Thought things were going so well

[DenisAdams]

So I recently met a girl in July of 2009 at a mutual friend's house during a party. Over time, we got to know each other better and became good friends. We started to show interest in each other beyond "just friends" around late September/early October. Her friend's were telling me that she was into me, and I would tell them that I was into her, etc.

 

So we started hanging out together more often, and one day went to a concert together. When I dropped her off that night we had our first kiss. From that point on, we had a few dates but we're taking things very slowly. One day, she told me that she was hurt very badly in the past and that she wasn't sure if a relationship is what she really wanted right now, although she enjoyed hanging out with me very much and thought we made a great match.

 

We continued to talk/date for a few weeks, and things were starting to progress wonderfully. I really had a feeling that we we're going to become a couple soon, but I wasn't at all trying to rush things.

 

Then, she left for a week long cruise with a few of her very close friends. She got back home a few days before Christmas, and was not able to hang out until Christmas night because of work/shopping/etc. So I did get to see her Christmas night at a party, but only briefly. She suggested that we get lunch the following day to catch up.

 

At lunch, she told me that she wasn't really feeling a relationship with me anymore. In her words, it wasn't anything I did or didn't do. In fact she thinks I'm an amazing person, and she could see herself with me. She had a very rough breakup about a year ago, a 3 year relationship gone bad because the guy cheated on her, a week after they moved into a house together! I can't even imagine how devastated she was... Anyway, she said that she hasn't really dated much since then, and feels like she still couldn't handle a relationship, with anybody.

 

How should I take this? I still feel like she isn't telling me the whole truth, I feel as if I did something wrong to turn her off, although that might just be a natural reaction. Should I give it some more time for her to think it over, should I continue to pursue? I know there are plenty of single women out there but I feel like I finally met someone that has everything that I look for, and that she's down for the relationship too, but just overly timid.

 

I would deeply appreciate anyone's thoughts on my situation. Thanks for reading.

[randall]

I think you've got good intuition on this one and can recognise that she's not being fully honest with you. If a girl is really attracted to someone she doesn't pull out the 'old baggage' excuse and break up.

 

If she was ready enough to give it a go a few months ago then there's no reason why suddenly she's playing that card. It's just that she thought there might be some attaction but now there isn't. The 'not ready' excuse doesn't get used months into a relationship unless a girl no longer thinks there's any attraction.

[2 Cents]

It sounds to me as though she does enjoy your company as a friend so she is trying to let you down easy by saying she's not ready for a relationship. If it's true and she doesn't want to hurt your feelings, the more you pursue her the more uncomfortable the situation is going to become. I would take her for her word and back off.