Tkay Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 Hi. I'm a 17 year-old boy (turning 18 in a month.) who never had a relationship. Over the past year I've been "changing" myself, trying to become a better person, dress better, look better, etc... Only one thing isn't going so smooth tough. Talking to girls. It's not like I'm shy, or don't have any confidence, but I just don't know what to say! Like at a party one day, a good friend of mine talked to a girl for like 5 hours, no silence, constant laughing, and I was .. jealous. I've tried just about anything. Loads of people gave me advice like "act like you're talking to your best friend, or drink some alcohol to loosen yourself, etc..." But I just can't think of anything to talk about. I really have to think, to find just one, ONE, subject, that i can ask or tell a girl, then I'd ask or tell it... she replies... and yet again. Silence. I know you should "build" the conversation on her reply, but most of the time there just isn't anything to build on. I'd figure the trick "Act like it's your best mate" would work, but I've come to realise I dont tell alott to my mates. Most of the time its about computer(argh hate talking about that, but cant make em stop >_<) , girls, some party, something that happened etc. Ok , I can tell the last 2 things to girls, but once I told it, the conversation is over. And there just doesn't happen alott to me. Am I really such an anti-social person, a nerd, ... ? I'd just like to talk to a girl, for longer then a minute, make her smile! Link to post Share on other sites
doniker Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 I have found that most people have a favorite subject....themselves. People love to talk about themselves. Just ask questions to girls about there lives and keep asking more detailed questions as subjects come up...most will talk for hours. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 I think what you've described is totally normal for lots of young men and women. It takes awhile to get comfortable with chatting it up with the other sex. Some people seem to be better at it than others though. For practice, why don't you try out your skills on one of the IM teenchats....yahoo or something. You can pick up what other people say which is interesting and funny......and build on your own skills. If you blow it....all you gotta do is change your name and try again. LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tkay Posted January 26, 2004 Author Share Posted January 26, 2004 Originally posted by Arabess I think what you've described is totally normal for lots of young men and women. It takes awhile to get comfortable with chatting it up with the other sex. Some people seem to be better at it than others though. For practice, why don't you try out your skills on one of the IM teenchats....yahoo or something. You can pick up what other people say which is interesting and funny......and build on your own skills. If you blow it....all you gotta do is change your name and try again. LOL! Well... I'm well trained when it comes to MSN. I noticed I can talk better on MSN, but still not how it should be. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 Maybe you could incorporate a web cam.....get used to some 'face to face' conversations. Both of my kids have web cams on their computers and love it. Link to post Share on other sites
Errol Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 What worked for me (& I can totally understand what you are saying) is to ask them questions about themselves, their pets, school, why aren't you a cheerleader (if they are not), what college they are going to, their favorite food, people you both might know, school clubs, etc. And compliment them! I had people tell me that there is ALWAYS a way to continue a conversation, and I've seen others do it effortlessly, but I always seemed to be up against a wall and it seemed that there was NO reply and NOTHING I could say to make a conversation take off! I had to learn not to ask questions that required only a yes or no answer. "Are you a cheerleader?" "No." "Why aren't you a cheerleader?" This requires more of an answer. See what I mean? Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted January 27, 2004 Share Posted January 27, 2004 i think the issue here is that you are at a loss for words w/what to say. cause you cant think of anything about yourself to talk about! well when that happens, you should ask questions about her...ppl love it when they get attention. plus if you talk about comps...the thing that pops into their heads is that you got no life and is a total comp geek. find things to do in your life, like extracurricular activities, or volunteer..hanging out, chilling with friends...etc...in short...making your life more interesting and having things about yourself to tell others. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted January 27, 2004 Share Posted January 27, 2004 >>Talking to girls. << Dude, when you're young (and even when you're not), it can be the most frightening thing in the world. There is nothing on this earth that has the power to overwhelm a man like a beautiful woman - nothing. The power they have is unlimited. They can turn machomen into whimpering little puppies with a simple "Hello". If anyone really knew, we'd have a manual on exactly what to say and what not to say, but we don't. A general rule of thumb is, keep it simple and keep it light. Keep the conversation positive. Try talking about her. Laughter is always a plus if you can get it. What I do sometimes is to plan a little comedy raid in advance. I'll think of something funny (not something hilarious, just cute) and I'll try to steer the conversation in that direction so I can set up a punchline. It takes some practice, and you might fall flat a few times before you get it right. The most important thing for you is not to worry about failure. Think of it as batting practice. You have to swing and miss a few times before you start making contact. Once you do, swing for the fences. Oh, and uh, don't drink alcohol. You're too young. