Being attracted in awkward/unusual situations

[atomicdog]

I seem to have a weird problem.

 

Most of the women I find attractive, and who find me attractive, I seem to meet in non-typical situations.

 

E.g.

Sitting next to her on an airplane

Sleeping in the same room at a hostel

Sitting near her on a tour bus

 

Women on dating sites and in bars/clubs totally ignore me, but in the above situations, I've met several very beautiful women who seemed to return my attention.

 

The trouble is, at a certain point I get really nervous and screw up the interaction.

 

For example I sat next to this gorgeous girl on a plane to Latvia. We touched arms on the armrest for a while, and when we made eye contact we both smiled. But once we got off the airplane I was totally lost on what to do/say. I wasn't even sure if she understood English, because she was reading some book in Russian. She did mill about in the shops shortly after we left the plan.

 

I guess in retrospect I should have approached her and just said "hi" and if she seemed to understand English, just chat about the flight, etc and see if I could learn more about her.

 

The problem is, every one of these situations is unique and different, and there seems to be no general rule about what to do, so I'm always forced to come up with something on-the-spot, which unfortunately, my slow brain is unable to do.

 

Maybe it's a case of nervousness, and I just need a couple more opportunities and I'll manage to improve the outcome. Or maybe I shouldn't even be worried about this. Maybe this is just normal and happens to everyone.

 

Just want to see if anyone else has experienced the same, and if you have any ideas what to do about this?

[Socks At Play]

Women on dating sites and in bars/clubs totally ignore me, but in the above situations, I've met several very beautiful women who seemed to return my attention.

 

The trouble is, at a certain point I get really nervous and screw up the interaction.

...

The problem is, every one of these situations is unique and different, and there seems to be no general rule about what to do, so I'm always forced to come up with something on-the-spot, which unfortunately, my slow brain is unable to do.

 

Maybe it's a case of nervousness, and I just need a couple more opportunities and I'll manage to improve the outcome. Or maybe I shouldn't even be worried about this. Maybe this is just normal and happens to everyone.

 

Just want to see if anyone else has experienced the same, and if you have any ideas what to do about this?

 

I've noticed the same thing. Digitally or in crowds I am ignored, while individually in the flesh I am pleasantly surprised.

 

The first thing to do is stop trying to think up a formula. The closest I can get to a "formula" is simply making sure to approach in the first place. "I thought you were cute and I wanted to say hello" or "Hi! My name is Socks at Play." Follow that with something for the situation like, "So, what are you going to Latvia for?" Then for me adrenaline often takes off from there and it gets easier. If she sounds like somebody I should get to know, I wrap it up with, "Could you put your number into my phone so I can call you later?"

 

I'm not sure how I would apply this on a plane or a bus where I would be sitting next to her for hours, because I have never tried it in this situation. I'd probably wait until we were close to the destination.

 

For practice purposes, you don't have to limit striking up conversations to attractive women. I find working on my ability to make smalltalk with anybody helps me feel more comfortable with the process when I am trying to approach women. (By "more comfortable" I mean barely-- it is still nerve-wracking as heck to become vulnerable and put yourself out there.)

 

What I do know for certain is that if I think too much about it, I don't do it. My thinking takes me great places in my career but it really lets me down when it comes to interacting with people. More doing less thinking.