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I'm a girl, I'm 27 and I never had a boyfriend.


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GingerVixen

Hello, everybody.

 

I am 27 years old and I never had a boyfriend in my life. I have kissed 5 guys so far in my life and none of them ever asked me out or wanted me as their girlfriend. They were just random kisses in parties but the guys never ended up interested in me.

 

Nobody ever in my life has asked me out. I have been on a date only once and it was a total disaster. After that, not a single guy ever told me that he loved me, nobody asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend. Ever. Needless to say, I am a virgin as well.

 

Just for you to understand, I'm 5'8, I'm slim, brunette with long hair and brown eyes, I'm very successful in my job and everybody - my friends, family, including my male straight friends - tell me I am pretty. I myself think I'm very beautiful. But the thing is, I wonder why nobody has ever been interested in me.

 

I used to be very depressed about it when I was younger but now I know how to deal with it, emotionally. Nevertheless, it doesn't cease to intrigue me. What am I doing wrong? When I go out guys tend to simply ignore my presence and at work they just act as if I were irrelevant too.

 

Sometimes I wonder that is because I am tall, and most guys I know are shorter than me, but that can't be the only reason. I don't think I have problems with self esteem or confidence, I try to be nice and friendly to everybody I know but I still don't understand why this is happening to me. Any help would be really appreciated.

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You need to ask them out. Go to places where people go to meet potential partners. You can also try online dating. Just don't be so passive about it.

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GingerVixen
You need to ask them out. Go to places where people go to meet potential partners. You can also try online dating. Just don't be so passive about it.

 

I don't have any friends to go out with. They're all married or not interested.

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I don't have any friends to go out with. They're all married or not interested.

 

Don't make excuses. Do online dating then. Or go to singles events. You don't need friends to find a date.

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Come on vacation to America and you'll probably get asked out. And there's no shame in being a virgin Ginger.

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Come on vacation to America and you'll probably get asked out. And there's no shame in being a virgin Ginger.

 

Thank you for your answer. ;)

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Thank you for your answer. ;)

Seriously, I hear European guys are less aggressive than their American counterparts.

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OP, maybe it would help if I tell you my story. The first boyfriend I ever had, I pursued him and this was in high school. It turns out that he was a selfish person with a lot of issues, but because of my own issues and because he was my first love, I couldn't break out of the relationship until I was in my early twenties. For my second boyfriend (who was much better), I had to put myself out there on online dating sites. It didn't work out, but it was overall a better relationship so I feel more hopeful about the future. Culturally, the men are suppose to be the pursuers and the ones to ask someone out first, but if you put your life in your own hands, you will likely be happier and waste less time waiting around for people.

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OP, maybe it would help if I tell you my story. The first boyfriend I ever had, I pursued him and this was in high school. It turns out that he was a selfish person with a lot of issues, but because of my own issues and because he was my first love, I couldn't break out of the relationship until I was in my early twenties. For my second boyfriend (who was much better), I had to put myself out there on online dating sites. It didn't work out, but it was overall a better relationship so I feel more hopeful about the future. Culturally, the men are suppose to be the pursuers and the ones to ask someone out first, but if you put your life in your own hands, you will likely be happier and waste less time waiting around for people.

 

The 2 times I pursued a guy, the guy dumped me. I don't like doing it, it's not something that defines my personality.

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You don't know my life and you don't know why I have written those posts that way. It took me a long time to admit to people i am a virgin. I was so ashamed that I didn't even admit it online.

 

Now please, respect people for once and go get a life.

 

I have to agree with Gaius that there is no shame in being a virgin. The more ashamed you are the harder it is to let yourself take risks to get that relationship that you want.

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I have to agree with Gaius that there is no shame in being a virgin. The more ashamed you are the harder it is to let yourself take risks to get that relationship that you want.

 

It's hard to be open about it because once I admitted to a friend I was a virgin and he mocked at me. It's very difficult. Nobody at work knows or even imagines that I'm a virgin. I try not talking about relationships when I'm with them. I don't know what to do, I feel isolated and terrible.

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The 2 times I pursued a guy, the guy dumped me. I don't like doing it, it's not something that defines my personality.

 

Well, you realize that 2 times is a very low number right? The only way to get what you want is to expose yourself over and over again to rejection and incompatibility. Finding a compatible partner is hard for most people and most people get rejected multiple times. You may not like doing it and it may not be your personality, but there are lots of things we don't like to do in life that we do because it would increase our the potential of future happiness. I am not even saying you have to pursue men, but it doesn't even sound like you are doing the minimum of putting yourself in places where people meet people for dates. At least go to singles events or online dating and see how that works out before being down on yourself for not having been in a relationship.