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tkay Posted January 27, 2004 Author Share Posted January 27, 2004 Thanks everybody for the replies. For a starter: thanks Errol. Really appreciate the tips!! But then : monkey00 i think the issue here is that you are at a loss for words w/what to say. cause you cant think of anything about yourself to talk about! well when that happens, you should ask questions about her...ppl love it when they get attention. plus if you talk about comps...the thing that pops into their heads is that you got no life and is a total comp geek. find things to do in your life, like extracurricular activities, or volunteer..hanging out, chilling with friends...etc...in short...making your life more interesting and having things about yourself to tell others You are obviously assuming I'm a total geek. I probably am . No, I'm not a total geek, but yes, i spend most of my time behind my pc, but I do go out as much as I can... in weekends that is. I wouldn't have a clue what to do during the week so... Ofcourse the most obvious thing to do would be chilling with my mates. But guess what? My best mates are also alott on the pc And last but not least: amerikajin Thanks for the tips.(altho my problem isnt the having the guts, fearing for failure etc) BTW: Too young to drink? yeah right! Link to post Share on other sites
animo Posted January 28, 2004 Share Posted January 28, 2004 HAH! This is really not my strong point I'm not a smooth talker but errol has a pretty good point about not asking questions that have a yes or no answer. This ends your conversation you see! Also do not talk about yourself tomuch. Talking about yourself is probably the worst thing you can do because when your on the lookout for dates you dont want to be giving away things about yourself that the girls may not like. So no talking about yourself, you can answer questions (dont lie!) but dont go telling your life story. At best you can elaborate on a topic but dont make a novel out of it... And when one of those ackward silences does come up, the best thing you can do is offer to buy the girl a drink which buys you some time to think about the next thing you are going to say. Also you have to consider that some girls are just not intrested in you and will just flop you off, if they do dont waste your time hehe. Unless you have a don guan demarco ego and can't leave it alone Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tkay Posted January 28, 2004 Author Share Posted January 28, 2004 Been paying attention to all the tips, but it still won't work. I know, it takes practice, but I cant practice, if you get what i mean! ( since i dont know what to say :/ ) Altough I noticed I talk alott better with girls I really know, like the girls from my class. but still not really good (e.g. they would rather hang out with some of my mates over me i think, since they talk "smoother", are funny, etc. i wanna be funny ! ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tkay Posted January 29, 2004 Author Share Posted January 29, 2004 *bump* Link to post Share on other sites
InvinoVeritas Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 http://rinkworks.com/funny/ try this Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tkay Posted January 31, 2004 Author Share Posted January 31, 2004 Hi. I met this girl at a party today. She kept talking to me, i think she liked me, but once again i didnt know much to talk about. we danced all night long tough. I dont want to mess this one up. She asked my MSN adress etc. I'll see her at school monday. She kept saying funny things, so what i did is laugh with it. sometimes a small remark or whatever, but not much arf :/ Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 Originally posted by InvinoVeritas http://rinkworks.com/funny/ try this Category #5: Puns Actually, puns aren't funny. Link to post Share on other sites
hitokiri Posted February 4, 2004 Share Posted February 4, 2004 Originally posted by Errol I had to learn not to ask questions that required only a yes or no answer. "Are you a cheerleader?" "No." "Why aren't you a cheerleader?" This requires more of an answer. See what I mean? Good luck! Ok,Errol I think you're only half right. I wouldn't say I'm a Casanova nor am I speechless when I approach a girl. Thing is, if a girl really fancies you, she'll probably not answer "Are you a cheerleader?" question with just a simple "yes" or "no". Inversely, if a girl has no interest in you,"Why aren't you a cheerleader?" will only be followed by a quick "dunno" or something similar. Just my thoughts, as the latter situation did happen to me once. The amount of "dunno" or "nothings" i heard that night was waaaaaay more than the yesses or no's. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tkay Posted February 11, 2004 Author Share Posted February 11, 2004 My world is up-side-down atm. I'm dating a wonderful girl ATM, but on MSN i have NO idea what to say to her, and for some strange reason it works better IRL (but still not how it should be) I'm noticing we both dont know what to say on MSN.. so we both just make up an excuse saying sorry gotta go, but we won't see eachother very much for 2 weeks, only at school, and its rather hard to talk there too :\ I only see her few in school, but we run into eachother from time to time, so sometimes we have 1 min to talk. So what should i say then.. "hi how are u" is rather a stupid question, it just wouldnt fit in that moment, i should say somethin funny but what :\ Any tips? Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 well the rule of "talk to them as if they are your friend" only works if you're confident and a conversationist. well overall when you're confident, you become natural at holding convos. i pull this sorta stuff at school all the time with members of the school faculty or even the computer techies that work there. but usually when im not in a good mood like lately then i wont be doing it much. @ parties, i notice a lot of ppl at parties i go to usually lighten up and become instant friendly after a few drinks. after the parties over and everyone's sober...everyone's just completely different. just to note not to rely on booze to help in situations that you're stuck in. be confident is really all i can tell you, once you have that, girls will go to you. funny thing, comparing the now me to back then, i see and notice that ppl act differently around me even tho i might not interact w/them, they're even friendlier tooo....confidence leaks out like gas, ppl can sense it a mile away. if you try to fake confidence, ppl can sense that too...it's easy to sense if someone is being fake or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tkay Posted February 12, 2004 Author Share Posted February 12, 2004 Originally posted by monkey00 well the rule of "talk to them as if they are your friend" only works if you're confident and a conversationist. well overall when you're confident, you become natural at holding convos. i pull this sorta stuff at school all the time with members of the school faculty or even the computer techies that work there. but usually when im not in a good mood like lately then i wont be doing it much. @ parties, i notice a lot of ppl at parties i go to usually lighten up and become instant friendly after a few drinks. after the parties over and everyone's sober...everyone's just completely different. just to note not to rely on booze to help in situations that you're stuck in. be confident is really all i can tell you, once you have that, girls will go to you. funny thing, comparing the now me to back then, i see and notice that ppl act differently around me even tho i might not interact w/them, they're even friendlier tooo....confidence leaks out like gas, ppl can sense it a mile away. if you try to fake confidence, ppl can sense that too...it's easy to sense if someone is being fake or not. My problem really isn't confidence, i just dont know WHAT to say, today at school i had the same problem I just didnt know what to say and i'm starting to get scared she thinks im a loser (but its different,easier when i go out with her alone or something) Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 dude! dont think so hard thinking of what to say only makes you even more nervous. it should just come naturally. talk about anything, if you dont know what to say...then ask things about her, usually she'll give you clues for what to talk about. e.g. .... you: "hey how was your weekend" her:"not much, i went skating + shopping with friends." well that's not exactly the best example, but you know where im getting at. now you can take out the words that she said in the sentence and have something to talk about - e.g. "oh really? where'd you guys go skating." her:"blahblah" you: "oh cool i've went there a couple of times before" "we should go sometime"...etc. you know where im getting at...it's not that hard to think of waht to say, it's pretty simple... as i said let it flow naturally, dont think too hard or else she'll sense it. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 have you ever played 'the question game' -- It's fun. Link to post Share on other sites
animo Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 You actually sound like your taking it a bit to serious i think... If the girl your talking about is really that important to you then you should try and find out if she cares about you in the first place. If she does she wont think your a loser... If you believe your a loser then thats pretty much what others will think two. Thats what it means to have self confidence. If your just looking for dates then its going to be trial and error. Also i think your maybe a little to young to be worrying about this somuch. Try to have fun and be happy then things will come naturally. Be yourself and be happy about it Link to post Share on other sites
Ninja Extrordinaire Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 Do the unexpected. It always works for me. For some unknown reason, I feel more relaxed when Im talking to someone new, if I do something absolutely out of the blue. Example would be Im talking to this new girl Im seeing, and we're in a public place and in the middle of conversations, say hi to random strangers that pass by like I know them all. I've also been known to be waiting at a bus stop or anywhere, and then for the sole fact I don't know the other person (usually a girl) I'd ask them for their opinons on certain things just for the hell of it. Once you realize there really isn't anything to fear from other ppl thinking your nuts, you become quite relaxed at talking to anyone (girls included). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tkay Posted February 13, 2004 Author Share Posted February 13, 2004 Originally posted by Ninja Extrordinaire Do the unexpected. It always works for me. For some unknown reason, I feel more relaxed when Im talking to someone new, if I do something absolutely out of the blue. Example would be Im talking to this new girl Im seeing, and we're in a public place and in the middle of conversations, say hi to random strangers that pass by like I know them all. I've also been known to be waiting at a bus stop or anywhere, and then for the sole fact I don't know the other person (usually a girl) I'd ask them for their opinons on certain things just for the hell of it. Once you realize there really isn't anything to fear from other ppl thinking your nuts, you become quite relaxed at talking to anyone (girls included). i'm not talking about talking to strangers , just to anyone, and its not because i dont have the guts, but just i dont know WHAT to say.... Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 Doniker gave some good advice...get "the girl" talking about herself. And be a good listener. Really listen, and ask her to say more about various things she brings up. Do NOT attempt to wow women with unexpected stunts or crazy gags. If the conversation lags, then be ready to mention a recent movie or book that might conceivably be of interest to her (NOT robot space invader stuff). You may need to expand your activities and interests somewhat beyond computer games to be able to do this. The richer your own life is, the more you will find to share. Link to post Share on other sites
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