How do I actually experience life as a teenager?

[R3d]

What I have been trying to ask for the past few months is how do I actually experience life as a teenager like everyone else? And this is good because you all have been trying to tell me the same thing: experience life for yourself. The question: how?

 

The problem is I have poor social status, very few friends, and I am still made fun of for some unknown reason and not taken seriously by other people sometimes. And of course (what I care about the most), I haven't gone on a single date or had any experiences with girls yet. I also never get invited to any gatherings or to hang out anywhere (none of my few friends actually hang out). Basically, I am excluded from the high school community and I think this is partly my fault for just sitting around not doing anything for the first 1.5 years at least.

 

I am asking because I am starting my junior year of high school in just 24 days. I feel like I have been missing out for the first two years of high school. I am not getting that "average teenage experience" which consists of a lot of hanging out with friends, going on dates, etc. You know what I am talking about. Now I am not really into partying and stuff like that. It seems like partying, getting drunk, doing drugs, and having a lot of casual sex (I am honestly a relationship guy) is also a part of the average teenage experience. I am actually not into that kind of thing. Also, keep in mind that I am not getting my driver's permit until next summer (age 17.5) and my parents never leave us home alone for extended periods of time, so theoretically I could never actually host any of these things (and besides, the people who are hosting these sort of things usually have a lot of social status). Though these days, not being able to drive especially at this age isn't such an impediment and as people said in this thread, the right girl won't care. I just want to have friends, be a part of a circle, be invited to gatherings and to hang out from time to time, and be able to get a date once in a while and hopefully have a memorable experience or two with the opposite sex.

 

The main issue a lot of us lonely teenagers have when it comes to dating is we don't actually know how to get dates. The reason for this is because in a social setting like high school, it's not as simple as how you older folks do it where you just cold approach, make a little conversation, and then ask her out and you keep repeating this process until you get a date. That doesn't work in high school and can actually be detrimental to your status as you will be classified as the "creepy guy". So we don't actually know how to get dates in high school.

 

Now next year I am planning on joining a club or two that allow for a lot of socializing and definitely plan on attending some school events (I pretty much neglected those). I pretty much never attend any events, but that's because I am such a lone wolf that it's not fun for me at all. That's the other thing I am hoping to change. I want to stop being such a lone wolf and actually be a part of a circle of friends.

 

Look, I am not asking for supreme social status here or anything. I just want to go from being such a low-status loner to just an average guy who at least has some of his **** together.

 

A side reason I am hoping to undergo these reforms to my social life is that prom is coming up and if I want to have even a slight chance of getting a date, I am going to have to have some of my **** together. There is no way in hell I am getting a date in this state.

[somedude81]

Try to join some sort of sports team.

 

Clubs are also good.

[R3d]

Well I am actually kind of a noob at tennis so I won't be making Varsity, but I think I can make JV tennis. Then again, tennis tryouts aren't until spring. However, I am also into watching soccer and one of my old buddies is a great player and on the varsity soccer team. So I guess I could go watch his games every now and then.

 

And what I meant by prom coming up is that it's coming up in less than a year - next spring.

[Disillusioned]

Strange, when I was a teen, my only barrier to enjoying life was that everything even remotely enjoyable was illegal as hell.

[GorillaTheater]

Besides what's already been recommended, I suggest getting a job. Not only for the increased social contact, but mainly so you have money to DO stuff. I started working before I got my driver's license, so in less you're in the Outback, that shouldn't be a huge barrier.

 

And about that. When I was teen, a DL= freedom. Why the wait to get one?

[solway86]

When I was a teenager, I wasn't the sort who did partying, drinking (well, except for special occasions, maybe) and doing drugs - I was a bit of a geek, a loner, but I didn't really care, I liked the subjects I did at the time in high school and college. So you're not alone.

 

I did have friends who were girls but that was as far as it got. As it were, in college and high school, geeks were a bit unpopular... at least in my experience.

 

Be yourself, you. Sounds cliched, but for me it was very true; I still am a geek 12 years on (I'm 28 now), albeit a geek with social skills, even if not the best, but not the worst.

 

I never did get as far as dating when I was a teenager. Always came close, but never actually got it. But this isn't a whinge or me looking back on my youth... I'm just stating the facts about myself.

 

Best advice I can offer is, enjoy yourself, enjoy your classes, and be yourself!

[BlueIris]

Job. Sports. Both great ideas. Do tennis. Train for tryouts.

 

Just so you know, most people who talk about all the sex they’re having are blowing smoke.

 

High school is really tough for most, or at least lots of people. I see it as a hazing we force on teenagers before they’re allowed to be adults. Ha! So try not to add additional pressure by thinking it’s some nirvana for most people. Get good grades, do sports and get a job and you’ll be great. Food for thought:

 

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/06/23/cool-at-13-adrift-at-23/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_php=true&_type=blogs&smid=fb-nytimes&WT.z_sma=HL_CA1_20140624&bicmp=AD&bicmlukp=WT.mc_id&bicmst=1388552400000&bicmet=1420088400000&_r=4

 

The people from my high school who ended up most successful (in more than just money) in the long run, weren't hyper popular or high profile in HS. High school was foundational.

Edited August 1, 2014 by BlueIris