melodicintention Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 If I am 100% myself, most people are afraid to approach me. This has to do with my physical appearance as well as introverted (INTJ) disposition. Most guys tell me that they were afraid to approach me because they figure I already have a boyfriend, or that I looked like I would be an ice queen. I model and have a very exotic look, yet at the same time I’m a scientific thinker/artist with tomboy tendencies and I tend to stand looking like a pissed off injun. I’m always lost in thought about producing my next song or designing some art, so I seem distant and aloof. I don’t me to though! I’m just painting pictures in my head. Thing is when these guys to finally get to know me, they think I’m really deep and artistic and cool and pretty funny/comedic too and totally opposite of what they’d pegged me as. On the other hand, I can be highly social, but only in small bursts. I can be poised and a social butterfly and the life of the party. In business I can network with the best of them and land deals like crazy. Problem is non business socializing, while most people are more comfortable to approach me when I’m on social mode, they look at me and treat me as if I am “fake” and don’t often have interest in keeping in contact. I can see it in their eyes, like they don’t trust me somehow. Most of the guy willing to approach me seem to think I'm shallow or promiscuous:eek:, thereby getting the smack down rather quickly when they misread me in that sense. I’m not trying to be fake, but I am not really being my typical nihilistic existential progressive rocker artist introvert that I am. I HAVE to network at some point to meet a guy! Beside dating, I have to try to make friends, acquaintances and contacts. But I have such a problem finding a middle ground where people aren’t afraid to approach me. How can I be outgoing and nice without weirding guys out, or making them think i'm too nice (i.e seeking a bootie call)? Do you think I’m coming off as “fake nice?” or am I just being silly? Should I just be 100% me and stop trying to be outgoing when I am not business networking, in wait of the right guy to see through to the real me? Link to post Share on other sites
Roadkill007 Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 I wouldn't think too much of it. People who get to know you when you're "faking niceness" probably won't stick around too long after getting to know you, if the fake niceness is what brought them in. I think it'll be fine just being yourself. Although, since it seems you're a bit intimidating, maybe you might want to try initiating contact with people you want to get to know? Also, maybe the places you try socializing doesn't quite work for you? Could be a multitude of reasons, but maybe you can try a new venue and see how that pans out. oh, and the "waiting for the guy to look through me"? If this does happen, 10 bucks says it's a stalker Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
ScreamingTrees Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 From a male who is very much an INTJ and naturally introverted and reserved.. I don't know what to tell you. I can talk to someone, but I don't go out of my way unless they seem friendly. Why does one have to "fake" being nice and pleasant? Why would it be so difficult for one to just naturally, passively be nice and pleasant? I'd say that the fact that someone enjoys being alone or spending time with a few friends at a time rather than large groups in crowded places has no bearing on how they treat others. You can maintain either preference and at the same time either be a very nice, friendly, caring person.. Or a hateful, bitter, angry, compassion-less individual that no one would ever gravitate towards anyway. Who do you think is going to ever attract ANYONE? Be it simply a friend.. Or a potential lover? Link to post Share on other sites
hppr Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 If I am 100% myself, most people are afraid to approach me. This has to do with my physical appearance as well as introverted (INTJ) disposition. Most guys tell me that they were afraid to approach me because they figure I already have a boyfriend, or that I looked like I would be an ice queen. I model and have a very exotic look, yet at the same time I’m a scientific thinker/artist with tomboy tendencies and I tend to stand looking like a pissed off injun. I’m always lost in thought about producing my next song or designing some art, so I seem distant and aloof. I don’t me to though! I’m just painting pictures in my head. Thing is when these guys to finally get to know me, they think I’m really deep and artistic and cool and pretty funny/comedic too and totally opposite of what they’d pegged me as. On the other hand, I can be highly social, but only in small bursts. I can be poised and a social butterfly and the life of the party. In business I can network with the best of them and land deals like crazy. Problem is non business socializing, while most people are more comfortable to approach me when I’m on social mode, they look at me and treat me as if I am “fake” and don’t often have interest in keeping in contact. I can see it in their eyes, like they don’t trust me somehow. Most of the guy willing to approach me seem to think I'm shallow or promiscuous:eek:, thereby getting the smack down rather quickly when they misread me in that sense. I’m not trying to be fake, but I am not really being my typical nihilistic existential progressive rocker artist introvert that I am. I HAVE to network at some point to meet a guy! Beside dating, I have to try to make friends, acquaintances and contacts. But I have such a problem finding a middle ground where people aren’t afraid to approach me. How can I be outgoing and nice without weirding guys out, or making them think i'm too nice (i.e seeking a bootie call)? Do you think I’m coming off as “fake nice?” or am I just being silly? Should I just be 100% me and stop trying to be outgoing when I am not business networking, in wait of the right guy to see through to the real me? There's nothing wrong with cultivating a 'nice' 'friendly' persona in order to work a party, meet people, and/or make deals. As far as the 'ice queen' goes you probably walk around with a scowl on your face. Learn how to smile, be friendly, polite, gracious and that will change. Link to post Share on other sites
