Feeling down about still being single.

[Lovely Difficulties]

Well, the title basically gives it away, but I've just been feeling really down in the dumps about still being single. I'm 26 and have had two serious relationships, and when I envisioned my life at 26, this isn't really what I thought in terms of the relationship department. I really thought that I would be married by now and more settled. My last relationship didn't work out for a good reason, but I sometimes find myself reaching out to my ex out of loneliness. The relationship is definitely over though, but I do miss companionship. I think if I wouldn't have been in the two "wrong" relationships for me, I would've be single my whole life because I really can't think of anyone else I would've gotten into a relationship with.

 

I took a job in an exciting city, but it's far away from my family, and I do feel lonely at times. I have plenty of activities to keep me busy such as hobbies and classes, and I also have some friends now, but it's not that stuff that's going to make me happy forever. I'm really ready to just work towards building a life with another person as family is what is most important to me not having a fancy career. Having a good job is important, but it's not my whole world. I really would like to just get married and settle down, and it seems like other people have found relationships and make it look so easy. I was always worried that I would be the last one among my friends to get married, and so far I am. I've married off friend after friend, and I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I really just haven't met the right person yet, I guess, and I'm starting to think that he just isn't out there. My friends are moving forward and building lives with their husbands now. Even my younger siblings have found relationships, and I just feel so stupid. How come I haven't found the love that I am looking for? I feel embarrassed about it. I really don't want to be single forever..

 

I'm also contemplating moving back closer to my family, but I don't want to regret my decision considering I have a good job and a lot of opportunity where I am at. Advice?

[Legatus]

I can't say I don't understand what you're going through. I live far away from my family and friends too, so far away that friends become more like colleagues if you see them once a year and they all get married and settle down..

 

I have a good job too but I wouldn't think of moving back closer to my family just because I would feel lonely. I mean I am single but apart from occasional thought "it would be nice to have some company" I have always been all right on my own.

 

I think the only way you're gonna get some peace is if you:

 

1. Stop thinking that just because you're 26 you have to be married, have kids, big house etc..

 

2. Don't think that the only goal at the moment is to be in a relationship

 

I've noticed that when I'm not really bothered I meet people online, in real life, few dates now and then and the life goes on. As soon as I find myself in that hole, where everything points to one direction - that's when things start to fall apart.

 

Finding the right person isn't easy. Sometimes they have to find you..

[kodakgirl]

Hi there, I definitely feel you. I'm also 26 and very single. I've only had one relationship, and really it was more of 3/4 of a relationship, honestly. That was over more than 3 1/2 years ago. My city is exciting too and I am finishing up a degree that I love, I have lots of hobbies that I love, great friends (my family is far away too though! when I was younger it didn't bother me at all but it does more and more, so I understand that too). I still feel very very lonely and sometimes miserable about not having someone. Just about everyone I know my age has a great partner. And yes, they're starting to get married or engaged. I thought I'd met "the right person" twice, but obviously neither of them thought so. I really want to believe I've waited all this time for a reason but I don't really know any more.

 

I wish I had something more constructive to say, but at least you really aren't alone, even if it feels like it. Don't feel "stupid" or "embarrassed" though! It isn't a personal failing. I know it can feel like it but it's really not. You said you hadn't even met fellows other than those you dated who you could see yourself with. How could it be your fault that people who interest you haven't come into your life? A lot of it is just luck, frustrating as it is to admit it. There are things we can control in life and things we can't.

 

If you are really missing your family, there is nothing wrong with moving to be closer to them. However, I would advise you take some time to think about if that's what you really want, or if it's just your attempt at a short-term solution to feeling lonely. I'm sure you do love and miss your family, but don't mix that up with feeling sad about being single-- treat each as its own thing.

[Valen]

I'm a guy and I am the last one among my friends to settle down. I'm much older than you. One thing for sure is I don't let it bother me that much. I know it must be hard for you since you are a girl and girl's value relationship and marriage above all things. All I can say is keep your spirits up because you don't want it to drag you down. A depressed girl is not attractive, unless you are going goth. Smile and be sweet and social to all guys you meet. Try and enlarge your social circles more. Remember talking to a guy first doesn't mean you are hitting on them, you're just being friendly.

