How to avoid having boring/small talk conversations with women?

[galaxyman]

I swear over the last year or so, I haven't had 1 conversation with a woman I had just met that wasn't a very boring conversation. At best, it'll amount to "damn it's cold out huh?" or some kind of small talk about our immediate surroundings.

 

The results are obvious. 2 minutes later, she smiles and walks away. I remember that it wasn't like this in university. Women would come to me with the most random comment: "Hey...you got white hair? Can I pull one out?". Now, I feel most women I talk to are closed. As if "oh God. Another guy asking about my past. How original."

 

Anyone have any tips or advice on how to get over this "wall"?

[Standard-Fare]

Show your weird true self at the risk of embarrassing yourself or alienating people. Say exactly what's on your mind. Be honest and funny. The ones who respond well to it are the ones you're looking for.

[whirl3daway]

I'm a woman, but I feel that this question is good for both sexes. I'm not a fan of having boring conversations!

 

I am fairly outgoing. I also pretty much just blurt out whatever is on my mind, and tend to not be able to censor it too well. I have a really sardonic, sarcastic sense of humor so generally people just laugh at whatever ridiculous thing comes out of my mouth and either feel more comfortable with me or totally offended. which is great, because the ones I offend aren't ones I want around anyway.

 

so I guess... just be yourself. be comfortable. be willing to make a fool of yourself sometimes. open up.

[shet]

While the other posters are right saying you should just be yourself, it should also be said that conversation is a skill. You have to practice it. Being able to seize on a range of topics and keep the flow going for an extended period of time is a skill that has to be learned. The difficulty is not so much in finding what to talk about, but in being able to talk freely under the pressurised conditions of - for example - a date. I'm sure you and your buddies can get together and have a roaring laugh. You're comfortable with them. One has to learn how to take that ease and comfort to more situations, like when instead of your buddies at the bar it's a lady listening to you in the dark corner of a restaurant.

 

If you are finding conversations boring it may be as much you as them. If you are skilled in conversation you will know, after you've spent 5 minutes being lively and animated, that it isn't you, it's them who is dull as a rock.

[organizedchaos]

I just saw something posted about this elsewhere today.

 

Advice for making small talk with strangers - Holy Kaw!

[salparadise]

Don't be self-conscious. That's what makes it hard to have a conversation. If you're thinking about them, then you can ask good questions and keep them doing more than their share of the talking. Most women are more than glad to do the talking if they know you're listening.

[preraph]

This is why it's kind of pointless to try to meet women with whom you have nothing in common. So much easier when both of you like sports or music or go to school or in similar line of work or whatever.

[shet]

This is why it's kind of pointless to try to meet women with whom you have nothing in common. So much easier when both of you like sports or music or go to school or in similar line of work or whatever.

 

Yes. It's also why people stick to their own age range. And in fact why anyone who can, sticks to their own social network. The more common ground you can find the easier it is to converse.

[kodakgirl]

I think a good first step might be accepting the role small talk plays in creating social bonds. No, chatting about the weather is not fun or meaningful, but it is still a way of connecting with someone you had no connection to. While you are agreeing on how much your city's transit system sucks, both of you are interpreting non-verbal cues from each other and evaluating if this is a person you'd like to have more than small talk with. It's the interaction that matters more than what you're saying. If your small talk is going well, you can build to medium talk and go from there. If you are both awkward and uncomfortable in talking about the weather, chances are you're not going to be enjoying terrific conversations about anything else (right off the bat, anyway-- some people are very shy and you can get there. But we're talking making the kind of impression that leads to dates, not friends down the road, right?). Some people you just click with, whatever you're talking about. With others, you might both be talking about something you really like but it stays super awkward. There's people I know I've only ever had small-talk conversations with who I feel I'd love to get to know, because of the impression I get on what they're like to talk to and how we get along. I love getting to intelligent/personal/silly conversation-- small talk is sort of the test to see if that's ever going to happen.