you have a degree in something. It doesn't always matter what. Meanwhile, you are in psychology and should be learning a lot about yourself.

 

Since right now you feel nothing is working right, I recommend you stop doing what you normally do and completely change your life. Stop wasting time watching anime and spending all your time on the computer. You're a young adult now. Surely there's more productive things to do. Instead of doing things just inside the house or on the internet, get out and do active things, either some little sport or take walks or go to the zoo or volunteer for something, whatever. Physical activity helps get stress out. Stop doing everything except studying and start doing completely new things and I guarantee you will find new interests and new friends and it will rejuvenate you.

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Photofinish,

 

I empathize with you in the sense that it seems like your family situation isn't the greatest and therefore for you it meant the world and seemed like such an upgrade to have a bf who had the complete opposite life from what you've known. You don't have such a great family situation, you and your teen brother and adult brother share a room ( admittedly this is a bizarre setup) and you live in a bad neighborhood whereas your ex's family is financially better off, have a nice home, he has his own room etc. I think for people who have had that it seems like nothing and makes you seem superficial, but I can understand how it's a little bit more than just you being superficial but moreso coming from this place of lack and feeling undeserving based on what you didn't/don't have.

 

Anyway, in spite of all that, your life is your own and I think focusing on making your life better and getting out of your current situation is more important than necessarily looking for a boyfriend. It seems like you have a lot of insecurities and because of your family life or socioeconomic status may feel like you don't "deserve" certain things or will never achieve them...it's not true though. Some people are born more fortunate than others but others aren't and they manage to work themselves into different circumstances. Hey, look at Oprah. She wasn't born into wealth and actually had a poor life, with lots of bad things happening to her growing up and she eventually went to school for journalism and worked her way up to being a world icon and one of the most influential and wealthy women in the world. Besides Oprah, there are other everyday people who had nothing or had a bad home life and as adults became successful and gained the family, spouse and career they want.

 

There's hope for all of us. You are only 22. You have NOT peaked. Most people have several bfs before they marry. I get your fears about whether or not you will ever marry someone successful or achieve this or that...it's a normal concern to a degree but instead of fretting over it work towards making a successful life for yourself and improving your circumstances and then worry about a bf after. It almost seems like you want a Cinderella story where you meet a successful Prince who rescues you from your bad neighborhood and your life will improve. While it does happen for some women, I think you're better off trying to improve your life on your own and having a husband come after than the other way around. I think it will also help your feelings of self-worth and help you attract better when you have things that make you feel worthy and confident as it seems if you meet a man now that has what you don't your attitude is to put him on a pedestal because of those things.

 

Focus on school and not getting kicked out and getting your BA. I forget if you say you hate Psychology but if you do...work on something else. Talk your academic adviser about school, what you need to do and perhaps your options. Even if it means an extra year perhaps maybe you can do something else. But make getting your degree, figuring out your career goals and getting out of your bad neighborhood your priority. I think doing so will help you to feel better about yourself and then dating men can come after.

 

I think that this best explains how I feel completely . It was nice to have everything I never had even if for a little while. I want to change my life so badly. I want to be able to take care of myself but I cant. I have no savings, nothing from my family, not even a job. Apartments here are so expensive. I want to finish my B.A and find a job so that I can move out while going to school at night but I feel like I just cant do it. I feel like I dont have it in me to be able to take care of myself.

I guess you are right on me wanting someone to come along and take me away from here. I at most just want to the support of knowing it can get better (My ex somewhat gave me that support but at this point it may have just been to get into my pants) . I dont have that support. I do not talk to my brother or my sister. I dont really talk to my mother either. I'm sorta alone out in the world. It's really scary. This is another reason I wanted my ex's attention so badly. I wanted to be able to connect and trust him completely because I dont really have that either. I want to be happy and have all the things I never had. I want to buy a house in a nice area someday. I want to have a nice car and have a PHD. In my head I feel like I cannot do this alone. There is also the aspect of family that I crave so badly. I know it's true that what my ex has isnt a big deal .He has a masters and working on a PHD. Most people go far in school. I just put him higher up there because you're right. I never had those things around me so it's a big deal to me.