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Well, you realize that 2 times is a very low number right? The only way to get what you want is to expose yourself over and over again to rejection and incompatibility. Finding a compatible partner is hard for most people and most people get rejected multiple times. You may not like doing it and it may not be your personality, but there are lots of things we don't like to do in life that we do because it would increase our the potential of future happiness. I am not even saying you have to pursue men, but it doesn't even sound like you are doing the minimum of putting yourself in places where people meet people for dates. At least go to singles events or online dating and see how that works out before being down on yourself for not having been in a relationship.

 

I've done online dating and you can see how terrible it was, I have talked about it here in LoveShack, someone even posted the link to the thread here in this thread.

 

I see your point but I don't like the idea of pursuing a guy because if he ends up with me I dont know it was because he was really interested in me or only because I was the only option available. I wanna know that the guy really wanted me and really pursued me.

 

There are no singles events where I live, maybe this is an American thing but not here where I live.

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It's hard to be open about it because once I admitted to a friend I was a virgin and he mocked at me. It's very difficult. Nobody at work knows or even imagines that I'm a virgin. I try not talking about relationships when I'm with them. I don't know what to do, I feel isolated and terrible.

Well he was a douche. And pursuing guys is generally a bad idea, they'll pursue you if they're really interested despite what a lot of them like to claim.

 

I'm getting the impression you don't even have an online dating profile or anything. It might be a better avenue than the party scene if you're looking for a guy who's going to be interested long term. At the very least you'll get lots of pervy messages telling you how attractive you are which might be good for the ego.

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I've done online dating and you can see how terrible it was, I have talked about it here in LoveShack, someone even posted the link to the thread here in this thread.

 

I see your point but I don't like the idea of pursuing a guy because if he ends up with me I dont know it was because he was really interested in me or only because I was the only option available. I wanna know that the guy really wanted me and really pursued me.

 

There are no singles events where I live, maybe this is an American thing but not here where I live.

You did online dating but never had a guy ask you out? =/ Did you put up pictures and everything?

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Well he was a douche. And pursuing guys is generally a bad idea, they'll pursue you if they're really interested despite what a lot of them like to claim.

 

I'm getting the impression you don't even have an online dating profile or anything. It might be a better avenue than the party scene if you're looking for a guy who's going to be interested long term. At the very least you'll get lots of pervy messages telling you how attractive you are which might be good for the ego.

 

I have had an online dating profile already. Yeah I got many messages but as I told the previous poster it was horrible and I even posted about it in here, the guy broke my heart really deeply, and I am traumatized.

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It's hard to be open about it because once I admitted to a friend I was a virgin and he mocked at me. It's very difficult. Nobody at work knows or even imagines that I'm a virgin. I try not talking about relationships when I'm with them. I don't know what to do, I feel isolated and terrible.

 

Well, choose better people to be friends with. People here are not mocking you for being a virgin right? I have issues with pain during sex so I was a virgin throughout the years of my first relationship. I finally managed to get over it with the second guy by making myself get through it despite the pain. Now it's much better although it would be awhile before I can enjoy sex comfortably. I was so ashamed of my sex and pain problems and thought no man would put up with it, but it turns out that what I imagined people to be like in my head did not match up with real life. There might be men out there who would be turned off by my pain issues, but there are men who are understanding. I was literally shaking in fear when I was having sex with my second boyfriend, but I got through it. You can do it too. You need to realize that your experiences with people do not reflect on how people are in general. People with low-confidence have a tendency to surround themselves with disrespectful people who further reinforces their low-confidence. You are not alone OP. You just have to put yourself out there despite your fears and anxieties. I know it's hard. Be brave my friend.

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Well, choose better people to be friends with. People here are not mocking you for being a virgin right? I have issues with pain during sex so I was a virgin throughout the years of my first relationship. I finally managed to get over it with the second guy by making myself get through it despite the pain. Now it's much better although it would be awhile before I can enjoy sex comfortably. I was so ashamed of my sex and pain problems and thought no man would put up with it, but it turns out that what I imagined people to be like in my head did not match up with real life. There might be men out there who would be turned off by my pain issues, but there are men who are understanding. I was literally shaking in fear when I was having sex with my second boyfriend, but I got through it. You can do it too. You need to realize that your experiences with people do not reflect on how people are in general. People with low-confidence have a tendency to surround themselves with disrespectful people who further reinforces their low-confidence. You are not alone OP. You just have to put yourself out there despite your fears and anxieties. I know it's hard. Be brave my friend.

 

Thank you very much ;)

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I have had an online dating profile already. Yeah I got many messages but as I told the previous poster it was horrible and I even posted about it in here, the guy broke my heart really deeply, and I am traumatized.

