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Should I pursue him online?


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There's a guy who lives near me that I came across on twitter. We have a lot in common and I'm interested. I'm about 95% sure that he does not have a girlfriend.

 

We follow each other, regularly favorite and retweet each other, and have replied a couple of times, but never to the "twitter flirting" or conversation level. I'd really like to talk to him personally, strike up a friendship and see what comes, but I'm not sure how. I've thought about direct messaging him, but can never quite figure out what to say.

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You could say something like, "Hey, I really that picture of the XXXXXXX. Wanna meet sometime at the Starbucks on the corner of XXX and XXX for a coffee?"

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TheyCallMeOx
You could say something like, "Hey, I really that picture of the XXXXXXX. Wanna meet sometime at the Starbucks on the corner of XXX and XXX for a coffee?"

 

I felt awkward just reading that. You've got two sentences: one is an opinion, and the next sentence is you asking them out for coffee. Where's the middle? To me, you're trying too hard. Granted, any woman who pursues me I'm absolutely flattered, but that's telling me you've spent the past 10 minutes on Google looking up "how to pursue a guy" rather than just laying your cards out all on the table and seeing what happens. You've got the right idea, and maybe you're right, but I think it would be more effective to just be direct about it. In this situation, I would be more likely to accept if a woman said "hey, I don't mean to be a creeper or anything but I like your style. You seem like the kind of guy I'd like to get to know. Would you be interested in going out for coffee sometime?"

 

To me, that's more of a confident way to approach me. When a woman compliments something, expresses her interest in me because of that compliment, I'd be more likely to accept whatever she had to offer rather than saying something like "hey, I like that picture of the dinosaur. Let's go on a date." Some guys like that, but it's usually best to play it safe unless you already know a lot about them.

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I would be more likely to accept if a woman said "hey, I don't mean to be a creeper or anything but I like your style. You seem like the kind of guy I'd like to get to know. Would you be interested in going out for coffee sometime?"

Okay, I get what you are inferring about my suggestion, but saying you aren't a creeper immediately raises red flags, does it not?

 

Wouldn't something more assertive like, "I like your style. You seem like the kind of guy I'd like to get to know. Would you be interested in going out for coffee sometime?" be less creepy and stalkish?

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TheyCallMeOx
Okay, I get what you are inferring about my suggestion, but saying you aren't a creeper immediately raises red flags, does it not?

 

Wouldn't something more assertive like, "I like your style. You seem like the kind of guy I'd like to get to know. Would you be interested in going out for coffee sometime?" be less creepy and stalkish?

 

You can also do that. Like I said, I'm just saying how I would respond. I can't vouch for every dude. However, with the dudes that I know, and from what I've seen, when a woman is interested in you and she mentions that she pays a little bit more attention to your profile than anyone else's profile, I find it cute. Saying "I don't mean to be creepy" or anything like that, to me, makes it seem less creepy. My mentality is that it's not what a woman tells you that should scare you; it's what she doesn't tell you that should scare you. When I had a Facebook, I expected women to look at it. Most guys know that girlfriends love that kind of stuff because the information is all right there. Most guys aren't very good with hiding secrets, so what you see is what you get (for the most part). I'm a blogger. When I notice a particular pattern of people liking my posts, I get the impression that they like my style. Either that, or they like me. Maybe both. So if I had a twitter and one particular woman kept liking my stuff, that's common ground. I post something that I feel is genuinely me, and she likes something that I have expressed? She's essentially liking my personality, and liking someone's personality is more than enough to have a coffee date.

 

The point being is that saying "I don't mean to be a creeper" is putting some personality into it. You don't have to ask a person out in business terms like. "Hi. I like you. We make sex." Throw in a little personality, a little laugh, be yourself, then it makes everything else go more smoothly.

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You could say something like, "Hey, I really that picture of the XXXXXXX. Wanna meet sometime at the Starbucks on the corner of XXX and XXX for a coffee?"

If I got a message like that from someone I liked (and was single) then i would certainly say yeah sure.

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Thanks for the advice and the specific suggestions of what to say. I'm still not sure if I can be quite so forward as to directly ask him out in the first message. I have painfully little dating experience, and zero experience with making the first move

 

Do other people really use non-OLD websites to find dates? That's kind of my one hangup, that this is on Twitter, so it's not like he's put himself out there as looking for a relationship. At least on OLD, you have to click a checkbox for intent! :o

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