 

I don't know how you look like but maybe try a new hairdo, makeup and outfit? I think it will make you feel better at least. The girls that I know personally that don't have trouble finding relationships are usually the most cheerful people I know. They love to joke around and they usually have a sparkle in their eyes, even when they are single. I know it can be hard to be cheerful when you are feeling down. That's why you have to fill your mind with lots of funny thoughts about people or remember something funny you heard a day ago. There is always something to laugh about when you are around people.

[Tressugar]

Stay where you're at. Jobs are hard to come by. Your day will come. It's just isn't your time yet.

 

You'll meet someone when you least expect it.

 

I loved being single! Relationships are overrated.

[Babolat]

I'm 47 and single, again. 2 marriages that did not work. I was involved with a woman this fall who is 29, and talked exactly like you did. I was shocked to hear her talk this way, as well, look at me and she was 18 years younger and at the prime of her life as far as I am concerned.

 

I've dated a lot in the past 3 years, 2-3 short term relationships (couple of months) and one LTR. I have no porblems attracting woman. I ended all of them for various reasons. I recently met a woman who is amazing, and now, 5 weeks into us dating, red flag and baggage, that is not her fault (being stalked for over 3 years by an ex, and now it's worse that we are seeing each other).

 

So, I am literally sitting here today thinking "why even bother anymore". I'm quite sad myself today actually. So, no advice other than be patient, enjoy life, you are VERY young.

[shet]

I've been through the same. In the end, it bothers you as much as you let it bother you. I've done counselling, I know how to dodge negative feelings, and publicly I'm happy go lucky. Privately, it sometimes dominates your thought. I am also the last of my friends by a long chalk, I also feel lonely, and I'm older than you. Some nights I cry.

 

There isn't much to say really except hang in there. What's the alternative. Pulling a Christine Chubbuck? What did she do wrong to find herself so alone? Nothing, but that didn't prevent her from reaching her end and giving a big **** you to the world. And yet we can all see it's such a shame, and we all know it might have changed if she'd stuck it out a bit longer.

[AdrianCrawley]

Join the club

[Disillusioned]

I think of the way my friend's former wife put him through the wringer... no thanks.

[Salvatore85]

I spent 5 years with the female I thought I was going to marry. We made it through just about everything a relationship can go through and then last year she dumped me. I was 27 and single again and had no idea what to do. I'm still not completely over it so I have not dated since but my life slowly gets better and better. I've come to realize being 28 and single is not the end of the world and I've learned so much from my last relationship.

 

My brother for example, is 8 years older than me and was texting me a few months ago about how depressed he was. He was miserable being single and thought he'd never find anyone else. Ultimately he ended up meeting a girl in line at a chipotle lol. She seems awesome, pretty attractive and my brothers attitude has been great ever since.

 

Basically what I'm trying to say is you will meet someone who will knock your socks off. It takes time and it may not happen as quickly as you want but if you put yourself out there and just go about your everyday life someone is going to come along. I know it sucks being patient but in the end it will pay off, trust me.

[organizedchaos]

you're 26. You shouldn't be married now anyway. Personally, I think there should be a minimum legal age of 30 before getting married

 

Seriously, you should just be dating and having fun right now. Marriage and kids can come later!

 

I'm 42. Married at 31, have a kid, divorced 6 years ago, 3 year relationship with my gf ended last summer and I'm starting over once again.

 

You got nothing but time. Enjoy life. Don't stress about being single now, or ever, actually. What are you worried about???

[Damaged217]

Every female I know has gone through this phase. We see all of our friends running off and getting engaged/married and we feel like losers. It used to really bug me but I could care less now. I'm 30 and want to know what the best time of my life was? A year ago when I was single and moved to the city on my own and dated and had fun and went out and just enjoyed life. Just do that and the right guy will see you out there having a blast on your own and he will want to come into your life and have a blast with you. Don't worry.

 

Besides, all of those friends that are married already? Half of them will be divorced in a decade or 2. I have a theory that a lot of people who are in a relationship in their mid to late 20s, get married to the person that they are with at the time just because they feel the need or pressure to settle down at that point. It's these couples that end up getting divorced later or realize that they settled for something less than spectacular. You may think your friends have all found a "great" partner, but a lot of couples only show you what they want you to see...which is them looking happy. You never know what goes on behind closed doors.