 

Hmm, perhaps the issue is also to learn how to avoid getting so emotionally invested in a relationship before you really get to know a person. That way you can go from relationship to relationship easier before you find someone compatible.

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I have had an online dating profile already. Yeah I got many messages but as I told the previous poster it was horrible and I even posted about it in here, the guy broke my heart really deeply, and I am traumatized.

Maybe you're just not ready for someone at the moment. There's no shame in that either ginger. A lot of people are like that but don't talk about it because you're supposed to have had relationships and stuff when you're 27. But it's more normal than you may think.

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Maybe you're just not ready for someone at the moment. There's no shame in that either ginger. A lot of people are like that but don't talk about it because you're supposed to have had relationships and stuff when you're 27. But it's more normal than you may think.

 

Well, maybe therapy will help the OP become more ready, but I don't think we can ever be truly ready. The only way to get over anxiety is to face it.

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Maybe you're just not ready for someone at the moment. There's no shame in that either ginger. A lot of people are like that but don't talk about it because you're supposed to have had relationships and stuff when you're 27. But it's more normal than you may think.

 

Yeah, I know there are many virgins just like me out there. But I feel miserable sometimes.

 

People at work may think I have millions of boyfriends. I know many of them may think I'm arrogant or whatever, but the thing is, I'm not. I'm just protecting myself.

 

Sometimes I wonder what would feel like when a guy tried to have sex with me and then I told him I'm a virgin. I don't want to be dumped for saying this, but I know this intimidates many guys. I feel ridiculous for not having any kind of romantic experience at the age of 27. I will be dating a guy probably older than me and then I will be the one who knows nothing about relationships at the age of 27. That is what crosses my mind sometimes. Fear, just fear, anxiety, insecurity.

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i am 5'10 and i never had a problem getting dates, so it's not your height. and i was in my 30s when i slept with someone the first time (he was 9 years older), it happens. it probably stems from confidence, or lack thereof, or some vibe you're sending out that says "don't approach." i have found that the best way to meet men - when you're really having a tough time, is through work, or places where you are all the time, like gym, fave coffee shop, etc. i don't think randomly approaching a guy and asking him out is going to be comfortable for you. it doesn't fit with what you've described. have a relationship come about more through a friendship so it takes the pressure off, and then the trust you need to lose the virginity will come that way too.

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Yeah, I know there are many virgins just like me out there. But I feel miserable sometimes.

 

People at work may think I have millions of boyfriends. I know many of them may think I'm arrogant or whatever, but the thing is, I'm not. I'm just protecting myself.

 

Sometimes I wonder what would feel like when a guy tried to have sex with me and then I told him I'm a virgin. I don't want to be dumped for saying this, but I know this intimidates many guys. I feel ridiculous for not having any kind of romantic experience at the age of 27. I will be dating a guy probably older than me and then I will be the one who knows nothing about relationships at the age of 27. That is what crosses my mind sometimes. Fear, just fear, anxiety, insecurity.

 

Well OP, to me the only thing that I see that is preventing you from having a relationship are your fears, anxieties, and insecurities. Perhaps you also don't know how to choose men and fall for the bad ones. I don't know. Have you thought of seeing a therapist to help you work through some of this stuff. It seems like you are having a hard time dealing with them on your own.

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Hello, everybody.

 

I am 27 years old and I never had a boyfriend in my life. I have kissed 5 guys so far in my life and none of them ever asked me out or wanted me as their girlfriend. They were just random kisses in parties but the guys never ended up interested in me.

 

Nobody ever in my life has asked me out. I have been on a date only once and it was a total disaster. After that, not a single guy ever told me that he loved me, nobody asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend. Ever. Needless to say, I am a virgin as well.

 

Just for you to understand, I'm 5'8, I'm slim, brunette with long hair and brown eyes, I'm very successful in my job and everybody - my friends, family, including my male straight friends - tell me I am pretty. I myself think I'm very beautiful. But the thing is, I wonder why nobody has ever been interested in me.

 

I used to be very depressed about it when I was younger but now I know how to deal with it, emotionally. Nevertheless, it doesn't cease to intrigue me. What am I doing wrong? When I go out guys tend to simply ignore my presence and at work they just act as if I were irrelevant too.

 

Sometimes I wonder that is because I am tall, and most guys I know are shorter than me, but that can't be the only reason. I don't think I have problems with self esteem or confidence, I try to be nice and friendly to everybody I know but I still don't understand why this is happening to me. Any help would be really appreciated.

 

 

Um...why don't u put yourself where the taller guys are to see if that helps to solve what's going on with u I guess. I have felt weird around the taller girls so maybe they do too :o.

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