 

I just hate being me and I dont know how to change my life. He had everything, a degree, home, car, and a very loving family while I literally have none of those things.

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Things are usually good in the beginning before you really get to know a person and still think they are the ideal you have in your head. You're still very young. Get your degree even if you don't like the major. Presumably you liked it at some point. Just get the degree then you can say you have a degree in something. It doesn't always matter what. Meanwhile, you are in psychology and should be learning a lot about yourself.

 

Since right now you feel nothing is working right, I recommend you stop doing what you normally do and completely change your life. Stop wasting time watching anime and spending all your time on the computer. You're a young adult now. Surely there's more productive things to do. Instead of doing things just inside the house or on the internet, get out and do active things, either some little sport or take walks or go to the zoo or volunteer for something, whatever. Physical activity helps get stress out. Stop doing everything except studying and start doing completely new things and I guarantee you will find new interests and new friends and it will rejuvenate you.

 

I have tried to change my life. Im very limited on what I can do . I dont have money, I dont have a car so I cant really do things outside of what I can get to on the trains/ buses. My friends have their own thing going on. I'm really stuck.

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WesternWizard
I want to get my PHD eventually. I'm working on it . I'm graduating in the next year so I think I can become professional.

 

One mistake I've seen a lot of people make is that they fall into the trap of thinking that college is the end of the line... that's it, nothing else after.

 

Unfortunately it's getting so that working for someone else doesn't cut it, unless you're in upper management... self-employment is the way to go.

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Photofinish,

 

I understand how you fee but the truth is, relationships don't save you. Lots of people mistakenly think this. They think once they have a bf/gf life will be great. It doesn't work like that. Also, often when someone is desperate to be saved and has nothing to offer in a relationship except being in it, the relationship ends.

 

For a relationship to be successful you need two people, bringing stuff to the table, happy with themselves, working on themselves, having their own independence but coming together as partners. Not one partner is the emotional parent or taking care of all the other's needs...it becomes draining on them or worse there is a power imbalance and abuse of power because this person knows you have nothing and are totally reliant on them.

 

You don't want that. I am sure your school probably has free counselors you can see and talk to about your feelings who can help you process them. Do you have friends? If not...friends are more important to make and have for support, encouragement, etc than a romantic relationship. You can't have a life where you are alone and just want a bf as bfs come and go and as I said relationships tend to not work when that is ALL the person has going for them and they have no job, goals, dreams, friends, etc. but just live to be with this other person.

 

You CAN change your life. Lots of 22 year olds don't have savings or the best circumstances as I said but they manage to change their lives. Now seriously, it takes small steps to change your life.

Practical Steps:

 

1.Go to school, look up their counseling services, see if it is free of charge and sign up for it.

 

2. Set up a meeting with your academic adviser or whoever the equivalent is who is in charge of student's progress towards graduation and find out about your progress in school, will you graduate, how you can improve etc. They will help you figure out some options. If you are in danger of not graduating PhD programs will be difficult to get into. I'm currently in a PhD program and it's super competitive. I got my Masters before I applied so that I would be even more competitive. So perhaps look into doing that as well but if you have such bad grades that you may not graduate, it will be hard to get into a good and funded PhD program with that record. So focus on getting your grades up and maybe applying to post Bac programs or doing a Masters and making sure you get superb grades there first as well as have good relationships with your professors and excel in their classes so that they will be happy to write recommendations for you.

 

3. Do you have friends? Are you involved in school activities? If not...find at least ONE school activity you like and vow to go to all meetings, push yourself out of your comfort zone and talk to at least one person, go to an event etc. Put yourself out there to make friends. An easy thing is volunteering. Almost all schools have various service projects and volunteering opportunities where you're doing good for other people and have a chance to meet others and socialize as well as network.

