So, is this already friendzone?

[Grevensteiner]

I met a girl month ago, and since then, we've been meeting about 7-8 times, each for a couple of hours - beer, walks, movies, etc. Always just the two of us.

 

I met her at the dancing classes, so there was some touching at first, after a week she was hugging me all the time.

 

Ok, great, but still - when I make some more "romantic" moves, I end up pushed away.. Or she always turns her head at the end of the meeting, so I can't kiss her, even though a while earlier we've been hugging.

 

Also, out conversations...we get together very well, after each meeting she texts me right away, in between she always writes to me, always first initiates conversations.

 

Ok, great, but still - she says she wants to hook me up with her girl-friend, she talks to me what types of guys she likes... The f*ck?

 

I don't know what to think about it. I'm 21, she's 20.

[Scales]

I met a girl month ago, and since then, we've been meeting about 7-8 times, each for a couple of hours - beer, walks, movies, etc. Always just the two of us.

 

I met her at the dancing classes, so there was some touching at first, after a week she was hugging me all the time.

 

Ok, great, but still - when I make some more "romantic" moves, I end up pushed away.. Or she always turns her head at the end of the meeting, so I can't kiss her, even though a while earlier we've been hugging.

 

Also, out conversations...we get together very well, after each meeting she texts me right away, in between she always writes to me, always first initiates conversations.

 

Ok, great, but still - she says she wants to hook me up with her girl-friend, she talks to me what types of guys she likes... The f*ck?

 

I don't know what to think about it. I'm 21, she's 20.

 

I already knew this was over when i read 7-8 times. Way to late. If you aren't trying to kiss on the 2-3rd time out, shes going to assume you're not interested. I've made this mistake before because I was really enjoying myself without necessarily pushing to be romantic. Then boom next week shes dating some guy. Wasn't even mad because that one was on me. If I had just taken a more aggressive stance she would have been mine probably. After I changed my strategy my life became a lot easier. Either she reacts positively to your move or you get rejected early on which is the best you can hope for. I never wait now I'm interested in a girl.

 

I'm gonna say cut your losses and don't be angry. Maybe her friend is cute.

[preraph]

Yeah, she's not interested but likes you for a friend. It really is better to go for the kiss on the first couple of dates if you totally do not want any more platonic girlfriends. Because literally all girls will be your friend if you're any fun at all. That way, you get rejected early and call it a day.

 

It's nice she's going to introduce you around. That's what having friends is all about, so quit coming on to her. That ship has sailed. But tell her yes, you'd love to meet as many of her friends as possible.

[somedude81]

I met a girl month ago, and since then, we've been meeting about 7-8 times, each for a couple of hours - beer, walks, movies, etc. Always just the two of us.

 

I met her at the dancing classes, so there was some touching at first, after a week she was hugging me all the time.

 

Ok, great, but still - when I make some more "romantic" moves, I end up pushed away.. Or she always turns her head at the end of the meeting, so I can't kiss her, even though a while earlier we've been hugging.

When did you first try to pull a "romantic" move?

 

Did you go out several times as friends?

[Grevensteiner]

Ah well, I think I won't be able to be her friend, so I'll just make some more explicit moves next time. I'll write here how it ended in a couple of days, hopefully tomorrow!

[Teknoe]

Ah well, I think I won't be able to be her friend, so I'll just make some more explicit moves next time. I'll write here how it ended in a couple of days, hopefully tomorrow!

 

Do what you feel you gotta do, but take it from me... this will not end well for her or for you. Especially you. There's no point in "going for it" when it's clear as day she doesn't see you romantically, and never will.

 

She sounds like a cool friend though, so try to keep her as a friend by bagging any crazy ideas you may have... or if it's too hard, just lay low for a while. But don't come out and say "I like you more than as a friend." Or "Can I take you out on a date?"

 

Trust me, I've been down your path before, and you just end up losing a good friend in the process. It sucks, but once a friend knows you like LIKE her, it's over.

 

Trying to save you some unnecessary pain here, but whatever you do, good luck. Keep us posted.

[Grevensteiner]

I don't know, I have a friend who's been meeting with a girl for over a year without even kissing her, and now they're together. Why would it be over if I showed her I "like LIKE her"?

[Smilecharmer]

As a woman let me assure you that when we won't let you hold our hand or kiss us and are trying to hook you up with our friends, we don't like you like a bf.

