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Feeling hopeless on getting a boyfriend


Georgia2014

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I have no way of meeting guys in person. I am on two dating sites. So far I've had no luck. I've been on dates but they either want sex on the first date which I don't give them or they disappear after the first date.

 

I have no one that can introduce me to guys. I am feeling really hopeless on finding anybody. Does anyone else feel this way?

 

How can I find a potential boyfriend?

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Of course you have ways of meeting people IRL.

 

Where do you work? Is there anybody in the building but not your company? Where do you get your coffee in the morning? Where do you have lunch? Look around . . . there are men there. Smile at one who looks interesting.

 

Do you go to meetup.com groups? Start.

 

Run an internet search for specialized singles groups & pick one that does something you are interested in.

 

Volunteer somewhere. Civic groups like the Elks, the Moose, the Lions, the Rotary, the local fire department all need members.

 

Attend industry events for work.

 

Take a class.

 

Play a co-ed sport.

 

Join a political campaign.

 

Do things that interest you & make you happy. Love will come to you.

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normal person

How old are you? If you're under 30, go to a hip, fun bar with all your friends and have a few drinks. You won't have to do much else.

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How old are you? If you're under 30, go to a hip, fun bar with all your friends and have a few drinks. You won't have to do much else.

 

I don't drink and like I said I have no one to introduce me to anyone because I don't have any friends. I also don't have to work so there is no way for me to meet someone at work.

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Of course you have ways of meeting people IRL.

 

Where do you work? Is there anybody in the building but not your company? Where do you get your coffee in the morning? Where do you have lunch? Look around . . . there are men there. Smile at one who looks interesting.

 

Do you go to meetup.com groups? Start.

 

Run an internet search for specialized singles groups & pick one that does something you are interested in.

 

Volunteer somewhere. Civic groups like the Elks, the Moose, the Lions, the Rotary, the local fire department all need members.

 

Attend industry events for work.

 

Take a class.

 

Play a co-ed sport.

 

Join a political campaign.

 

Do things that interest you & make you happy. Love will come to you.

 

I'll add one more point. Perhaps your friends can introduce to someone. Also, if you want to do some activity to do because you like it and not to meet guys. Just my 2 cents. GL.

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I don't drink and like I said I have no one to introduce me to anyone because I don't have any friends. I also don't have to work so there is no way for me to meet someone at work.

 

So then you have more time to volunteer, which will help you make new friends as well as give you the chance to meet a potential BF.

 

Even if you don't have to work, consider a fun PT job which will get you out of the house & back into circulation.

 

You do have to do more than log into a computer if you are genuinely interested in meeting new people.

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I don't drink and like I said I have no one to introduce me to anyone because I don't have any friends. I also don't have to work so there is no way for me to meet someone at work.

 

Are you a student?

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I don't drink and like I said I have no one to introduce me to anyone because I don't have any friends. I also don't have to work so there is no way for me to meet someone at work.

 

I would be more concerned at not having friends than a boyfriend. Lots of people have trouble finding a boyfriend or girlfriend. But almost everyone has friends.

 

Why don't you have any friends? Is this something new?

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I would be more concerned at not having friends than a boyfriend. Lots of people have trouble finding a boyfriend or girlfriend. But almost everyone has friends.

 

Why don't you have any friends? Is this something new?

 

It's not anything new. I like things most people my age don't. I never fit in with people my age. I think the reason I don't have any friends is people see me as a doormat. I am to nice to people. Even my own family forgets about me. I am alone 98% of the time. Even when I go no contact on my family it takes weeks to hear from anyone. I guess people assume I'm ways going to be there and I'm not going to be. A person can only take be treated like a doormat for so long before they write people off.

 

Most people my age like drinking and partying that is not my thing. I don't enjoy it all. The things I like to do people my age don't.

 

When I was in school and tried talking to people they would ignore me like I wasn't even there talking to them. I am just sick of it.

Edited by Georgia2014
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Cupid's Puppet

You sound like me, Georgia. I don't have one real friend. The one I had left is mad at me for something trivial, and the other friend is a guy married with a kid. It does make for a very lonely experience in life.

 

Making friends should be your primary goal right now. In my last relationship, I was so dependent on my boyfriend for everything. I took a lot of frustrations out on him. He had to listen to all my complaints. He had to hang out with me all the time. That is too much for one person to bear. So you need other people in your life to provide some proportion. You will have other people outside of your eventual boyfriend who can lend you support. If not, this is what's going to happen. Every time you get into an argument with your boyfriend, you will feel rejected, like so many people have rejected you in life. It's going to build up insecurity. And well, nothing but bad comes from that.

