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Life ends at 45!


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Sorry to jump into another's thread. So let's try here.

 

I'm 45 and I'm feeling like my dating chances are very much nil. Middle aged men are across the board last on the attractiveness and desirability totem poles, less than last.

Was it always this way? I feel it's our fault for this generation letting itself go -we've gone from Cary Grant to Louis CK, from mature to overgrown kids. Of course there are exceptions, and I try to be one.

Do any men here have any luck or hope? What do you feel the secret recipe is? And I would appreciate no "serves you right for chasing younger women" comments and name calling - you know who you are - because I am on record here as pursuing women my age or even older. Always have.

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lollipopspot
And I would appreciate no "serves you right for chasing younger women" comments and name calling - you know who you are - because I am on record here as pursuing women my age or even older. Always have.

 

Who are similarly aged women wanting to date then, if not a guy about her own age?

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Men in their 20s and early 30s, lollipopspot. Hey, nothing wrong with that...but it feels like men my age who really put forth an effort to be great men, who are honest and articulate (am I articulate?) and fashionable and work damn hard, are shunned anyway.

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Sorry to jump into another's thread. So let's try here.

 

I'm 45 and I'm feeling like my dating chances are very much nil. Middle aged men are across the board last on the attractiveness and desirability totem poles, less than last.

 

Mario,

 

I'm not sure what you look like, but as long as you don't look like a troglodyte, you're not looking in the right places.

 

I use online dating. It works for me. Yes, people lie about their ages and their height and a plethora of other things, but I still enjoy it.

 

I'm 43. I find women of all ages.

 

You're 45 and lost hope? I think you just lack self-esteem and/or resemble DJ Squalls or Geddy Lee. But Geddy got that supermodel. Then he again, he has stacks of cash.

 

Stop being a shmuck and feeling sorry for yourself.

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Geddy Lee is a world-class musician and singer, too. I was going for gigs playing jazz, which is a whole other world of issues (which may or may not be related).

 

Online dating? (O.L.D. in these parts) I've done the whole gamut. POF, OKCupid, Tinder, HowAboutWe...I do the Stir parties offered by match.com - the premium services are a bit rich for my blood, until I get a real job or two. And I've talked here about Meetup. I do that as much as possible.

When you market that much and no one buys your product, it's obviously a flawed product.

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Not sure why you are having a problem either.....maybe competition (a lot of men in your area in the same age brackett?) Can't say I have meet a guy in which age is really the problem in terms of dating success. I'm a 45 YO woman...trust me, that IS a problem and I have been told as much.

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My dating ended around 43-44 so I think I can comment from experience and say that dating for me was easier in my 40's..

I did have to be realistic in the age of the women I asked out or found attractive...

If a girl was in her 20's she was too young for me, I always used the 10 year rule in dating.

 

I met my wife on match at that time, she was the one who ended my dating career...

 

I think you are just in a rut, we all have them..

Chin Up, get out and make yourself look available.

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Life perhaps is half-over at 45. For some people, getting divorced in their 40's can result in another long-lasting M, which could eclipse their prior one, or become a life marriage into their 80's-90's. It's unknown. For others, and I lean more to this direction, it's 'BTDT' and a whole new chapter of life opens without all the machinations of dating and relationships. We all have choices. IMO, if I wanted to be dating now, I'd be dating now. If I wanted to be married again, I would have done that. I don't, today anyway. Is life over? Far from it. It's just beginning.

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I got back into the dating world at 45. I exclusively used online dating to meet women. I tried the usual route of initiating contact, but that rarely worked. So I worked on my profile and pictures to be as intriguing and interesting as possible (and still be honest and myself - a matter of emphasis and use of humor, mostly). I got a lot of contacts from women. Most weren't worth more than a "Sorry, not interested", but a decent percentage were. It took a lot of screening and initial meets to tune my profile to attract those who were most compatible, but it worked. I met a bunch of great women near my age or as much as 10 years younger. A few were very serious prospects that could have eventually lead to marriage - but one was clearly as ideally suited for me (and vice versa) as one could hope, so we did marry, and it has been great. My life got much better at 45.

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I'm a woman who used OLD in my most 40s and never lacked for interesting men - from their 30s to their 60s.

 

Ultimately, at the age of 48, I met a 51-year old and we got married last year after two years of dating.

 

It is just a numbers game and learning not to give up.

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From what I'm seeing online, most women my age (50's) have been on the dating train for a while and are looking to step off. I just got onboard, so it's tough. I feel your frustration.

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organizedchaos

I'm 42 and have never had more success with women at any other previous time in my life than between 37 and now. OP change things up.

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Geddy Lee is a world-class musician and singer, too. I was going for gigs playing jazz, which is a whole other world of issues (which may or may not be related).