 

4. Apply for some part time jobs. All the jobs I've had in my life have been through my college or university. I find that it is often easier to get jobs through your school. Also, the jobs I got through school were more germane to my future career interests and gave me more professional skills: I worked in the financial aid office, I worked as a research assistant, I worked in the student events coordination office, was a faculty assistant, was an assistant in the social sciences department. I found it more productive, more convenient (it was on campus and I lived on campus), less stressful and higher paying than working a random retail job.Do you qualify for work study? If so, look up federal work study jobs and apply, if not, apply for jobs at your school that don't require it and if that doesn't work apply to retail or other jobs outside of school so you can start saving even a little. If you don't have a resume, your school should have a Career Services type of department that helps you with resumes, cover letters etc. If you don't have a resume, make an appointment with them.At my college they would review your resume, give you suggestions, had mock interviews, real job fairs, graduate school application advising etc. Work on getting your resume right and cover letter writing skills.

 

5. Don't have a car? So what? I never had a car during college and still managed to live my life and thrive. I don't use a car now in grad school either but most people don't as the public transportation is great in our city and having a car in the city is actually a bigger hassle. But if you can take the train and bus...do it! You can still get around. So that's not an excuse IMO.

 

6. MAKE USE OF ALL THE RESOURCES YOU DO HAVE! This encompasses a lot of my previous suggestions. I think sometimes we're shortsighted and can see all we don't have but don't see what we do have. You're in school, lots of people want to be in school but can't even do that. Don't waste that opportunity. Being in school is a HUGE resource as you literally have on hand TEAMS of people who are there to ensure you succeed and graduate. It's the most support you'll probably ever have in your life...being in college or graduate school. Your school will have lots of different resources from mental health and counseling, regular physical health, career services, free food, job fairs, different activities. Being in college is the best time to make friends and capitalize on other resources. So please begin by doing some of these practical things instead of worrying about boyfriends and what you don't have. Look at all the things you do have but maybe aren't making use of or don 't know you have (lots of college students never make use of all the opportunities available: traveling abroad, this, that)...find out about all the resources your school has and sign up for stuff and get help and participate and do all you can to graduate.

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Photofinish,

 

I understand how you fee but the truth is, relationships don't save you. Lots of people mistakenly think this. They think once they have a bf/gf life will be great. It doesn't work like that. Also, often when someone is desperate to be saved and has nothing to offer in a relationship except being in it, the relationship ends.

 

For a relationship to be successful you need two people, bringing stuff to the table, happy with themselves, working on themselves, having their own independence but coming together as partners. Not one partner is the emotional parent or taking care of all the other's needs...it becomes draining on them or worse there is a power imbalance and abuse of power because this person knows you have nothing and are totally reliant on them.

 

You're right. I thought I had alot to offer my ex because we had so much fun together. I always did have my independence but I did look for him for emotional support . I figured it was the natural thing to do considering he was my boyfriend and all. I suppose I should keep my problems to myself.

 

You don't want that. I am sure your school probably has free counselors you can see and talk to about your feelings who can help you process them. Do you have friends? If not...friends are more important to make and have for support, encouragement, etc than a romantic relationship. You can't have a life where you are alone and just want a bf as bfs come and go and as I said relationships tend to not work when that is ALL the person has going for them and they have no job, goals, dreams, friends, etc. but just live to be with this other person.

 

I actually go to counseling at my school. Yes I have amazing friends that care and love me and I am very grateful although there is only so much they can do to help me .

 

You CAN change your life. Lots of 22 year olds don't have savings or the best circumstances as I said but they manage to change their lives. Now seriously, it takes small steps to change your life.

Practical Steps:

 

1.Go to school, look up their counseling services, see if it is free of charge and sign up for it.

 

2. Set up a meeting with your academic adviser or whoever the equivalent is who is in charge of student's progress towards graduation and find out about your progress in school, will you graduate, how you can improve etc. They will help you figure out some options. If you are in danger of not graduating PhD programs will be difficult to get into. I'm currently in a PhD program and it's super competitive. I got my Masters before I applied so that I would be even more competitive. So perhaps look into doing that as well but if you have such bad grades that you may not graduate, it will be hard to get into a good and funded PhD program with that record. So focus on getting your grades up and maybe applying to post Bac programs or doing a Masters and making sure you get superb grades there first as well as have good relationships with your professors and excel in their classes so that they will be happy to write recommendations for you.