 

So be more proactive at making friends. You want to have people there when you get married and have children. You also don't want a potential mate to judge you for not having friends. I hate drinking and parties, too. But I went out for a drink Friday, and I went out with a group last night, and it was much better than sitting at home. I even go to church just to meet people. I'm not even a Christian. You have to step outside your comfort zone. Don't feel like you're giving up on who you are. It's just a means to an end goal. It will be awkward and uncomfortable at first. Best of luck.

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It's not anything new. I like things most people my age don't. I never fit in with people my age. I think the reason I don't have any friends is people see me as a doormat. I am to nice to people. Even my own family forgets about me. I am alone 98% of the time. Even when I go no contact on my family it takes weeks to hear from anyone. I guess people assume I'm ways going to be there and I'm not going to be. A person can only take be treated like a doormat for so long before they write people off.

 

Most people my age like drinking and partying that is not my thing. I don't enjoy it all. The things I like to do people my age don't.

 

When I was in school and tried talking to people they would ignore me like I wasn't even there talking to them. I am just sick of it.

 

I think you have deeper problems going on than just being unable to find a boyfriend. It is very possible to be an "old soul" and still have friends. I am in my 20s, do not party, rarely drink, and am very introverted. However, I have a strong core group of friends and have several hobbies.

 

Reading this page, it sounds to me that you do not work, do not socialize, do not have a healthy relationship with your family, and do not participate in any hobbies. I would suggest you see a counselor and get to the root of these problems. You need to be happy with your life before you invite a man to share it with you, and you sound very unhappy.

I truly hope that you can find some help and some happiness.

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You sound like me, Georgia. I don't have one real friend. The one I had left is mad at me for something trivial, and the other friend is a guy married with a kid. It does make for a very lonely experience in life.

 

Making friends should be your primary goal right now. In my last relationship, I was so dependent on my boyfriend for everything. I took a lot of frustrations out on him. He had to listen to all my complaints. He had to hang out with me all the time. That is too much for one person to bear. So you need other people in your life to provide some proportion. You will have other people outside of your eventual boyfriend who can lend you support. If not, this is what's going to happen. Every time you get into an argument with your boyfriend, you will feel rejected, like so many people have rejected you in life. It's going to build up insecurity. And well, nothing but bad comes from that.

 

So be more proactive at making friends. You want to have people there when you get married and have children. You also don't want a potential mate to judge you for not having friends. I hate drinking and parties, too. But I went out for a drink Friday, and I went out with a group last night, and it was much better than sitting at home. I even go to church just to meet people. I'm not even a Christian. You have to step outside your comfort zone. Don't feel like you're giving up on who you are. It's just a means to an end goal. It will be awkward and uncomfortable at first. Best of luck.

 

Thank you. I have tried going to church to make friends but even at church people don't want to talk to me. I know I don't deserve to be treated like this by people. I just can't be a jerk to make friends like a lot of people can. I can't purposely be mean to people. The only friend I have is 16 years older. He seems only interested in texting and not hanging out. All though it is always me starting the conversations.

 

Even if I wanted to drink with people I can't due to a surgery I had.

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I have no way of meeting guys in person. I am on two dating sites. So far I've had no luck. I've been on dates but they either want sex on the first date which I don't give them or they disappear after the first date.

 

Do you have a whole bunch of guys to choose from? I'd suggest lowering your expectations. I suggest continuing to date online but DON'T expect to see these men again. Treat any meetings as a one-time thing and have fun!

 

If a guy that you like really DOES want to see you again and calls you, then it would be a pleasant surprise wouldn't it?

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Cupid's Puppet
Thank you. I have tried going to church to make friends but even at church people don't want to talk to me. I know I don't deserve to be treated like this by people. I just can't be a jerk to make friends like a lot of people can. I can't purposely be mean to people. The only friend I have is 16 years older. He seems only interested in texting and not hanging out. All though it is always me starting the conversations.

 

Even if I wanted to drink with people I can't due to a surgery I had.

 

Where are you getting the idea that you have to be a jerk to make friends? Is that how you see others making friends?

You do not have to drink when you go out. The bar serves other beverages besides alcohol. It's simply about expanding your social circle. You're too focused on wanting to hang out with people like yourself. But you're only going to find yourself around people who don't like to hang out, just like you.

 

Every weekend, you need to force yourself to go out. If you don't want to go alone, do it with a meetup group. Join some activity like GoRuck, an improv group, or something. You won't immediately make friends. But at least you'll have a group of acquaintances.

