luvtoto Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 My social life just ain't happening. I'm not trying to be negative here, but I just want to know what it takes to develop friends! During the work week, I have friends come out of the wood work to talk to me, but once Friday & Saturday roll around, I only hear crickets. Guess seeing all my "work week" friends on Facebook post their fun and exciting pictures every Saturday night just triggers my feelings. I feel far away from my goal of a healthy social life. I feel undesirable. I feel lonely. Link to post Share on other sites
runner Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 rule number one: in order to have great friends, you have to be a great friend yourself. rule number two: friendships don't just happen, you have to make them. rule number three: patience. you will not 'click' with everyone you meet; and that's just fine. and finally, it isn't healthy to feel undesirable. if you feel that way then you're more likely going to be pushing people away rather than attract them. this is a serious issue you're gonna need to work on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted September 11, 2011 Author Share Posted September 11, 2011 rule number one: in order to have great friends, you have to be a great friend yourself. rule number two: friendships don't just happen, you have to make them. rule number three: patience. you will not 'click' with everyone you meet; and that's just fine. and finally, it isn't healthy to feel undesirable. if you feel that way then you're more likely going to be pushing people away rather than attract them. this is a serious issue you're gonna need to work on. I try to give and take with my 'work day' friendships. Keep the friendships balanced by bringing donuts to work to thank anyone for any favor they've done for me. People will stop in at my work just to talk to me. I'll do the same for them. I never take anyone for granted. I feel very popular from Monday-Friday. Come the weekends, everyone disappears. It's the craziest thing! My undesirability feelings stems from my childhood. Certain triggers set me off. It's not projected in public. Anonymous website? Yes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted September 11, 2011 Author Share Posted September 11, 2011 Thank you, runner. Link to post Share on other sites
thehead Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 I try to give and take with my 'work day' friendships. Keep the friendships balanced by bringing donuts to work to thank anyone for any favor they've done for me. People will stop in at my work just to talk to me. I'll do the same for them. I never take anyone for granted. I feel very popular from Monday-Friday. Come the weekends, everyone disappears. It's the craziest thing! My undesirability feelings stems from my childhood. Certain triggers set me off. It's not projected in public. Anonymous website? Yes. This is really good insight. You know the triggers so work past them. What I can't figure out is if you're inviting people out, or waiting for an invitation. You say they disappear. Does that mean they don't return your calls? If you're not already initiating getting together, try it. Early in the week, propose something for the weekend. Get your nails done or something simple just to lay the ground work for a friendship outside of work. Link to post Share on other sites
Centaurus Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Why dont you put a profile up on okcupid and see what happens? Who knows, maybe you will get more luck? Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted September 11, 2011 Author Share Posted September 11, 2011 This is really good insight. You know the triggers so work past them. What I can't figure out is if you're inviting people out, or waiting for an invitation. You say they disappear. Does that mean they don't return your calls? If you're not already initiating getting together, try it. Early in the week, propose something for the weekend. Get your nails done or something simple just to lay the ground work for a friendship outside of work. Get nails done in this economy? Wha? jk! Thank you! It's taken me a long time to know my triggers. I see them for what they are, and I just basically repress them. People are busy. People have their own dang lives and they sure as heck don't need me hanging on them. Yes, I invite people out often. I just get "no, I can't go", "no, I didn't get the ticket bought", "no, I need to stay home and save money". Then, I see them out ALL THE TIME on their Facebook pages! It really hurts!! For instance, one of my friends said they wanted to go out this weekend. They mentioned they were going to call so and so. I mentioned that if they go out to call me. Just super casual. Geez, don't want to come off as a needy loser. Nothing. No one called. Next time I saw her no mention of anything. But, soon...I'll see pics up of them out partying. Went to my best friend's house a few weekends ago. Ya know, being a good friend and all. Drove an hour to see her. She is ALWAYS going out with her many, many friends. When I got to her house we just sat around. If I wanted to just sit around I could do that at my own house. My only option is to start going to concerts alone, go to movies alone, go out to eat alone, and go out dancing by myself. I'll have fun sure, but what is wrong with me that people just aren't drawn to? Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted September 11, 2011 Author Share Posted September 11, 2011 Why dont you put a profile up on okcupid and see what happens? Who knows, maybe you will get more luck? I am an active user on okcupid & match. However, I may be lonely, but NOT desperate. I'm not going to go out with just anyone. I have absolutely no problem being alone. I've been single since 2003 with no dating prospects in site. Lately, I've decided that it's just not healthy to be as "single" as I am and I don't wanna grow old alone, but how do I get back to having a social life when no one is interested in hanging out with me?! (((gasping for air after run on sentence))) I have nothing to offer anyone that anyone wants? Irrational, I know. Link to post Share on other sites
Starry_Dreamer Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 aw *hug* i know how you feel, i have no friends irl either, probably because i dont go anywhere though lol. good luck, i hope you can find some friends! online friends are good to have too Link to post Share on other sites
BklynGuy Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 I know how you feel. I used to have an active social life, Movies, Clubs, Bars every weekend. I've lost the few people I've called friends over the years, mainly over women. I've been single since 2005, but used to have a few FWB. They're all gone now, trying to find work but in this economy it sucks, and everyone I know is a female or has kids & no time to do anything :-( Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 I am a loner, who does not want to be. However, I have discovered that most social people have boring lives, so it's really hard to relate to them. I know that's me being judgmental, but there it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 Update: Just joined a social group in the city. Lots of interesting people to get to know. I'm looking forward to it! Wish me luck Link to post Share on other sites
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