[Grevensteiner]

First one out, hooking up could be a joke cause she still goes out alone with me - worth a try I humbly guess

[Smilecharmer]

First one out, hooking up could be a joke cause she still goes out alone with me - worth a try I humbly guess

 

She goes out alone with you because she thinks you are friends. Go ahead and try, as this may be a lesson you have to learn by yourself. Women think they can be friends with guys but guys think they have a shot because of her trying to be friends. It is a vicious cycle and you are going to get your feelings hurt but at least you will know exactly where you stand. Go for it.

[somedude81]

Honestly though, something is really weird with a girl who repeatedly goes out with a guy she knows is trying to kiss her and keeps turning him down.

[solway86]

I'd say the "friend zone" is discredited... and a bit of a cliche.

 

People's feelings can, and often DO change, the person who you liked as a friend, you may see in a different light, 6, 12, 18 months, or even 2, 3, 4 years down the line.

 

I know this from my own experience, a girl I liked, about 2 years older than me, she didn't want to date me, only ever saw me as a friend, and then she did want to, about 3 years later, but then I didn't get a chance to as she was moving elsewhere for work, so it would never have worked out in reality!

This isn't a moan, just me giving an anecdote here pertinent to it.

[EngnimaticResponse]

I don't know, I have a friend who's been meeting with a girl for over a year without even kissing her, and now they're together. Why would it be over if I showed her I "like LIKE her"?

 

The difference between thier situation and yours is that the girl had already decided she wanted him. It is the EXACT OPPOSITE for your female friend.

She thinks you are a great guy and would be good bf matterial - FOR ONE OF HER FRIENDS. SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU.

 

When a woman says "I want to be friends with a guy first." The male tranlation of that is "I want a guy, whom I have already decided I want to ****, to prove to me he can be my friend first."

 

Meet her friends. Hope one is cute and that you hit it off.

[Teknoe]

Honestly though, something is really weird with a girl who repeatedly goes out with a guy she knows is trying to kiss her and keeps turning him down.

 

 

No, not weird. She's just 20. Or 21 (whatever it was OP said).

 

Girls in their early 20s do that kind of stuff much more frequently than girls in their late 20s and especially 30s.

 

When a girl is 20-21... she just thinks differently.

[Scales]

Honestly though, something is really weird with a girl who repeatedly goes out with a guy she knows is trying to kiss her and keeps turning him down.

 

gotta agree with somedude on this one. If you know a guy is physically into you, but you continue to hang out with him alone while knowing you aren't physically attracted in any way, that's on you. It's cowardly at best and manipulative at worst. Just tell the guy off and stop using him as a friend. Pretty much taking advantage of people at that point.

[kolleamm]

I met a girl month ago, and since then, we've been meeting about 7-8 times, each for a couple of hours - beer, walks, movies, etc. Always just the two of us.

 

I met her at the dancing classes, so there was some touching at first, after a week she was hugging me all the time.

 

Ok, great, but still - when I make some more "romantic" moves, I end up pushed away.. Or she always turns her head at the end of the meeting, so I can't kiss her, even though a while earlier we've been hugging.

 

Also, out conversations...we get together very well, after each meeting she texts me right away, in between she always writes to me, always first initiates conversations.

 

Ok, great, but still - she says she wants to hook me up with her girl-friend, she talks to me what types of guys she likes... The f*ck?

 

I don't know what to think about it. I'm 21, she's 20.

 

I'm telling you man the longer you hang around in the friend zone the more of your dignity you give up. I learned the hard way that just being friends with a girl you like is extremely emasculating and completely not worth it, unless you like being treated like a girlfriend. Don't waste your time.

[Teknoe]

gotta agree with somedude on this one. If you know a guy is physically into you, but you continue to hang out with him alone while knowing you aren't physically attracted in any way, that's on you. It's cowardly at best and manipulative at worst. Just tell the guy off and stop using him as a friend. Pretty much taking advantage of people at that point.

 

 

Not defending her, because yes it isn't cool what she's doing but like I said, she's 21!

 

That's what you get with a lot of 21 year olds. They're just.... still growing and maturing. So when one has a lapse of maturity like such, don't be too surprised.

[somedude81]

A 20 year old girl knows better than to hang out with a guy who is trying to kiss her when she doesn't like him.

 

Most girls figure that out at 16 or earlier.

[Teknoe]

A 20 year old girl knows better than to hang out with a guy who is trying to kiss her when she doesn't like him.

