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I sent a "flirt" to a man(my age/locality/none of my deal breakers in his profile) on POF, yes I know that if I was so taken w/him I should have sent a message but it's early in the morning here...

 

He responded: rejecting me because I don't drink! He said he did it once & "found it awkward". His profile stated he enjoyed good wines. I didn't think that item was going to be more important than the many other interests he listed?

 

I never thought that a woman who didn't drink was undesirable for man?

 

:mad:

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He probably had a bad experience with somebody who was nasty to him about his habit or he's an alcoholic who doesn't want to admit he has a problem.

 

Clearly he did you a favor by saying no up front rather than letting you get attached before you realized what a jerk he is.

 

I wish it was less brutal for your sake but . . . next.

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Disillusioned
I sent a "flirt" to a man(my age/locality/none of my deal breakers in his profile) on POF, yes I know that if I was so taken w/him I should have sent a message but it's early in the morning here...

 

He responded: rejecting me because I don't drink! He said he did it once & "found it awkward". His profile stated he enjoyed good wines. I didn't think that item was going to be more important than the many other interests he listed?

 

I never thought that a woman who didn't drink was undesirable for man?

 

:mad:

 

Congratulations, now you know one of the reasons why so many of us aren't into the bar scene.

 

IMO if the guy turns you down flat because you don't drink, don't waste your time with him... move on and pick one you'll like better.

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Oh, yeah, it used to wrankle my dad no end if someone wouldn't have a drink with him. My mom kept him from becoming a daily drinker for some decades but after the divorce, he became a full-time drunk. Drinkers want company. So this man is a serious alcoholic in all likelihood. Dodged that bullet. Good on him for not just using you for a lark.

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His profile stated he enjoyed good wines.

We "fine wine drinkers" are an arrogant lot and pairing wines with our meals can be more than a past-time, but a passion.

 

I was a wine writer and I remember a *very* romantic first date that involved an evening at a museum and sushi. I was shocked when he didn't order a beer or sake and I thought, "gee, am I dating a teetotaler? This is never going to work." Because, in truth, it would not have as fine wines are an integral part of my life. Not the alcohol, per se, but the combination of food and wine.

 

Luckily for me - as I learned later - my date was a surgeon and any hint of alcohol with driving and he could lose his medical license so he was just being cautious.

 

But I can understand where your guy was coming from...

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Are guys who don't drink a deal-breaker to a notable amount of girls? Basically is it like being short, fat, different race, having a kid, etc? Or is it something that most girls wouldn't think much about and disregard? Just wondering.

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OP, I've never seen it as an issue but I'm not a big partier/drinker. More like what CarrieT shared, pairing wines/champagne with food or having a beer with the guys occasionally. My exW didn't drink much and most of my friend's wives don't drink at all. Some guys though, they want a lady who's right with them, elbow to elbow, at the bar. That's important to them. For yourself, those are the misses in life.

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salparadise
We "fine wine drinkers" are an arrogant lot and pairing wines with our meals can be more than a past-time, but a passion. I was a wine writer and I remember a *very* romantic first date that involved an evening at a museum and sushi. I was shocked when he didn't order a beer or sake and I thought, "gee, am I dating a teetotaler? This is never going to work."

 

I'm a bit like this too, except that I probably don't have the same degree of the connoisseur mentality. I find it hard to imagine being with someone who doesn't drink at all, or who doesn't have some passion for good food and cooking. These have been central themes in the best relationships I've had and if it were missing I don't know if I'd be able to relate. It wouldn't feel right to try and enjoy these in the company of someone who abstained or didn't share the enthusiasm. The best dates for me often involve planning, shopping, cooking, eating, wine, dessert (or good chocolate) and passionate sex. They somehow go hand-in-hand for me.

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