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Introvert Feeling Emotionally Broken


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I'm a single man in my 30's with an quiet introverted personality. This has made it difficult for me to meet people and form new relationships. I always feel like I am out of place. I've lived in the same city for 7 years but only have a handful of acquaintances and no real friends. To date, I've had one romantic relationship which lasted around six months.

 

If I get invited to a social event where I don't know many people, I spend a long time debating whether I should go because I don't feel comfortable striking up conversations with strangers.

 

In dating, I understand that men are expected to make the first move. Given my approach anxiety, I felt like online dating would work better for me. I've tried different sites with different profiles but don't generate much interest. There's lots of guys competing for the attention of women and most of the women are looking for someone taller (I'm 5'6"). Physically, I feel like I'm above average with an athletic frame and nice smile.

 

I compare myself to guys that have lots of friends and have no problem finding girlfriends. They are all outgoing and have Type A personalities. I don't possess these qualities.

 

I'm completely frustrated and just looking for some advice.

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It seems like it's not really your introversion that's the issue. It's your social anxiety and feelings that you cannot compare. Perhaps you also lack social skills from a lack of practice. There are several ways to go about this, but all would require you to force yourself to socialize even when you don't feel like it. You can only get over this by exposing yourself to your anxiety and learning how to socialize.

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Let me give you another suggest. When interacting with people do not focus on your internal evaluations of yourself as inadequate or whatever. Put your focus outwards. Put your focus on listening to people and observing them instead of thinking about what to say. That should help you behave more naturally.

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Thanks for the feedback. I tend to be self-conscious and that poses a problem when interacting with others. I'm going to get involved in more activities that require socialization.

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I was somewhat introverted but in the right niche, I blossomed. Even introverts have things they like to do, so choose those that get you out of the house: museum, library, sports, music, whatever. Meeting someone who shares any common interest automatically makes it easier to talk to them because you have a built-in reason. Volunteer at something you like. I love animals, so I volunteered at the zoo and with rescue. If you love computers, volunteer something to do with that. Or be a Big Brother or something. My deal was music. It gave me focus and purpose and confidence within that field to make lots of friends. Good luck.

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You may think your problem is anxiety but it's not. Your problem is that you do not know what to say to those strangers. If you prepare ahead of time with an interesting comment you will realize it's not as hard as you think.

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