Author melodicintention Posted May 29, 2013 Author Share Posted May 29, 2013 It's a conundrum that's for sure. I'm think though I"m going to opt for not "trying" to be outgoing when it comes to dating. It's just not working. I'm naturally introverted and frankly, the right guy will see through it I beleive. I have to, because all my boyfriends have always been extroverted. Thanks you guys for your input, I really appreciate it! Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 I also can fake being extremely extroverted/social in small bursts. It's hard to give up the fake persona because it attracts people, men and women. Being my natural, dark and introverted self simply doesn't. In fact, I spent my late teens/early 20s with nearly no friends until I learned to fake being what people want me to be. As a result, ALL of my boyfriends have been extroverted. And they usually do not like it when they discover who I really am. Unfortunately, I don't think that faking it is a way to go. It will only attract the wrong types of people and men. Nowdays, my true friends know who I really am and like it. They even hate extroverted people I think in business, it's OK to fake it - I do it all the time, only because I don't care to connect to these people on a personal level. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 I notice that when I wear high heels and a dress, the male stares shoot up 300%. It boggles my mind, because my underlying body is the same -- yet they seem to be drawn by external material commodities... So that's my experience. If you want male attention, heels and a skirt. Link to post Share on other sites
hppr Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 I notice that when I wear high heels and a dress, the male stares shoot up 300%. It boggles my mind, because my underlying body is the same -- yet they seem to be drawn by external material commodities... So that's my experience. If you want male attention, heels and a skirt. Probably because it's rare for women to dress like women these days. Also the way girls have to walk when they wear heels is a turn-on for guys too, that strut... Link to post Share on other sites
El Brujo Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 I notice that when I wear high heels and a dress, the male stares shoot up 300%. It boggles my mind, because my underlying body is the same -- yet they seem to be drawn by external material commodities... So that's my experience. If you want male attention, heels and a skirt. Especially anything rose red in color---not fire engine red or Barbie pink, but somewhere in between. Or if you're a redhead, go with green... redheads look great in green. Link to post Share on other sites
TheGuard13 Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 I notice that when I wear high heels and a dress, the male stares shoot up 300%. It boggles my mind, because my underlying body is the same -- yet they seem to be drawn by external material commodities... No mystery. Stuff like that tends to make different parts of your body look better to men, and shows it off a bit more. And makes you look more feminine. Link to post Share on other sites
TheGuard13 Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 And OP, why don't YOU just approach the guys? My guess is that's who you are anyway. The guys who are compatible with you will probably like that you're bold enough and not hung up on convention enough to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
Jon Tenzo Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 Go to hobby or interest meetup/events where there are men who share your interests. This will eliminate some of the distance and probably make you seem more approachable since you will be in your "natural habitat". Link to post Share on other sites
Roadkill007 Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 I notice that when I wear high heels and a dress, the male stares shoot up 300%. It boggles my mind, because my underlying body is the same -- yet they seem to be drawn by external material commodities... So that's my experience. If you want male attention, heels and a skirt. it's all about the presentation You put cheap Italian food on a platter and suddenly people are willing to pay up the arse for it . Same deal with bodily aesthetics. Link to post Share on other sites
Ed the 3rd Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 I notice that when I wear high heels and a dress, the male stares shoot up 300%. It boggles my mind, because my underlying body is the same -- yet they seem to be drawn by external material commodities... So that's my experience. If you want male attention, heels and a skirt. As someone else said its rare for women to actually dress like woman now days. No straight man has a problem with a dress. Heels scare the crap outta me though. I can get 5 years for carrying a pocket knife but woman can have TWO heels with them at any time? Screw that. Link to post Share on other sites
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