 

Just enjoy your life. You really are more likely to find someone special when you aren't actively looking.

[AdrianCrawley]

you're 26. You shouldn't be married now anyway. Personally, I think there should be a minimum legal age of 30 before getting married

 

Seriously, you should just be dating and having fun right now. Marriage and kids can come later!

 

I'm 42. Married at 31, have a kid, divorced 6 years ago, 3 year relationship with my gf ended last summer and I'm starting over once again.

 

You got nothing but time. Enjoy life. Don't stress about being single now, or ever, actually. What are you worried about???

 

How is it that people who've done stuff other people want to do come back and say "don't do what I did ?"

 

You know, I told everybody - "Don't join the army !!!" You know why ? Because I did. You know what they did ? They joined the army ! You know why ? Because everyone has to have their own experiences. If someone wants something badly, you can tell them whatever you want, they'll still do it. So the best you can do is help them get what they want, not trying to deter them from that because it didn't work out for you, even if you know it won't work out for them either.

[Keenly]

Is this one of those " all my friends are getting married, so I Want to as well " issues ?

[AdrianCrawley]

Every female I know has gone through this phase. We see all of our friends running off and getting engaged/married and we feel like losers.

 

Because it's what you want ! You want to be engaged/married/etc.

 

What you don't want is to do the compromising necessary for that to happen. What you don't know is that everyone has to give up something in order to get there.

 

You can't have your cake and eat it too. Things just don't work that way in this life.

 

Look, I'll tell you about what I think about myself: I'm damn lazy, that means I whine about not getting girls, 'cause I am not committed to fixing my teeth, I'm not committed to getting a good job and so on. I can afford to be like that because I'm 29. BUT:

 

Before I hit 35, I will have everything sorted out(good job, nice wife, maybe kids etc.). Because that's what I WANT.

 

It's like before I left my home-country. When I was 25 I said to myself - "before I hit 30 I will leave this country, I don't know how or when, but it will be before 30". This year I'll be 30. I am no longer living in my home-country.

 

It's not enough to want something, you have to be willing to do what's needed to get what you want. We're not living in fairy tales, we live in reality, nothing is free, you have to be willing to pay the price.

[organizedchaos]

How is it that people who've done stuff other people want to do come back and say "don't do what I did ?"

 

You know, I told everybody - "Don't join the army !!!" You know why ? Because I did. You know what they did ? They joined the army ! You know why ? Because everyone has to have their own experiences. If someone wants something badly, you can tell them whatever you want, they'll still do it. So the best you can do is help them get what they want, not trying to deter them from that because it didn't work out for you, even if you know it won't work out for them either.

 

 

I'm sorry, what are you trying to say?

 

I'm just saying, don't stress about being single or not married yet at 26.

[AdrianCrawley]

I'm sorry, what are you trying to say?

 

I'm just saying, don't stress about being single or not married yet at 26.

 

I was trying to say that no matter what reasons you give someone who wants something to stop stressing about that something, they will still stress about it. And they will do what they are hunkering to do, no matter what you tell them.

[Targetlock]

yeah i know the feeling there but you are not the only one and like myself still young. its not a race and also don't compare your life to other peoples, it will just worry and stress you more.

[R3d]

Well at least you're not a guy. Guys have it even worse because all you have to do is dress and look pretty and put yourself out there and it's extremely likely you will be getting approached at least a few times a month, while we are the ones that actually have to do the work and be confident, charming, charismatic, this, that, etc, and still 9 out of 10 girls reject us.

 

Hey, if you really want, why don't you try approaching yourself? Statistics show that girls get accepted way more if they approach. There was a test done to show this. Both a guy and a girl used the same obnoxious and forward pickup line to pick up a member of the opposite sex. The guy got accepted only a little more than 10% of the time, but the girl got accepted 50%. And that's for using a douchey sexual way too strong pickup line. Imagine if you just went up to a guy and kindly started a nice conversation with him in an attractive matter...I honestly think the whole "women who approach men are desperate" line is bull****. Now if you give off the desperate "vibe", sure, but I think it's silly to label a girl as desperate for simply approaching. It's the 21st century. Times are changing anyway, so it's not even that uncommon anymore.