 

And try out different churches, preferably those with all sorts of ministries like young adult ministry, women's ministry, singles ministry, etc. Don't give up. I am doing this later in life because I never had social skills. But you have nothing to lose.

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I'm not sure why you're making us guess. Do you have a physical ailment that repulses people? Are you in a lone post at the South Pole? Do you have tics or a quirk of some sort that makes people uncomfortable? What is it about you that puts you so far out of the norm that you don't have even one friend?

 

And as to the part that you don't like to drink and party, well, what do you like to do?

 

Sports?

Singing?

Play an instrument?

Collect butterflies?

Anything?

 

My mom is sort of like you. Ever since my Dad died, she's been very lonely. One day, she said to me, "you know, I'd just like a friend so I could go take a walk with them"

 

It occurred to me that you have to make a friend BEFORE they'll take a walk with you. She wanted company, but had no idea what to do with a person, other than to be near somebody. I tried to explain it, but she didn't understand it.

 

Maybe you can't understand that either. There has to be some common thread for a friendship to begin. What is it?

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I'm not sure why you're making us guess. Do you have a physical ailment that repulses people? Are you in a lone post at the South Pole? Do you have tics or a quirk of some sort that makes people uncomfortable? What is it about you that puts you so far out of the norm that you don't have even one friend?

 

And as to the part that you don't like to drink and party, well, what do you like to do?

 

Sports?

Singing?

Play an instrument?

Collect butterflies?

Anything?

 

My mom is sort of like you. Ever since my Dad died, she's been very lonely. One day, she said to me, "you know, I'd just like a friend so I could go take a walk with them"

 

It occurred to me that you have to make a friend BEFORE they'll take a walk with you. She wanted company, but had no idea what to do with a person, other than to be near somebody. I tried to explain it, but she didn't understand it.

 

Maybe you can't understand that either. There has to be some common thread for a friendship to begin. What is it?

 

I don't appreciate you implying I am dumb and don't know how to make a friend. I have seen two face lying selfish backstabbing people be popular. I am related to a person like that and everyone loves/likes her more than me. I Know it due to what they say to her and how they treat her compared to me. I am not that kind of person. I refuse to become like that I would rather be nice and alone than be awful like that and be popular. In this day and age nice people finish last while jerks finish first. Society today is very twisted that way which is actually very sad. At least I can go to sleep at night not having to feel guilty about anything.

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There is nothing wrong with me I am normal like everyone else. People just don't like me. Men have even called too nice and I never saw them again.

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May I ask your age?

 

Do you like other people? Your comments on this thread make it sound like you generally don't. Just an observation.

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Obviously I like other people I find that an insulting comment. I just have a hard time finding nice honest sincere caring people. I just don't like know it all rude self centered selfish back stabbing people which what I seem to be meeting.

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I think you have deeper problems going on than just being unable to find a boyfriend. It is very possible to be an "old soul" and still have friends. I am in my 20s, do not party, rarely drink, and am very introverted. However, I have a strong core group of friends and have several hobbies.

 

Reading this page, it sounds to me that you do not work, do not socialize, do not have a healthy relationship with your family, and do not participate in any hobbies. I would suggest you see a counselor and get to the root of these problems. You need to be happy with your life before you invite a man to share it with you, and you sound very unhappy.

I truly hope that you can find some help and some happiness.

 

I do have several hobbies and I do try to have a relationship with my family it's one sided. They want nothing to do with me because I'm different. As in my actual self and life I am happy. I am just tired of being lonely.

 

I do go to therapy but it doesn't do any good. They never help me come up with solutions.

 

This my final response on this thread.

Edited by Georgia2014
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I am done commenting on this thread since I'm not getting any ideas on finding a boyfriend.

 

I gave you 7 separate possibilities. The poster after me added an 8th.

 

You shot all of them down as not being viable without trying any of them.

 

On some levels dating is like a job search: you have to be proactive about it by doing more than sitting at your computer.

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normal person
I have seen two face lying selfish backstabbing people be popular. I am related to a person like that and everyone loves/likes her more than me. I Know it due to what they say to her and how they treat her compared to me. I am not that kind of person. I refuse to become like that I would rather be nice and alone than be awful like that and be popular. In this day and age nice people finish last while jerks finish first. .

 

You shouldn't act like only the selfish, deceitful people have friends and that you're "above" the whole concept of friendship based on that premise. Most people have plenty of friends and are nice, pleasant, normal, well-adjusted people. It almost sounds like you don't think you can trust other people (?). I don't know, I'm not a psychologist but that's what I read into it.

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