 

3. Do you have friends? Are you involved in school activities? If not...find at least ONE school activity you like and vow to go to all meetings, push yourself out of your comfort zone and talk to at least one person, go to an event etc. Put yourself out there to make friends. An easy thing is volunteering. Almost all schools have various service projects and volunteering opportunities where you're doing good for other people and have a chance to meet others and socialize as well as network.

 

4. Apply for some part time jobs. All the jobs I've had in my life have been through my college or university. I find that it is often easier to get jobs through your school. Also, the jobs I got through school were more germane to my future career interests and gave me more professional skills: I worked in the financial aid office, I worked as a research assistant, I worked in the student events coordination office, was a faculty assistant, was an assistant in the social sciences department. I found it more productive, more convenient (it was on campus and I lived on campus), less stressful and higher paying than working a random retail job.Do you qualify for work study? If so, look up federal work study jobs and apply, if not, apply for jobs at your school that don't require it and if that doesn't work apply to retail or other jobs outside of school so you can start saving even a little. If you don't have a resume, your school should have a Career Services type of department that helps you with resumes, cover letters etc. If you don't have a resume, make an appointment with them.At my college they would review your resume, give you suggestions, had mock interviews, real job fairs, graduate school application advising etc. Work on getting your resume right and cover letter writing skills.

 

5. Don't have a car? So what? I never had a car during college and still managed to live my life and thrive. I don't use a car now in grad school either but most people don't as the public transportation is great in our city and having a car in the city is actually a bigger hassle. But if you can take the train and bus...do it! You can still get around. So that's not an excuse IMO.

 

6. MAKE USE OF ALL THE RESOURCES YOU DO HAVE! This encompasses a lot of my previous suggestions. I think sometimes we're shortsighted and can see all we don't have but don't see what we do have. You're in school, lots of people want to be in school but can't even do that. Don't waste that opportunity. Being in school is a HUGE resource as you literally have on hand TEAMS of people who are there to ensure you succeed and graduate. It's the most support you'll probably ever have in your life...being in college or graduate school. Your school will have lots of different resources from mental health and counseling, regular physical health, career services, free food, job fairs, different activities. Being in college is the best time to make friends and capitalize on other resources. So please begin by doing some of these practical things instead of worrying about boyfriends and what you don't have. Look at all the things you do have but maybe aren't making use of or don 't know you have (lots of college students never make use of all the opportunities available: traveling abroad, this, that)...find out about all the resources your school has and sign up for stuff and get help and participate and do all you can to graduate.

 

The thing is I'm looking for a job that will help me save up to move out. I guess i'm asking for too much here. There really isnt anything else I can do to speed up my graduation . I actually live in a really big city . I've been here my whole life and have seen it all basically. Hoping to have access to a car in a few months so I can start taking myself places rather then depend on my ex and his car . Makes me feel good when I am practicing driving because It makes me feel like I can take care of myself but I'm not too good at driving. The thing is that I am not looking to date (Maybe at the moment I saw those pictures of him at a con , enjoying life with other people I quickly wanted someone. ) This whole thread was more of a "will I ever do better in the future? " type thing. Just if I will ever run into someone who I will click with, will love me , would enjoy my company , be mature, and be considerate of my OCD. My ex wasnt too considerate . He would get upset when I didnt want to give him a handjob without a condom or if I didnt want to "touch him" down there. It was taking time to get use to and to be honest, I thought it was a little gross :sick:. Bodily fluids are what they are. One of my biggest fears. It has all made me very self conscious and wonder if there would be a guy who would put up with me .

 

Thank you for your post. Really =)

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There's more to a relationship than just having fun. So if that's your primary contribution, there definitely needs to be more. It's not all fun and games 24/7. It's also not that you can't ever share your problems...of course you can, but it's how you're sharing and if it feels like you have no self-soothing techniques and solely require on this person to "save" you versus simply support you.