 

If a guy sees you as "aggressive", "pushy", "easy", "desperate", whatever for simply approaching him, he's probably not worth your time anyway.

 

Now I realize that this is your marriage, your life lol, so I am not saying that you should settle for any random loser just because, but I mean you're still going to go on dates and stuff so if a guy doesn't cut it for you, just tell him off. After dating a few guys, hopefully you're one will come.

 

Seriously though, guys absolutely adore girls who approach guys and it's all in your favor. Guys are a lot less pickier. If a girl ever approached me, it would make my day. So you have a lot less to worry about in terms of rejection.

 

Then again, this is just a 16-year old guy's advice, so you might want to take it with a grain of salt (lol).

Edited May 8, 2014 by R3d

[Keenly]

Well at least you're not a guy. Guys have it even worse because all you have to do is dress and look pretty and put yourself out there and it's extremely likely you will be getting approached at least a few times a month, while we are the ones that actually have to do the work and be confident, charming, charismatic, this, that, etc, and still 9 out of 10 girls reject us.

 

Hey, if you really want, why don't you try approaching yourself? Statistics show that girls get accepted way more if they approach. There was a test done to show this. Both a guy and a girl used the same obnoxious and forward pickup line to pick up a member of the opposite sex. The guy got accepted only a little more than 10% of the time, but the girl got accepted 50%. And that's for using a douchey sexual way too strong pickup line. Imagine if you just went up to a guy and kindly started a nice conversation with him in an attractive matter...I honestly think the whole "women who approach men are desperate" line is bull****. Now if you give off the desperate "vibe", sure, but I think it's silly to label a girl as desperate for simply approaching. It's the 21st century. Times are changing anyway, so it's not even that uncommon anymore.

 

If a guy sees you as "aggressive", "pushy", "easy", "desperate", whatever for simply approaching him, he's probably not worth your time anyway.

 

Now I realize that this is your marriage, your life lol, so I am not saying that you should settle for any random loser just because, but I mean you're still going to go on dates and stuff so if a guy doesn't cut it for you, just tell him off. After dating a few guys, hopefully you're one will come.

 

Seriously though, guys absolutely adore girls who approach guys and it's all in your favor. Guys are a lot less pickier. If a girl ever approached me, it would make my day. So you have a lot less to worry about in terms of rejection.

 

Then again, this is just a 16-year old guy's advice, so you might want to take it with a grain of salt (lol).

 

When your age doubles, you'll see the tables turn. The women grow up and realize they need an actual mate instead of what they are usually going for. The stable, well adjusted, intelligent, and ambitious men become the prizes, and the women are the ones who must fight over them.

[AdrianCrawley]

When your age doubles, you'll see the tables turn. The women grow up and realize they need an actual mate instead of what they are usually going for. The stable, well adjusted, intelligent, and ambitious men become the prizes, and the women are the ones who must fight over them.

 

They don't grow up, they just become desperate and their options lessen while their beauty fades with age.

They're horrible when fighting for a desirable man. I mean... many don't know how to dress, how to use makeup... and, after a lifetime of being entitled bitches, when they try getting a desirable man they look so fake trying to be all nice to him and affectionate, instead of the usual crazy bitch mode.

[mrnova66]

When your age doubles, you'll see the tables turn. The women grow up and realize they need an actual mate instead of what they are usually going for. The stable, well adjusted, intelligent, and ambitious men become the prizes, and the women are the ones who must fight over them.

I would not say that. You be surprise of the women in their 40s that still want the drama king(drunk,dug addict,bum,jail bird and a bank robber) just as long as he is exciting. Frankly I am shock to see so many that could careless about a good guy.

[mrnova66]

They don't grow up, they just become desperate and their options lessen while their beauty fades with age.

They're horrible when fighting for a desirable man. I mean... many don't know how to dress, how to use makeup... and, after a lifetime of being entitled bitches, when they try getting a desirable man they look so fake trying to be all nice to him and affectionate, instead of the usual crazy bitch mode.

Yes I hear you!!You be surprise of the women in their 40s that have put some age on still think she is owed a George Clooney or a Brad Pitt. Where she is not even average looking. This type is always looking for the bigger deal. Most are like this. This is why I do not waste my time on dating. I have better things to do with my time