 

Online dating? (O.L.D. in these parts) I've done the whole gamut. POF, OKCupid, Tinder, HowAboutWe...I do the Stir parties offered by match.com - the premium services are a bit rich for my blood, until I get a real job or two. And I've talked here about Meetup. I do that as much as possible.

When you market that much and no one buys your product, it's obviously a flawed product.

 

You just answered your own question here, just because you have no success doesn't mean everyone at 45+ (men) are doomed to also be out of luck. If anything, I would imagine women have it harder at 45+. The main things that help a man in getting dates is the same, no matter what the age. Confidence, being healthy, and having control in their life in being self sufficient, aka not living in mom's basement or with 20 roommates (not saying this is you, just giving examples).

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Disillusioned

The reason life ends at 45 is so it can start over. The end of one thing is the beginning of another. :cool:

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Thanks for the constructive replies.

I do see a lot of ageism in, say, my job. I was just referred to a job by a guy who said I was "more than qualified", but who qualified the reference by saying I would need to be wary of "the age thing". That is not in my head, this is how the world is.

And I have had to defend my existence as a middle aged man in other threads I have visited or commented on. That's not in my head, either, and I've heard it in pop culture as well. You've seen Louis CK, you know what I'm talking about.

I know there are people who turn their careers and personal lives around late in life, but if doing all that means I'm going to keep going home alone every night anyway, what's the point in seeking promotions or creating art or doing anything?! I'm being serious here.

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45, only use OLD for the past 2+ years and had little or no problems finding dates. I am in a serious relationship with a 44-yr old and feelin' good. :)

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What sort of things does it say in your profile? Sometimes people inadvertently put something that puts people off or limit themselves too much. I would think plenty of women your age would be out there ready to date.

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Oh Dear! If life ends at 45, then I'm in the grave pushing up daisies! Yikes!

 

Seriously, Start with a fresh mindset. One being that being single and Independent is not a negative. Its your foundation. Secondly refrain from dwelling on that part of your life, it will happen in due time.

 

I personnally do not "date" in the formal sense, its too much show and pressure. I prefer meeting folks and letting the chips fall where they may. Maybe I stopped expecting things to happen...Have you reviewed your relationships and seen where your strengths may lay? Perhaps you are a good listener, talker, or even a person of foresight. Find your qualities that work and let them do the guiding. The Less you think about your goal, the more it comes to you.

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Sorry to jump into another's thread. So let's try here.

 

I'm 45 and I'm feeling like my dating chances are very much nil. Middle aged men are across the board last on the attractiveness and desirability totem poles, less than last.

Was it always this way? I feel it's our fault for this generation letting itself go -we've gone from Cary Grant to Louis CK, from mature to overgrown kids. Of course there are exceptions, and I try to be one.

Do any men here have any luck or hope? What do you feel the secret recipe is? And I would appreciate no "serves you right for chasing younger women" comments and name calling - you know who you are - because I am on record here as pursuing women my age or even older. Always have.

 

You're right, the mature man used to be considered distinguished.

But I don't know it seems pretty similar for women in their 40s so I can't figure out why we are not getting together. Personally, I have always dated younger guys because that's who I tended to meet but I have always wanted to date guys older than me. I've dated 2 who were divorced fathers, let's just say it didn't work out and it was their fault lol. Saw one of them recently, he's 46 and still hot:D.

 

Sometimes when people know your age first (as in online dating) they start forming opinions about you which are usually uninformed. I feel ya, I'm 41 about to be 42 and I am noticing it's harder to meet quality people with which to form relationships. At this age that's what we should be looking for but it is a challenge. With the divorce rate you can't even say it's because they're all married anymore, so what gives? Haven't a clue.

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Oh Dear! If life ends at 45, then I'm in the grave pushing up daisies! Yikes!

 

Seriously, Start with a fresh mindset. One being that being single and Independent is not a negative. Its your foundation. Secondly refrain from dwelling on that part of your life, it will happen in due time.

 

I personnally do not "date" in the formal sense, its too much show and pressure. I prefer meeting folks and letting the chips fall where they may. Maybe I stopped expecting things to happen...Have you reviewed your relationships and seen where your strengths may lay? Perhaps you are a good listener, talker, or even a person of foresight. Find your qualities that work and let them do the guiding. The Less you think about your goal, the more it comes to you.

 

Nice outlook, this is the approach I was considering because I do think you have to be proactive if you want a quality person. I had decided to do the things I like and keep my eyes open for someone who catches my eye.

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Thanks again, people.

 

So basically, Tayla, accept what can't be changed.

 

Only two things cannot be changed , and neither of them are in my advisal. So most things are open to modification. Perhaps the gist is to accentuate what is there, and expand upon it.Lower ones expectations, with good standards in the making.

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