 

 

So how's the counseling working?

 

If you can't find some high paying job that will help you move out...I think having any kind of job or income is still a start and still better than nothing at all.

 

Anyway: I'm sure you'll find someone someday but my take away point is that you can't look for a boyfriend to rescue you and it doesn't help to worry about if you will find someone, rather you have to work on your own independence and becoming a woman that can contribute to a relationship emotionally, financially, mentally and in other ways besides "we have so much fun." When you do that I think the relationship stuff will fall into place a lot easier.

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This whole thread was more of a "will I ever do better in the future? " type thing. Just if I will ever run into someone who I will click with, will love me , would enjoy my company , be mature, and be considerate of my OCD.

If I had a crystal ball that could answer that for you, then I wouldn't be sitting here in front of a PC, I'd be sitting in the Bahamas sipping cocktails.

 

Nobody can see the future. Nobody knows what is in store for you next 10 years, the next 6 months or even the next week. You could get hit by a bus, or win the lottery. Nobody can say because nobody can see the future. The best we can do is to look at statistics. Most people, during their lives, will meet a long-term partner, get married, have kids. If that is something you want and take active steps to achieve, then chances are that you will succeed, as most people do. And chances are that at age 22, you will not have met your future partner. Most people do not meet their future partner that early. So in all probability, yes, you will "do better" in the future.

 

But you mention OCD. Is this being treated? It seems to me that all your concerns are a manifestation of this. If this is the case then all I've written above may soothe your OCD in the short term, but won't do much to help in the long term. You need to get this treated.

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There's more to a relationship than just having fun. So if that's your primary contribution, there definitely needs to be more. It's not all fun and games 24/7. It's also not that you can't ever share your problems...of course you can, but it's how you're sharing and if it feels like you have no self-soothing techniques and solely require on this person to "save" you versus simply support you.

 

 

So how's the counseling working?

 

If you can't find some high paying job that will help you move out...I think having any kind of job or income is still a start and still better than nothing at all.

 

Anyway: I'm sure you'll find someone someday but my take away point is that you can't look for a boyfriend to rescue you and it doesn't help to worry about if you will find someone, rather you have to work on your own independence and becoming a woman that can contribute to a relationship emotionally, financially, mentally and in other ways besides "we have so much fun." When you do that I think the relationship stuff will fall into place a lot easier.

 

Oh trust me . I know it's not all fun and games in relationships. I was always the one fixing the relationship with my ex and my ex abandon me and played with my head when my father passed away. When I really needed him, he was unable to be supportive . I dont believe I was the worse person ever in the relationship. I was always there to comfort him , fed him , kept him company. We were practically best friends. I guess I just want that again someday.

 

The counseling is okay. I only get to go once a week and wish I could go more often. Every time I tell my therapist about my ex , they sorta just give me this shocked/ stunned look like they cant believe what he did. It makes me feel stupid for giving him so much of myself. None of them can figure out the sick psycho so it's spent mostly me just crying about my issues. I wish it was a little more productive. She can clearly see Im depressed and wants to put me on medication that I refuse.She just tells me that I'm pretty and attractive so I can get another boyfriend. Well yeah I know I can but "doing better" is what im getting at with her. I wish I could have my original therapist back but shes gone for the month of August. Really bad timing. I feel like I need therapy the most right now as I am heavily struggling with what my ex did to me . It's made me very anxious ,depressed, and scared of other people. I guess that's sign number 1 that I cant date anytime soon. It makes me very upset because my ex is out there enjoying his life , shortly after our break - up he put up a status saying how you dont know how bad something is until you're out of it. He was referring to the mourning of my father, I thought was a pretty justified reason for acting the way I did (Wanting him around more). To be honest at this point i'm unsure if I was emotionally clingy. After A while I just stopped talking about my life problems and thinks went great. Of course after my father passed away and the traumatic events of my vacation , I thought it would be okay to cling for support. I felt very alone.

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