 

Most girls figure that out at 16 or earlier.

 

I disagree. Sure, not all 20 year olds are immature but let's face it... EVERYONE is still learning and maturing at 20.

 

Everytime I hear people complaining about girls' character flaws when they're talking about a girl who is 24 or under, I laugh. What did you expect?

 

That's not to say girls 25 on up have it all perfect, because nobody is perfect. But girls who are 25+ do tend to have more world experience and thus, their character is shaped more deeply than a 20 year old kid who is still making her way in the world trying to find out who she is.

 

And while she is making her way around, she doesn't mind having some guy friends stroke her ego... like OP is doing.

[Scales]

I disagree. Sure, not all 20 year olds are immature but let's face it... EVERYONE is still learning and maturing at 20.

 

Everytime I hear people complaining about girls' character flaws when they're talking about a girl who is 24 or under, I laugh. What did you expect?

 

That's not to say girls 25 on up have it all perfect, because nobody is perfect. But girls who are 25+ do tend to have more world experience and thus, their character is shaped more deeply than a 20 year old kid who is still making her way in the world trying to find out who she is.

 

And while she is making her way around, she doesn't mind having some guy friends stroke her ego... like OP is doing.

 

Well this is pretty subjective, but I disagree on the age cut off. By the time a woman is 20, she has had plenty of social interactions with people. At what point do you stop cutting people slack just for being "young". At 20, you are either in college or have a job, you drive a car, you pay bills, you can shoot a gun, you can have kids, and you've probably been drunk or high plenty of times. There really isn't much you can't do other than rent a car (in the US anyways).

 

Maybe people are still growing as individuals around 20, but it's no excuse for poor or intentionally deceptive behavior. The girl knows what she's doing.

 

Getting married and having kids at 16 = crazy and irresponsible

 

Getting married and having kids at 21 = normal (but not advisable)

[Teknoe]

Scales, you're right, it's very subjective.

 

For me, I base it off my experiences and interactions with girls from 20 to 35 years old. During certain intervals you tend to spot certain patterns. While yes, 20 year old girl is much more evolved than her 16 year old self, 20 is still what I call a puppy. She's no longer a kid, but she isn't fully grown and mature quite yet.

 

Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule. But I think generally speaking, when you're dealing with a 20 year old, you should never be shocked when she does something "questionable."

 

 

The girl knows what she's doing.

 

That's the problem. She thinks she does, when sometimes, she isn't fully capable of putting herself in the guy's shoes. You hope that comes with a little more seasoning, and for some it will. Others, it may take a long time before that filter is developed properly.

 

Anyway, don't want to derail this topic too much anymore.

 

OP, any updates?

[irc333]

Chances are, the woman isn't worth dating because she isn't willing to put in the time for someone. If I find out she's dating some other guy THAT soon, you can rest assured she's not willing to have the patients to hold off a couple more dates until getting intimate.

 

Chances are the guy you saw her with, it didn't last long.

 

I already knew this was over when i read 7-8 times. Way to late. If you aren't trying to kiss on the 2-3rd time out, shes going to assume you're not interested. I've made this mistake before because I was really enjoying myself without necessarily pushing to be romantic. Then boom next week shes dating some guy. Wasn't even mad because that one was on me. If I had just taken a more aggressive stance she would have been mine probably. After I changed my strategy my life became a lot easier. Either she reacts positively to your move or you get rejected early on which is the best you can hope for. I never wait now I'm interested in a girl.

 

I'm gonna say cut your losses and don't be angry. Maybe her friend is cute.

[Grevensteiner]

Yeah, well, she turned her head when I tried to kiss her. She said "not after so much beers", cause we've been drinking a little this day And then a hug, so well, I guess I should start looking for another one?

 

She still writes to me, on kind of a more emotional level, but hey, that's still rejection I guess.

 

The worse thing is that it's not a final NO for me, as I thought it would be - she still wants to meet, still writes etc...

 

Anyways, it was MUCH better coming back home knowing I did something, than knowing I didn't make any moves

Edited August 13, 2014 by Grevensteiner

[somedude81]

Just ask her why won't she let you kiss her.

[Polak]

Just ask her why won't she let you kiss her.

 

I agree. Since you seem to be extremely comfortable around this girl despite her constantly rejecting your moves, it shouldn't be a problem to ask straight up and see what she says!